Penny and Simon have worked out the concept of frape. So if anyone has any embarrassing messages in their inbox sorry. :$ The next few chapters may be a wee bit substandard, I am in a bit of a bad mood, because I have just found out that I did, in fact, inherit the ultraviolet intolerance gene which I thought I had avoided. I am writing this while wearing a gender-bend Ron cosplay (National Quiddich Association t-shirt, purple cropped trousers, zombie-killing hoodie).

Shower gel and the sorting.

The train ride passed relatively uneventfully, turns out, Ella was not allowed to bring her pet, which is understandable, considering it was a Pygmy Tasmanian Devil who could definitely not pass as a cat, due to his penchant for toenails.

As we were leaving the train, I saw my trunk, along with Rosa', Ella's and Lara', being put onto an enchanted trolley, heading to Hogwarts. Hagrid greeted us, along with all the other first years, as soon as we disembarked the Hogwarts express. We were about three minutes from the boats when an angry and scared man, who I rightly assumed was this Filch fellow my mother had told me about, marched up to Hagrid and insisted my friends and I stay behind for a few minutes.

'I,' He said, flustered, 'have found a mysterious green trail of goo, and the source has been confirmed as your trolley, do you know what it is?'

For obvious reasons, we all looked at Ella, 'What?' She asked, surprised 'It wasn't me, honestly, you always assume I'm the one who causes trouble!'

'For good reason.' I stated, truthfully.

'Well,' Snapped Filch, in his voice that apparently, had never broken properly, 'if no-one's going to own up, I'll have to get professor Snape to test it.' With that he left.

He came back around six minutes later, with a bored looking Snape by his side, holding a potions case. He took a sample of the strange liquid with a tiny spoon, put it in a glass tube and added a colourless liquid. 'It's shower gel, you blithering idiot,' he spat at Filch, and sniffed the shower gel 'green apple to be specific. Which one of you imbeciles does this belong to?' The last question was directed towards us.

I quickly wiped the smile of my face, 'Me, professor.'

'And, your name is?' He asked, probably intending to give me a detention for wasting his time.

'Rebecca Battersby, sir.' I said.

'I'll deal with you later,' He said 'assuming you're not in Slytherin of course. But right now, we need to get you all to the sorting.'

Well, at least I'd avoided punishment, this time, but now we had to worry about how to get there, we'd missed the boats, and if we went up with the older children, we'd be late for the sorting. My questions were answered with a funny feeling in my stomach. We hadn't been inside the grounds, so Snape had side along apparated us to the edge of them. It looked like it would take about fifteen minutes to get to the actual castle, running.

'You have nine minutes.' Snape announced, smugly, clearly realising that it was physically impossible.

We ran there, and got there ten minutes late, just as we entered the little room off the hall, I heard a woman, probably late sixties, calling 'Battersby, Rebecca.'

I raised my hand, she looked me up and down, and seeing that I was sweating like a pig, handed me a bottle of water and cast a few charms. On my way out, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I was hardly stunningly beautiful, with my very English nose and dirty blonde hair, but at least my face was no longer bright red and wet.

I went up to sorting hat and sat on the stool, the hat was placed on my head. 'Ah,' it said, does it say things or does it just transmit things straight into your brain? Well, It something'd 'I remember your mother, a Ravenclaw, but your dad was a Hufflepuff, so I guess you have no pressure on which house to be in, so, for the first time today, you are a person who truly belongs in their house. Slytherin!' The last word was shouted to the whole of the hall.

I went to sit down at the Slytherin table, and got out my ever-present reading material, I was currently reading the toilet saga, it was terrible, but once I start a series, I never stop. I spent most of the time reading, only listening to when my friends were sorted, Lara was a badger, Rosa a lion and Ella an Eagle.

A few people tried to talk to me, but I only remembered a few names, there was a blonde boy called Draco, a girl latched onto is arm called Pansy, a scary girl about Rosa's height, but twice her width called Millicent and two girls who, if it weren't for their different skin colours, I would swear were twins called Reni and Rosa C. I hoped I didn't have to share a dorm with any of the aforementioned girls, but rather some of the boring ones who wouldn't try to engage me in conversation.