Before reading this chapter, please take a moment, if you haven't already done so, to read chapter 2 and give me feedback. Thanks to screwing up, I didn't get any reviews for that chapter and I LOVE hearing your guys' reaction. Once done, come back to this chapter and enjoy more insanity.

Castle looked at his hand, twisting it this way and that, as if expecting it to change at any moment. "Wow, this is trippy!"

His skin was flawless. Literally. There wasn't a single line or hair or freckle or mole anywhere on him. His skin was tight and smooth, with no visible veins or muscles underneath. It looked like his hand was just one solid piece of flesh-colored plastic. Heck, when he pulled his hand far enough away, he was pretty sure his finger nails disappeared!

He'd suddenly appeared in a green meadow, surrounded by trees that were just too...perfect. The foliage blended so well he couldn't see the individual leaves, and even the bark on the tree looked smooth till he got closer to it. The grass was just a sheet of green until he knelt down, at which point the details suddenly appeared as if by magic. Sunlight fell down upon him, but he couldn't seem to find the sun.

Hurrying to the small pond that sat in the middle of the grove, Castle bent down and gasped.

"I'm a cartoon!"

His hair was poofed up and appeared sculpted, though thankfully the moment he touched it it separated into strands. His eyes were a touch bigger and brighter, and his face looked like it was chiseled from fine marble. He made a couple of faces, marveling over the fact that he was now paper and ink. The gray unitard he'd been sporting had become a suit that would have been well placed in the 18th century: frilly white undershirt, long blue coat with golden buttons, black slacks that were so tight they might as well have been tights, and shapely boots. It reminded him a bit of his Edgar Allan Poe costume, though brighter and finer.

"This is so amazing...I look like I'm a Disney prince."

"You are a prince!"

Castle turned, staring in confusion at the oil lamp that had suddenly appeared in the meadow. He got closer, only to notice that the lamp had a face on it...one he recognized.

"Esposito?"

"Prince Richard," Esposito said, trotting towards him. The flame in his glass head flickered as he pointed towards a cottage that lay just off in the distance. "You have to hurry...your evil mother is going to hurt Katherine!"

Castle nodded, scooping up Esposito and hurrying down the dirt path (which did not kick up any dirt and felt more like a sidewalk). The cottage looked like something on of a children's story book, with walls that appeared to be made from one massive plank of solid oak and a roof that would have been right at home on a gingerbread house. Hurrying through the door, Castle skidded to a stop as he stare at the scene before him.

Lanie, or at least he assumed the broom was Lanie since it was yelling in her voice, was hopping up and down, attempting to strike Castle's mother, whose nose had tripled in size to form almost a beak, her figure hidden in the folds of a massive cloak. Ryan, who was now a German cuckoo clock, was dancing about Martha's legs, calling out for Alexis, who was a tea kettle, to splash the 'evil witch' with more water.

"Eat the apple, you little brat!" Martha cackled, Beckett keeping her mouth firmly shut as she struggled against her attacker. Castle, without thinking, grabbing his mother by her cloak and heaved her out the door.

In the blink of an eye Martha stumbled over a foot stool (who had Castle's ex-wife Gina's face) and with a cry tumbled over the cliff that Castle just now noticed lay few steps outside the door. Her cries quickly grew fainter until there was silence.

"I just killed my mother," Castle said in shock.

"I think the fall killed her," Alexis said happily, bouncing up and down. "He defeated the witch, Katherine."

Castle turned, staring in wonder at Beckett, all thoughts of his mothercide (mamacide? mommycide?) leaving his brain as he stared at Cartoon Princess Beckett.

Her hair was brighter and longer, flowing down her back like a waterfall. Her eyes were huge and bright, fluttering constantly as she stare at him, her lips pressed together in a little 'o'. Her nose was practically nonexistent and she had just enough curves to make it clear she was a woman without looking like a sex object. She wore a black and yellow dress with blue highlights, her feet hidden under the hem. Her skin was pale yet healthy and just as flawless as his.

"Don't worry, Castle...I'm sure we can find a magic spell to bring her back...only without the need to murder me."

Castle gathered Beckett into his arms, staring into her brilliant eyes. "So...this seems to be working out quite well...other than our friends being household objects."

Beckett nodded. "Indeed...I think I'll like this universe." She leaned in close, wanting to give him a kiss that would melt his clothing and send him into fits. Her lips moved closer to his, all her passion bubbling up...

...and she gave him a quick peck.

"Huh?" Beckett muttered, trying again, only to get the same result.

"What's wrong?" Castle asked, his hand wandering down her back...only to freeze, unable to get anywhere near her butt. "What the hell?"

All their friends gasped.

"Prince Richard said a no-no word!" Gina proclaimed.

"We can't freaking swear?" Castle demanded.

"Another no-no word!" Lanie cried.

"Freaking is not a swear word!"

"No-no words!"

Beckett rolled her eyes. "I'm more concerned with the fact I can't give Castle a kiss!"

"But you did, Katherine!" Esposito said. "It was a fine kiss. And once you are married you can give him a few more each day."

Lanie sighed happily. "And then, in 9 months, the stork will bring you a baby!"

"Stork?" Beckett asked, annoyed. "What about...you know?"

"Know what?" Ryan asked.

"You know..." Beckett took one hand and plunged it repeatedly into the other.

"Holding hands?" Esposito asked innocently.

"No..." Castle said. "Sex."

"What is sex?" All their friends asked.

"Oh boy," Castle grumbled, resting his head on Beckett's shoulder.

Alexis nudged him. "Cheer up, Prince Castle! We made pie...everything is better with pie!" Beckett and Castle looked up as music began to play. "It's a wonderful day for pie! You can ask all the birds in the sky!"

"Is she really singing?" Beckett asked.

"And they'll tell you real sweet, with a musical tweet, it's a wonderful day for pie!"

"Yup," Castle said, before looking up at the sky. "Beam us up Scotty!"

The world and the music faded away, leaving Beckett and Castle once more in the black room and in their gray unitards.

"Well, that didn't work out well," Beckett complained. "Stupid Disney and their need to never show sex..."

"That was horrible."

"It wasn't that bad, Castle."

"I killed my mother...I kinda have a problem with that."

Beckett shook her head, not wanting to fight with him. "Ok...I like us being princess and prince. That was great. But we need something with sex."

"And I could do without the songs about pie," Castle chimed in. "I got it...a show with swords and adventure, where we can be royal but also lots of dirty, dirty sex."

Beckett looked at him, wanting to know his idea...but the world was already yanking them away...

Next Time: A Game of Castles