How could I have let myself be brought back in by him? How did I ever let myself be talked into being in bed with him again? Was I a masochist? Was this pain subconsciously pleasure? Was that the reason I always seemed to cave in to him?

The morning sun woke me up. I didn't get much sleep. My best bet was that we had ended up falling asleep a little over three hours ago. Kaname was dead asleep beside me. And if it wasn't for the subtle rising and falling of his chest, I would have thought he really was dead. I could see in his features just how tired he was.

Somehow I had hooked myself around him, my leg drawn up to his hip, our groins pressing together. My arms were around his neck. His hands were on my waist, limp, but still there, holding me to him. I drew myself closer to him, just so my face was a few inches away, and let my tears fall silently.

How could I love him in this state? There was so much confusion, so much pain. But I always came back. Back for more pain, more suffering. I really was a masochist. But weren't most vampires?

I leaned my forehead against his and drew in a shaky breath. He stirred slightly, shifting forward, and our lips met.

I gasped, my eyes that were still crying opening wide in shock. I was frozen, so I couldn't even pull back. A minute or so later, his eyes, filled with sleep, blinked open. So he wasn't pretending. I stayed still, my eyes still locked at the size of Frisbees.

His eyebrows furrowed, and then he registered what was going on. He pulled back, looking at my lips, still open partially from my gasp. He drew one brow upwards, looking at me.

I blinked, tears falling down my cheeks. "You, ah, moved. And I was too close." Finally able to move, I covered my face, embarrassed. I had not pictured our first kiss like that at all.

His hands reached up to pull my wrists away from my face.

"You weren't just taking advantage of me?"

I laughed, still sounding a bit hysterical since I was still crying. "Yeah, sure."

He let go of my hands and brought his fingers to tangle in the hair on the back of my neck. Then he pulled me closer, closing the distance between our faces.

I thought I was dreaming. Kaname was kissing me. I had to be dreaming. But it felt too real to be a dream. Was I just imagining it then? But I couldn't even describe the feelings that ran through me, from head to toe.

Passion; white hot passion burned through my veins almost painfully, igniting short wicks of other emotions that seemed to flood me all at once. Electricity charged under my skin, shocking me all over. His lips on mine were hot. Too hot. They stung. Our mouths parted simultaneously, and I found my eyes closing, my own hands coming up to tangle in his hair. Our breath swirled together, making my head spin.

I felt like I was a balloon, and all of a sudden, someone cut me free and I was floating up, up, up. High above the ground, and soon out of this world and in another. This couldn't be real. But it was.

I held onto him with all my strength, my leg hooking around his hip tighter, bringing our groins closer, pressing together so hard it almost hurt. He groaned into my mouth, one of his hands sliding down the length of my body to grab my hip, hooking it still closer to his.

This was sick. Sick and stupid. I knew I would regret it later. I wasn't planning on staying any longer here, with him. I wanted to be far away. But did I even have the strength to leave? To put more distance between us? His words echoed in my mind. Please stop trying to put distance between us. This was so wrong. So unfair. Yet I couldn't get enough of him . . . Couldn't get close enough . . .

I hate myself, too. He had said.

He should. He should hate himself for what he's put me through. The bastard. Dammit.

My breathing was ragged, my heart pounded in my chest. I could feel Kaname everywhere. Smell him, taste him. He was everywhere; in every pore of my body. But, God, why didn't it seem good enough?

I brought myself over him, never parting from his lips. His hands touched me everywhere; my face, my hair, my neck, my shoulders, my chest, my back, my stomach, my hips, the upper parts of my legs.

I was still crying. I couldn't stop. No matter how wonderful this felt, no matter how perfect this moment was, it could not smother the pain that still left my insides feeling raw.

Why did I have to love him? Why, why, why.

He sighed, finally taking his mouth from mine. I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or sad. But he trailed his wet lips to my jaw, then down the sides of my neck, kissing my collarbones, then back up, to press hard against my jugular vein.

I shuddered, moaning. I had always wanted him to drink from me. I wanted him to be a part of me, for me to be a part of him. I had taken his blood last night, and now he needed to return the favour.

His fangs dragged against my skin, prodding, leaving sore, sensitive spots. He did this to both sides of my neck, causing me to whimper. I think he enjoyed it. But of course he did, the stupid sadistic bastard that he was.

Finally, he bit deeply into my right side.

A mewl bubbled up through my lips, my eyes falling closed again as I listened as he took in my blood. Such a sweet . . . sad . . . sound.

He drank for a long time, but I didn't mind. I just savored this moment . . . trying to memorize everything before it all vanished like every other good thing about our relationship.

Kaname parted from me with a deep sigh. His took in a few deep breaths before licking the puncture wounds and then bringing my lips back to meet his.

His mouth was still tainted with my blood, and I lashed out my tongue to finally sweep over his. He pushed on the back of my head, deepening our kiss. His tongue won in the dominance department, but I didn't care.

How I wish we could have stayed this way forever.

He pulled back, and when I opened my eyes, his were already open and watching me.

He brushed the wetness from my cheeks. "Please don't cry," he murmured, his voice a little husky.

I laughed in a sad way, shaking my head.

Kaname sighed, and kissed me lightly once before shifting me back to his side. He closed his eyes, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"I'm tired." he whispered into my neck.

I almost rolled my eyes, but instead pet his hair. "Go to sleep."

I didn't count the time. I just laid there, and finally released the breath I had been holding when I could tell he was asleep.

Very carefully and very slowly, I removed his arms from me and scooted off the bed. Once free, I stood and stretched, and went

back into my room.

I prayed that he wasn't a light sleeper.

As quickly as I could, I brushed out my hair and tied it in a knot on the back of my neck, out of my face. I pulled on some old jeans and a long sleeved tee. Digging through some of my boxes, I found my old traveling backpack. It wasn't big, but it could hold a lot of shit. I started throwing in clothing for all kinds of weather. A tooth brush and toothpaste was next. Then a compass and a map.

Then I just threw in some other necessities for survival without shelter and such, before zipping it up and pulling it over my shoulder.

Plopping down on my beanbag, I quickly picked up my notepad and pencil, and began to write a letter to Kaname. Tears leaked down and marked the paper, but I didn't try to wipe them off, since I was afraid of smearing the ink.

Kaname, I wrote, hoping that my hurried handwriting would be readable. I hope you'll be able to forgive me. I've left you. I don't know for how long. I need some time to figure things out for myself . . . and there are answers I am in search for. I love you, know that. Please don't look for me. Please don't be upset with me. As long as I am able, I plan on returning to Cross Academy, and you. Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself. Taking a deep, ragged breath, I finished by signing my name after the word Love.

I folded the letter in two and wrote his name on the front. Then, I found my hidden jar of money and two credit cards and shoved it in my backpack. Lastly, I tied on some weather resistant, sturdy, boots.

Now for the hard part.

I gathered five empty vials plus the one I had dropped last night, and snuck back into his room. His back was facing me and the place I needed to be.

Tip-toeing, I went to his bedside table and filled all six vials with blood tablets as carefully and quietly as I could. Luckily, by the time I had them down in my backpack, he was still asleep.

Gently, I reached over him and placed the letter in his open palm.

I didn't look at his face. I left his bedroom, shutting the door behind me quietly, and did the spell to cover my trail as I jumped from one of the windows in his living room.

The cold fall air cleared my head right away. That and the bright sunlight that was streaming from overhead. It appeared to be noon.

I quickly dashed using the cover of the bushes to the spot I always left on, and jumped over the tall gate surrounding the night dorms.

I didn't look back, either, as I landed on the ground on the outside. I took off in the direction that Cyrus was murdered.

I felt really stupid by the time I reached my old training ground. What was I doing? I didn't know. I was just acting on thought, the idiot I am. Ugh, idiot, idiot, idiot. I knew I should turn around and just . . . go back to Kaname. Try to work things out. But, there was some rational reasoning in my thought. I needed to find out what Cyrus had found against the Hunters Society. I needed to know . . . why he had died.

Yes, that was my reasoning. Stick to it. Just go through with it.

I knelt down where his remains had been. I touched the ground, let my mind wander.

I could see the hunters. One male, one female. In their later twenties. Both had black hair. The female was short, but muscular, and had a short pixie cut hairstyle with gray eyes. The male had longer hair, was tall, and lean. He wore glasses and had brown eyes. Their profile ran through my head quickly, embedding into my brain. Then their scents.

I was glad it hadn't rained, or else their scent would have faded completely. It had been at least two almost three days since the incident, so there was some slight trail left. I quickly took off in the direction it was coming from.

Through the forest . . . far from town, over the hills. It broke off in two directions, obviously to prevent being followed. So I was stuck in the middle of the fork, glancing back and forth in both directions.

I needed more training. But I had to keep strong faith in myself, like Cyrus had always told me to do. I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, and waited.

Finally, a loud calling of a raven overhead made me glance up. It circled over my head, a little too close for comfort, and then took off down the path the right half of the paths.

I followed.

Where was I getting off with this? What if I found out what Cyrus had? They would probably kill me and or anyone else that I tried to tell. Just like Cyrus. They had defiled their contract, the one that forbid them to kill pure-bloods. If it wasn't for Kaname, you would think that the whole vampire existence would have already waged war.

I don't know how long I had been running, through a very jig-jagged path through all kinds of terrain. All I know, was that it grew dark.

I stopped under the shelter of a great oak in an unfamiliar forest. I built a small fire and parked it on the ground, warming my hands. The raven that had lead me earlier was in the tree above me, ruffling its wings.

I wondered if this were a trap. Or just luck. Or something.

Whatever. Not like I had much to live for anyways. What? Go back and suffer for Kaname some more? I wasn't even sure I would go back after this. I would rather get killed trying to spread the information to others. Maybe that's why I had decided this. It was a suicide mission. A good one, too. I hadn't told Kaname about what Cyrus had said, so he wouldn't have a clue that I was running to the Hunters Society. Which I guess was a good thing.

It was night time, probably about eight or nine now. I should've grabbed my watch. Oh, well. I wasn't thirsty yet, but for extra strength, I popped three blood pills in my mouth, and then got out my map and a sharpie. I drew a line from Cross Academy to Cyrus' murder spot, and then to where I found the fork to be. Then from there, followed the right side, and to where I guess I would be now.

Judging the distance on the map, I had made it way out of the city's limits. I was about three or four towns over. Maybe over five hundred miles away already. For a normal human, they would've died before the halfway point of this. I had just drank from Kaname, another pure-blood, so I had more strength and energy than usual.

I knew Kaname would be awake by now. I wished I knew what he was thinking, what he felt when he read my note. If he was looking for me, or followed my advice. If he maybe felt relieved I had rid myself of him, or maybe if he went off to go celebrate with that little shit of a prefect, Yuuki.

I shook my head, concentrating.

The bird above me squawked, causing me to jump to my feet. My hands were already on the sword in my backpack. The one handed down my family line. The one that could hurt vampires.

I drew the weapon up, and braced my back against the tree so it wasn't unprotected.

"Who's there?" I asked, eyes scanning the surrounding darkness.

"Relax, child." I heard a deep, familiar voice coming from somewhere in front of me.

Then he stepped out of the brush. Tall, pale, pointed features, and dark hair like me. His eyes . . .

I dropped my sword with a sharp gasp.

The raven swooped down and landed on his upraised hand. He kissed the bird on the beak and set it on his shoulder.

"How long has it been . . . little sister?"