"The Big Drama Theory"
Rated T
Disclaimer: I do not own "The Big Bang Theory" or the Total Drama series.
Chapter 2: Pilot, Part 2
In the bathroom. Harold looks into it.
Harold: Uh, there it goes, it sticks, I'm sorry.
Bridgette: Okay. Thanks.
Harold: You're welcome, oh, you're going to step right, okay, I'll….
Harold is about to leave, but Bridgette stops him.
Bridgette: Hey, Harold?
Harold: The hair products are Cody's.
Bridgette: Um, okay. Can I ask you a favour.
Harold: A favor? Sure, you can ask me a favor, I would do you a favor for you.
Bridgette: It's okay if you say no.
Harold: Oh, I'll probably say yes.
Bridgette: It's just not the kind of thing, you ask a guy you've just met.
Harold: Wow...
Harold and Cody are inside Harold's car, as he is driving and sharing a conversation.
Cody: I really think we should examine the chain of causality here.
Leonard: Must we?
Cody: Event "A". A beautiful woman stands naked in our shower. Event "B". We drive half way across town to retrieve a television set from the aforementioned woman's ex-boyfriend. Query, on what plane of existence is there even a semi-rational link between these events?
Harold: She asked me to do her a favor, Cody
Cody: Ah, yes, well that may be the proximal cause of our journey, but we both know it only exists in contradistinction to the higher level distal cause.
Harold: Which is?
Cody: You think with your penis.
Harold: That's a biological impossibility and you didn't have to come.
Cody: Oh, right, yes, I could have stayed behind and watched Wolowitz try to hit on Bridgette in Russian, Arabic and Farsi. Why can't she get her own TV?
Harold: Come on, you know how it is with break-ups.
Cody: No, I don't. And neither do you.
Harold: Wuh, I, I broke up with Joyce Kim.
Cody: You did not break up with Joyce Kim, she defected to North Korea.
Harold: To mend her broken heart. This situation is much less complicated. There's some kind of dispute between Bridgette and her ex-boyfriend as to who gets custody of the TV. She just wanted to avoid having a scene with him.
Cody: So we get to have a scene with him?
Harold: No, Cody, there's not going to be a scene. There's two of us and one of him.
Cody: Harold, the two of us can't even carry a TV.
Back at the apartment. Bridgette is both talking to both Noah and Ezekiel on the couch.
Bridgette: (to Noah) So, you guys work with Harold and Cody at the University?
Noah looks at her, looks back at his food, and takes a mouthful.
Bridgette: Uh, I'm sorry, do you speak English?
Ezekiel: Oh, he speaks English, he just can't speak to women.
Bridgette: Really, why?
Ezekiel: He's kind of a nerd. (offers her a juice box) Juice box?
Harold and Bridgette approach Bridgette's old apartment building.
Harold: (pushes buzzer) I'll do the talking.
Voice from buzzer: Yeah?
Harold: Hi, I'm Harold, this is Cody.
Cody: Hello.
Harold: What did I just…. Uh, we're here to pick up Bridgette's TV.
Voice: Get lost.
Cody: Okay, thanks for your time.
Harold: We're not going to give up just like that.
Cody: Harold, the TV is in the building, we've been denied access to the building, ergo we are done.
Harold: Excuse me, if I were to give up at the first little hitch I never would have been able to identify the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the big bang.
Cody: My apologies. What's your plan?
Harold starts rattling the doors violently.
Cody: It's just a privilege to watch your mind at work.
Harold: Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360, we should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.
Two girl scouts arrive carrying bags of cookies. One runs her hand down the intercom, pushing all the buttons. The door is buzzed open.
Cody: What do you think their combined IQ is?
Harold: Just grab the door.
Harold and Cody approach Bridgette's ex-boyfriend's apartment.
Harold: This is it. (Knocks) I'll do the talking.
Cody: Good thinking, I'll just be the muscle.
An enormous man emerges out the door. He looks down at Cody and Harold.
Enormous man: Yeah?
Harold: I'm Harold, this is Cody.
Cody: From the intercom.
Man: How the hell did you get in the building?
Harold: Oh. We're scientists.
Cody: (to Harold) Tell him about our IQ.
Outside the apartment building, Harold and Cody exit as they are not wearing trousers. They have been pantsed.
Cody: Harold.
Harold: (annoyed) What?
Cody: My mom bought me those pants.
Harold: I'm sorry.
Cody: You're going to have to call her.
They soon climb up all the way to the stairs of Sheldon and Leonard's building.
Harold: Cody, I'm so sorry I dragged you through this.
Cody: It's okay. It wasn't my first pantsing, and it won't be my last.
Harold: And you were right about my motives, I was hoping to establish a relationship with Bridgette that might have some day led to sex.
Cody: Well, you got me out of my pants.
Harold: Anyway, I've learned my lesson. She's out of my league, I'm done with her, I've got my work, one day I'll win the Nobel Prize and then I'll die alone.
Cody: Don't think like that, you're not going to die alone.
Harold: Thank you Cody, you're a good friend.
Cody: And you're certainly not going to win a Nobel Prize.
Inside Cody and Harold's apartment. Ezekiel is showing Bridgette something on his computer, basically from "World of Warcraft".
Ezekiel: This is one of my favorite places to kick back after a quest, they have a great house ale.
Bridgette: Wow, cool tiger...
Ezekiel: Yeah, I've had him since level ten. His name is Buttons. Anyway, if you had your own game character, we could hang out, maybe go on a quest.
Bridgette: Uh, sounds interesting.
Ezekiel: So you'll think about it?
Bridgette: Oh, I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it.
Noah: Smooth...
Harold and Cody come inside.
Harold: We're home.
Bridgette: Oh, my God, what happened?
Harold: Well, your ex-boyfriend sends his regards and I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory.
Bridgette: I'm so sorry, I really thought if you guys went instead of me he wouldn't be such an ass.
Harold: No, it was a valid hypothesis.
Cody: That was a valid hypothesis? (to Harold) What is happening to you?
Bridgette: Really, thank you so much for going and trying you're, uh, you're so terrific. Why don't you put some clothes on, I'll get my purse and dinner is on me, okay?
Harold: Really? Great.
Cody: Thank you. You're not done with her, are you?
Harold: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Cody: Not to mention imaginary.
All five in Harold's car driving. Harold is behind the wheel as Ezekiel is right by him. Bridgette, Cody, and Noah are in the back.
Harold: Is Thai food okay with you, Bridgette?
Bridgette: Sure.
Cody: We can't have Thai food, we had Indian for lunch.
Bridgette: So?
Cody: They're both curry based cuisines.
Bridgette: So?
Cody: They would be gastronomically redundant. I can see we're going to have to spell out everything for this girl.
Bridgette: (to Noah) Any ideas, Noah?
Noah just looks at Bridgette with a worried expression.
Ezekiel: Turn left on Lake Street and head up to Colorado. I know a wonderful little sushi bar that has karaoke.
Bridgette: That sounds like fun.
Harold turns on the radio in which Mac Davis's "Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me" plays. Ezekiel sings along with the lyrics.
Ezekiel: (sings) Baby, baby don't get hooked on me. Uh, baby, baby don't get hooked on me...
Cody: (to Harold) I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of this car goes, you're a veritable Mack Daddy...
Man, what a debut that was for "The Big Drama Theory"!
Next episode will be the exciting, "The Big Bran Hypothesis" coming up after you read and review! BAZINGA!