Title: Permission Ch 5

Main characters: Logan Mitchell

Side characters: James, Hortence (OC), Joanna, Carlos, Kendall, other unimportant OCs

Warning: Slash Jagan, Broken Engrish, Biology and Psychology (since this is going on around hospital and medical stuffs)

Summary: Six years after James and Logan parted.

A/N: I wrote Logan's age twenty five when I posted the first chapter, but I've edited it into twenty. I thought the guys in the show had their actual age, it turned out they're still teens! So, pardon me. Geez, I made too many mistakes. And, in case you're wondering in what time the chapter 2 happened, it was not right after chapter 1. It was after James and Logan got married, which was in later chapters. Chapter 2 was like a side story. Sorry for confusing, but I had planned to make the chapters jumble in time orders. More side stories will come that's actually the reason why this chapter has bunch of boring stuffs. :)

Logan turned twenty six this year.

It had been six years since he last saw his best friends, as his father had limited his social life. Logan had taken up medical school and would soon graduate with cum laude. Nationally famous hospitals had already offered him awesome jobs for his talents, and all he needed to do is pick one. His childhood dream would finally come true.

Was he happy? Of course. Who doesn't feel happy if one gets his dreams fulfilled? Logan was not all complete though. He lacked here and there, like confidence, swagger, and love. But he learned how to feel grateful he wouldn't let his lacks destroy all the good things he owned.

Love...

It wasn't that after BTR disbanded he became unpopular or anything else. Logan was charming, talented, and handsome. He received lots of confessions. However he had to reject them all. Logan was gay. He couldn't like girls in the same way no matter how hard he tried to. Three times dating girls resulted more annoyance than romance. One time dating one of his guy friends raised lust out instead of love. Why? Because he once fell for someone and when that someone's gone Logan hadn't had the chance to get his heart back.

James...

Logan didn't know where James was now. And Kendall and Carlos. As if just disappearing to the end of the world, Logan had done no contact with them all these six years, at all. Everyday he went to the campus from early in the morning until late in the evening, barely had any time to go out. Even sometimes he stayed for research.

Six years! Perhaps Carlos had gotten some girlfriend, or even wife. Perhaps Kendall and Jo had gotten children. Perhaps James had moved on.

Trust...

A little trust Logan had put on James's words was what made the cute adult stay strong all this time. He had rebuilt his relationship with his parents. His mother had been supporting whatever Logan's choice, as always. While his father had finally softened. They never had proper talk about it though, but Logan just knew. As much as Hortence Mitchell wanted a daughter-in-law, his son's happiness would always come in first. Logan finally got to understand that, six years ago, his father just didn't want him to abandon his dream. Oh well, his father used to hate James. But what's the use of hating someone when you're getting old and your son can only find happiness with him?

"Don't try to contact James, Hortence," his father still called him with his given name no matter what, "Dad will only give you two permission if he loves you enough to try to contact you." That was said once, suddenly when they weren't even mentioning such topic. It sounded final and Logan obeyed.

The thing was... Logan didn't know when James would come back. If James still wanted him. Six years could be long enough to change one's feelings one hundred and eighty degrees, couldn't they?

If he knew how to, he would have killed his pessimistic personality since long long ago. He must trust James. He just had to. Or else he'd break down and started to hate his father for everything.

"You've been showing admirable progress, Mr. Mitchell. A friend of mine owns a hospital that has just opened in Los Angeles. He's going to hire freshman doctors with qualities, and you, came to my mind before anyone else," said the professor when Logan submitted his thesis. "I know you have received offers from many other hospitals, but you see, it is just sort of training. For your experience. At least when you go working in huge international hospital, you will no longer have to deal with nervousness."

L.A.? The city had so many memories Logan could never forget. Honestly, Logan felt slightly awkward to know he was going to L.A. again, now for entirely different job. But he really wanted this opportunity. It was his dream! "Sounds great, Sir. But don't I have to graduate first to get the license? Am I allowed to just work as a doctor without any legitimate license?"

"That's why I called it training. And it is a friend of mine. It's not thoroughly nepotism because if you want to continue working there, you must do well and then apply for the job after you get your license!" The professor laughed. He was old, probably in his late forties, but when he was not lecturing he was very kind towards his students, mostly to those who made brilliant marks like Logan. That was why they could talk in friendly way like this.

Logan nodded in agreement. This Friday was free so they would be using the three days of holiday to do that training.

When he told his father that he was going to L.A., his father made a weird expression. Horrified, confused, but mostly pained. Logan immediately knew why. He must have reminded him about ten years ago, when Logan decided to move to L.A. for Big Time Rush. But after explaining the necessary things, Hortence Mitchell only asked, "Do your friends still live there?"

Logan was pretty sure his father less cared about where Kendall and Carlos lived now. "I don't know. I've been lost contact with them, thanks to you Daddy, how could you forget? Have you gotten that old?" What he said might sound sarcastic and it would have angered Hortence a lot if it was said years ago. But now they were close enough to call such as joke.

"Hh, fine. Go! If you meet James, remember that you are not to speak anything. He has to be the one asking and if he does, tell him I let you two marry."

"I'm afraid it's late, Daddy..." Logan replied in voice barely a whisper. His father didn't catch it as he had pushed the wheels of his chair heading to his room. Oh yes, Hortence Mitchell was now in wheelchair. It was all due to one accident happened about two years ago.

It was raining hard when the car their chauffeur drove slipped and crashed into a huge tree. Joanna was thrown onto the road. Hortence and Logan were stuck between the car and the pavement, because the car flipped ninety degrees to the left. The chauffeur himself was dead because of the pieces of glass which caused him fatal injuries. Logan, being the only one who was still conscious, tried to call the hospital but his phone was unfortunately broken. So he kept struggling until finally he got free. He quickly limped towards his mother and recalled everything he had learned to try to stop her bleeding. When he's done, he came back to his father to help him free too. But it was much harder that although he had used all his strength he still failed. Before passing out, Logan checked if his father got injuries from the broken glass and bandaged them by tearing off his shirt.

Joanna recovered fast and left with five centimetre long braid on her forehead. Hortence had his thighs down paralyzed, but he got no other serious injuries. However Logan, he was in comma. Logan got cuts here and there in several parts of his body that caused him blood loss. Furthermore, being stuck also damaged some his internal organs. Few were fatal and at that moment most of the doctors were giving up. Finding donors were impossible because Logan had no siblings, while his parents were too old to be ones.

But miracles did happen! The people from his university, who majored in medical technology, used Logan, whom they assumed "dead", as their object. Hortence differed with the idea at the beginning, because he still hoped they could find the right donor, but then Joanna managed to convince him that if their son was to die, it shouldn't be in vain. Logan was always helpful, he always tried to devote himself to help others. It was one of the many reasons he wanted to become a doctor in the first place. So those people used this cell called "stem cell" and everything went miraculously smooth. The broken tissues were regenerated. And after a full year of medication in a laboratory-like room, Logan had come back to his normal healthy life.

Logan would be lying if he said the accident had no influence with how his father behaved. One day if he met James again, Logan wanted to tell him that love and time were only able to cure his father's broken heart, whereas to unfreeze his frozen heart it took his son being in between life and death.

If he met James again... Logan chuckled bitterly. He shook his head to focus at the task at hand: packing.

Logan started his first day by becoming a professional doctor's right hand. It reminded him of one day back on Palm Wood, when he was helping the doctor in Palm Wood clinic on prank day. Oh, of course Logan had gained more knowledge and confidence now, and the diseases the patients got were not as trivial as those prank-ed people. But he couldn't help recalling how much fun it was to help people.

He did not major in only one field. His specialty was brain surgery and those heavy stuffs, but before he got his license, he was not allowed to hold an operation on his own. Therefore he only helped with the diagnostics, switching from one doctor to the other, from paediatrician, oculist, ornithology, dentist, to many others. Everybody seemed pleased with Logan's hardworking and offered him to stay helping them longer. And before Logan left to another room he always had to smile and apologize that his training here was only three days.

It was finally his last day. The only room he hadn't visited was psychology. Actually, that was not at all related to what he was studying, but Logan had determined to help all fields. Well, he learned a little about psychology on his first semester though, there's nothing wrong with trying.

"What you need to do when a patient comes up is smile," the pretty young psychiatrist named Emily Frederick smiled at Logan. "Come on, try smiling!"

It was slightly awkward but he flashed his old on-stage dimply smile. "Oh, good! Your smile is so warm. Remember, a smile can be comforting and the patient will assume that we care. They'll talk their problems out. That's when we give a good comment or solution. Never ever force them to speak, because they might think we're nosey and leave immediately."

"Understood." Logan wrote down what she said on his pocket notebook. "What else?"

"Umm, you're actually pretty cute up close. I used to listen to Big Time Rush, but I liked James better back then." Logan's heart missed a beat when the name was mentioned. Slight jealousy crept up his tensed body. "How old are you? I know you're going back to Minnesota tomorrow but is it okay to ... I mean..."

Logan remembered the very first confession he received. It was from a classmate on third grade. She was sweet and cute, but the innocent Logan who didn't even understand what love meant simply thanked her for liking him and left, as if it was nothing. James smacked his head when he told him about it. Oh, James was the one who taught Logan that there existed a special feeling for a certain someone called 'love'. The second he got was written in a letter. It was sent to his house and the one who read it was 'Hortence Mitchell' his father. Logan despised love letters since then. The third was during junior high school. Logan didn't really know the girl, but he rejected her because at that time he had realized his feelings for James. Ah, everything in Logan's life always related to that pretty boy!

The same fate happened to the following, the fourth and the fifth and the sixth and the Math addict finally lost his counts. Surely, Logan was not going to add what's already plenty. "I am gay." Simple and to the point, it always worked.

"O-oh?" Emily looked flabbergasted, clearly not expecting the charming doctor-to-be to admit such fact so straightforwardly. "Oh, okay. Geez, why are handsome guys either taken or gay?" She looked disappointed despite her joke.

"Sorry, sorry. Why don't you try that paediatrician? He said he's single and he's checking you out."

"Dude, that guy is like forty!"

"Uh, he's thirty two, actually. He's still quite handsome."

Logan stopped teasing her when she gave him a glare. "You said you're gay, aren't you? Why don't you go checking him out yourself? If your type is like that!" Emily was jealous but in denial, obviously. Logan had once felt the same way so he could figure it out easily.

"Nah, I've got someone I love," he smiled, considering telling her who it was because she used to be his fans, "named James. James Diamond."

"I told you handsome guys are either taken or gay!" The psychiatrist huffed as she tidied her desk. After that she got out the room to place her name sign on the door. "Okay, the work starts now. Watch how I deal with our first patient, then you go for the next. We'll take turn, agree?"

"I'm doing half of your job? Not just helping? They paid me only one-fifth of your salary!"

"Disagree? Fine! I'm telling the boss that you mess up with my work, that you are not at all qualified to be a doctor, so bye bye one-fifth of my salary and the offered job here."

Logan wanted to argue more but a woman in her fifties came in. Emily quickly shooed Logan to her back while she greeted her, "Oh, welcome Mrs. Shay! Logan, this woman has been coming here four times this week. She has problem with his twin daughters. Mrs. Shay, this is Logan, my new helper." Logan's ears twitched at the word 'helper', as other doctors had used the term 'colleague', or 'assistant' at the very least. Nevertheless he showed his gentlest smile and shook hand with the woman.

"Nice to meet you, Logan," she smiled back, showing friendliness. Then her face turned solemn. She started to tell them about how their daughters still refused to talk to other people ever since their father left for another woman. Other psychiatrists she had visited told her that it was psychology shock. There were many cases of such an event could cause them mentally refusing to speak, or maybe causing them inability to speak because of brain damage. It was suspected the second, because the girls had behaved weird too recently. They never made eye contact. And they seemed not to hear what others said, almost like symptoms of autism. "But yesterday I just saw them talking to each other! In normal way, normal tone, normal language, normal eye contact! What should I do with them? I had wanted to bring them here but they as always didn't even seem to hear me."

Emily squeezed her hand. "Doesn't that mean they're refusing to speak to others? Could it possibly that they can't trust any other than their twin?"

"Maybe. I have realized I'm too into my work. That could be one of the reasons my husband left me in the first place. I thought they should have understood that I worked for our living, but I guess it's wrong. I want to change. Now what should I do to gain my daughters' trust again?"

Logan recalled those days back when he's still active in Big Time Rush, when he and James were still lovebirds whose feelings were still unstable and volatile. There was one time James snapped at him. He accused Logan for studying too much and ignoring him. Logan had used the reason that he always wanted to be a doctor, had promised his father he would be studying despite being in BTR, and James should have understood. James walked out his room with a heavy sigh and refused to talk to him for... a few hours... simply because they just couldn't be apart of each other for too long. But Logan knew exactly why James acted like that. James thought Logan didn't think he mattered. James thought Logan didn't care for him as much as he did the other.

"Refusing to talk is one of common things people do when they think other people don't understand them, or other people offend them, or perhaps they think they are not worth to speak caused by bully, either physically or mentally. They do to, consciously or not, seek attention, care, pity, or apology." Logan stated calmly. Both Emily and Mrs. Shay turned to him in interest. "In this case, if I didn't fail to understand, they seek comfort from each other because they think their twin is the only one who understands, because they feel the same pain. They think others, including you, don't think their feelings matter. They think you can't understand them. They refused talking to you because they want your attention. They want you to care."

"Is that true? I thought they hated me..."

"Logan's right. If they hated you, they would not avoid eye contact. Instead, they would look at you with hatred-filled eyes. And they would refuse talking only to you, not to others." Emily agreed.

"So what should I do to show that I care for them? I really want them to open up to me..."

"Love. Hug them, treat them ice creams, take them to their favourite places, never stop saying nice things, and never ever treat them like they are no longer able to speak. Like what most mothers in the world do to her children. Time. Be patient and wait. How long it will take depends on them, but it surely will work." Logan smiled. James was the one who told him how love and time was all it needed to heal a betrayed and broken heart. His father needed it six years, perhaps longer if the accident did not happen, but it worked.

Mrs. Shay seemed agreeing with Logan's words. "I'll try. Well, thank you Emily, thank you Logan especially. I feel kind of relieved now. Your words sound so true, I'll sue you if your idea doesn't work!" She joked a little, and the other two couldn't help but chuckle. "But really, you can be much more than just a 'helper'."

"Sorry, Mam, but my dream is to be a brain specialist and a surgeon. I'm here only having a one-day-experience, applying what I've been reading. I was once interested in psychology after all."

"Wah, awesome! Kay kay, success for both of you. I'm leaving," Mrs. Shay stepped out the room.

"Well you're indeed good. How can someone be so multitalented like you, Logan?" Emily even admitted.

"How am I multitalented? All I'm good at is memorising stuffs other people are too lazy to study about."

"Hey, you sing and dance! You rap too!"

"It's been six years. My voice has become hoarse and my body has become stiff. About rapping, well, if I add rapping and backflipping as talent, then yes, I am multitalented." Logan smiled his crooked smile.

"Being humble is good. But esteeming your self too low is not. I bet I'm not the only one who's telling you this."

"Very true. James told me that the most. Everyone does, except my father. He thinks it's good to be imperfect."

"What? Weird! All other fathers in the world would support their son to get as close as possible to perfection."

"He's weird indeed. Otherwise he wouldn't name me with his own name." Emily raised an eyebrow, which made Logan laughed a little. "Seriously. Our names are Hortence Mitchell." Logan knew the psychiatrist was going to ask the reason he was called 'Logan' so he quickly added, "Long story. Just call me Logan to make it different."

"Okaay, by the way, you didn't tell me. What happened when BTR disbanded? What about the other guys? I heard Kendall's gone to be a hockey player. And now I find you here. What about your James? And Carlos?"

Logan didn't know how to tell her the answers for those questions. Luckily for him, the door opened again, and another patient came in.

Logan frowned. The girl somehow looked familiar. She stopped by the door and scrutinized Logan too, as if trying to make sure if Logan was someone she knew. As Emily was about to speak, introducing them to each other, both suddenly clicked it in their brain, recognising who the person in front of them was.

-End of Chapter 5-