Title: Permission Ch 6
Main characters: Logan Mitchell, Katie Knight
Side characters: James, Kendall, Carlos, and almost all other Palm Wood residents (mentioned only)
Warning: Slash Jagan
Summary: What exactly happened during those six years Logan had missed.
A/N: First of all, biggest gratitude for everyone who has taken their time to leave reviews in previous chapters. You really make me happy! And also those who even guessed who this girl Logan met. Either correct or wrong, it makes me happy because then I got to know that you really read this fic!
For the Anonymous reviewers, I'll reply to your reviews here:
Anon 1:Is it James daughter,Katie,stephanie, Jo? Ma'am you need to update ASAP! Why don't this story have alot of reviews? I love this story! PLEASE UPDATE!
Fanmin: Ha, you guess quite a lot there. And bingo, one of them is correct! It's Katie! Ma'am? Am not that old xDDD Kay here's the update! Maybe I'm not that good enough in writing, that's why I'm trying to improve now :) Thank you for reading, loving, and reviewing! Means lot to me~
Anon 2: Wait,did James have a SEX CHANGE?
Fanmin: Lol, that's a pretty good guess! Incorrect though, but you made me want to make some kind of alternative ending. What if James indeed, got a sex change? How would Hortence Mitchell react to that? I might really write it xDD Thanks for this inspiring review!
Few minutes later, Logan and the girl, who turned out to be Katie Knight, were seated in the cafeteria downstairs. Neither initiated a chat, too busy studying each other's look which had a lot of differences compared to what they had in their memories.
Katie had grown into pretty cute teen. Her hair was wavy now, still brunette coloured and long. She still had her baby face and doe eyes, but her fashion style depicted her maturely, not that of a kid anymore. No wonder Logan failed to recognise her at the beginning.
"You changed a lot... I know you're smart but you didn't use to look that smart before." Katie finally spoke up. "You look old. And cold. I don't know if you still do foolish things, still make jokes and laugh and... yeah, still the same Logan I know."
"People change, Katie. I don't even know myself. I just don't have anyone to do foolish things with, to make jokes to. What about you? You too changed. You are much more feminine than I remembered."
Suddenly Katie slammed the table, no longer able to keep her emotion sealed. "Where have you been? Why haven't you, in all these six years, contacted us to say that you're alive?"
"I've been focusing on my dream and my father never let me search you guys so... wait, what? Alive?" Logan raised an eyebrow. That didn't sound like sarcasm.
"We all thought you're dead."
Now it was Logan's turn to slam the table and stand up. "What?"
"Calm down, you're attracting public's attention!" Katie reached out to pull Logan back to seat. "So... where should I start this? Well, after BTR officially disbanded, you and James came to Minnesota. Kendall, Mom, and I went back there too few months later. Didn't Kendall call you back then? You're telling us what happen between you and James. Remember?"
Logan nodded, a little impatient. "Carlos stayed here in L.A. He got to work with the Jennifers in some TV show. Eventhough we're apart, we still connected with each other using internet and phones. But you, you're never around. James was so depressed back then." Logan would have assured that James wasn't the only one feeling like that. "A year later, Kendall became a professional hockey player, James started acting career, and Carlos married the blonde Jennifer."
"What? Carlos married before Kendall did? And with a Jennifer? The blonde one, not the brunette? Seriously?" Too much shocking facts came in a year, the facts he had missed.
Katie smirked. "I still can't believe it either. But she loved Carlos, I can tell. Ronald, their son, will have his second birthday this March."
"Whoa. I wish I was there when they got married. Kay, what next? Don't tell me you all assume me dead just because I'm not around?"
"Jo came back from New Zealand a year after. She returned with a guy named Troy. Since then, I hated Jo. She broke Kendall's heart thoroughly. It was pretty depressing to see Kendall and James slumped together in the couch, each wearing sorrowful expression. Oh, James, he was terrible. He got better in acting sometimes I couldn't tell if he was faking a smile."
Logan's heart clenched. Eventhough he was feeling just the same every single day, he never wanted James feeling like that too. It was painful. Logan never wanted James being in any sort of pain.
"Nothing much happened since that. Oh, we received Camille and Steve's marriage invitation," Katie stopped talking to sip her strawberry smoothie. Logan smiled, knowing that Knights' preference of flavour had never changed. "When I was eighteen, I took modelling job in L.A. and that explains how I became this feminine. Why? Because James said I would make a good model."
Katie had expected Logan's reaction, head tilting, eyes constricting in wonder, lips bitten in doubts, overall curious. "When I was about to leave with Mom, James kissed me and I guessed since then we kind of dated."
With that sentence, Katie watched as Logan broke. He didn't show it, but he was not James, Logan couldn't act to hide his pain. Out of the four, Logan and Carlos had been the worst at lying. Honestly, Katie didn't want to hurt him. That man in front of her had endured much pain too. But she had no other else to blame.
Logan couldn't quell the blossoming hurt in his chest. When Katie was eighteen... He was twenty four. That was when the accident happened. That was when Logan was struggling for life. Knowing this, somehow, Logan almost thought he'd rather have died back then.
"Let's flash back again. I was seventeen when Carlos and Jennifer visited Minnesota for holiday. It was March, Jennifer gave birth to Ronald eventhough the baby was supposed to be born a month later. She had problems, I didn't really understand what it was, but the baby's position was kind of wrong and she needed a surgery. We came to the hospital to give them both support but what we saw shocked all of us."
Logan's eyes widened. "You passed me when I was in comma?"
"James saw your father in the corridor. He followed him and when he got back he was all teary. James had asked the doctors what happened to you, they all told him that only miracle could bring you back as healthy as before."
"And everyone thinks I'm dying..."
"Sometime later, about few weeks from then, James went to see you but you weren't there. Your bed was empty."
"I was in my university's hospital. They used me for practice."
"You should have contacted us, told us what happened. I thought I saw a ghost in Emily's room!" Katie bit her bottom lip, trying her best not to blow out of anger. "You should have told us what happened to you! You almost died and you let us not know? How could you?"
For a moment, silence settled between them. Logan really didn't know how he should answer that. Because his father didn't allow him to? Because he wanted to see James coming to get him back? The pain from before came back again. "Katie... How exactly James and you started dating? Why exactly did he kiss you? Because he's fallen for you? That he's not gay after all? And you too, since when exactly did you like James? Since I was still around?" A single tear dropped onto his cheek, but was quickly wiped away. Katie's anger disappeared seeing him like this. "And... why are you here? Why are you going to psychiatrist?"
She looked flabbergasted at Logan's last question. Her eyes dilated in panic. "You speak to nobody about this."
"Promise."
"It was drugs. And alcohol. I've been consuming them for past five months but I tried to stop now. With Emily's help. She made a good list to do when I craved for those addictive things."
No way. Katie, their innocent little Katie... Logan gasped. "Why? Tell me the whole story, Katie!"
"If James was depressed after you became out of reach, he was a zombie after you're 'dead'," Katie made a quotation mark at the last word. "James was like a moving skeleton with no soul. You affected him that much, I almost envied you. I wonder if I died, there'd be someone devastating over me."
"Kendall would break, for sure. Also Mama Knight. How can you forget them? James, Carlos, and I would too. Even Mr. Bitters would cry, trust me."
"Kay, that's not the point. So... at that time, I was the one beside him. Kendall was busy with his sport life. Carlos was busy with his new family. Mom... she didn't help much because all she said everyday was to let you go and stuffs. I was the one he came to when he cried at night. I was the one he sought when you're gone. I don't know it's a pity or what, but I kinda felt something towards James. And you can't blame me for that. You're 'dead'." Katie made the quotation mark again.
She studied Logan's face, trying to read his emotion. For a moment she was silenced. The expression Logan wore showed nothing more than a mixture of sadness, pain, anger, frustration, regret, and... mostly pain.
"James once told me I had become pretty and said that I would make a good model. So I did. I didn't go to college and decided to go to L.A. for that. He gave me a kiss when Mom and I left. I guessed it meant James had moved on and seen me as a girl he possibly loved? Again, you can't blame him either. You're 'dead'."
"Can you stop saying I'm 'dead'?" Logan too made the gesture and sighed. "It's frustrating."
"Fine..." Katie paused to drink her smoothie again, barely realizing that Logan hadn't even touched his. "But James never called after that. I found myself disappointed. What did the kiss mean? I questioned it everytime I remembered him. Maybe it meant nothing at all. Or just a simple gratitude. We knew James kissed a lot of people, girls and guys, that before he fell for you. But then... Then when I came back to Minnesota for holidays, James kissed me again. And introduced me as his girlfriend to his friends. I asked him what actually was going on between us. And you know what he said? I expected an 'I love you' or 'It's nothing', but he said 'It's up to you'. By then I decided, he really had no soul. How could a relationship happen if only one of them had the intention? Two years, Logan, it had been two years and nothing changed. James wasn't James you knew anymore. He was lifeless. He wouldn't talk, wouldn't sing, wouldn't care about his look. He spoke five words a day, kissed me sometimes when I was there, and... Finally I got into alcohol and drugs to ease my pain."
"I suppose no one else knows you've been consuming them? Only me?"
"Emily Frederick, my psychiatrist. And Tyler. I met him about two weeks ago. He's become a fine charming guy. He's slim and kind of cute that I wouldn't recognize him if he didn't greet me first, at a club. We chatted a little, shared phone numbers, and since then we often hung out together. Tyler obviously likes me but... It doesn't mean I like him back, but when he told me to stop my addictions, I agreed. I decided that James isn't worth me turning like this. I want to be the same old Katie you knew, the same old innocent smart Katie everyone knew."
"What about James? You still let him kiss you after you uh... repent?"
Katie chuckled at Logan's choice of word. "I haven't even visited Minnesota since I got into drugs, which has been five months. Please, Logan, no one's going to know this. I've been trying to change now and Emily said I can succeed this. Next time I come home, I will never ever let James have his way with me again. I've had enough. And now I know you're alive." Suddenly she gasped. "I told you everything! You... you're not going to stop loving him, are you? He's...he's just lost. He still loves you, eventhough he kisses me, his heart is always with you!"
Logan didn't answer as soon, making Katie nervous. What if she made a big mistake? What if by telling Logan the truth, he came to hate James? Katie didn't want any of them to be hurt more than they had already been. Especially James.
"It won't be as easy as it sounds, Katie. He thinks I'm dead. What do you think would happen if I suddenly showed up? It's not a fairy tale where he'd say, 'Oh Logan you're alive! You get your father's permission? Yay! We finally can be together forever!' and forget everything ever happened."
"You're still as pessimistic as I remember. Always so scared of everything."
It earned a small chuckle from the genius. He finally grabbed a hold of his smoothie. It didn't taste as sweet as normally because the ice had melted for being left too long. "I'm trying to be logical here."
"By the way, you really get your father's permission?"
"Kind of. He said I could marry James if he was the one coming to get me, not the other way. But how would that happen if he didn't even know I still lived in the same world?"
"You do know that I'm going to tell everyone, don't you?"
"I'd suggest you think twice. Think what it will cause. If you want to, tell them. I'll just see if they want to meet me, if he wants to meet me. Don't tell me if he doesn't, it'll be painful." Katie nodded, letting herself to think about it again. Suddenly Logan remembered about Mr. And Mrs. Diamond. He wondered how they would react to this. After getting their permission that day, Logan had never known how they were doing after. "Oh, have you ever met James's parents? How are they?"
"The last time I saw them was when Kendall and I drove him back to his house. It was after we saw you lying there lifelessly. We were worried James couldn't concentrate on driving, so we sent him home. As Kendall told Mrs. Diamond what happened to you, she cried. She really liked you like her son, Logan, I could tell. Perhaps James had told them that you're already, uh..."
"Dead." Logan offered the word now. As painful as it felt, it was the truth. Everyone thought he was dead. It was his own fault after all, that everyday he went to university for hours then came back to his house, never going out at all for six years. He wondered why they had never bothered to check on his house, asking his father about Logan's death, the funeral, and all the other things. Were they that sad to remember that a dead man would have a funeral and as his closest friends they should all come?
"Kay... dead. I don't know. James rarely slept on his house actually. He went to ours more often. Like I said, I was bored seeing a depressing view of James and Kendall slumped on the couch together, one telling how he missed Jo, the other showing how he missed you."
A comfortable silence passed between them, each drinking their own cups. "You think I should come out?"
"Yes for now. But you told me to think again and I agreed. We don't know if it will turn everything alright or just make it worse."
Logan nodded a few times. A gentle smile displayed on his lips as he stood up, taking Katie's arm. "Okay, talk's done. I've got everything I know. Let's go back to Emily's."
"Wait. Actually, why are you there? I knew you wanted to be a doctor, but psychology? That's so not you. I thought you'd go for surgery stuffs?"
As they were heading to the elevators, Logan explained his three days training and told her how he's going back to where he's been disappearing all these years. Katie decided to use the time left, before Logan graduated and applied for a job here in L.A., to think if she should tell the others that the foursome had never turned down to trio.
-End of Chapter 6-