I don't really know what to say about this fic, I was listening to the song 'What goes around...Comes around' by Justin Timberlake and this idea popped into my head but I decided to ignore it because I didn't really know how I'd go about writing it. I heard the song again and thought I'd give it a shot. It's not a cheery story- I warn you now- angst/dark heavily based on the song (so AU).
It's not really Sara/Greg or Sara/Grissom.
Hope you all like it- please review.
Disclaimer: I own zilch.
What Goes Around...
(The Truth)
Candles lit the room in a romantic glow, the smell of roses filled the air but the atmosphere was heavy with deceit as she stood before him her hands clasped together and tears in her eyes. He had been planning this night all week; he had been looking for a ring for a whole month. But one line had shattered everything he had been looking forward to. He had sat back and watched all the images of their wedding day, their house in the suburbs and their children disband before his very eyes as she told him the truth.
"I'm sorry." She muttered attempting to sooth the things that had gone wrong but he was blinded. Greg had never realised just how much it would hurt to lose her. He had never imagined it would end this way. If he was honest with himself- he'd never imagined it would end. They had seemed to fit in a way that he had never expected he could with anyone; she had stolen his heart from the first time they'd met.
"I...I think I'm in love with him." Sara stumbled over the sentence knowing that it was killing Greg in ways she couldn't perceive. She'd hurt him even though she had claimed to love him more than anyone else.
"Have you been sleeping with him?"Greg asked in a low voice. Even though he knew her answer would hurt- he had to know- he'd always found it strange how he would indulge in such masochistic behaviour.
"Greg..." She pleaded him not to force the answer from her lips.
"Tell me Sara... give me the truth... you owe me that much..." He looked at her with wide cinematic eyes waiting to see the story unravel.
"Yes..." Sara was watching him meekly, she looked vulnerable, scared, a way he had never seen her before. It was then he wondered how she had expected him to respond- the fear was there for a reason- he knew that much. And as much as Greg wanted to shout, to say every single one of the nasty thoughts that had popped up in his head he knew that he didn't want to be that man.
"Fine... if you want me to let you go I will... but Sara I swear I'll never stop fighting for you."
(The Heartbreak)
Seeing Sara and Grissom together felt like being stuck in a hail storm. Each time they met eyes across the room, shared small lingering touches and left the lab together it felt like shards of ice were cutting into his skin. But like any type of discomfort he had endured it and soon enough he could barely feel the betrayal and the hurt that had begun shaping his life.
Sara had been careful in hiding the details of their relationship, and he realised that he couldn't tell if that had been for his sake or her own self preservation. When they worked together sometimes they would find themselves forgetting everything and enjoy each other's company- they would laugh, talk and share secretive smiles like before. But it didn't last. Just the mention of Grissom's name would have the whole mood turning into the bitter aftermath of a battle.
It wasn't until he had walked in on Sara in the locker room using foundation to cover up the whisker burns Grissom had left on her skin that his blood had began to boil with something other than self pity. Greg couldn't stop himself from imaging the ways in which she had gotten those angry red patches of skin- Grissom touching, kissing and holding Sara in the way he had done. In the way he still should have been doing. He had attempted to convince himself that what had happened was for the best but no matter how hard he tried he realised that wasn't the truth. Sara had broken his heart, she'd let him go, for a man that had happily strung her along for years- a man that had built her up and knocked her down more times than he could count. And the reason he knew this was because he had been the one picking up the pieces.
Greg realised that the only thought that plagued him about what had happened was that Sara had not chosen the better man.
(The Confliction)
When Sara had left Greg felt conflicted- confused. He seeing her every day had only added to the pain he'd been feeling about what she had done to him but there was hope that perhaps one day she would realise her mistake and come back.
Greg also detected an emotion he hadn't experience in a long time- anger.
And that very belief that Grissom was not the better man had been reinforced by the fact he did nothing. He let her walk away. He didn't chase after her. He didn't do anything to stop her. He realised that it made him angry whenever he saw their aging boss sitting in his office silently mourning the loss of the woman he loved. He'd just let her leave.
The only thing Greg knew was that had it been him he would have ran to the airport- he would have followed her out of this God forsaken city and promised to make it all better, to always be by her side and to love her unconditionally no matter her demons.
Love her in a way he had always wanted to, in a way Grissom had never done.
(The Anger)
But in the end Grissom realised what he'd lost and decided to follow her. The bitter part of Greg hoped that it was too late and she didn't take him back.
But a few months passed by and one night as he sat on the sofa watching football with a beer in his hand quietly pleased with his peaceful evening the phone rang. The sound of Sara's voice felt like a current had ran through his body.
It was the night before her wedding or at least that's what he understood by her slurred speech. She was drunk. She was upset. He could barely keep track of what she was saying as she cried into the phone to him. She apologised for what she'd done to him and claimed that she still loved him. But once Greg had placed the phone back on the hook he realised that her words had no effect on him. Had it been some time ago, he his heart would have been in his throat full of hope. He'd believed Sara once when she'd told him she loved him.
Greg realised he couldn't endure the pain of losing her again so he headed out to a bar instead.
He found a woman that was the polar opposite of Sara- petite, blonde, busty- and took her to his bed losing himself in booze and sex in order to prove to himself that he honestly didn't feel anything for Sara.
And most importantly of all- he didn't need her.
(The Apathy)
The moment they caught sight of each other in the break room Greg could see the glimmer of sadness in her eyes. She had returned to Las Vegas because they were short staffed or at least that was her excuse. But the misery that seemed to haunt every one of her smiles told her something different. Greg ignored what he'd noticed and simply pulled her into a hug buying into her pretence.
Sara held on to him tightly making the hug last longer than he had intended it to but he didn't say a word.
Something was wrong- he could tell- but Greg realised that he wasn't going to be the one to make the move- not this time.
(The Downfall)
Greg saw her sitting in her car, her head resting on the steering wheel. His heart jumped up into his throat as he approached the vehicle- he realised that he wasn't fully aware of what he was doing or what he would say to her once he was there. Greg knocked on the window and awkwardly stood waiting for Sara to look up. She glanced at him tears running down her cheeks taking her mascara with them.
He made a guess as to what had upset Sara- Grissom.
Her husband had become increasingly busy with work and had already cancelled two of his trips home already. Greg opened the car door, sitting in the passenger seat watching Sara cautiously. She looked tired, exhausted in fact.
"What's wrong?" His voice was hoarse, and there was a detectable amount of bitterness in the way he asked. Greg knew only too well that Sara returned to an empty house every night, she'd distanced herself from them and isolated herself as she waited for the scraps of affection that her husband offered her.
"It's nothing..." she mumbled turning away from him attempting to wipe her tears away, failing in stopping herself from crying.
"Fine..." Greg didn't push for an answer climbing turning to climb out of the car. As he walked away he didn't feel any guilt just leaving her there like that.
He didn't feel anything.
(The Neglect)
"Greg, please..." A meek voice came from behind him. "Please...don't leave me..." Sara stood by her front door tears rushing past her eyes as he walked away from her.
That day had taken an interesting turn of events, the depressed looks, the tired eyes that Sara had been sporting for the past few weeks had finally given way to a break down. A quick phone call at lunch had turned into water works- Catherine had instructed that he should take her home. It seemed that everyone knew something that he didn't. After a few moments hesitation Nick told him that Grissom had met someone else while in Paris.
As Greg turned to face her he realised that he didn't feel sympathy for Sara. Grissom had done to her what she had done to him. She now knew how he'd felt. She now understood the pain that had settled itself in his everyday life. But Greg knew Sara well enough that if he left her now the only person she would hurt would be herself. So he climbed back up the steps to her town house and pushed her through the front door slamming it behind himself.
Sara's arms wrapped around his neck clinging to him sobbing into his shoulder, Greg pushed her away slightly before making his way into the kitchen. Sara followed awkwardly standing watching him pour two tumblers of whiskey. He held one out for her as he sat himself down on one of the breakfast bar stools nearby. Silently he sat watching her as she knocked back half the fiery liquid in one gulp and then the other half with another. She placed the glass aside and stepped closer to him running her tongue over her lips slowly with anticipation but Greg snorted as she approached him.
"If you think I'm going to sleep with you- you're insane." He muttered with contempt as he took a sip of his drink.
"I need you..." She whimpered as she began unbuttoning her shirt slowly not taking her eyes off him, but his expression didn't change.
"No you don't. You need someone to validate you and I'm not going to be that person Sara." The harsh edge to his voice stopped her in her tracks.
"Just once..." Sara pleaded. "Once... it wouldn't hurt..."
"That's where you're wrong Sara...I'm not going back to where I was three years ago. I'm here because I know if I leave you alone you'll hurt yourself, I'm not here because I want to fuck you. So if you want to cry or watch 'Pretty Woman' or whatever it is you do when you're upset...I'll sit with you. But if you want to screw- I say go out to bar and find some guy that doesn't know a thing about you." Greg replied through gritted teeth.
"Greg...What happened to the guy I used to know?" She seemed to be desperate to find something to hold on to, something that hadn't changed in the last few years.
"You screwed him over Sara, that's what happened." Greg spat at her.
Sara was visibly hurt by what he'd said but he realised that he wouldn't have taken a single word he'd said back because she'd hurt him in ways he couldn't have imagined and she deserved to know.
(The Absolution)
The sound of a fist colliding with the door roused Greg from his seat by the fire place, Coltrane played alongside the rain and the crackle of flames. He swung the front door open to find Sara waiting for him her bleeding heart in her hands as she stood shaking from the cold and the tears. Giving a short humourless laugh he tried to shut the door on her but she had thrown herself in the way showing little regard for being hurt.
"Please..." She pleaded with him. Had this been six years ago he would have wrapped her up in his arms and held her but now all he wanted was for her to leave, disappear into the dessert and never return. Shrugging his shoulders he let go of the door and disappeared back into his house making it clear that he did not care whether she decided to stay or go. She stood by the front door awkwardly not knowing what to do, or what to say.
"What do you want Sara?" He asked picking up the book that he had previously been reading. It had been a week since her breakdown and in that time he had avoided her as much as he could. "Don't tell me you're going to ask me to sleep with you again...wasn't the last time embarrassing enough?"
"I want to talk..." Sara said quietly sitting herself down.
"Talk about what exactly?" Greg raised an eyebrow at her with curiosity.
"Us" Her eyes were on the floor not wanting to see his mocking gaze.
"Honey, I don't know what world you're living in... there is no us." He laughed slightly placing his book aside giving her his full attention.
"I'm sorry...Greg..." She glanced up for the first time meeting his eye. "I'm sorry for cheating on you, for leaving you the way I did, and for everything else I did. I just want..."
"What? What do you want Sara?" Greg's mood suddenly changed.
"I just want you to know I'm really, truly sorry..." Her voice was low and her eyes were focused on anything but Greg again.
"Well...thank you... but Sara... I can't say I'm feeling particularly sympathetic or forgiving at the moment because when it comes down to it- you hurt me. You cheated with him. And feeling bitter is the only way I can feel anything." He replied coldly.
"What do you want me to do?" She whispered to him.
"I want you to leave me alone." He spoke honestly.
"Goodbye, Greg." Sara stood up, a tear silently making itself familiar with a path down her cheek.
As Greg sat watching her walk away he realised that all of this time he'd spent resenting Sara hadn't helped. It hadn't changed anything. The only thing that had weighed heavy on his heart all of this time had been how much she had hurt him, how she had broken his heart.
But he couldn't hold on any more.
It was time to let go.
(The End)