A/N: DANKE and THANK YOU to: The Magic of the Night (Ooops:) Thank you for pointing that out:D After I read your review I went back to read HP5...OMG! You're right! Haha, I didn't notice that while writing:)), Teampeeta (Yes, it is. But you know, I could live with Gale accompanying them, too. I know now which one she's gonna take...and at the end of the chapter you will, too:)), hopeofsunshine (I'm very glad you think so:D Now I don't know if you mean the prequel with 'first one', but if you do, I'll have to say there's a reason for that: I feel more comfortable with the stuff I'm writing in the sequel. A real Romance without much else happening was a big challenge for me, that's why I wrote it:) This is...in a way easier for me:)), DandelionOnFire (lets see, who was the last person to tell me Peeta's adorable before you did in your review...oh right! YOU! Hehe you're right, I kinda had a déjà vu:D I was like you've heard that before:) I was very amused:DD), SWPeetaxKatnissAvatarTLA (you really love Gale, don't you:P), KMloveya, InLoveWithPeeta (haha, I'm glad you like how I ended it:D), CharmChaser (Nope, I wouldn't let him:D But I won't say anything about Gale and dying...) InLoveWithAFictionalCharacter 7 (doesn't mean Finnick won't show up at all:D), mspacman1(hehe, if only he could hear you:)), lolyy (I love hearing that:DD I hope you'll also like what I have in store:)), Emmy (finally someone who understands me! And thanks for your advise:DD), Ariadancingdolphins15 (Thanks:D I'm happy you think so:D And I laughed when I read you know who she was going to take because at this time I didn't know myself:DD), iwontsayiminlove (what is that supposed to mean?:)), Mockingjay272 (That is a good argument:)), BBree23 (THANK YOU! I'm glad to hear that:DD), peetamellarkismine (Hehe, I understand you:D BUT this won't only be fluff:)), Kiss Peeta (Yup, me too:) But I can't write too much of it now:)), RawRoar (Don't worry, I do:D), dgeeky23 (I'm happy to hear that:DD Hehe, I always imagine scenarios, too, and then I pick oner of them:D), ALD96, A Write Rose (I didn't get you wrong, because, actually, it is supposed to be that way:DD So I'm glad it's working:D About my writing style, thank you a lot! I've been told before and always happy to hear that:D THANK YOU XD), PeetaLuver1 (Thank you, that means a lot to me{the thing with the truth}), superfreak123 (I know. Well, when I started writing it didn't know them. Now it kinda has accepted that Katniss and Peeta aren't spelling mistakes:D)
And then a BIG thank you to 'Sara ward', who gave me this AMAZING review to 'New Experience'! I just couldn't not thank you:D
OMG! I can't believe I'm getting so many reviews! More than 50 for two chapters! Thanks a bunch!
Disclaimer: Don't own the Hunger Games...
Chapter 3:
His eyes show his determination, his seriousness. He means it. Not only that he wants to come, but also that thing about the bakery and his family needing him. More like, not needing him.
I sigh. Why is it all about need today? Why did he have to invalidate my best argument?
In the exact moment I think this I realize it is only one of my two best arguments. I still have another.
"You're safe here. Do you think I want something to happen to you?" I'm eyeing him cautiously now. I'm sure he doesn't like this. It sounds harsh, as if I'm accusing him of thinking I don't care about him. Well, I am. But I do. Care about him, I mean. And that's the reason he has to stay.
He looks at me dumbfounded. For once in his life, he doesn't know what to say. "I…no, but…" He shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts. Then he inhales and speaks again.
"Katniss, please understand me. You may not want that, but I can't just leave you unprotected." For some reason, that upsets me. Does he think I can't handle this on my own?
"I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself! And my family! That's what I've done for years and until now it's worked out pretty good, don't you think?"
He sighs. "That's not what I was trying to say. I know how strong you are. I just…I can't help but worry about you. About everything that could happen to you and your family. Or…is there anyone else you plan on taking?"
He's shifting from one leg to the other, clearly implying I'm going to take Gale and his family. Well, he doesn't need to worry about that. "I don't." I think about telling him that Gale wanted to, but decide against it. Peeta doesn't need to know that.
But for some reason, this answer just seems to invigorate his resolve. "So it's just the three of you. Katniss, don't you see the flaws in your plan?"
He looks at me questioningly. I shake my head. No, there aren't any flaws. Except for the obvious ones of course, but I can live with those and somehow find a solution on my own.
"Have you ever thought about sleep? About the fact that you need sleep? I know you. I know you won't sleep unless there's someone guarding your mother and Prim. And as soon as it's just the three of you, that will be only you. You will want to be there for them every second because of all the dangers. But what if you want to, need to go hunting? You can't drag them with you all the time. And then you'll be conflicted.
Of course, at night you can tell your sister or your mother to take watch and wake you if something happens. But you will also want them to sleep more than you do. And that will result in you having way to less sleep and with that too less strength to hunt or protect them.
Katniss please, let me help you. There's nothing to do for me here. Like I said earlier, they will be fine. Please."
I'm stunned. He's right. He's right, I do need sleep. He's right, there will only be the three of us and I will be the one protecting them. He's right, I will be conflicted when I come into that situation with hunting. He's right, less sleep does mean less strength.
He's right and that's what bothers me.
How come I come up with one argument after the other and he finds a way to keep weakening and invalidating them? How come he seems to know exactly what to say to get what he wants? How come I don't know what to say anymore?
The problem is that I feel the conflict inside of me rising. Until now I was convinced I had to make him stay. I knew it was, still is, the best for him. Only…it isn't what he wants. Well, not what he wants right now. In a few years he may hate me for not making him stay.
But there's also what he said about me being protective of my family. And it's easier to take him, to keep him alive, than Gale and his family, who need to stay here. He's only one person and…as much as I hate to admit it, he could help me. Not in the way Gale could, but in the way he told me. He doesn't like killing, but he does have enough strength to do it in a life threatening situation, and I'm sure he would do it under those circumstances.
"You'd be someone else I'd need to feed." It isn't a good argument and I know it. Still, it's the last argument I have left and I always play every card I have.
Even though it is probably my worst argument and clearly not an ace, I'm surprised when Peeta snorts. "That isn't a problem. I don't need much to survive, really. I don't eat much either way."
For a moment, I forget our current argument because I am, once again, surprised. This time by his statement.
That's because it sounds so strange. He's a merchant, he has always had enough to eat. Also to keep in mind that his family owns the local bakery, so he must have bread every day.
He must see my confusion, because he explains: "I only eat the leftovers. And share them with my family. I guess you can imagine that isn't really much. So…it'd actually be good if I wasn't there anymore. They would have more food."
It is strange. I always thought he had fresh bread. But I think it makes sense, in a way. After all, I can't imagine Mrs. Mellark wanting to waste bread she can sell this way.
"Besides, I can cook. I can make a fire. I've made the fire in the oven since I was a kid, and I can start one pretty much everywhere."
There was a time where I found his charisma a good feature in every possible way. But now I wish he didn't have as much of it, didn't have this undertone in his voice and this determination in his eyes. And there was a time I thought it was a good thing he wasn't like me at all, but now I wish he was a bit more like me and wouldn't always find the right words. Wouldn't always find the right arguments.
Because that is what is happening to me right now. I'm left staring at him, my resolve crumbling with every second that is passing, with every second I look into his eyes. And the other side, the one that is agreeing with him, is getting stronger. It's the one that is being manipulated by him, it's the one I don't have control over.
"I can't take you." My voice is as weak as my want to say them. It's barely above a whisper.
"Yes you can." He, too, is whispering now, and he's leaning his forehead against mine so I can't look anywhere but him. "And you know it."
I try to pull back so I don't have to hold his intense gaze, but he won't let me. He holds me in place with his hands at my arms. His lips are forming a small smile now, one corner of his mouth is turning up. He knows he has won. Because just as he says those words, I feel the last piece of resistance vanish.
"I do." It comes out as a sigh. As if I'm surrendering. Well, OK, that isn't really a surprise and not really an as if. After all, I am surrendering. More to myself than to him, actually, but it's still a surrender.
And he knows that all too well. Because in the next moment, he's kissing me. I'm too surprised to do anything and after just a few seconds he pulls away, smiling.
"So you'll take me?" I know it's just a rhetorical question, but I answer anyway.
"Yes. But one last time let me tell you: It's going to be hard. We won't have enough food. It'll be cold. There are wild animals just waiting to eat us. The Capitol won't be thrilled, either. And you can't go back. Ever. You're leaving home for ever. And don't say I didn't say it from the very beginning when you start hating me for this."
He rolls his eyes at me. "Katniss, I'm very aware of the risks and I will never hate you. I'm certain of it." Now, I add in my thoughts. He's certain of it now. But I'm not sure he'll be in a few years, maybe month, maybe even weeks anymore.
"OK. And…you need to be done packing by tomorrow morning. At dawn, actually. Don't take more than the necessities. But maybe food would be good. And Peeta…if you change your mind…remember I won't be mad at you."
"I won't change my mind. And I'll be at your house by dawn." And with those words he walks away.
That's when I realize what I've just done. I've put his life in danger. I've let my selfish part take over again. And the worst of it all is…I can't take it back. Not now, not ever.
I feel like I should feel guilty and bad now, and only that. But there's also some part of me, that selfish part that also convinced me to take him, that is relieved I don't have to leave him behind.
I push those thoughts away. What has happened has happened and there's no way to change it now. So I might as well let it be and focus on other things. Like telling my mother and Prim.
Until now I haven't thought of that. But now I start worrying again. Will they understand? Or will they refuse? I'm certain they won't be eager or happy to go, but will I be able to convince them? That it's only for the best? That it is the only way out?
I sigh when I think back to yesterday. Yesterday, when everything was still normal, when I didn't plan on running away. I can barely believe what has changed in just a day.
Today morning, when Gale proposed the idea of running away, I thought it was preposterous. And now, barely six hours later, I'm planning on running, know who exactly I'm going to take with me, am think about all the food I've gathered for winter and where it is now. Because I'm going to take it all with me. We're going to need it.
When I step through the door, I hope Prim and mother are home. I don't want to have to search for them now. I can't afford to loose more time than I already have lost.
To my relief, I don't have to. Both of them are there, thankfully without any patient. Prim is patting Buttercup and mother is sitting next to her on the sofa, seemingly resting.
"Katniss." Prim says, looking up. "Where have you been? When I got home I saw Gale coming out of the house, looking very sad and angry. Have you two had a fight?"
I sigh again. Here I go. Maybe it's better this way. Straight to the point. "Prim, you know about Thread, about the new peacekeepers. Well, they're going to turn the electricity on. In the fence. They're going to prevent me from hunting. And there's only one way for us to survive."
I swallow and inhale sharply before speaking it out. "We have to run. Run away. Go live in the woods and don't ever come back."
She gives me a shocked look. No, she didn't expect that. I give her a few moments to process what I just said before I keep talking. "Gale wanted to come with me. But I told him to stay. He's got a family to take care of and he's got a job.
Prim, I have you. And mother. But I don't have a job and I won't find one. What you two are doing won't be enough. Running is our only possibility. Our only chance of surviving."
She swallows, the aftermath of the shock still present, but she seems to have recovered a bit and nods. "So it's just going to be the three of us?"
That's another part I had hoped wouldn't come up. Of course I knew I had to tell them eventually, but I didn't think it would be so soon.
I slowly shake my head. Before I can say anything Prim asks: "Peeta?" And all I have to do is nod.
"Why him and not Gale?"
I hesitate before I answer. "Because he won't have to bring his family. Because he can help me, although Gale couldn do that too. And because he talked me into taking him."
"He did?" This is the first time my mother is actually talking. I can't really see if she thinks that is a good or bad idea, but her opinion has stopped mattering seven years ago, when she left Prim and me to starve to death. So I don't really care if she's not okay with my way of keeping us alive now.
I answer though. "Yeah."
"How?" Prim asks. "I mean, can he hunt, too?" This guess is so ridiculous that I am tempted to laugh. And I probably would have, if the situation wasn't as serious.
"No." And then I start listing all the arguments he gave me. Prim is shocked about the part with his family "Does he mean that little to them?" and mother just looks sad when she hears that.
When I'm done explaining, not only this but everything else, too, my mother sighs. "Is it really necessary to run? You know I've never been out there, and it's dangerous."
"Yes it is." I hiss. For some reason, it upsets me how she can stay this calm when she must see how much is at stake. "And I do know. But think of the alternative. Would you rather die?"
At this, she shakes her head. "I just want to make sure there really isn't an other way. Because once we've chosen this way, there's no going back."
As if I didn't know that. "There is no going back already. I have chosen."
Prim looks at me, frightened. "That means I'm never going to see my friends again, right?"
When I answer her, my voice is softer. Of course this is hard for her. Mother doesn't really have much left in District twelve, but Prim has her friends and her pets. "Yes Prim. But…you'll have us."
She turns to lock her eyes with mine. "Is anything out there? Is there anywhere we can go?"
I think about that. That hasn't crossed my mind before. But is there something out there? I've we walked far enough, would we find something? Other man and women? I don't know much about it, but before there was Panem, there were more countries on this planet. Do they still exist? Or does the world end where Panem ends?
I shake my head and shrug. I can worry about that at another point of time. It doesn't matter now. What matters is that I know one place where we can stay. For a short period of time only, of course. Then we will have to wander. Otherwise the Capitol will find us sooner or later. That possibility is also there if we move, but it's not as likely.
"I don't know. I know a place where we can stay for a few weeks. When we're there, we can keep wondering where to go."
Prim nods. "I'm scared." She admits.
I take her in my arms and press her against me. I stroke her hair and tell her: "I know. Me too. But we can do this, I know it."
It's always like that with Prim. It has always been with her like that. I always try to appear optimistic, even when I am not. I always try to bolster her up. And I always protect her. If she knew how many doubts I have about this she would be even more scared. And worried. And I don't need her to worry about more than necessary. Especially not about me.
After a few minutes I gently push her a bit, signalizing her to move. "Come on, we need to get started gathering things before we go. We can't go unprepared."
They both nod and start doing what they are told.
Mother gathers every herb she can find, in order to have something that will heal us if we get hurt. Prim milks Lady and prepares a meal for the evening so our stomachs are full when we leave tomorrow. After that she grabs a backpack and stuffs clothes into it. I go to the space in our kitchen were mother always places our conserved food and start packing it.
We work until it's midnight and my mother orders us to go to bed and get as much sleep as possible. But I can't help thinking about tomorrow, and about the rest of my life. I can't help wonder if this really was the right decision.
HELAU! HELAU! HELAU! It's Pancake Tuesday! And I'm SO into this! It's a miracle I managed to update today, really, but I have plenty of time left till it's afternoon so I thought...why not? Hehe, 3000 words on one day, I'm kinda proud of myself:D
I hope you are okay with my decision (although that was what everyone who commented this 'who should she take issue' told me to do):D You are right. It does make more sense this way:D
And now...what can you do to make this day even better for me? The answer is on that sexy little button you below this sentence;)