A/N I posted this last night and when I logged on this morning it was gone! So sorry for the update and then its removal. I am not sure what happened but anyway took the opportunity to edit this chapter a little because I really don't like it but it is pretty much the same as before I'm having a little difficulty with this story at the moment so need some encouragement to continue ;-) I hope you enjoy reading it more than I do, it is a kind of necessary chapter for the rest of my story so please bare with me I promise it will get better x
Warnings: References to male/male sexual relationship and strong language.
Chapter 15
"A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly who knows the best and worst of us and who loves us in spite of all our faults."~ Charles Kingsley
Hermione took a deep breath as she shut the door on Professor Snape's quarters. She was completely drained emotionally and physically but she knew she had one last thing she needed to do before breakfast. Slipping into the boy's dorm in Gryffindor Tower, she checked to see if Harry or any of the boys had returned. Harry's bed remained empty but the rest of the boys were there. Ron woke as she headed over toward Harry's bedside table.
"He's not in the castle Hermione" a tired sounding Ron stated.
She startled a little and turned to look at Ron, who was now sitting up, and noticed the open map beside him.
"Oh, that's what I came for Ron" Hermione nodded toward the Marauders' map.
"Well it's not going to help. Like I say he's not in the castle." Ron said sharply. "But what I would like to know is why you have spent the last two hours in Snape's bedroom" he continued, with an accusatory glare.
"For Merlin's sake, you can't seriously be more concerned about my whereabouts when your best friend is missing!" Hermione cursed to herself, she really didn't want to have to come up with excuses about where she had been right now.
Ron grumbled something under his breath and lay back down.
Hermione let out an exasperated breath, before turning on her friend, "Ronald Weasley you have no idea what Harry has gone through tonight, so stop your childish sulking!"
"Your right, I don't have any idea what is going on, because you two are obviously keeping something from me. I saw you in the Astronomy Tower with Snape and Harry earlier. Then Harry stormed off leaving you alone with Snape, and instead of going after your friend you spent the evening in that Greasy Gits bedroom! What am I supposed to think Mhmmm? Considering neither of you talk to me much anymore and you and Harry have been getting closer this last few weeks, don't think I haven't noticed, and...well...he must have caught you with that bastard or something, that's why he's off in a rage somewhere!"
Hermione stood shocked at how Ron perceived the events of the night and was disgusted by his assumptions
"How dare you! You obviously think I am some sort of slut! If you had half a brain cell you would have noticed Madame Pomfrey's appearance in the Tower and her presence for the majority of the time I was in Professors Snape's quarters or did you conveniently choose to ignore this fact to allow yourself to believe the worst of me!"
"Madame Pomfrey didn't show up on the map Hermione. Why would she be involved in this anyway?" Ron calmed down a bit and looked curious as he asked but still scowled sulkily.
Hermione grabbed the map and looked for the Medi-witch, frowning when indeed her name was no-where to be seen.
"Curious. She must have some sort of enchantment on her that makes her untraceable"
"Yeah right" Ron spat in disbelief at her explanations "How convenient".
"I am not about to stand here discussing this matter with you, Ronald. You obviously do not care about your missing friend or trust me, so if you excuse me. Our friend is missing".
Hermione turned abruptly and left Ron to his selfish, childish thoughts, she didn't have time to hang about when Ron was in one of his moods. Making her way quickly to the Room of Requirement as soon as she left, she hoped Harry was safe and just hiding away in there for a bit since she knew that neither the Room nor its occupants showed up on the map.
ooooo
Harry had gone to the Room of Requirement directly after leaving the Astronomy Tower. It had furnished him with a cosy room and some books about the Participatur Anima bond, which helped him, understand more about why he felt so out of control. He now felt a little disgusted by his irrational assumptions and devastated that Severus had tried to take him in such a brutal manner but at least he could think a little clearer about what had caused them to act in such a way.
Sitting staring into a large fire, that had slowly got larger as he came back from the brink of hypothermia, he began to worry about the damage he had caused the bond. He was also concerned about the physical injuries Severus had sustained and wanted to go see him, just to make sure he was alright, but he wasn't ready to face the man yet. He still had a sick feeling in his gut that wouldn't go away. Severus was hiding something from him about his relationship with Malfoy he thought and it truly sickened him.
Hermione entered Room of Requirement and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Harry curled up on the floor, leaning against a large overstuffed armchair staring into the flames of a roaring fire. She became mildly amused and little surprised that Harry seemed to be surrounded by open books; Harry was not one to find solace in study she thought, although that had changed with his ownership of that blasted potions book she remembered, he seemed to find peace in its pages for some reason.
"Harry?" Hermione said quietly announcing her presence.
Harry closed his eyes and sighed.
Hermione sat down beside her friend and put her arm around his waist before hesitantly placing her head on his shoulder.
"How is he" Harry croaked out through his dry throat.
"He's fine. How are you?" Hermione said gently.
"Tired, confused, sad..." Harry began. He had managed not to cry since leaving the Astronomy Tower but he felt the tears sting his eyes now as his friend rubbed his back in comforting circles.
"He does love you Harry. I don't know what you heard him say to Malfoy, but I am sure it has a more rational explanation than what you said earlier". Hermione really hoped this was true, because if it wasn't Harry was going to be a mess.
"I don't know Hermione, I heard him telling Malfoy he has taken the unbreakable vow to protect him, which surely shows he has more feelings for the ferret than just those of a teacher."
The Unbreakable Vow, that is a pretty serious commitment to make Hermione thought but did not voice her opinion to her friend; she knew it wouldn't make things any easier for him at the moment.
"You have to trust him Harry. Are you sure that is what he said?"
Harry nodded.
"I am sure there must be a good reason for him to have done such a thing, if indeed he has and what he told Malfoy is true."
"I have thought about little else Hermione. I started to think maybe he just said it to make Malfoy trust him enough to tell him what he's been up to this term but it wasn't what he said that got me into such a rage. You see, I can feel what he is feeling. He genuinely cares for Malfoy and is concerned about him, so there is more to it than just a ruse; his feelings made what he said sound real" Harry could feel his anguish return and his stomach turned over.
"Of course he cares for him Harry. He is his Head of House after all and was friends with his father. Professor McGonagall cares for you, cares for all her students welfare, which is why she makes a good teacher. I bet you have been going on about Malfoy and your suspicions of him all term to Professor Snape as you have to us, he is probably just trying to work out if there is any foundation to your concerns, although I am sure he would know if he had become a Death Eater and was planning anything within the school".
"Ha! Don't make me laugh Hermione, are you telling me Severus does his job for the love of it, that he is a good teacher! I have mentioned Malfoy to him but he was very silent on the issue and told me not to worry about it. So you see his not willing to refute my theories just makes me even more suspicious of both of them" Harry aid a bit angirly.
"I think there is more to him than he shows people. Surely you understand that better than anyone and his role as spy will make it difficult to discuss everything with you. There must be some things he needs to keep quiet or doesn't want to talk about"
Harry growled he wasn't willing yet to take comfort in his friend's words. He needed more time to think things through when he wasn't so tired. He knew he was sick of people not telling him the whole story, he knew the Headmaster edged around him and even Sirius and Lupin were strained with him on certain issues.
"I need more time to come to terms with everything Hermione, I thought I was dealing with the bond and being with Severus but now I'm not so sure".
Hermione sat quietly hoping Harry would continue without prompting. She knew her friend well, he didn't open up easily and especially to someone questioning him.
After a few minutes silence, Harry did continue quietly.
"You know I told you I was in love with him?" Harry closed his eyes trying to blank out all his other concerns about the war and his lack of knowledge about the orders plans.
Hermione nodded.
"Well I still am, even after tonight, but I can't help but wonder if that is just because of our bond. I mean I know the bond is partially responsible for how I feel, but I think I could have learnt to love him anyway, without the bond, if we had met in different circumstances. You're right he isn't what everyone thinks underneath, not really. I think what I am trying to say is, I wish what we had was more normal, that I could have seen this other side to him and fallen in love with him without all this bond business, then at least I would have known for sure that being with him is what I want, you know, someone I had chosen to be with and that he had chosen me. Does that make sense?"
"Of course it makes sense, you have had a lot of things thrust on you because of something that happened when you were a baby, but this is different surely? Even though I don't know the circumstances around why you ended up bonding with Professor Snape, you must have done so willingly, so in a way you did choose him."
"No Hermione, that's the thing, I didn't have a choice"
Hermione gasped "Are you saying you were bonded against your will?"
"Well not exactly against my will as such, but I didn't exactly have a say in the matter either. "
"You're not making any sense Harry. I have read about the Participatur Anima bond. Soul transference is only successful if both parties have strong positive emotions for the other at the time of the ceremony and willingly gives up part of their soul to the other. I presumed that you must have fallen in love with each other and..."
"But that's just the thing Hermione; I have already told you there was no ceremony. It wasn't an intentional bonding" Harry sighed in exasperation. "Can we just leave this for the moment please? I am too tired to explain it all to you; it would take too long anyway. We better get to breakfast before even more people start asking questions about where I am." Harry couldn't handle the barrage of questions his friend would askif he got into this at the moment but did want to tell her.
"I am not asking you to tell me, if you are still not comfortable in doing so, but I would like to try and help. I can't really do that without understanding why you are bonded or how it came about"
"I know. Tonight I will tell you everything alright. I think under the circumstances Dumbledore won't mind me telling you, you have a right to know after everything and if he does mind, well I frankly don't care anymore. There's stuff in these books the room provided me with that Dumbledore didn't tell me, I think he has some things wrong about the bond, either that or he yet again, thinks it best I not know."
Hermione was a bit concerned by Harry's decreasing respect for Professor Dumbledore but let his comments slide without questioning him.
"Ok it's a date. We can maybe come back here. It would be good if the room provided these books again so I can look through them with you. I don't recognise any of them; they are not in the library"
Harry laughed "Trust you to know whether a book is in the library or not, just by looking at it!"
"Very funny Harry. No I don't know the whole library stock but I have read all the books that mention the Participatur Anima bond obviously!"
"Obviously" Harry laughed harder.
"Hmmmph, you should have read them all too!" Hermione faked scorn but was smiling nonetheless.
"Come on lets go. You need to take a shower before breakfast, you still stink"
Harry wrinkled up his nose as he realised he still smelt of sex, sweat and potions.
"Mmm I do a bit don't I. Sorry" he muttered as his face coloured a bit realising his friend could smell the distinctive odour from him.
"No need to get embarrassed with me Harry. Merlin I saw, never mind smelt, more of you and a particular Professor last night than I really ever wanted to."
"Oh God... errr yeah emmm... Sorry about that too... ermm you didn't tell him that you... you know covered him up earlier?" Harry asked panic clear on his face
"Oh yeah of course I told him. I just casually dropped it into conversation when Madame Pomfrey wasn't there I just said 'Oh by the way Professor Snape I put your dick back in your trousers for you when you were unconscious hope you don't mind!'"
Harry stared at her in shock.
"Shut your mouth Harry you really do look like a fish when you do that shocked expression. "
"Oh please tell me you are kidding?" Harry said wearily.
"Of course I'm kidding you idiot, do you think I have a death wish!" Hermione shook her head "Come on lets go get something to eat"
"That wasn't really all that funny 'mione" Harry laughed a little as he smacked her across the head as they left the cosy room behind and headed back to Gryffindor Tower.
Harry showered and dressed quickly. The dormitory was thankfully empty when he got there, which meant he was going to be late for breakfast but he didn't really feel like eating anyway. Severus wasn't at the head table when he arrived and felt a pang of anxiety about him. He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to see him again before he had to leave for the holidays but that might be for the best anyway, he thought. The books advised that they try reconnect quickly after any disagreement but he wasn't sure he could do any of the things the books suggested, which mostly involved sex in one form or another, he really needed to talk about Malfoy and what he had heard before he could get that close to Severus again. He was still scared that he would overreact if they spoke about it today; his emotions about it were still a bit raw.
The day past fairly quickly, packing and various Christmas festivities took up all his time. Harry tried to appear his usual self throughout the day but Severus was never far from his mind, he missed being connected to him, he hadn't been able to feel his emotions at all and was getting worried something had happened to him since he hadn't even seen a glimpse of him as he went about the castle. He missed the constant stream of irritation and frustration Severus felt about students but most of all he missed the feelings of love and protection for himself.
Ron appeared not to be speaking to him for some reason so it gave him an excuse to be a little quiet and distant. Hermione told him to just ignore their friend and said she would explain what was wrong with him tonight. Harry wasn't overly worried about Ron he was used to his friends sulks and he was the least of his worries at the moment.
By the time teatime came around Harry was completely exhausted and irritable, he didn't think going to the Room of Requirement was a good idea anymore, he needed to sleep and Hermione looked as tired as he did.
"Hermione, I think we should go get some sleep and forget about our little date, if that's alright, I do want to speak to you but tonight isn't the best time really, is it?"
Ron barged past them almost knocking Harry over, grumbling something about them having a date.
"Oh bloody typical, hearing that won't help Ron stop his nonsense" Hermione fumed.
"Eh? Does he think we are together or something?" Harry asked incredulously.
"Yes pretty much. He saw us in the Astronomy tower on your map last night with you know" Hermione whispered since they in the main corridor surrounded by students and portraits, "He then watched you storm off, leaving me alone with... him. I then went with to his bedroom and spent two hours there". Hermione continued cryptically. "He is under the impression that because you and I have spent a bit of time together alone the last few days, we are now an item and you disappeared last night because you found out I was cheating on you with..." Hermione stopped and rolled her eyes.
"What? That's bloody ridiculous!" Harry didn't know whether to be angry or laugh hysterically.
The later won out as he broke down in fits of laughter at the irony of the whole situation.
"Glad you find it funny that our friend obviously thinks I am a complete slag" Hermione huffed.
"Oh Hermione I am sorry but he really is totally thick, isn't he? Remind me why you like him so much? "
Hermione started to laugh too at the stupidity of their friend; Harry's laugh was contagious it seemed since she really didn't find it all that funny.
They both sat down gripping onto each other, in the nearest window alcove, trying to control the tired fits of laughter. It was brought under control abruptly moments later as the sarcastic sneering tones of Severus reached through their hysteria.
"How sickeningly heart warming it to witness such happiness in two students who I had thought should have more on their mind than frivolity. I may just go vomit" Severus hissed quietly before giving them an both his most intimidating glare before sweeping off down the corridor.
"Oh fuck" Harry said as he watched Severus disappear down the corridor although he was relieved the man seemed to be his usual self if not a bit melodramatic.
"Come on, let's go have our chat now before we upset anyone else" Hermione said looking around a group of students that had congregated near them. "Unless, you want to go after him just now?"
"No I will try and see him tomorrow before breakfast, I need to get some sleep first, but I do think we should maybe leave our chat until another time. Are you not as exhausted as I am?"
"The only way you are getting out of this Harry Potter is if you are going right now to sort things out with you know who... well ermm ...not you-know-who obviously but..."
"Yes Hermione I get the picture" Harry said laughing again "I can't face him just now when I am this tired, so come on I suppose we better get started on my sorry tale." In a way Harry was pleased Hermione was so adamant and willing to discuss things with him even if she was exhausted.
As they entered the room of requirement they noticed the room had only changed slightly from the previous night. It had added a large futon type bed in front of the fire but neither of them found it odd as they flopped down together and sighed as they relaxed looking up at the high ceiling. It was perfect for two tired teenagers who were about to discuss a fairly difficult matter.
"Right Harry, before we both just fall asleep, I want you to understand you don't have to tell me anything, I really am not that pushy. I think it may help you however, if you could talk to someone about all this." She reached over and took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.
"I know Hermione you really are the best friend anyone could ask for by the way. I do want to tell you everything but since we are really tired I will keep it to the basics alright." Harry didn't know where to start but Hermione nodded and looked up at the ceiling making it easier to feel he was just talking to himself. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes but kept hold of his friend's hand.
"I have already told you that Severus and I share our souls and that I didn't have any say in the transference. Well I didn't have any say because I was just a baby at the time. Severus didn't have any say in the matter either, in fact neither of us knew of its existence until the second day of this term."
He paused briefly to look over at Hermione who lay perfectly still on her back with her eyes closed. He wondered if she had fallen asleep but continued talking anyway.
"When I was hit with the killing curse, the night my parents died, it didn't just give me the scar; it dislodged a part of my soul, creating a void in me. In an attempt to survive, my soul latched itself onto the only other living thing in the room at the time. In doing so it pushed a part of this beings soul out, which in turn filled the void in mine."
Hermione frowned then gasped in horror when she realised what Harry had just told her. Turning her head to look at Harry, who didn't meet her gaze but continued looking up at the ceiling, she spoke in a shocked whisper, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible "Snape was there the night your parents were killed?"
Harry nodded "It's not as bad as it sounds, or so I have been told. He wasn't actually there when the curse was cast. He arrived moments after and rescued me from the ruins of the house."
Hermione lay trying to take in what Harry had told her. She was shocked; her mind was in overdrive.
"So you have been bonded all this time but separated from each other immediately after the bonds formation, for years. Oh My God Harry! Well I suppose that kind of explains a few things"
"Does it?" Harry knew it did but wanted to hear Hermione's take on it, he knew she would have done as much reading about the bond as Dumbledore and may have a different perspective on it.
"Yes it does. The moment you set eyes on him at our sorting ceremony, you were convinced he was evil; you both seemed to hate each other with such passion, instantly. It has always confused me how he could talk to you the way he did but then risk his life time and time again to protect you. It also explains your obsession with trying to blame him for everything bad that has happened over the years; why you have goaded him in class relentlessly, even after he saved your life and was clearly on Professor Dumbledore's side."
"Yeah I know. It's curious don't you think that we hated each other because we were supposed to love each other?"
"It's not curious at all Harry, not if you think about it. You can't hate something that isn't worth hating the opposite of love isn't hate as you might think, its indifference, it's a lack of any emotion, it's nothing".
"I suppose. But that doesn't make me feel any better about what we have together now. We might not have hated each other, if our souls and not been blaming the other for the separation, but he would never have chosen me as his life partner, as I wouldn't have him. I want to have something that's normal Hermione; I want to be loved for me not because of something Voldemort caused. Everything in my life has happened because of that evil bastard; even if I manage to kill him I will never be free of it" This was the crux of the matter for Harry, he was tired of just accepting his fate he needed have at least one thing in his life that was normal and he had hoped that one day his choice in partner could at least be his alone.
"You are right Harry; you will never be free of it but not just because of the bond. You wouldn't be who you are today if none of it had ever happened. Who knows what type of person you would be. When you do kill Voldemort the Wizarding world will hail you as a saviour, you know that right? So even if you weren't bonded to Professor Snape it would be difficult for you to ever have a normal life. "
"Great. That makes me feel a lot better Hermione" Harry said a bit too sharply.
There was a slightly uncomfortable silence for a moment or two.
"I'm sorry Hermione I didn't mean to take it out on you" Harry gave her friends hand a squeeze he really didn't want to lose her, he needed her more now than ever.
"It's ok Harry I can take it. You need someone to get your frustration out on or you are going to go mad" Hermione smiled at him hoping he would relax a bit.
"What I meant to say is that you will always be unsure if someone was with you because of what you have done, rather than for who you are. With Professor Snape you at least know he doesn't buy into all that stuff about you being special or different. He knows things that no-one else does, he knows why you survived that night and he will know how you eventually vanquish Voldemort. I am sure he is actually going to play a big part in helping you do so actually, and he will always see you for the person you are, not for what everyone thinks you did"
"I know all this Hermione, I do. I think that's why I love him so much. I think I might actually even love him regardless of the bond. However I obviously haven't learnt to trust him yet, if last night has anything to go by and I don't know how he really feels about me. I think he loves Malfoy, in fact I'm sure of it"
"Well you need to talk to him about that Harry but I am sure you have misread the situation. Correct me if am wrong but your relationship has only recently turned sexual and you will both have certain expectations of the other now which is a bit dangerous considering the years of separation if what you say is true and you were bonded when you were just a baby. We need to work out where you both are now and how you can repair the damage caused not only by the years of separation but by the events of last night. We have to find a way for such a thing happening again"
Harry sighed before launching into his memories of the term that was just coming to an end, not really sparing many details.
ooooo
Severus had had a particularly difficult day. He had tried to break up a fight between two of his 2nd year Slytherins and had been so distracted, he had failed to block a stray stinging hex, which hit him square in the chest, much to the amusement of his students and much point taking from his own house. He then had to endure the company of Mclaggan for two hours, whilst he served his first dentition for vomiting on his shoes the previous night, but he couldn't care less about being vomited on anymore, he needed to find time to make things right with Harry. He also needed to get Draco to drink a potion he had created to enable him to know the boys movements and he wasn't sure how he was going to accomplish that. On top of all that, he had just acted like a big sulking girl when he had come across Harry and Granger hanging onto each other whilst giggling hysterically at something. It appeared Granger had managed to do what he had asked of her and made sure Harry was alright, but it stung that he seemed so carefree and happy after all that had happened. He couldn't feel Harrys emotions and he wasn't sure why, it didn't feel as though Harry was blocking him consciously, but something had changed and he missed the boys constant stream of random emotions ranging from amusement to frustration at his life but most of all he missed the love he felt for himself.
Once free from his duties he wandered the halls and sat in the Astronomy Tower for a while hoping to bump into him, finally giving up after an hour or so and headed toward Gryffindor Tower. It wasn't a place he frequented regularly and was a bit anxious as he approached the portrait hiding the entrance to the common room, an emotion he wasn't overly familiar with. He shook his head as if trying to get a grip of himself, to stop feeling like a lovesick teenager, before whispering the password to the portrait guarding the common room of his rival house. He schooled his face into a stern frown before sweeping in when the portrait opened, slamming it shut behind him with a flick of his hand once through.
Standing rigidly in the unfamiliar room he scanned the faces of the stunned students before him, his eyes eventually fell on those of the Weasley boy.
"Snape! If you are looking for Hermione she isn't here" Ron snapped in shock at the appearance of a stern looking Snape in Gryffindor common room.
"Weasley I would remind you to address me as Professor or Sir unless you want loose even more points for your house than you already have this term for sheer lack of brains" Snape barked
"I believe you lost that right last night Professor" Ron muttered.
Severus narrowed his eyes at the boy; he didn't know how much the boy knew so continued warily.
"I assure you I have no idea to what it is you are referring. I suggest you try and find at least one brain cell in that mush of a head of yours and hold your tongue. I do not know why you would think I would be here looking for Granger, I have in fact come with a message for Potter from Professor Dumbledore." Snape said cautiously but with a warning tone as he flicked his eyes about the room at the other students who averted their eyes when they met his gaze.
"He's not here either; I am sure if you find him, you will no doubt also find your little friend" Ron sneered
"So you have no idea where your friends are, is that what you are telling me" Severus continued without questioning Ron's insinuations about him and Granger. He would have to ask Harry about this strange comment later.
"I don't know and I don't particularly care either" Ron spat out but looked down at the Marauders' map, which was lying on his lap, as he did so.
Severus snatched up the parchment and looked at Ron with a questioning sneer.
"Where did you get this Weasley?"
"None of you business, but it's not mine so give it back"
"I think not" Severus said slowly as he folded up the parchment and put it carefully in his pocket.
"I do not believe any student here go by the names of Wormtail, Mooney, Padfoot or Prongs" Severus said quietly realising what it was that was now in his possession.
"You know who those people are, so don't kid me you don't know who it belongs to now." Ron muttered trying to reign in his anxiousness at speaking to the bat like this.
"I have no idea what you are talking about. All I know is you have something in your possession that does not belong to you" Severus stated with a blank expression before sweeping back out the room, to hushed whispers and an angry looking Ron.
He didn't care about what the students thought, his only thought was finding Harry before curfew and trying to make some amends. He felt sick at what he had almost done to the boy. He had done many dreadful things in his life but none so sickening to him as that. He returned quickly to his office and spread out the map on his desk. Running ran his hands over it gently he remembered it from his own school days and the pranks his classmates had got up to at his expense with it. There had been nowhere he could hide from there taunting, but he also remembered that it had indeed saved his life once, when Potter had seen him in the shrieking shack with Lupin at the full moon.
Pushing his memories aside, he quickly scanned the castle and grounds. Harry and Miss Granger were nowhere to be found. He shot out his seat without a clear plan of what to do, but realised he somehow would have to alert Minerva to the fact they were missing, without telling her how he knew. As he rushed out his room however, he was gripped by a familiar burning pain in his left arm.
"Fuck" he cursed "can today possibly get any worse" he growled in frustration, he had no choice but to go and he prayed to Merlin that Harry and his friend were safe as he changed into Death Eater robes and ran to the apparition point.
ooooo
Harry felt his scar burn as Severus was called. He had been dosing in the room of requirement as Hermione read and pointed out a few things in the books he had read the previous night. He had filled his friend in on his relationship with Severus up to this point and most of what they had achieved regarding their joint powers. Hermione had seemed to gain an extraordinary amount of energy from hearing about this and was excitedly talking about how rare it was to mange such a sharing of magic.
"Oh shit 'mione I think Sev has been summoned by Voldemort" Harry said holding his head.
"Your scar hurts when he is called?" Hermione asked.
"Yeah apparently my scar and his mark link us both to Voldemort in some way."
"Mmmm Hermione" said scowling.
"Well I am sure he will be fine Harry, he has been doing this for a long time" but Hermione was thinking more about this apparent link to Voldemort, something niggled at the back of her mind.
"I know, but it means I might not see him before we leave tomorrow morning. I had kind of hoped I might be able to speak with him, although maybe it's for the best we have a break from each other" Harry said confusion still clear in his voice as to how to move forward.
"Well being separated isn't going to help you know, it won't help the bond anyway. I suppose it might help you both clear your minds a bit before you attempt to heal the damage. The methods outlined in these books about healing are very specific and very sexual."
"Yeah I did read them too you know, I don't think I could get into the right frame of mind to carry out any of the books' suggestions at the moment though. It would just end up an angry fuck, with no trust or love involved, although that sounds quite nice too actually" Harry said smirking.
"Harry!"
"Well it does! ...Actually no your right it doesn't really" Harry said frowning as the memory of the previous night came back.
"I actually was referring to what you called it; I really have no interest in whether you like it rough or not Harry!"
"What would you have me call it? I can't say making love 'mione because you can't make love when you don't trust the other person and when you are angry with them. Can you?"
"Calling it just sex would do Harry"
"Sorry but I am sure you can handle the word fuck 'mione. Merlin you can't pretend to me you are all that innocent!"
"I can assure you I am; anyway we are not here to discuss my sex life or lack of it"
"I don't really want to discuss mine either truth be told but I can't even keep that a private matter it seems, without it being something that needs to be studied, something abnormal!"
"It's just me you are talking to, it's not like the whole world needs to know how you got together with him or are having sex with him. After the war you can slowly let people know you have grown close and people will accept it as normal, eventually. We've been through this tonight already Harry I know it will take you some time to get used to being with him but I am sure you can find happiness together". Hermione gave him a quick hug.
"Look it's almost curfew, we need to try and get back to the dorms and actually spend the night there. We also have to try to appease Ron a bit, before he goes blabbing his mouth off about what he thinks he knows. Maybe you can go see Professor Snape before breakfast tomorrow, once you are more rested"
"Oh god yeah, Ron, I had forgotten about him."
"Yes well, as nice it would be to forget about his stupidity, both on this matter and about his involvement with that nitwit of a girl, we can't, so I thought we could say that you and Professor Snape had an argument at Slughorns party after hearing about the Unbreakable Vow and you hexed him or something when he turned up in the Astronomy Tower. I then helped Madam Pomfrey heal his injuries, it's not strictly a lie we will just miss out the other bits, alright?"
Harry nodded not looking forward to confronting his friend.
When they arrived in the Gryffindor common room, they found Ron curled up on the sofa snogging Lavender. Hermione grunted in disgust and said goodnight to Harry before storming off to the girl's dorm. Harry hung about awkwardly for a few minutes but when it seemed there would be no break in the snogging for a while, he headed off to bed, resigning himself to spending the morning dealing with his pigheaded friend.
ooooo
"Severus how nice it is to see you. What news do you have for me this month" the hissing sound of the Dark Lords voice reached him as he entered Malfoy Manor.
"Master, the pleasure of being in your presence, is all mine" Severus replied bowing low, closing down his mind as he did so against the feelings of revulsion.
"As for news, there is not much to tell. Dumbledore left the school on travels yesterday and won't return until after the school resumes. He did not furnish me with any information on where he planned on travelling to. As for Draco's mission, the boy is trying hard to accomplish the task you have set him but there has been unforeseen difficulties at every turn for him but he will succeed, I am sure of it. He is a clever and loyal servant and will learn quickly from any mistakes he has made." Severus said smoothly hoping to spare the details of Draco's bungled amateur attempts so far.
"Mmm so you think the boy will succeed in this little mission I have set, do you?"
"I think he has the ability yes, but it is no small task" Snape answered carefully
"You question my decision in giving the boy this task?"
"Not at all Master, I think he will learn a lot about what he needs to do to become a great servant to you" although not if I can help it Severus thought. He was disappointed in himself at not having been able to stop the boy taking the mark as it was.
"I take it you have taken measures to ensure that Dumbledore will die, even if Draco fails"
"Of course, My Lord. The old man will be dead by the end of the school year, whether at the hand of Draco or my own" Severus knew it would be him that finished the task and he no longer felt sick at the prospect he realised.
"Very well, I do however have another mission for you, over the holidays"
"Yes My Lord?"
"I believe Potter will be residing at the Weasley house, after a brief stay with his relatives. I want you, Greyback and Bella to capture the brat, unharmed, and bring him to me. Dumbledore is getting slack in his old age about allowing him away from the blood wards. He has set up strong wards at the Weasleys' hovel, as he did over the summer, but they will be easily penetrated by you, who they seem to trust. I just want you to get Bella and Greyback past the wards, they will do the rest. I can't have my most loyal spy jeopardising his position within the order at this stage now can I?"
Shit Severus cursed internally but continued in his silky tones "Is this wise My Lord? However much I would sincerely like to see the boy suffer as soon as possible, maybe snatching the boy should wait until we have managed to get rid of the Old Man first"
"Do not question my tactics Severus! You are forgetting that the Wesleys' will no longer trust you after Dumbledore dies, of that I am sure"
"Of course My Lord, I should not have questioned you." Severus said bowing low again waiting on his punishment but he felt sick at having to plan Harry's capture with this evil bastard.
No punishment came; instead he seemed to accept his apology and continued to lay out his plans for snatching Harry, from The Burrow.
Severus apparated back to Hogsmead a few hours later and walked back to Hogwarts as quickly as he could. He staggered into his bedroom, collapsing on his bed with a loud groan. He had never felt so at odds with his role as spy and was exhausted by it falling asleep instantly from sheer exhaustion. He awoke with a start, after a fitful sleep full of dreams of Harry being tortured, and cast a quick tempus. He had missed breakfast he realised with a rising panic. Getting up quickly he almost ran out of his quarters dressed as he was, in his death eater robes from the previous night. After changing into his usual teaching robes he swept from his rooms, making his way to the congregation point for the carriages to take the student away to the Hogwarts Express. As he approached, a few students stood about eagerly waiting for their holiday to begin but there was no sign of Harry or his friends. Continuing past the loud happy chatter he turned into the only corridor that lead directly to Gryffindor Tower. He stopped outside a small room, more a cupboard actually than a room but it was a good place to watch students walk past without being seen. Slipping inside he banished a few old brooms and such like and leant against the wall, eyes fixed on the hallway. After about 10 minutes of waiting, he heard a large crowd of noisy students approaching and sneaked a look down the hall. Harry, Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley were walking silently together a bit behind the group.
Bugger he thought, he had hoped Harry and Mr. Weasley had continued in their obvious disagreement with each other but it appeared they had made some amends. Pushing aside concerns about Harry's dunderhead friend being suspicious of his sudden appearance, he readied himself to catch their attention.
A moment after the group of laughing Gryffindors' past his hiding place, he stepped out in front of the trio, glancing quickly at Hermione as he did so. Hermione gripped Ron's arm and kept him walking but Harry slowed his pace slightly.
Hermione greeted him politely trying to sound cheery. "Good Morning Professor Snape I hope you have a good holiday"
Ron grunted and looked back to where Harry now stood not moving.
"Come on Harry" Ron said gesticulating with his eyes and head to encourage him just to walk on.
Hermione pulled on Ron's arm "He will catch us up Ron. I want to say goodbye to a few people before we go"
Ron turned to the smiling, overly cheerful girl dragging him along the corridor.
"Considering what you two have just told me about Harry hexing Snape so badly he needed Pomfrey, I don't think we should leave him there alone 'mione!"
"Harry can look after himself Ron, trust me. Anyway you said Professor Snape had a message for him from the Headmaster. If he does then Harry should hear it. Let's go"
Ron grudgingly allowed himself to be dragged towards the main entrance.
Severus silently thanked the Granger girl before darting back into the small room when he heard more voices coming down the hallway behind Harry. Harry ran to slip in behind him without being seen.
"Harry..." Severus began.
"I have been looking for you since early morning but you weren't even at breakfast..."Harry said quickly wanting the man to know he had wanted to see him too.
"I overslept... anyway we only have a minute and I can't begin to try to explain or apologise for what transpired the other night. All I want to say at this point is... I do love you, but it doesn't mean it is going to make our relationship any easier. I told you at the beginning of this term that there are some things that I have to do, that you will not like, but you need to try and trust me Harry. Really trust me". Severus pleaded with him knowing he asked a lot.
"I can't trust you at the moment Sev, you can't expect me to trust what I don't understand, but I will try ok?" Harry wanted desperately to find unquestioning trust for this man but he just couldn't.
Severus sighed "That is all I suppose I can ask". He was frustrated at the boy's lack of trust and understanding of the position he was in as a spy for the order but he did understand that Harry had been kept in the dark about certain maters for his own safety.
"Harry I need you to listen to me for a moment" Severus pulled Harry in to a tight embrace but was saddened by the rigid feel to his once relaxed and comfortable lover and suppressed a distressed groan before telling him what he had to.
"When you are at the Weasleys' over Christmas you need to be ever vigilant. The Dark Lord is planning to try and capture you whilst you are there. I will inform the order and make sure there is at least one or two members present with you at all times but I can't make it obvious that you know. You will need to try act as naturally as possible whilst there. I hope to be able to subvert the plan but it might not be possible, whatever happens I will be there on your side, however it might look at the time"
Severus pulled back a little and looked into troubled green eyes before leaning down and capturing the soft lips beneath them in a gentle kiss. Harry relaxed slightly at his touch and returned the kiss passionately almost desperately. The emotions came rushing through the bond once again making both men groan in relief at being reconnected.
A/N Ok I know a bit of a slow chapter and I have closed it off a scene earlier than planned but thought it better to end it with something pleasant after all the angst!
The next chapter hopefully will get better toward the end... Please keep reviewing and letting me know what you all think!
I am struggling a bit to find the time to write at the moment and didn't feel good about writing this part of the story, way too angsty for my current mood although I did try and put some humour into it but I don't like when our boys are apart ;-( I am trying to stick loosely to my story outline and keep it within canon as much as possible, but might just scrap that idea soon since it has taken on a mind of its own anyway.
Thanks as always to those that have already reviewed: Ishala8, SlytherinPrincess1993, Paon and ieatmyfeelings welcome to my story and thanks for your comments they mean loads to me! Paon thanks for pointing out my quotation errors I will go back tonight or tomorrow and try correct them. Oh no Paon I have just read you latest review as I went to post this. I am sorry don't hate me too much I promise it will get better
AlmondWithUnicornHair- glad you liked chapter 13 I enjoyed writing that one too ;-) and promise there is more to come even though this chapter is a bit blah. They will talk about Draco soon they have to really - promise! Sheankelor-what can I say! You know I wouldn't be able to keep them apart too long LOL thanks for your reviews and messages! LH X