Broken In Pieces
Chapter 2
Week 13: Day 3
It's me again, I can't sleep and it's almost four in the morning. I think it's because I am nerves about my check up today with Tsunade baa-chan and because Iruka took away my sleeping and anxiety pills stating that they were bad for the baby. Once Iruka is on mother hen mood nothing gets through him, but I think that is one of his many perks you know. Good thing there not always as bad, as they are right now since he found out that I am knocked up. You're probably wondering who Iruka is, well he is the most important and amazing person in my life. He was my elementary teacher at the school I went to and even after I changed school, we still stayed in touch. I just recently moved in with Iruka because of the incident that happened, I was removed from my foster parent's home and put into his care. My social worker believed me to be unfit to live with my foster parents since I was emotionally unstable and could badly influence the children. Konohamaru cried so hard when I was leaving.
I cannot even begin to believe this entire stupid ordeal that has happened in such a short time. For fuck, sake I'm only 15 and going to be parent pretty soon I don't know whom in hell rapped me. My child is going to be shunned and labeled a bastard for being born out of wedlock exactly as I was. My god what have I done to you? Did I forsake you in a way unknown to me? Tell me why do I deserve this! I need to get out or do something so I get from up my bed and head downstairs towards the bathroom turning on all the lights on the way there. When I finally enter I see my reflection on the cabinet mirror, is this what I have become. I hate it; I hate it, I HATE IT! You stupid jerk look what you done to me, I never did anything and yet you destroyed everything I had! You took everything with you my life, my will, my virginity, and my precious people. I hope you suffer greater than I am suffering right for the crimes that you done, you will never receive forgiveness because I cannot and will not give you redemption.
I guess in my outburst I knocked down the glass I had left after my morning sickness yesterday on top the counter because the next thing I noticed was a loud crash as the glass hits and shatters on the tiled floor below. I reach to pick broken pieces of glass but I was interrupted by a scary thought that crossed my mind, I should kill myself. I jumped up so fast from my crouching position that ended up falling backwards. I started to scot away from the shards but I was stopped by the wall as if it was pushing me to finish what my carrier failed so many years ago. I stayed there on floor shocked from what I had just thought, the more I thought about it all ending it all it seemed to me the random creaks from the house, the sound from leaky faucet and glaring broken glass where all taunting me to do it, to kill myself. I didn't have anything to lose if I died, I was all alone. Also all my problems will be gone, I will be freed and no more baby. It all will be gone, I started to reach for shard closest to me and that is the last thing I recall doing.
I do not really remember what happened after that, Iruka says he found me because I started screaming on top of my lungs. I was on the bathroom floor hyperventilating in fetal position with a bloody palm. He mentioned that he carried me to the couch in the living room and there he cleaned and bandaged the cuts on my palm. I do not remember none of this or crying myself to sleep in his lap.
I awoke sometime later to the voices of Tsunade and Iruka arguing. They talked about me, my emotional and physical state. Iruka voiced his concerns with a tremble in his voice that he was afraid this whole ordeal will brake me beyond repair, I guess he did not know that I was already broken. They went back and forth until they finally agreed to leave me on my anxiety medication and sleep aid in a lesser strength of course, until a therapist saw me. The next thing I heard was Iruka crying making promises of castrating the bastard that this to me with an old rusty spoon, Tsunade tried to comfort him but he did not stop until he heard me move around upstairs. When I came downstairs, somehow ending up in my bedroom, Iruka furiously rubbed his eye stating something along the lines of dust in his eyes. When Tsunade saw me she promptly hugged me almost suffocating me to death with her large bosom but thankfully Iruka came to my rescue when he say me turning a shade of purple. After Tsunade finally released me, she started scolding me while checking my cuts. As soon as she finished re-bandaging my palm, both Tsunade and Iruka started gushing something about how it seemed I swallowed a watermelon with a smile on their face even though it didn't quite reach their eyes.
I was a little bit cranky by the time my appointment got here, this little parasite thought I did not pay enough worshiping to the oh so great porcelain god as If I didn't spend my whole time in there with the constant bathroom trips every thirty minutes. Thankfully, Iruka did not go to work today and was here to hold my hair and rub my back. Later he made some homemade ramen but once again the parasite made it presence know when I went running back to the toilet fragrance of the yummy food.
I arrived at Tsunade home office 20 minutes early thanks to Iruka who is an organizing freak just don't say I told you that. Shizune and ton-ton Tsunade's nurse and pig greeted me as I walked in. I was about to sit down when I was ushered in by the black haired nurse Shizune towards the back. She weighed me and measured my height; she also checked my temperature and blood pressure. I had barely sat down and gotten comfortable on the exam table when Tsunade came in carrying my chart, she looked very unhappy. I didn't need to wait too long to found out why, I had lost three pounds since the last time I came for my check up I now weighed 123 lb and according to baa-chan that meant I was famished. Before got prego I weighted 134lb and I am kind of on the short side at 5'7'.
Tsunade made me promise her to try eating more even though most of the food I ate ended up coming back up and to make sure I started taking prenatal vitamins. When it came time to check the parasite, Tsunade took out the little machine out of lab coat to listen to the baby's heartbeat. It seemed the baby was playing hiding and go seek because baa-chan could not find the heartbeat so Tsunade decided to an ultrasound. Shizune came into the room pushing cart that seemed like something out of the arcade, I asked if we were going to play videogames and they just all laughed at me, I did not see what was so funny. Baa-chan made me remove my shirt when I finally did Iruka helped me lay back down on the exam table. My stomach contracted when Tsunade put some glob of freezing cold gel on top on it, I glared at her and smirked back at me. She did that on purpose! Baa-chan ran what she said is a transducer across belly smearing the jelly all over.
My breath was stolen in an instant; there on the screen was my baby in black white. I could not believe something so small and innocent was inside me, I turned around to see Iruka and I could see he had tears in his. As I looked around, I could see that both baa-chan and Shizune had tears. At that moment something broke inside of me, tears started streaming down my cheeks not caring who saw. Instantly Iruka was by my side asking what was wrong but I could not form in words what I was feeling, I was hurting both emotionally and physically. I had tried to get rid of the only good thing I had gotten from that unforgivable encounter. I was not being punished with this baby but compensated, God had giving me something to keep living for and here I had tried to get rid of. I only thought that this child was his not mine, but now I know this is my baby and nobody else's.
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