Grissom – Then you come on crashing in like the realest thing
The mother's body had been found out in the woods on the other side of town. They drove in silence, pondering the fate of the woman who's family had been torn apart. She was laid out in a clearing in the woods, a very rehearsed and peaceful position highlighted by the soft glowing sunset as it filtered through the trees. in contrast to the furious frenzy at her home it seemed as though the killer had taken his time with her. The knife strokes across her neck weren't deep enough to kill her, they were there as a means of control.
The coroner confirmed she had died from the deep knife wound to her inner thigh; it struck him as unusual that there were signs of sexual activity but no sign of sexual trauma. Either she had been a willing participant or the knife to the throat had subdued her a lot more than he would have expected.
"She's barefoot but the soles of her feet are clean so she was definitely dumped" mused Sara.
He was watching her as she processed the body and its surroundings while Nick took care of the perimeter. He loved to watch her at work although he went out of his way to make it barely noticeable. The way her mind worked fascinated him, she had a unique way of analyzing a crime scene so efficiently and so emphatically within seconds that astounded him. Somehow he could never seem to tell her that, his words came out stale and rehearsed no matter how hard he tried to sound caring and poetic.
"the blood pool is shallow, there's no directional drops on the ground… suggests she was wrapped in something"
He didn't respond, he didn't need to she wasn't really talking to him. She may have thought she was but he had every confidence in her abilities as a CSI, she needn't have wasted her time seeking his approval.
"there's no bruising or dirt on her body which suggests she was placed and not dumped"
She absentmindedly brushed her hair behind her ear and her eyes flickered up to meet his. As much as he willed himself to break away from her gaze he just couldn't seem to do it, she seemed to draw him in and render him defenseless.
"I got nothing in the vicinity of the body, there's no buildings, no tracks, there's not even a road." Nick grumbled as he marched towards them, unknowingly disturbing a moment. Her eyes were immediately back on the body as the coroner marched his way up the incline towards them.
Night was closing in by the time they made it back to the police station with their minimal amount of evidence. They shuffled into their appointed room wearily, glad the day was nearly over. He watched Sara filling out her paperwork with such concentration and care.
Officer Miller stuck his head around the door just as they were finishing up, he grinned at Sara, holding her gaze for just a second more than necessary. He cursed himself for feeling a flash of jealousy when she smiled back.
"Just wanted to let you all know the kid's ok, family services are on their way to the hospital"
He was far to chirpy for a man who had left a child at a crime scene, he felt the urge to cut him down to size but bit his tongue while he chatted to Sara and Nick about the mother.
"Did you report to your boss that she was left at a crime scene Officer Miller?"
He tried really hard to sound innocent with his questioning but he was sure the anger radiating out of him was picked up by everyone. Robert faltered slightly; he looked as Sara as though searching for an answer from her.
"I… I didn't think it was relevant…"
"I suggest you go and tell him Officer Miller or it will be coming from me"
Nick and Sara exchanged a look as the officer scurried out of the room and headed for his boss' office. Grissom sat down with a sigh, he suspected he may have crossed a line and judging be the fire in Sara's eyes as Nick left the room, he was about to be called out on it.
"That was out of line Grissom, he made a mistake!"
He chose to continue staring at the paperwork on the table rather than meet her eye. He knew as soon as he met her eye he would be revealed to her, she would know that it was jealousy driving his actions rather than his feeble 'protocol' excuse.
"It's just protocol, a mistake like that could have put that baby in danger Sara"
"That baby was asleep Grissom, she didn't even know anything was wrong" she changed her tone, making it softer and tried to catch his eye. "He could end up on suspension for something like that"
She had finally managed to drag his eyes from the papers; he didn't like what he saw. She was pleading for this man, a man she had just met and that could only mean one thing.
"Why do you care if he does Sara? It has nothing to do with you!" he turned away from her, he felt like his heart was breaking but instead of that making his walls crumble it seemed to make him build them even higher. He distanced himself from her more, pushed her away when he really should have been pulling her closer.
"It has everything to do with me Grissom, I don't belong to you"
She almost spat it out with such defiance in her eyes he was astounded. He wasn't sure how to retaliate to that, in his own delusion's she had no idea how he felt for her. Had he made it that blatantly obvious that even Sara was aware of his infatuation?
He was happy to watch her from afar, happy to admire her safe in the knowledge that although not in body, at least in spirit she was his. He had never made the decision to progress their relationship because he never needed to. While his fantasies may take him to different places he could handle a smile here and there, a stolen glance and the tiniest shiver of body contact. Every one of them reminded him how much he needed her but he had never realized how close he was to losing her until now.
"It's not personal Sara, it's his job"
He gathered the papers together with a sigh; this conversation had to end now. There was absolutely no way this could ever end well. His body felt ridiculously heavy as he pulled himself from his chair and headed towards the door.
"Then you won't mind if I go to dinner with him tonight then?"
She almost whispered it as though she was afraid of asking him. He paused in the doorway, holding onto the frame for support and pressed his eyes closed as he took a deep breath. Every fiber of his body screamed at him to turn around and fold her into his arms and never let her go but he couldn't he was paralyzed by his overworked brain. He turned around slowly and looked at her. He wondered when she had taken on the shadows under her eyes or the sadness in her eyes. She was willing him to protest, challenging him to fight for her, to finally express his feelings for her but he was afraid. So afraid that he would lose her completely by crossing that line and one thing kept repeating over and over in his brain as he gazed into her soft, delicious eyes.
"If you love something let it go"
His heart was racing and his breath catching in his chest but he knew he had to say something. He had done this to her, he had turned this beautiful, energetic, charismatic and liberated woman into a shadow of her former self. He had turned all her trust into betrayal, he had made her flinch at the touch of another human being, he had turned her into… him.
"You deserve it; I'll be in the hotel if anything comes up"
He pretended not to see the tears forming in her eyes, pretended that he didn't witness her heart breaking in front of his very eyes again but he did. He saw and he broke right along with her but the time had come to let her go. She deserved to be happy and if he couldn't give her that then he had to let her find it elsewhere.
"If it comes back to you then it was always yours"
He passed Robert in the hallway; he had clearly been let off with a warning. He threw Grissom a nod and a salute as he headed in the direction of Sara, still standing in the room staring at the space he had vacated. When he heard her laugh sounding out into the almost empty police station he realized how long it had been since he had heard it. The realization was almost physically painful.
"If it doesn't then it never was"