Meanwhile, just down the hall, Peter was giving Kurt a pep-talk. "Now, sugar," Peter said, "We need to figure out what we're gonna do about Blaine. I'm all aflutter in the gutter, if you know what I mean."
Kurt did know what Peter meant. But...
"Oh, Peter," Kurt sighed, "I don't know what to say to him."
"Well, it's easy," Peter said, "Say, 'Blaine Joseph Anderson. I am desperately in love with you. And if you had half a brain, you would sweep me off my feet and carry me to some... Caribbean island. And make wild, passionate love to me until I die a naked and sexy death!"
Kurt trembled, his mind awhirl with the possibilities. "I'm going to ask him if he wants to study tonight!" He cried.
"I generally don't approve of books, but..." Peter sighed; Kurt was already stalking towards Blaine like some sort of hunter. If hunters came in baby penguin form. "... Alright."
Blaine was standing beside Kurt's stepbrother. Kurt straightened himself up to his full height, smoothing his hands along the lapels of his Anna Sui original design suit coat. He gave Blaine his patented sexy snarl. Blaine didn't see it, but that was okay, because it was the thought that counted, right? Kurt breathed out and said, in his breathiest sexy voice, "Um, Blaine?"
Blaine and Dick turned to Kurt in unison. Not that they had a choice, since Dick was literally attached to Blaine's front, but it was the thought that counted, right?
"Yeah," Blaine said.
"Ugh," Dick groaned. He needed to vent his frustrations, and Blaine was busy. So he traipsed out and leaned into the nearest living thing. "Hey, man. Who ordered the Salad, right?"
"Please don't touch me with your penis," Jacob Ben Israel said. A small crowd quickly formed around a red faced Blaine. "Blaine Anderson touched me with his dick!"
"I heard Blaine Anderson ate his poop once because his dick told him to," Lauren Zizes said.
"I heard Blaine Anderson cries in the choir room," Quinn Fabray added. The group dissolved into laughter and walked away, insulting Blaine as they left.
"He's such a loser!"
"His dick looks like Joe Walker!"
"Dick!" Blaine cried, grabbing the misbehaving member. Dick tried to apologize but was ignored as Kurt continued to try and get Blaine's attention.
"Blaine..."
"What!" Blaine rounded on him.
"I - Um.." Kurt had lost his nerve. But Blaine was staring at him impatiently, and Peter was whispering, 'Caribbean sex... Caribbean sex...' "I WANT TO HAVE CARIBBEAN STUDY WITH YOU!"
Kurt's shout was met by Finn staring at him and Blaine shaking his head, "Kurt... that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. For one thing, I'm not even in World Cultures with you, okay? Weren't you talking about some chem project earlier?"
Kurt was too distracted by the hand Blaine had put on his shoulder to answer, and suddenly all three boys were interrupted by Brittany Pierce.
"Did somebody say, 'chem project'?" Brittany said, "Because we were just discussing it. So, who are you guys going to partner with?"
Finn and Blaine seemed mesmerized by Rachel and Sebastian, who flanked Brittany on either side. They left Kurt alone to say, "Well, actually, Blaine and I were going to-"
"Because Rachel and Sebastian need partners really, really, badly," Brittany said, throwing her arms around her friends. Sebastian and Rachel nodded in unison.
"No more partners, please!" Jeremiah moaned quietly.
"So, listen, Finn," Rachel said, egged on by two pairs of hands pushing her forward, "I was thinking we could partner up."
She stared at Finn expectantly, who seemed to be lost. "What a... whadda... wha ... dda... whadda 'bout Jesse?"
Rachel stood primly, "Jesse and I broke up, actually."
Sebastian jumped forward to grab her hand, "And Dave and I as well."
Blaine and Finn looked down to their cocks, then back at their loves, "WHA?"
"Oh, yeah," Brittany said, "And aren't your parents gone all weekend, Sebastian. That would be the perfect time for you and Blaine to work on this alone in the master bedroom. You know, the one with the mirror on the ceiling?"
"Oh!" Puck leaned to Dick, "Mirrors! His parents are kinky, man! That's an inherited trait!" Dick bounced with excitement while Puck turned his attention to Finn, "Okay, Finn. This is most important day of your life. Don't fuck it up!" And the pair stood tall and proud, facing back to the Golden Trio of sex before them.
"Sebastian and I would be partners," Brittany was saying, "But sometimes the teachers are prejudiced against you when you work with your BFF. And they grade you better when you work with someone you don't like. So I was thinking we should work together, Kurt."
"Actually, B-Blaine and I were going to work..." Kurt said, but Blaine was stepping in front of him before he could finish.
"You know what?" Blaine said, "I think that sounds great."
"Yeah," Finn said, spurred by on by Puck, "I think - I couldn't think of a more convenient pairing for anyone involved."
"Oh, yeah? Great," Sebastian said, "You could come over today after school and start working if you want."
Brittany pushed Rachel forward, and she gave Finn her most sultry stare. "Come over around... five?"
"Yes, good," Finn said, slowly rubbing his hands together and staring at her with glassy eyes.
"Okay," Rachel said, "S-see you then?"
"Yes, good."
And the trio walked away, Finn following them with a dazed look, as though he wasn't quite sure where he was going.
"Oh, my gosh," Blaine said as soon as the group walked out of sight, "This is the most incredible thing that's ever happened." He embraced Dick, which may have been a bit risky in a public hallway, but the only person standing there was Salad Kurt, and he didn't matter, except... Blaine rounded on him, "Kurt!"
"You do not let this boy off the hook, Kurt," Peter said. Kurt turned to Blaine, still vaguely stunned.
"Thank. you. so. much!" Blaine said, "You don't know how big this is for me. I mean, I have had the biggest, secret-est crush on Sebastian for as long as I can remember. And, you know, when you work on a school project with someone... there is just so much more going on there! I imagine this is how most married couples met, working on school projects just like these. Oh, thank you so much for giving all that up so that I can have that with Sebastian and not with you."
"Oh, no problem, Blaine. Anything for you." Kurt said in a tight little voice that was close to tears.
"Yes!" Dick cried.
"No." Peter pouted.
"You're amazing," Blaine said, and he enveloped Kurt in a tight hug.
Now, at that moment, the universe conspired to make a few very specific circumstances fall into place. For one, Blaine Anderson was just a little bit shorter than Kurt Hummel. And as anyone who has been in this situation knows, when a just slightly shorter person hugs you very tightly, certain... anatomical features come into contact. Secondly, in his bid to impress Blaine, Kurt Hummel had decided to wear his very best kilt in the... ahem... traditional manner. That is, sans undies. Thirdly, Blaine Anderson was wearing his very loosest boxers and Dick, in his excitement, was just barely poking through.
And Dick came head to head with the most beautiful cock he had ever laid eye on.
"Oh..." Dick murmured.
"Oh..." Peter blushed, a fine red tint coming into the tight, healthy skin. He was big, Dick realized with a jolt of appreciation, much bigger than he'd expected for... wait. Who was up there again?
"I'm sorry, I didn't-" Dick began.
"Gee, it's fine."
"I mean I hope you-"
"I'm alright," Peter sang, because this is the world of Glee, and even dicks are musical.
"I didn't mean to-" Dick started, but then this lovely, amazing, beautiful cock was just barely touching him, and the world threatened to disappear.
"My name is Peter," He whispered.
"I'm Dick," Dick sighed, and then he sang, in a lovely voice, because this is Blaine Anderson, and even his dick is an exceptional vocalist,
"You've been here before, I think."
"Who, me?" Peter said softly.
"You slip by each time I blink."
"Couldn't be." Peter blushed even harder.
"Yes," Dick sang, "I've seen you around here before."
"I thought you had never looked," Peter sang.
"What? How?" How could Dick have missed this beautiful paramour of cockliness?
"But I knew that I was hooked."
And he wanted Dick back? Now it was Dick's turn to blush, "Now, now."
"Yes, I've seen you around here before."
And the pair began singing in unison,
"All the time just knowing
Not knowing how I knew
I've had a funny feeling about you
Thinking it was hopeless
I told love, adieu...
But then we touched
And you came into view..."
Above them, Blaine and Kurt continued what was, by this time, a very long hug. They were just barely aware of their dicks conducting a subtle dance of love in their trousers. Dick and Peter continued to sing.
"All the time just knowing
Not knowing how I knew
I've had a funny feeling about you
Always wanting something
That something was you..."
"I've never felt quite like this," Dick admitted.
"Is that true?" Peter breathed.
"I could be about to piss!" Dick declared.
"Look at you." Peter said, watching appreciatively as Dick swelled to full size before him. Then the pair finished in a soft, sultry harmony.
"Yes, I've seen you around here before..."
'Wow, hugging Kurt sure is nice,' Blaine thought vaguely. Everything felt warm and happy; though Blaine did not know that his penis had experienced love at first sight, the aftershocks were making their way through his body, 'He smells nice, and there's something poking... well, I should poke back, that's only polite... WHOA!'
Blaine and Kurt jumped apart, but the damage was done.
"Blaine Anderson..." Kurt stuttered with stars in his eyes.
Blaine grabbed his dick in horror, "What is this? What are you doing?"
"This guy has a boner, now!" Jacob Ben Israel had returned just in time, "Blaine Anderson is Wiener Wild!"
"Dammit," Blaine said, "I have to go, bye!"
And he ran down the hall to calculus, leaving Kurt to stand in the hall. The voluminous material of his kilt was just barely hiding Kurt's own arousal; a good thing, as he was doing little to hide it himself. "Wow," He breathed, "Did you feel that?"
"Did you mean... that little prick?" Peter beamed, "Or cupid's arrow in my buttock? ... Yeah, I felt it."