A/N Alright we are going to do this one a bit different :) So dont hate that im not following the Jade scene do a T. Please enjoy!
Thanks for the reviews and the votes!
Big Shout out and thanks to these few who favorited and commented. if i miss you im sorry i haven't figured out how to see who likes my story on fanfic:
blondie134
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I got mugged by a penguin
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nightangelx18
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ThEe CrISPiNaTOr
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CeruleanKitten
RainbowShelby
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HisLoveIsStillInMe
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SOSlove
Chapter 6: Don't Tase me love!
"It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. and that Jewish actor."
"Alan if you don't shut the fuck up..." Sophie muttered. phil turned to look at her
"Will you fix that attitude?" She shot him a look as Alan continued.
"No seriously it has ted Danson in it and-" Stu turned to look at him
"Shut up, Alan! What room was it again?" Phil checked the paper from eddy.
"It's 825." Just as they were walking towards the room a woman's voice was heard on the phone.
"I know, I did. I already checked with her." She came out just as they reached 825. She gasped excitedly.
"I found him, I'll call you back! Thank God, he's with his father. I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie!" She took the baby from alan and cuddled with him.
"And I miss you." She kissed stu passionately as she moaned into the kiss. letting go Stu stared at her. Sophie and the other two boys exchanged glances.
"mmm-No!" She started laughing.
"What the hell happened to you guys?" They all looked at her confused.
"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us." Sophie said staring at Stu who was still standing awkwardly unsure how to react to the kiss.
"What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to get coffee...and I came back and you were gone. Why are you being so quiet?" She said leaning forward and laughing at Stu.
"I'm not being quiet." He said awkwardly.
"Ha, ha. You're so cute! Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside, you guys!" She grabbed Stu's hand and led him inside. Alan stopped and glared at Phil and Sophie.
"Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler." Phil put a hand on his shoulder as Sophie rolled her eyes.
"Yeah. I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud." Sophie scoffed and tried to push past Alan, Phil catching her arm.
"Go ahead in Buddy we're gonna stay out here and talk a bit." Alan nodded.
"Just know phil that sophie is as sensitive as a baby Carlos. be gentle." They both stared at him for a second before he flipped his hair and entered the apartment. Sophie leaned against the wall and slid to the ground. Phil stood next to her for a moment then came down to here level.
"I'm sorry." She said quietly after a moment of silence. Phil nodded.
"Seriously what the hell did you call me back there. I hate it when your bilingual." She half smiled.
" Pedazo de Caca. Vete a la verga culero... Chinga usted, Besa mi culo, puto? it means you piece of shit. Fuck you asshole... fuck you and Kiss my ass, bitch" He laughed as he covered his head with his hand.
"God. You kiss your mother with that mouth!" She looked at him.
"I kissed you with this mouth, thats enough to make it foul." They stared at eachother for a moment. Phil stood and pulled her to her feet.
"I'm sorry too. Your not a bitch all the time. only sometimes." he grinned
"Oh gee thanks." she said punching him playfully
"So you really wanna stay married to me?" She looked into his eyes a moment as they closed the gap between them. Before their lips could touch they heard someone spit a drink and Tyler cry. Jade's voice was heard through the open door.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm gonna go clean him off. It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it.
"We should see whats up..." She said pulling away. Phil closed his eyes and formed a line with his lips nodding his head. Sophie grabbed his hand and walked inside. Stu's head was buried in his hands as Jade went to clean off tyler.
"Oh, my God." Phil sat down next to him.
"What the fuck, man, you gotta hold it together." He looked in at Jade with her back to him.
"Holy shit!" Stu continued
"She is super should be proud of yourself." Sophie shot him a look from the other chair.
"Phil your so coarse!" Stu rocked a bit.
"She's wearing my grandmother's ring!"
"What? What ring?" Sophie asked him.
"The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa! You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring?" Sophie covered her face as Phil tried to calm him.
"Fuck. Okay." Stu burried his head in his hands.
"She's wearing it!" Alan looked at them confused.
"I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust." Stu looked up at Sophie pissed. she just shook her head to say ignore him. Jade came back and sat in the chair sophie was sitting on the armrest of.
"He's okay. He was just hungry, he's fine." She said smiling. Sophie gave her a look. she didn't like how bubbly she was. Jade didnt catch it. Phil started to ask about Doug.
"Oh, good. About last night, uh, ahem, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?"
"Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding." She said adjusting Tyler in her arms. Phil took out his pen and paper.
"The wedding. Okay. Great. And, uh, we can't re...What time was that at?" She took out her boob and exposed it to everyone. Sophies eyes went wide as Phil cleared his throat and looked down. Stu perked up like a dog as Alan stared intently at her. She put Tyler to her boob to feed.
"Well, it was, um...I guess it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift. And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler." Phil was aware of Sophie's eyes on him as he looked up at jade. he tried to keep his eyes off her chest.
"And was Doug there then?" He smiled at Sophie who crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow.
"I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck! You and Sophie had were moving a bit on the floor but you were out shortly after I walked in and put Tyler down. So I just curled up next to Stu." She flirtatiously raised her eyebrows and gave a cat like rowr. Phil looked to stu smiling ear to ear. Stu swallowed a lump in his throat and raised his hand.
"I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse?Or a blackjack dealer?" She smiled and looked at him like he was crazy.
"You know this. I'm a stripper!" Stu nodded his head and made a "Mm-hm" noise almost painfully. Sophie covered her mouth as she started to laugh.
"Well, technically I'm an escort...but stripping's a great way to meet the clients." Phil took advantage of Stu's situation as he laughed at him.
"hmm. Smart!" Stu nodded his head as he could barely get out.
"Savvy." Jade smiled dreamily.
"But that's all in the past, now that I married a doctor!" He shook his head.
"I'm just a dentist." She looked at him funny as Sophie snorted.
"Oh now your just a-" Before she could finish to police officers kicked in Jade's door guns drawn and yelling.
"Las Vegas Police! Freeze!" Sophie leaped off the arm rest and hit the floor hard as all three guys backed up on the couch Screaming. Tyler cried as his mother held him close to her. the male cop kept switching his gun from her to the guys. The female kept her gun on sophie who was cemented to the floor by the woman's foot.
"Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!" Phil tried to shout "Okay!" to calm them down but they ignored him.
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" She yelled into the carpet. The woman pushed harder into her back.
"SHUT UP MAMACITA!"
"Oh, God! Okay, okay, okay!" The guys yelled. The two cops hauled all four out of the apartment and over to las vegas police station. Phil Stu and Alan were awkwardly handcuffed together as sophie was handcuffed behind her back she glared at any cop that passed her.
"I hate cops." She snarled. Phil dialed Tracy at a nearby pay phone as a cop brought a group of kids up to them.
"After we take the mug shots, we bring them down here where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers. Trust me, kids, you do not wanna be sitting on these benches. We call this place Loserville. Follow me. All right, Come on." One overweight little boy tried to take a picture of Alan with his phone. Alan got pissed and kicked it out of his hand. the kid gave him a "WTF" look and walked away. A little black kid came up behind him and looked at Sophie. Her shit had been ripped a bit in the fight with the female cop and the cuffs behind her back didnt help. Her cleavage was out there and he smiled wide and shuddered.
"ohhhh...boobies!"
"Get away from me ya freak!"
"Im the boobie watcher and yours are mighty fine!" He motor boated the air. She gave a look of disgust as she kicked him in the shin.
"Ow! Bitch!"
"Go back to watching elmo you sick little bastard" he lunged at her with a punch just as his chaperone called out his name.
"Ronnie come on! what i tell you about open boobie watching!" Sophie's mouth dropped at what was going on.
"Fuck you Wheeler!" the kid said walking towards him. Sophie looked at Stu to see if he saw what just happened.
"Now thats a role model." (And yes these two are from role models. love the boobie watcher!) They listened to Phil as he talked to Tracy.
"Hey, Tracy! It's Phil.
We are at the spa at the hotel.
Of course. Why wouldn't he be?
Um...We made a deal, no talking to girlfriends or wives. So we're all calling each other's." He gave Stu a look since he had already talked to Melissa.
Uh, you are not gonna believe this. We got comped an extra night
at the hotel.
Yeah. The suite is... It's 's out of control.
There's, like, room service and a butler. I mean, just the works. We're thinking of spending the night...and we're gonna come back in the morning.
That's why we're gonna get up early, and we'll be back in plenty of time." A cop came out down the hall.
"Wenneck, Price, Garner, Wenneck Room 3."
"Okay, Trace, I gotta go. We'll talk to you later!" Phil quickly hung up the phone as they all stood up. Sophie groaned as she saw how the cops messed up the handcuffing of the guys.
"Come on, chop-chop!" The officer ordered.
"Okay, spin around." Phil said trying to correct the handcuffs. Alan spun and tangled it up even more.
"Goddamn it!" Stu said upset.
"Wait a second..." Phil tried again Stu shook his head and pulled on the cuffs as Phil bent down low.
"I'll go over. I'll go over." Alan got upset.
"Stop pulling!" He whined. Sophie rolled her eyes as a cop walked her to the room.
"Can you just...? Hold on." Stu said trying to step over them.
"We got it. Alan, just relax."
"Come on you bafoons!" She yelled.
"And then just... There we go." They fixed it to the point where alan was walking backwards between them with his arms crossed awkwardly. They made it to the room where the arresting officers sat them down and removed the cuffs.
"Gentlemen and lady. We've got some good news, and we've got some bad news. The good news is we found your Mercedes." They all breathed a sigh of relief. Stu Smiled as Phil laughed and patted alan on the shoulder. Sophie just glared at the female cop
"That's great news!" The cop just moved on
"Yeah, it's over at impound right now. We picked it up at 5 a.m. this morning...parked in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard." They all looked at each other Alan spoke up.
"In the middle. That's weird." The cop flipped through his file. as he mocked him.
"Yeah, that is weird. There was also a note. It says, uh, "Couldn't find a meter, but here's 4 bucks." he threw a mcdonalds napkin on the table
"The bad news is...we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning." He sat down next to the female cop.
"Oh, no, uh, officer, that's just impossible. No, we need to be in L.A. tomorrow for a wedding." Phil said nervously.
"You stole a police car!" the woman chimed in. Sophie snorted.
"We didn't steal anything." She said crossing her arms
"Um, we found it." Stu added. Alan joined in
"Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy." They all looked at him. The male cop got real serious.
"I see assholes like you every day." The female cop got angry also
"Every fucking day!" They started to do mock excitement and wave their hands in the air.
"Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid!
"Yeah. Whoo! Woo-hoo!"
"Woo-hoo. Let's steal a cop car, because it'd be really fucking funny."
"Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here!" The woman finished.
"NOT UP IN HEAR!" The man yelled. Phil collected himself and laid on the charm
"...Sir...if I may, um...I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you."
"Yeah." Phil continued.
"Look, I'm not a cop. I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher. But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip...that would look really bad on me." he schmoozed
"What are you getting at?" the cop asked. Stu raised his eyebrows alarmed
"Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?" Phil ignored him
"No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding...and you guys don't need people talking about...how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night. But look, the point is, I think we can work out a deal. Discreetly of course, ma'am. What do you say?" The female cop pulled out her clipboard and looked through her appointments. She showed one to the male cop who instantly started laughing mischievously. Stu laughed with them for no reason.
"Let me ask you a question: Do, uh, any of you gentlemen have a
heart condition or anything like that?" he licked his teeth deviously. They all looked at each other unsure how to answer.
"Uh, no." They answered. The cops took them to a small training room with the same kids from earlier. The little black boy perked up when he saw sophie enter.
"ohhh! its ma beyonce back for ma suga dick!" He licked his lips. Sophie gave a look of disgust as the cops lined them all up.
"Okay, kids, you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen and lady have kindly volunteered to demonstrate...how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect." The class was filled with "Oohs!"
"That's right!" The cops said smiling and taken out the stun gun.
"Wait a sec. What?" Stu asked as the cop approached him.
"Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun. Up close and personal!" He shot Stu in the neck. Stu let out a high pitch shriek and fell to the floor. Phil pulled back stunned along with Alan and Sophie.
"What the fuck?"
"Or you can shoot it from a distance." he set another charge.
"We're going to have Miss. Anger-issues here show you how to shoot. get over here Chi-Chi Rodriguez!" He motioned for Sophie to take the gun.
"Let's go, handsome, come on." Alan stepped forward
Not you, fat Jesus, slide it on back. You, pretty boy." the kids laughed at Alan
"All right, now, it's real simple. All you gotta do is point, aim and shoot. All right?" Sophie looked at the gun then at Phil. A smile slowly played at her lips.
"Okay, look. You don't really wanna do this." Phil said nervously as she raised the gun
"Oh i don't?" The cop got excited.
"You can do this. Just focus!" She moved the laser pointer down his stomach a bit.
"D-Don't listen to this maniac, Soph. Let's think this through. Come on Beaner..."
"Finish him!" The cop yelled at her. Sophie cringed as she shot. The electrode his Phil right in the crotch. Phil screamed out as he grabbed his balls and fell to the floor. Sophie stood above him smiling deviously.
"Oh, fuck!"
"Dick!" She spat at him.
"Yeah! Right in the nuts! That was beautiful! Well done. Give her a hand, everybody Good job. Good job!" They laughed as the class clapped for her. The little black boy behind her moaned
"Id let you taze me anytime baby." She glared at him as he licked his lips and winked.
"Good job. Well done. Good job. That was great. Good. Hey, we gotone more charge left. Anybody wanna do some shooting up here?" Sophie handed him back the gun as the kids eagerly raised their hands. Sophie Sat on the table the black kid was at. he immediately pinched her ass. Jumping up she moved to the other table. The cop looked around at the hands.
"How about you, big man? Come on up here!" He picked the kid who Alan insulted earlier. Sophie watched as they stared each other down.
"Okay, same instructions. Just point, aim and shoot." The kid raised the gun a look of anger on his face. Alan gave the same look.
"There you go. That's the stuff. I like the intensity. Eye of the tiger. Good. You're holding 50,000 volts, little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning." The kid shot Alan right in the face as Alan screamed out.
"In the face! In the face! Oh, he's still up. He's still up." Alan walked like Frankenstein towards the kid. the class screamed scared.
"All right, everybody relax, take it easy. We've seen it before. He just needs a little extra charge." The Cop shot alan in the neck. Alan fell over on Sophie's lap. She screamed out.
"There we go. Haha! Some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots." Both Cops rolled with laughter as Sophie recovered from the shock Alan gave her. Stu and Phil rolled in pain on the ground.
"All right, kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done, huh?" They all cheered and followed the cop out.
"Fat ASS!" Sophie gave Alan's dead weight a push emphasizing the ass as he fell off the table and hit the ground.
A/n the chi chi reference is from to wong foo where John leguizamo played a little latin boy in drag. The black kid is from role models. i love him. please rate and review. Much Love!