Why Lily Fell

-By Yo-yo

A/N: After this chapter, I will be changing the rating for this story to M, just to keep myself protected for some of the content in future chapters (and really the level of cursing I've already included deserves the rating). If you like this story, you should account for that in your search. Also, I am changing the description to better describe this story:

Lily and James have been at odds from their first ride to Hogwarts, but as their worlds and friends become forever intertwined, will she finally submit to fate? Setting 1976, England, the hair, the music, and the couple that changes everything. R & R!

BTW: Thanks for your comment, Go. Marauders. and. Lily, I've been re-reading all the books to save myself from another such mistake. And I've revised that part of the story. Also jlbhox, when I began writing this story, I thought the same… wouldn't it be cooler to know that Lily was a bit of a Marauder.

-Yo-yo

Love and Hate:

"So, where is Frank now?" Lily asked, gently pulling the brush through the long, blonde hair.

"Well, he's doing some Head Boy stuff, but he's already spoken to Dumbledore and we've got this whole romantic night planned," Alice's grin widened, a permanent smile having resided on her face for a week now.

Sunny frowned, hurling her brush, frustrated by her own misbehaving hair.

"You are the luckiest person ever!"

"What do you mean?" she asked, watching as Sunny, instead, shimmied awkwardly into a pair of tight, navy bell bottoms.

"Well," she groaned, tipping herself backward on her bed so that her stomach became its thinnest. "You've got the greatest…" she pointed at the zipper with her wand and suspended breathing as the metal slider slowly advanced up her slightly slighter torso. When the slider reached the top of its track she fastened the button, and finally exhaled. Now that she was in her jeans, she could finish her statement. "…You've got the greatest boyfriend in the world."

Lily nodded in agreement as she brushed Alice's blonde hair to the side tucking it behind her ear.

Alice Avery and Frank Longbottom had been a couple their entire lives. Their relationship was one of envy at Hogwarts. Frank's love for the round, kind-faced sixth year couldn't be described as anything other than complete. They had known one another their whole lives, and it seemed they were bound by love, forever. From the first day that Allie had entered the Great Hall, Frank was by her side. By Allie's fourth year they'd given in to their attraction and had been a romantic couple ever since.

"Yea, he's dreamy," Millie added, her remark laced in sarcasm.

A down night for the girls, they all lounged about the room engaged in their own pursuits while the low volume of The Rolling Stone's Sticky Fingers made for ambiance. Mildred was pouring over Lily's Muggle magazines, occasionally guffawing over the ridiculous fashions. Sunny was rushing about readying for a date. Lily was positioned over Alice, helping her primp for her night out with Frank.

"How's that?" Alice asked, perplexed.

Frank had been her best friend, her first boyfriend, her first love, hell, her first everything. She'd long lost the capacity to understand that all boyfriends were not like Frank. Not everyone was sweet and attentive to their partner's feelings.

"He's the sweetest guy ever," Sunny answered, a dreamy look on her face as she tried to explain. "He totally cares for you, and doesn't act like a teenage boy around everyone else. He makes you laugh and makes you cupcakes. He dances with you at all the school dances and always whispers sweet nothings in your ear. He doesn't care about PDAs, and is always there when you need him."

"Yea, every girl in the school is jealous of your relationship," Millie agreed, drawing her knees to her chest.

Mildred Quiglesby reminded Lily of Muggles's depictions of witches. Her long, stringy black hair fell down her back, past her bottom. She had dark, glistening eyes. She was thin and pointy, reminding Lily a little of Petunia, except she was considerably shorter, and seemed to drown in everything she wore. Although Millie appeared severe and unsympathetic, like most things in the wizarding world, looks were deceiving.

In contrast, Alice Avery appeared as open as Millie appeared closed. Her golden hair, welcoming smile and kind eyes matched her optimistic and sunny disposition. Her cherubic face seemed to soothe everyone, drawing them into her, with her soft, brown eyes solidifying her reputation.

"Has anyone seen my blue sweater?" Sunny asked, standing awkwardly in her brassiere.

"Didn't you loan it to Fly, last week?" Alice asked, as Lily wound a hair tie at Alice's nape, making a low ponytail beneath her ear.

"Yes, yes I did," Sunny realized, leaning over carefully to grab the closest t-shirt and pull it on before heading to the common room.

While Sunny dashed out the door, Lily lifted herself from her trunk to retrieve a box of electric rollers.

"I want what you've got," Lily sighed, as Alice touched her wand to each fingernail, testing colors to go with her outfit.

"What's that?"

"A guy whose devotion to me isn't dictated by his free time; Frank's love for you is always there, it always has been and it always will be. I want a guy like that, who can love me so completely, despite my many faults. I need a guy that can deal with my obsessive compulsive habits, but not comment on my inability to make my bed. I need a guy that challenges me, but also can make me feel so incredibly safe. I want a guy that can make me laugh, cry, hate and love him, sometimes in the same moment. I want someone who knows when to hold onto me and when to let me do my own thing. I want a guy that needs me…"

When she felt Lily relinquish her hair, she pivoted her torso, meeting Lily's eyes,

"What about James Potter?" Mildred asked for her.

"What about Potter?"

"Well," Alice began as Lily took her seat once again, and began to wind the curlers in her hair, tapping each with the end of her wand so they would begin to heat. "Everyone knows that he fancies you. He'd move heaven and earth if only you'd let him woo you."

"I don't know what you guys see, but if he truly fancied me, he…" her words trailed away, unable to admit anymore.

"So," Alice turned to Lily, gauging her reaction to her next question, "Do you admit that you fancy him?"

Too tired to engage in yet another discussion concerning James Potter, Lily turned Alice's head forward and simply said, "I hate James Potter."

Both Alice and Mildred gasped, whipping around to face their roommate. They knew that Lily was sensitive when the subject of James Potter was presented, but they could never have imagined such a callous response from her about someone who was kind of her friend.

"Surely, you don't mean that?" Millie frowned, her dark eyes probing.

"I will never fall for James Potter, he has long proven who he is and what he wants to be. I know it sounds harsh, maybe more than he deserves, but it is an absolute," she replied indifferently, placing the last curler in Alice's hair.

"Lily, James doesn't deserve that. You of all people, especially after Snape, should know that people have the propensity to change," Alice touched her knee.

"I've got my reasons," Lily sighed, standing up and pulling a record from her collection. In a moment, Landslide by Fleetwood Mac filled the room.

"Checkmate," he grinned, his blue eyes glittering as he looked back at James who was looking at him indignantly.

"How the bloody hell did you do that?" James ejaculated, his eyes pouring over the chessboard.

"That, my man, is my secret!" Peter clapped James on his shoulder.

In a huff, James lifted himself from his place on the floor beside the coffee table and found a seat next to Artemis Planck, a sixth year.

No matter how dense Peter Pettigrew seemed, he was a Marauder in his own right. In fact, he was one of the best Wizarding Chess players in the whole school, even if very few people knew, seeing as he only played with The Marauders. He had a great mind for carefully calculated tact. He knew good timing and how to abort sticky situations. In fact, it wasn't that he shared a dormitory that made him a Marauder, but because he could devise and carry out some of the most intricate schemes with ease.

"Why the cross expression, James?" Artemis simpered, her voice heavy with suggestion.

"Missy," he pouted, taking her in as she arched toward him. "I lost a game."

"And James Potter never loses a game," she positioned her chest more prominently, "would you like me to massage your wounded ego?"

"I don't know," he grinned, cocking a brow at her phrasing, "How would you accomplish-"

Before he could finish his questions, she threw herself into him, attacking his lips and mussing his hair.

"Slag," Sunny breathed, noting the display as she exited the girls' dormitory. Making her way toward Fly she asked, "Hey Fly, did you borrow my blue sweater?"

"Yea," Fly answered absently, her eyes trained on the tiny broomsticks levitating above a miniature Quidditch pitch. She was trying to teach the two new recruits, third years Jacob Chandler and Ashley Tate, plays for the next day's practice (they were forced to cancel practice due to heavy rains). The two boys could barely feign interest as she rambled on and on.

"Well, where is it?" Sunny groaned, perturbed by Fly's inattention.

"I don't know," Fly replied, still concentrating on the little brooms, "Millie has it now."

"Couldn't you have at least told me before you lent out my property?" She asked, rolling her eyes. "I shouldn't have to chase down the things I let you borrow. I've got a date tonight!"

All four Marauders looked up from their respective seats in the common room. Padfoot and Prongs had both been making out with their respective "dates." Wormtail had been reviewing his game with James, reversing the moves to study strategy. And Moony had been retrying a potion he'd failed to concoct in the corner.

"With who?" Sirius asked, disregarding his "date" and walking toward her.

Fly looked up for a moment, her eyes following him as he placed an arm around Sunny's shoulder and gave her a friendly squeeze. Her eyes returning to the board when Sunny replied,

"Mercutio Capulet."

"Benvolio's brother?" Sirius frowned, obviously voicing his distaste of the Capulet clan.

"Yes," she sighed pushing back a stubborn curl, mentally reminding herself to snip it when she returned to her room.

"When did this happen?" Peter asked, watching her as she averted her eyes from the group and moved out from under Sirius's arm.

"Last night," she sighed, pulling on her t-shirt.

"Why were you with Capulet last night?" James asked, carefully pushing Artemis aside, as he entered the conversation.

Remus just stared, paused in mid-action, dripping far more Rewstalk tears into his Aging potion than was advised.

"Is that any of your business?" Sunny snapped, whirling on her heel and retreating to the girls' dormitory.

"What twisted her knickers?" Sirius knit his brow as he settled beside his snogging buddy.

"You guys always trying to interfere with her personal life," Fly offered, not looking up.

"Well, she should know better than to associate with the scum of the earth."

"Well, she associates with you jossers," she countered. "So, in reality she's taking a step up."

"That was uncalled for," Sirius frowned. "First Lily, then Sunny, now you? Are you guys syncing up or something? Sharing your periods?"

Delia jumped from her seat and stood over Sirius. Although Sirius stood above six feet, her entire foot length shorter was easily covered when anger took over her small frame, consuming all the space in any area.

Before he could force out some kind of makeshift apology, she bit into him, tearing him down to size.

"Dee, I just-"

"Just in case you're wondering, Sirius, it's not women's biology that keeps us steaming. It's your inability to maintain any semblance of civility with the girls you call your friends. We never throw the dossers you force us to deal with in your faces. We never complain when you wankers all take the piss out of us. We always come to your aid whenever you need us. But if we do anything: snog a bloke you don't care for, side with a person you don't approve of or appear as though we don't agree with your sense of entitlement, you all go aflutter like a couple of jessies! We should be asking if you're on your menses, you narrow-minded tossers! Next time you bring up the topic of a period I will rip off your tiny knob and feed it to a hippogriff!"

Dee punctuated "hippogriff" with a kick to the shin and went in the way of Sunny to her dormitory.

"Blimey!" Peter exclaimed, staring at the door Dee just exited through, "Can't be a coincidence, they must be on the same cycle."

No one laughed, for two reasons. One, everyone knew there would be hell to pay if Delia Flynn remained angry. And two, although The Marauder's appreciated Peter, he was still a bit of a prat.

"What?" A feminine voice hissed.

James spotted the small group of girls congregating at a nearby table, heads together as they gossiped.

He was looking for Artemis to ask her to dance with him. He had just escaped the stuffy Slug Club Halloween dinner and was looking to dance dirty.

Finding Artemis's flaxen waves, he made his way toward the table, hoping to come out with as little confrontation as possible.

"Yea, she was helping Allie get ready for her date with Longbottom and she just said it…" Millie said, in a voice much louder than a whisper.

"Lily Evans hates James Potter?" Another voice asked unbelievably.

Now, he was paying attention.

"I always thought she was just being a prude…"

"Yea, I always thought it was a front. From the way those two get on, you would think they were secretly shagging."

"Hey!" Artemis frowned at the other two witches, "I don't know how anyone could be capable of hating James."

"Well, she says she's got her reasons," Millie offered.

"It probably has something to do with all those pranks?" One of the girls said.

"He was pretty relentless while she and Snape were friends," Artemis nodded.

"But she stopped talking to Snape, I think; I haven't seen them together, have any of you?"

"No," the girls chorused.

"You'd think she'd realized how wrong she was about James after that incident, don't you?"

"Well, her loss," Missy nodded at her friend's comment, "At the rate James and I are moving by New Years I'll be wearing his ring-"

But before James could listen to any more of Missy's delusions, he'd whipped round and dashed for the dormitories, determined to confront Lily.

She hated him?

Hate was a strong word.

Sure, he knew that she despised him, that she was annoyed with him, that she'd disliked everything about him… but hate… that was something he wasn't prepared for. Hate was something he'd never wanted to confront.

He was just turning toward Gryffindor tower when a macabre snicker halted him.

Whipping around at the sound, a figure lurked in the shadows, with the whites of his eyes being the only discernable feature.

"That was an entertaining prank you pulled in there," a voice sneered, dark eyes revealing themselves.

Recognition mixed with relief flooded his system as he placed the voice. It was the same voice that had been taunting him since he'd arrived at Hogwarts. The voice had whispered hexes at him in the halls and called Lily a rude name last summer.

It was the voice of his arch-nemesis:

Severus Snape.

"So you like my handiwork, Snivellus?" James snickered, surreptitiously going for his wand.

"I don't know about handiwork," Snape faked a frown, "but I would like to thank you for giving me a reason to do something that I've wanted for a long time."

"And what's that," came James's retort, "Come to admit defeat to the wizard that has bested you, yet again?"

In an instant, both wands were drawn and the boys began circling one another while maintaining eye contact.

"When I said entertaining, I meant it. Your spell demonstrated no skill. I was not bested, I was merely taken unawares, a tactic I am employing now in reciprocation."

"This is your genius plan, meeting me in a dark corner for a vocabulary contest?"

"This is how you divert your adversaries, talk them to death? You don't seem so tough without your incompetent entourage. Where's that dimwit, Black?"

"Probably having a snog with one of the birds unwilling to show you a good time… But that could be anyone in the school; you know your reputation with the ladies." James's smile pulled wider at Snape's expression, "Oh, which one are you confused by, the concept of snogging or the nature of your reputation with the female population? Don't think your impressive vocabulary will get you anywhere. Going to a bird and saying, 'how'd you like to take a nip in a dark corridor and prodigiously perforate' won't get you a shag."

"Oh, I know what snogging is," Snape chuckled darkly, ignoring James joke at his expense, "It's that action you keep asking Lily to partake in, only… even a Mudblood isn't stupid enough to fall for your-"

"Don't you ever say that name again," James roared, "You have no right to ever utter her name on your vile tongue!"

Soundlessly, Severus muttered an incantation, and with the crack of a whip, James found himself suspended, in mid air, above the lake with the giant squid. Before he could think to hold his breath, he crashed through the water's surface, the void swallowing him whole and the pressure pushing him closer to the bottom.

Involuntarily, he gasped in shock, inhaling a mouthful of the inky water, impenetrable by the far away lights of the castle. Struggling against the fluid darkness, he struggled to remember what his father had tried to teach him. It seemed Snape had pinpointed both of his weaknesses:

Lily and swimming.

It was his fault. If he hadn't transformed the Slytherins into heavy-footed Neanderthals, he wouldn't have been put in this situation.

Pushing against the liquid darkness, he could feel his lungs burn for breath and his head grow drowsy from fatigue. He'd never been a strong swimmer. Accompany that fact with his inability to orient himself, dread flooded his veins with ice water, cooling the warmth that had been protecting him.

It felt as if he were suspended in jelly for years, his body thrashing wildly until he couldn't go on anymore, his strength spent and his mind gone. Finally, his eyes submitted to the influence of the internal slumber stilling his pursuit.

"James?" a voice whispered amidst the darkness.

He could feel something compressing his chest, then releasing, in a feeble attempt at CPR. Then, the person to whom the voice belonged pushed back his head and blew into his mouth. But the mouth-to-mouth ended abruptly with a frustrated cry,

"I so don't know how to do this," panic lacing the voice.

In his current state, he couldn't recognize the voice. He couldn't speak and he couldn't open his eyes. In fact, his first display of life was the involuntary internal spasm that gurgled in his esophagus and he leaned over and expelling water from his lungs.

"Ewww…" the voice squealed, her squeamishness almost hilarious if the situation weren't so dire.

He couldn't protest as he felt a pair of arms run under his back and pull him upward by the armpits. He was being pulled over the grass when the person stopped, causing him to fall back helplessly.

"Oh, sorry…" the voice whispered. "Damn, I'm a witch. Locomotor James."

Weakness finally overcame him and he blacked out.

"Hey Prongsy, how ya' feelin'?" Remus asked, peeking through the curtain of James's four poster.

James opened his eyes slowly, focusing on the unusual state of his body. He felt as though he was lying on a bed of fire, the back half of his body feeling like one swollen, purple bruise. He brought his hand to his hair, albeit soft and dry, the heat from the fire reaching every crevice of the room, everything that didn't feel like bruise felt clammy and cold.

"How'd I get here?"

Sirius lent a pained smile as he watched his friend try to lift his head, only to give up midway, as though it were too heavy.

"Sunny was out with Capulet and saw the whole thing. She came to your rescue, she sent Mercutio to tell us what happened… I should probably go and thank her for that fateful snog," he added. "Lily has been taking care of you since we got you in the building."

"Lily helped?" he groaned, the girls' conversation reverberating in his head painfully.

"She was coming back from Slug Club. She's been taking care of you… we didn't want to go to Pomphrey…"

"She doesn't need to-"

"Yes she does," Peter scoffed. "She's the only person who knows what to do when you get hurt. Granted, she does it the Muggle way, but it works."

"Tell her not to come back…" James tried, attempting to move his head again, but the dull pain throbbed inside, making him lie back down.

In a few moments, the muffled sound of footsteps arriving at the landing could be heard, and a timid knock followed.

"Hey, Tiger," Sirius whispered, opening the door to find Lily, her face reddened with embarrassment.

It wasn't the first time she'd been in the boys' dormitory, but every time it felt as if an offense. Every time that she entered, it felt taboo… as if she were doing something wrong and should be reprimanded. And with the added pain of being a perfect, the ethical issue of not taking points for her own mis-deeds kept the color on her face every time she entered.

"Thanks," she replied in the same tone, meekly entering the chamber.

She walked over to his bed, whose curtains had been drawn when the boys left him to sleep moments ago.

"How's he been?"

"In and out," Sirius answered, noting her look of concern. "C'meer," he muttered coming toward her.

Turning toward him, she let Sirius envelope her with his warm arms, soothing her tense muscles.

She didn't cry.

Lily wouldn't let herself.

But seeing James lying there looking so helpless made it impossible for her to conceal her concern for him.

"Hey," he whispered against her hair, "he's going to be alright. He's fine."

"Yea, I know," she sighed, pressing her head to his shoulder, "I know… I just get so… girly, I can't help it. It's in my genetic make-up."

"Don't worry."

"I can't help it," she groaned. "For some reason, no matter how hard I try to deny it, you guys are all in my heart, even that toerag. Whenever something goes wrong, I can't help but worry. I hate you all."

"We love you too," he smiled, placing a kiss to her forehead before stepping away. "I think we'll leave you two alone."

Peter and Remus nodded, moving from their respective places in the somber room.

"Yea," she said, ruffling her curls back.

"Just remember," Peter shot her a wicked grin, "that git wouldn't dare die before you agreed to go out with him."

"You know it's true," Remus surreptitiously whispered in her ear before pressing a kiss to her cheek and following Sirius and Peter out of the door.

"Oh, and tell Fly he'll be ready for practice next week."

"He'd better," Sirius called, "That's our first game against Ravenclaw, and they've been pretty good for the last couple of years."

Closing the door behind Remus, Lily approached the bed with caution.

Drawing the curtain vigilantly, she watched as he lay there, calm-faced and reverent. He looked like she would have imagined him as a little boy: impishly adorable.

"Lily," he breathed through the depths of a shallow slumber.

"Hey," she whispered, sitting on the side of his bed, placing her hand on his pale forehead, feeling for fever.

"What-" he began, lifting himself from the bed, then groaned as he gave up.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Lily?" he asked, this time turning his head to her, he wasn't wearing his glasses, so his eyes narrowed to focus on her.

"Right here," she smiled, tapping the sheets beneath him with her wand, causing a cooling sensation to pass over his back, then turning and piling more blankets on to keep him warm on top.

"You hate me."

"Excuse me?" she asked, finally meeting his eyes.

"You hate me. Why?"

She didn't know how to respond, so instead, she asked,

"Would you like some chocolate? It might lend you some strength?"

"I came looking for you. That's when I met up with Snape. I heard them talking… They said you hated me. They were saying that you said you hated me."

She put her fingers to his wrist, quietly taking his pulse as she searched for a safe response.

"I'm not sure how to-"

"Lily, why do you hate me? Why can't you ever let my past go?"

"James, you're not in the mind frame to talk about this." She moved away from him, writing the information on a scrap of parchment she had hung near his bed.

"Lily, I'm not who you think I am," James protested, sitting up and seemingly gaining strength from the exchange. "I've thought about what you've said. And I'm not like that. That person you're describing has never been me. I know what you think, but I'm-"

"You never said sorry," she finally gave in.

"Excuse me?"

"My first day here, you jinxed me in the hallway while chasing another student, and you never paused your chase to say sorry."

"All of our fighting over the years has been over something that happened six years ago?" he groaned, exasperation lacing his raspy voice.

"No, it's the germ that begat the disease," she frowned down at him. "I got hit by a stray curse. I was just collateral damage. Over the next six years I've seen you do the same thing to others."

"But Lily, I-"

"James, you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did."

"Lily, you weren't hurt-"

"James, how dare you say that? I'm a Muggle born, you can't possibly understand how important that day was."

"I didn't mean to deny your-"

"I know," she sighed, pushing her hair out of her face.

"But how could you say you hated me?"

"They got it wrong. I did say that I hated you, but I meant what I've already expressed. James, I can't get past your over-inflated ego. Frankly, it scares me. You hurt people, without acknowledging it and think, because you're charming, it'll negate the fact that you're cruel.

"I'd just left my family for the first time, lost my sister and best friend to this world, and boarded a train where people I didn't know where doing things I couldn't fathom… And on the first day I used my wand, the first day of being with people like me, a jinx fight erupted in the halls and caught me in the crossfire. I landed on the floor, my bag broke open and my tampons and diary strewn across the floor for anyone to pick up and reveal, and I couldn't even scramble to put them back in my bag because I was paralyzed.

"And you couldn't stop to help me, not even shout an apology on your way out… Who cares that it happened six years ago when the same scenario has been replayed so many times thereafter? I can't care for you because you've shown that you can't care for people like me."

Although tears brightened her eyes, she wouldn't allow them to fall. Instead, she left his bedside and disappeared through the door.

TBC…

P. A/N: I hope you liked this chapter!

With love,

Yo-yo