Anyway… enjoy the next chapter!
Oh and I don't own the Clique for all of you who were under the impression that I do; nor do I own Erase… or Mika for that matter :D
Erase
I shouldn't have called so late last night
Unsecure, out of mind
I shouldn't have left that message on your phone
I shouldn't have said the things I said
Lookin' for love we left for dead
In a grave without a stone
The only love I need in my life is Mr. Bingley. Yes everyone else falls in love with Mr. Darcy, but I always found Mr. Bingley handsome and sweet, which is exactly what I needed. I was very excited to see Pride and Prejudice as one of the novels my literature class was reading this semester. That was all I needed to get through the rest of my day, that and the fact that Kemp and Josh were in this class with me.
Josh had fallen asleep on his desk, and Kemp tried to contain his laughter as he wrote pansy in large letters across Josh's forehead, Josh was a heavy sleeper. I rolled my eyes and tried to contain my laughter as Kemp accidently let out a girlish giggle.
"Mr. Hurley and Ms. Block," our teacher, Mr. Jordan, announced, "Do you all find me funny?" he finished raising one of his busy eyebrows.
"Do you want me to answer honestly or tell you what you want to hear?" Kemp replies earning a round of chuckles from his classmates.
Mr. Jordan was taken aback for a second but quickly composed himself answering, "Do not let it happen again. Both of you." He stared both Kemp and I down before returning to the topic he was discussing prior to the interruption. After that I started to doze off to where I couldn't make out what Mr. Jordan was saying.
It's been a week since I've been at this school, and to Kristen and Derrick I don't exist. To give Kristen some credit, she does smile when she passes me in the hallway, sometimes even a slight wave, but Derrick does not wave let alone smile or even glance in my direction. He just keeps walking like I'm not there. It is like that summer two years ago never happened, and that is what hurt the most. It was like he didn't care or even remember what happened. Maybe it is better this way, not acknowledging each other. I don't think I could take the pain of seeing Derrick and Kristen together and have to put on a fake smile. I didn't want to.
I sighed and readjusted my blue New York Yankees hat to make sure it was still in place on top of my straightened hair and made sure my white V-neck t shirt was pulled down, not the best fashion choice, but it was one of those days, and I really needed my hat, it helped me through even the worst of situations.
"Wake up Block," Kemp chuckled pulling the bill of my hat down towards my nose, "Time for lunch."
"Do you have to do that every time I wear my hat Kemp?" I complained as I yanked his shorts up hearing him grunt. He turned to me and slanted his eyes before he started poking me incessantly.
"Kemp!" I screeched punching him in the stomach until he finally stopped. He just chuckled and I stuck my tongue out at him before leading him and Josh out of class to the cafeteria.
Normally lunch is the time of the day students look forward to, but I dreaded it. Everyday I have to try to swallow my food while watching Derrick and Kristen be all over each other. It was torture, even from across the cafeteria.
"I'm so hungry I could eat Josh!" Kemp yelled pushing Josh aside as he ran towards the lunch line, cutting everyone so he can go first. Most of the students don't mind though, considering Kemp was one of the most popular kids in school, him along with Josh, Derrick, Kristen, and a few others.
Josh rolled his eyes, "Pig," he muttered as he opened the door for me, and there I was surrounded by food and chatter.
Like every other day, I found a table in the corner and I took out whatever book I was reading for the week, this week being Wuthering Heights, and tried to concentrate on the pages rather than other distractions, and I took the occasional bite of my sandwich or whatever Inez, dad's housekeeper, had packed for me.
"Your days of eating alone like a total loser are over," I heard Josh say standing over me. I looked up at him as he plopped his food on the table and took a seat next to me.
"You really don't have to do this Josh. You can go eat with your friends," I argued.
"I am eating with my friends. Or friend," he argued smiling at me. I couldn't help but smile back. Josh was always good at cheering me up and I definitely needed it right now as I observed Derrick putting his arm around Kristen pulling her close to give her a kiss on the forehead. And now I lost my appetite.
Josh could see my mood change and followed my gaze to Derrick and Kristen. He smiled apologetically, "Don't let it get to you Mass, I saw the way he use to look at you. He doesn't love her like he loved you," Josh added with another smile. I just nodded and the rest of the lunch he tried to keep me distracted by discussing our mutual love for our favorite Beatle, Paul McCartney.
"Massie!" I heard from behind me in the hallway as I walked to my final class of the day, economics. I turned around and Kristen was running towards me, or more of a waddle because of her white gladiator heels.
"Hey," she said when she finally reached me, brushing her blonde hairs aside that were stuck to her lips.
"Hey," I answered smiling tightly squeezing the straps of my backpack that were over my shoulders.
"I miss you," Kristen replied looking down at our shoes.
I missed her too, a lot. That summer we were inseparable and since then I have thought about calling her, but I could never go through with it. I want us to be normal again, but now she's dating Derrick. I don't know if I could do it.
"Kristen, I got to go—" I tried to get out, but Kristen interrupted me.
"Why can't we be like we used to Mass? How many times do I have to apologize about that summer?" she asked before I had time to make my escape, I tightened my grip on my straps making my hands turn white.
"I'm not mad anymore. I'm over it," I answered quickly not able to look her in the eyes. I wasn't telling a whole lie. I wasn't upset at her for that summer, her and Derrick however is a different story.
"Then what's the problem?" she asked stepping closer throwing her arms out for emphasis.
"You can't seriously be clueless Kristen." I replied.
"Mass, it's been two years since you've dated. You can't seriously still be hung up on him. You were the one who walked out on him anyway," she replied talking with her hands as if they helped prove her point.
Her reply caused something in me to snap, and before I knew it I found myself yelling at her. "The only reason why I walked away is because you guys hooked up and lied about it! How can you be so insensitive! I loved him Kristen. I still do!" I finished feeling the heat radiating from my face. I tried to take a deep breath to calm down, but it didn't seem to help.
"You dropped off the face of the earth Massie! None of us has heard from you in two years! You can't just waltz back into Derrick's life after you walked away from him without giving him a chance to explain or apologize and expect him to wait around for you! So either you find someway to deal with Derrick and I being in love or you can stay out of our way!" Kristen finished crossing her arms across her chest as if she were trying to hold herself back from swinging them at me.
Her words felt like a knife digging in my back. I couldn't look at her anymore, let alone be anywhere near her. I had to get out of there.
Without another word I walked away trying to contain the tears that were forming in my eyes. What hurt the most, however, was the feeling deep down that I knew she was right.
"Dad," I cried through the phone, "I need to be picked up. I don't feel good."
"Sure honey. I'll be there," he answered hearing the desperation in my voice.
"What happened?" my dad asked concerned. I felt bad interrupting him at work, and even more bad that he felt the need to stay with me rather than go back.
I sighed when I realized he wasn't going to leave me, and I broke down and told him everything, from that summer to the conversation with Kristen today. He just sat there and listened without interrupting me, and surprisingly him just listening was what I needed most.
I couldn't sleep. I was just lying there staring at the ceiling, unable to control my brain from going through my day like I had put the setting on replay. Kristen's words stuck out. She said they were in love. Her and Derrick. That fact seemed to hurt me most, causing me to be restless.
Something came over me, and before I knew it I was picking up the phone and dialing a number I haven't dialed in two years. I just needed to talk to him.
"Massie?" his deep voiced asked in confusion.
"I'm sorry," I answered trying not to sound like I was crying. I didn't want to sound desperate, besides like Kristen said, they were in love, "I'm sorry for walking away from you that night. It's just… I was hurt and I didn't know how to handle it. I'm sorry."
"It's ok Massie. You don't have to apologize," he answered back. I could hear the sadness in his tone knowing he was thinking about that night.
"I missed you… I still do," I said wanting so badly for him to say it back although I knew he couldn't.
I could hear him sigh on the other line and I suddenly felt like calling him was a bad idea.
"I'm sorry Mass. I've gotta go," was all he replied before hanging up leaving me with a queasy stomach.
It was over. He moved on.
Poor Massie… although I do think she is a little dramatic don't ya think? But give her a break… It's hard to get over a first love. Especially a first love who has puppy dog eyes and crooked grin. ;)
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