Robb POV,
The embrace that the two shared had warmed Robb's heart for the first time in months. He had been through hell and somehow seeing Jon was making things grander. There were things that Robb was feeling that he couldn't remember feeling before, it was almost as if everything he had felt for Jon the day he left, doubled in size. He had to bury the feelings down, because he couldn't chance it, he couldn't let his emotions get him killed in this war. When Jon pushed him back, Robb gave him an unreadable expression, one that he wasn't even sure of himself. He was confused and he wasn't sure what to think. Robb was speaking about their Father, but it was a subject Robb had been trying to avoid.
He looked away from Jon then, his arms folding over his torso. "I couldn't kill you. How could I kill my brother?" Robb swallowed, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence. "I have lost enough family to this war, I will not lose another. We haven't a clue what has happened to Arya, there is no word of her and Bran - I can only hope he is safe along with Rickon. Then there is Sansa, I fear for her as well. She is with that little bastard Joffrey. I hope to hang his head on a stick for what he did to our Father and my mother, I just sent her away, in hopes to gain another ally." Robb could feel the tears springing to his eyes and he grabbed his dagger from its case on his hip and drove it straight into the table, hitting King's landing on the spot. He let his body fall against the table and he couldn't hold back the sob that rocked his body.
How was he even king material? Here he was crying, crying in front of the only person he wanted to never show his weaknesses too. He turned around to Jon, his eyes bloodshot and red. "How am I suppose to be king when I cannot get myself into check?" He ran a hand through his hair and stalked around Jon, drawing his curtains on the tent shut tightly. His mind drifted slowly to the night he and Jon shared that kiss, wondering what would happen if they did it again, but sober. He hadn't even noticed what he was doing until he stepped towards Jon and pressed his lips to his brothers. Before Jon could react though, he pulled away, his face red. His hand came to his lips and he stepped back, clearly embarrassed. "I shouldn't have done that."
Robb was a mess. He couldn't breathe properly and his eyes were tired, he moved around Jon and pulled his furs off, dropping them onto his cot. He knelt down looking at the wolf whose eyes were locked on Jon. "Go outside and keep watch." He whispered the animal, giving him a pat before the command obeyed. Grey Wind rose and moved past Jon, his fur touching Jon's hand as he exited the tent. "Don't call me Lord Stark, or your Grace, or anything. I'm Robb to you, just Robb." His eyes locked onto Jon's and he shook his head. He had so much to say, but couldn't find the words to use. He just wanted to feel Jon's touch on his skin again, taste his lips on his like he had almost a year ago. "I just want you to stay." His voice was but a mere whisper and as soon as it had left his lips, it would have disappeared into the cold air, hopefully lost before it could reach Jon's ears.
Jon POV,
As Robb talked, Jon could feel the desperation creeping into his voice with each word. He knew it, he knew that he'd been dealt a hand that was too hard to just deal with by himself – he was still so young, and so much had been dropped on his shoulders. Everyone expected him to be calm and composed and everything a King was supposed to be, but under all that pretense, under all that stability Jon could still see his brother with an overly kind heart, who took everything personally. Just like that day with the wolves – it was him that had saved them, not Jon. Jon had just given an excuse, but he was sure Robb would have thought of something if it had been needed. When tears slipped from his lips, Jon's mouth opened in shock. He couldn't say anything, couldn't even convince him that everything would be fine – because such empty words would spoil this moment, would ruin everything. It was at that exact moment – the first time he saw his brother shed a tear – that he knew he'd done right by coming here. That even if he were to die tomorrow, he was glad he could be here to help his brother when he was on the verge of breaking down. He wasn't sure if there was any way he could help him, any way he could make the stress easier to bear, but at the very least he could stand here by his side, letting him know he wasn't alone – for as long as Jon lived he would never be truly alone.
He was just about to try and console him in some way, say anything at least, when Robb had turned around, marched towards him and pressed his lips against Jon's. It was only for a moment before he pried them away, and apologized, walking away towards Grey Wind. Shock consumed his body and he couldn't move – the world around him faded, sounds and even his sight seemed almost a blur. Why had he done that? He wasn't drunk this time around, and last time it was Jon initiating it – because Jon was the one trapped in this one sided love. Had Robb figured it out? Was he mocking him? Mocking him for having such inappropriate feelings for his brother? No. Robb wasn't cruel like that, and he would never do something to harm Jon in any way. But then why? Why would he do that? His heart thumped so hard he was sure everyone could hear it – people around the tent, people far away from the tent, everyone. It felt as if the world had been consumed by the sound of his heart, beating, racing, only for him. All the emotions he'd pushed away several minutes ago came rushing back. His heart thumped erratically – and it almost felt as if every heartbeat was actually a silent whisper of his name. Robb. Robb. Robb. Some silent plea, that rooted deep inside his core – a bone-deep desire that could never be satisfied, not even if he spent a hundred life-times always by his side. He knew then, that the way he felt for Robb, the love he felt for him, wasn't the kind of love that happened once in a life time. No, it was the kind of love that happened once in a million lifetimes – and asking the Gods, or anyone else, for something remotely similar to happen to this again, would be beyond selfish.
Yes, the love he felt for his brother coursed through his veins as if that was all that existed. Until he felt the fur of Grey Wind under his fingers and he was brought back to reality. He looked at the wolf in gratitude – wondering if he had known being shaken to reality was something he needed. He locked those feelings away again, though it was proving harder to do that this time around – after feeling his kiss after a year of constant thinking about it, constant replaying of those scenes he remembered through a haze. He needed to come back to reality – Robb was stressed, breaking down. He didn't know what he was doing, he just wanted release. In the back of his mind, a voice sounded, I wouldn't mind being his release if that was all he needed, but he quickly slapped that voice away, disgusted by the thought. What he wanted wasn't just physical – it was the way Robb felt. And since Robb would never be able to feel that way about him, teasing himself with his touch would only bring on more agony – as tempting as that thought was to his twisted mind. For a moment there, he even imagined hearing Robb say he wanted him to say, something he'd wished he would hear for as long as he could remember. And despite it all, despite deciding not to show how much he wanted all the wrong things that he desired, he heard himself whisper baerly loud enough to be heard. "I don't mind." Because he didn't mind, not at all. He definitely didn't mind the kiss, in fact he longed for a hundred more, a thousand more. And staying by his side, was the reason he'd come here – to be by him in his time of need.
He walked to Robb's side, slowly, keeping his eyes on him the entire time, trying to decipher all this nonverbal communication his brother was giving him – as if there was something he wanted to say but couldn't – and Jon understood that look perfectly, it had become a part of his everyday life. He reached out and pressed Robb against his chest – despite him being a little shorter than Robb he buried Robb's head in the fur on his shoulder and kissed the top of his head. "Don't try and control yourself. Let it out, your feelings. If you feel like crying, cry. A proper king knows that he doesn't always have to be strong just because he needs to appear strong to other people. Kings are human, they bleed, they die, they are allowed to have moments where they feel lost." He said, his voice quiet as he held onto his brother tightly. "But no matter how lost you are, you'll eventually find yourself, and rise stronger than ever. So just lose yourself every once in a while. I'll always find you." He added, even more silently, his grip loosening, but one of his arms still resting on his brothers back as the other lay tangled in his hair. "Things will sort themselves out. And you'll be great King. I've always thought that." He added, a small smile on his lip at that – he wasn't sure what he was saying at that point. Seeing Robb in such a state just broke him – made him want to, say something, anything to make him feel better, to make him feel safe. So he told him the truth, he told him how he felt in the only way he could without plainly stating how much in love with him he was.
Robb POV,
This was something Robb wasn't sure he could handle. Did he weep for the fallen? Did he weep for his family? Or did he weep because he couldn't have the one thing he wanted most. He was suppose to be the strong mighty King of the North, but here he was, crying in his brother's arms. Was Jon right? Was he able to let his feelings out? If he couldn't hold it together, his men wouldn't either. If they saw him weak, they would grow weak. He stared into Jon's icy blues and blinked once, letting the last tear fall. "How am I supposed to be a Great King if I can't hold it together? Have you ever seen a king cry Snow? Have you?" Robb's voice was low and husky, mostly because he had forgotten that there were still men up. Robb wiped the tears from his face and turned from Jon, not able to look at him. The more he looked at Jon, the more he found himself wanting to step into his brother's arms again, to let him kiss him like he had that night. He wanted to feel Jon's hands on his skin, he wanted so much more than a brotherly bond.
With a hard swallow, he peered back at Jon, taking in his brother. He still found himself weary that Jon was here, but the kiss had showed him the truth - he was here. It meant that Jon had actually broke his oath to come and that in all reality Robb was supposed to kill him - but how did you kill someone you loved? You didn't.
"What made you come? Why did you break your oath?" He brought his voice up, trying to sound more powerful then he felt. "You know the penalty for leaving the Watch." Death. The word kept echoing through his mind and he tried to speak but his breath got caught in his throat. Jon couldn't die and he wouldn't under Robb's command, but just how much longer would he hold that right? "Never mind that, let's not think of that now." He waved his hand, as if to insinuate the ending of the conversation and reached for a bottle of mead that was near his bedside. He brought the bottle to his lips, taking a long swig, before dropping his arm, his face tilted toward the floor. "What I want to know, is what changed your mind. What made you want to come to see the war?" Please say me, Robb thought briskly, his lips parting slightly. He just wanted to hear Jon say his name, he wanted to hear him say that he came for him and no one else.
He had that sick feeling in his stomach, the one he got when he realized over and over again that Jon was his brother and he couldn't change that. It was hard to watch someone from a distance and know you couldn't have them. Robb had tried for years to get rid of the feelings - he went from whores to townsfolk, but he never felt about any of them the way he did about Jon. He shivered slightly, a cold breeze entering his tent, making him remember he stood there his chest bare. Winter was coming, he reminded himself. Too bad the only snow Robb wanted he could never have.