Title: Permission Ch 7

Main characters: Kendall Knight, James Diamond

Side characters: Katie, Logan, Jo, Carlos, Blonde Jennifer (Some are only mentioned)

Warning: Slash Jagan

Summary: The present, told in Kendall's point of view.

A/N: More drama going on. Sorry.

Replies for Anons' reviews in Ch 6:

Anon 1: Yay! I was right! And your a fantastic writer,this story is amazing. Darn every time there's a new chapter,I cannot wait for another! As always update asap!

Fanmin: *showers you with cookies for correct answer* Haha, thank you very much for the praise! You're fantastic reader then :D Your review makes me really happy! I'm sorry I can't update fast, often lack of time and mood, but here's the new chapter. Thanks to you for reading and reviewing!

Anon 2: I reread this chapter about five times,i just love it sooooo much. To think when I read the summary i thought I wouldn't even like it,but now well I AM IN LOVE! You really need to update soon or I will go nuts...please?

Fanmin: Seriously? Five times? O.O I feel so...flattered. Oh my.. *fly high* And I love your review sooooo much! Makes me very happy! Hehe, I think I'm not so good in summary, I just put the main idea there and...yeah. Sorry for taking long to update but here's the new chapter, so don't go nuts, okay? xD Thank you for reading, loving, and reviewing!

I knew Mom cared about me, but it was getting annoying. So what if I was twenty six? I would marry someday, for sure... I just hadn't found the right one. Turned out Jo wasn't. I just needed to find more girls. It shouldn't be that hard. Okay, I wasn't James who could get any girls falling just by walking in front of them, but I was not bad either. I knew I had certain charm and quality girls couldn't ignore. Perhaps my confidence was bashed when Jo returned with that Troy guy, but hey, I had moved on. Finally, though I didn't think it was possible years ago.

Well, I would begin my hunting now. Today I decided to sneak on my hockey practice to go to the cafe. Say, if a girl saw a famous good looking guy sitting alone at a table for two, who wouldn't approach immediately? My prediction was correct. It didn't take more than ten minutes for a brown haired lady asking if the other seat was taken.

As she sat there, we began chatting. At first, it was quite fun. She knew a bit about hockey although she was never really into the game. Better than Jo at least, since she hated hockey. She was also close to music, for she was working in a music industry. She told me how she adored Big Time Rush's music, and that made me very happy although BTR was done.

Big Time Rush...

When we first got into the band, I was not that excited. Only James was, because it was his dream. How ironic, cause when I finally got my own dream fulfilled, I missed BTR. Even Carlos too, I could tell. He liked girls, and now he married a very beautiful girl who had given him a son, but he missed BTR. And James... Probably not quite. It wasn't being in BTR and singing on the stage he missed, but Logan.

If I called BTR was done, it wasn't because the contract was ended. It wasn't because we parted ways either, that James and Logan decided to get married, I decided to become a professional hockey player, and Carlos chose to stay in L.A. To me, all four of us were always in a band, named Big Time Rush. Even if we wouldn't go to Rocque Records anymore, even if we lived in different cities, BTR was alive. However, BTR was done when Logan suddenly disappeared.

Six years ago, James called me to tell how Logan's father didn't give them permission and how they were going to part for unknown time. Immediately I called Logan afterwards. His voice contained just as much misery as James's did. I never knew it would be the last time I heard his voice. A week later James called me again now to tell how Logan never answered his calls. He never appeared on Internet either. We then decided to wait up in front of Logan's house very early in the morning. James insisted that we had to wait until Logan showed up, mo matter how long it took. He just needed to make sure his Logan was okay. Unfortunately, Logan didn't. Five hours waiting in the morning resulted nothing. James alone did the same on the next day, even followed by another four hours in the afternoon. He told me that only Logan's mother and housemaid walked out the door.

But James believed that Logan would contact him somehow only after he got his father's permission. I really admired how James could be so hopeful, how love could turn someone as impatient and egoistical as James to be that strong. Oh, sure, something changed. Something changed in the way he smiled. It wasn't as sincere as before, even Katie noticed it. I didn't expect that my own love life would turn as sour. It was kind of funny how James and I suddenly got close just because we both felt heart broken in the same time. Wait, the same time? No. James had been suffering since two years earlier!

So I did what people did when they were broken hearted, busying myself with job. I really made to be one of the main players of the national team. It was really a pride, I would be lying if I said I was miserable all the time. Cause, at day I truly smiled, though at night I truly cried. That was my life, seriously. Surprisingly James said, everyday he smiled, every night he smiled, but none was truly from his heart because even himself couldn't distinguish the difference between acting and not.

It was on the fourth year Logan was missing when James stopped smiling at all. When Jennifer was about to give birth, when he saw Logan lying on hospital bed like the dead, when Logan's gone again, when James told us Logan had died.

I cried so hard that night. Logan died? I still refused to believe it when the others had accepted the fact. Well, how could I? Before Logan and James fell for each other, I was the closest to Logan, and so he was to me. It was me who first met him and joined him to our gang. It was him who helped me with my studies before Carlos and James sabotaged him too. That was why I felt a bit missing when he said he thought he was in love with James, not jealous, just a bit lonely, because I was afraid I would lose him as my bestest friend. He hadn't, but he finally did it forever.

A life without one of my best friends was never easy to imagine, moreover to actually live. James quitted acting, now he helped a little with his mother's work, simply because he smiled no more. I got myself distracted with my sport career since I played for international. I hadn't realized the time going, and when I checked out how everyone's doing, everything's changed. My eighteen-year-old baby sister was now living in L.A. as a model of some clothes' brand only the old James memorised the name. And when she came home, James was kissing her with her letting him, showing me how it was not the first time. As if got struck by lightning, suddenly I came to realize how awfully oblivious I was towards my own family.

My contract with the team had a year and half left. By the time I finished it all, I had promised myself to return being the normal Kendall Knight. The Kendall who cared for his friends and family, the Kendall who had positive mind and moved on after breaking up with his girl, the Kendall Logan remembered as.

"Kendall? Are you alright? You look out of it..."

I was snapped out of my day dream by this girl sitting before me. Oh my God I totally forgot her. What's her name again?

Cafe dates didn't give the result I expected, so I decided to try hanging out in the mall. If I was lucky, I'd get a decent girl to flirt with. Or a flirty decent girl who's willing to make the first move. Because if I failed, I'd try club tonight and it would be close to impossible to get a decent girl there.

I was driving out of the cafe's parking yard when I saw a commotion on the street nearby. It looked like an accident just happened. Being caring and occasionally free I was, I stopped and passed the people to offer the victim a lift to the hospital.

Never had I expected to see bloody James squirming helplessly on the road, one hand clutching on his stomach and the other on his head, which I guessed were the blood sources. "Oh my God, James! Somebody help me bring him to my car! This is my friend!"

The people around helped me to lift James and lied him on my back seat. In instant I turned the car to reverse direction and drove at crazy speed. I didn't care I wasn't that great yet in driving, my buddy here was dying! I was not going to lose another big part of my life!

A weak groan came from back seat, giving me hope. "Kendall? Why... you here?"

"I can ask you the same thing. Stay awake, James, you must not die!"

"Why? Isn't it great? I miss Logan."

That really stung. James wanted to die so he could meet Logan. "Don't tell me you're trying to commit suicide there, James." My voice shook, and I felt tears threatened to fall.

"No... If I want to... I would have... two years ago."

"So how come you get yourself hit that bad?" I tried to get James to talk as much as possible. Cause if he stopped, I was afraid James would fall asleep and never woke up again.

"I was going to go to that coffee shop, it's office break... and suddenly, you know... I feel pain everywhere, Kendall... Next thing I know, I'm here, you're there..."

"You're gonna be okay. We're at the hospital now," I cut him as the car entered the hospital's parking area. "You must not die, James, please."

"I guess so... I don't feel like dying today."

I couldn't bring myself to laugh along such a dry joke. We stopped just in front of the emergency room and the nurses immediately placed the bleeding boy on the cart. They soon disappeared to the room, leaving me alone to wallow down in panic.

After breathing in and out, getting calmed down enough, I flipped my cell phone, pushing the numbers I knew by heart. "Hello, Katie? Please, tell Mom and Carlos. James has just got hit and now he's in emergency room. Minnesota General Hospital. Tell Carlos to come here if he wants James to keep wanting to live! ...okay. Love you, Baby Sister."

Katie was almost twenty, but it didn't stop me from calling her 'baby' cause forever, she was my baby sister. Again, time had gone so fast and I failed to notice. We weren't kids anymore though we still acted like ones.

I sighed. I guessed my girl hunting needed to wait until sometime next week.

James was indeed okay. Few cuts and scratches but nothing was serious. The worst part was probably his head being shaved for minor surgery on his broken scalp, which actually ever happened back then when Jenny Tinkler gave him paper cut during high school. The difference was that back then James was freaking out, this time he didn't care. James had lost care about his looks since years ago.

He'd soon be able to leave the hospital. As I got back from paying the bill, I heard some whisperings came from the right corridor. It sounded like Katie! The talk seemed serious. I knew I had to leave but curiosity got the best of me and I leaned to eavesdrop. I just wanted to know whom she was talking to and what was it to be talked so secretly like that.

"I've thought of it, and this recent incident just proved it. You need to come out."

What is 'it'? What is 'this recent incident'? Did she mean James's accident? And who should come out, what kind of come out they were referring to here?

"Stop being pessimistic and show up! It'll only bring good for everyone!"

Pessimistic? Ah, that reminded me of Logan. The Logan who was always scared of everything and thought everything wouldn't work out.

"Oh my God James is not going to die of heart attack just because he finally knows the truth! Are you sure you're a doctor? You're being very illogical here!"

Doctor? I raised an eyebrow. No, no, no... I pushed a crazy assumption that suddenly came to my mind. There's just now way!

"He still loves you for God's sake! I've told you those kisses meant nothing to him. It's not me whom he needs. It's you!" My heart stopped. Katie was near tears as she spun around. And ah, she noticed my presence. Horror flashed on her big eyes. "You know I can't lie to Kendall, right... Logan? He's behind me all the time."

I stomped towards her and snatched the phone away. "Logan?"

A heavy sighed was heard from across there. "Kendall. How're you?" What a pathetic casual question, but I less cared. My knees felt weak and suddenly I was on the floor kneeling with tears. It couldn't be him. Logan was dead. What was with this cruel joke? But this voice belonged to him, though rougher now.

"How?" I only managed a word out.

"I'll show up, okay? Wait for my explanation...or ask Katie instead. She knows everything. Bye for now, Kendall, and look after James. I... I still care. Just... letting you know it. Night, Kendall."

The call was hung up. Katie moved to hug me till we stood up on legs. "Logan's alive, Big Brother."

I wondered how much tears one could produce in an hour, cause mine hadn't stopped since I heard his voice until I got home and tucked on the bed. Oh my God. Logan's alive! Logan was really alive!

-End of Chapter 7-

A/N: Chapter 8 will come sometime this week. Hopefully.