Hey guys thanks for supporting my new story.

This chapter had to get cut in half for the purpose of the title. The good news is that means that chapter five is already half way done and can contain more character intros.

RxExR

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Sorry in advance for any mistakes

Chapter 4: Struggle

We're born. We live. We die.

We breathe. We love. We hate.

We struggle.

Naturally, we do all of these things and more as we go about our lives on this planet. People are born into different lifestyles: rich, poor, Asian, American, only child, or one of many. As I sit here on this bus bench next to Youichi, I find myself contemplating the different struggles around the world like poverty, famine, and disease. Would I trade my situation for someone else's? Everyone struggles and in the scope of their reality, no one's situation is much worse than anyone else's.

We left Persona's house around one in the afternoon. It's early February so it's cold outside despite the high sun. To anyone passing by, we're just a teenage girl and her little brother waiting for their bus. The bus stop is in front of a convenience store where I bought Youichi a donut and hot chocolate. The money I swiped from Persona was enough to buy a bus ticket to Nagoya (kids ride free) which is a twenty hour drive from here. We would have to journey past Nagoya to get to my Jii-chan's, but the money I took was only so much.

Youichi crumpled the thin tissue paper up into a ball and threw it in the adjacent garbage can. Our bus is scheduled to arrive in less than ten minutes. There's a growing worry in my stomach that someone will catch us and drag us back to Persona. Technically Youichi legally belongs in Persona's care, so my actions can be misconstrued as kidnapping. I swallow a lump in my throat and take a deep breath. There are so many things I haven't taken into consideration and my 'go with the flow', 'sense of adventure' resolve is weakening by the second.

Still, I stifle an excited squeak as the green and white bus pulled up to the stop. I practically leapt off the bench, snatching up my bag and Youichi's hand as we got in line to board the bus. The bus driver is a pudgy older man that gives us a glance over as we climb the narrow stairs.

"Where are you younglings off to?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

"To our grandparents' house sir." I say automatically.

"Pretty long trip for just the two of you." He says with a suspicious eyebrow.

"We can manage." I reply.

I guide Youichi down the narrow aisle to two empty seats in the back. I catch the bus driver's eye in the big rearview mirror. He's suspicious of us because we're the youngest ones on the bus right now and then I remember something important.

It's Monday.

As in a school day.

Damn.

We're supposed to be in school for several more hours. I see the bus driver look our way again. Everyone is seated, but we're not scheduled to leave for several more minutes, more than enough time for someone to run a check for absent students or missing children. What if Yuka called the police? What if she called Persona? The bus driver seems more ominous to me like somehow he has a telepathic link to Persona and is signaling him here right now.

After what seemed like an eternity waiting for S.W.A.T. to swarm the bus and drag us back to our prison, the driver finally closed the doors and stepped on the gas. My chest feels lighter and lighter as we get further away from the bus stop. Youichi occupied himself with Mr. Bear and I pulled out the map I had bought at the store. The next twenty hours will be long and we will arrive in Nagoya at nine a.m. which is good time for job hunting. I'll need more money to make the trip to Jii-chan's village. I can't afford to hitchhike there and Youichi needs a stable environment. Besides who would pick up two kids off the side of the road aside from pedophiles, serial killers, and rapist?

I need now to figure out how I'm going to make that stable environment possible. I'll need a job and a place to sleep that isn't too expensive and we'll need to be fed. A restaurant would be the best place to work because of the food that they throw away around closing. I just won't mention to Youichi that the food I'm giving him is intended for the trash. It's perfectly good food, but restaurants can't serve people leftovers.

After an hour or so on the bus, I feel a lot better and not so paranoid that Persona will get us. By the time he gets home tomorrow morning we will already be in Nagoya and he'll have no clue where we are. My mind drifts to Yuka's crying, indecisive face and my chest tightens. My situation is not ideal, but we're heading into the right direction (which is anywhere Yuka and Persona aren't). I think of my grandpa's one story traditional house in the country: the wide space with green grass and wild flowers with sliding doors and Koi pond in the backyard. Youichi would like it there I think. I think he'll like anywhere where he doesn't have to duck under a table to avoid being hit.

My grandpa, from what I can remember of him, is a sweet old man who loves kids. He would take me to the summer festival in his village and help me catch a fish with a paper net. Then some kid would start crying about not being able to do it and my grandpa would just have to help them. The last time I saw my grandpa was right before Persona came into the picture. I must've been fourteen at the time. He threatened to stop giving my mother money and take me away. We packed my things, but my mother was hysterical with sadness and rage. I told my grandfather that I would stay and that my mother needed me, I could help her. What a fool I've been. Each time he called after that, my mother never spoke to him and I answered his questions as if I had rehearsed them.

When we moved in with Persona, I didn't know the number so that I could give it to my grandpa and then sometime after when the beatings started I knew that if I told my grandfather he would probably have a heart attack or worse, try to come get me.

So I stopped calling.

I hate to think that by not calling him , I may have broken his heart and he won't want to see me when I just show up on his door step, but I know he wouldn't do that once I tell him what's been happening for the past three years. I don't want to guilt him into forgiving me, but what other choice did I have at the time? I was scared and young and stupid. It was stupid of me to not take my escape route when I had one, but back then I had faith that my mother would get better.

In a way, it' a good thing I stayed because where would Youichi be if I hadn't? I look down at him as he snuggles his bear drifting into sleep. I don't want to imagine where he would be without me or me without him for that matter. We're rescuing each other so our meeting must be fate. Would I have had the courage to leave my mother behind if I didn't have someone younger and more innocent to look out for? Probably not.

I hope my grandpa is in good health. How depressing would it be to show up only to find out he's in the hospital or fighting some disease. I push the morbid thought to the back of my mind and stare out the window. I think of my mother, not Yuka, but the mom I had before my life started its sharp decline into a hellish oblivion.

How warm she was. How she smiled like nothing was ever wrong. How she always smelled like oranges and her special perfume. The way her hair always moved like she was in a shampoo commercial and how she always knew what to say or do to make everything okay. Maybe when you lose someone without really losing them, the person they were before seems like this flawless deity instead of the human beings they really were. My mother's fall from grace makes me believe that everything she was prior to that is above and beyond mere human expectation.

After my father's death, if my mother had said 'Everything is going to be okay' I would have believed her. I would've smiled through the tears and things would have gotten better, but she didn't say anything. She was just there, broken and beginning to decay.

I don't think there is a happy memory among these three years in Persona's house. There have been moments of relief when Persona's not at home or decides to blow a gasket elsewhere, but never a happy memory. Not like going to the beach with my parents or doing homework on the living room floor with my father or sneaking desserts with my mother while my father cooked dinner. Not one happy memory that can even compare to the ones I had when my dad was alive.

Youichi rests his head on my lap with his eyes closed. I memorize his features, his young face and gently closed eyelids. I remember the bruises on his face when he got sent home early for being sick. Persona had to take a break from his 'get high' time to go get him from school, which, of course, put him in a foul mood. I found Youichi hiding under my bed when I got home from school. Since then Youichi has kept his personal ailments to himself. He nearly died of a fever a year ago because dying is a lot easier than facing Persona especially when it concerns what Persona refers to as a 'little sniffle'.

I had to give Youichi an ice bath to cool him down and when that didn't work I had to make him sweat it out by wrapping him in blankets and pumping him full of chicken soup. He didn't mind the soup part because it's his favorite, but the fever was making him look like he was dying. After his second cool down bath I held him for a long time trying to take away some of his body heat. I prayed while I held him. I prayed that Youichi would get better; I would even trade his sickness for my health. I prayed and I bargained until his fever finally broke. I guess bargaining worked because I started running a temperature that night.

The scenery goes by in blurs. The bus makes several stops: twice for gas and once again to switch drivers. I'm relieved to not have that pudgy little man staring at me from his seat although he did cast a sidelong glance at us before he descended the narrow stairs. Our second driver is a really thin old man with gray hair and large spectacles. He doesn't look at us or at anyone in general, he just settles into his seat, adjusts his chair and starts driving. He needs to give that other guy some pointers about how to mind his own business.

I tuck Youichi under my arm and settle into my seat. If I close my eyes and sleep, I'll wake up in Nagoya. Far away from Yuka, Persona, and everything I never want to be. I let my eyes drift close with the humming of the bus engine lulling me to sleep. A chill passes through me as pale hands reach for me in the darkness.

"Oi." A small voice calls to me.

I mutter something incoherent in reply and try to roll over. My neck is stiff and I feel like I'm sitting upright. I open my eyes and yesterday's surreal events play over and over in my mind.

We ran away.

Outside the bus window I see the mounting yellow sun and the countryside. It's a little past six in the morning if my sun reading abilities are accurate. The bus is silent with less passengers then I remember. Everyone is either asleep or reading. I stretch my arms and stifle a yawn, bus seats aren't the most comfortable place to sleep, but I've never felt more rested. Like today is the first day of the rest of my life.

"Oi." Youichi called again.

Our lives.

"What is it You-chan?" I ask looking down at his messy mop of hair.

"I'm hungry." He stays stoically.

"We'll be there soon and I'll buy you another donut." I say trying to tame his mane.

"I want eggs." He says defiantly.

"We'll see. I only have so much money left." I explain.

He bats my hands away, "Why didn't you take more?"

"I took all I could find. Besides stealing is wrong, even if you're stealing from a bad person."

I don't want to set a bad example for Youichi, but I couldn't leave the house completely broke we wouldn't have gotten this far. Then I remember the necklace in my pocket.

"But I will get you those eggs okay?"

He doesn't say anything and turns back to the window. I think he's happy, but then again I don't think he even knows what happy is. I put a stray hair back in place and he doesn't flinch. How do you teach a child to act like a child?

The next few hours seemed to crawl by and I feel myself growing restless. I felt as if we were drawing closer to Nagoya, but it was running away from us. I had to let Youichi use the bus bathroom by himself since it was so tiny. When I stood up to let him by I thought my bladder might burst. All this time I've been so focused on running and where we're going to go, I didn't even realize how badly I needed to pee. When Youichi came out I flew into the restroom and locked the door. I caught my reflection in the mirror and saw a purple dot on my neck. I unwound my scarf and saw the expected bruises from Persona's hands. Almost perfect purple handprints on my neck. I look less weary and my hair is too long, but on the inside I feel better.

As Nagoya came in sight I felt a little countdown ticking away in my head. Once we got off this bus we could fade away into the background of Nagoya never to be found. I will take on my mother's maiden name 'Sakura' since Persona only knew her as Yukihara. Youichi's last name is Hiriji, but we'll say its Sakura to establish that we are siblings.

As the bus rolled to a stop, everyone seemed to be moving so slowly as they stretched their muscles and gathered their things. I wanted to shove everyone out of the way and leap into the fresh air, but patience is always rewarded and when my shoes made contact with the concrete outside the bus, angels were singing in my head. I didn't mind the cold morning air or the chill the wind sent through me. I felt alive and happy. I gave Youichi's hand a squeeze and we started to walk. I spotted a fast food restaurant a few blocks down and a convenience store across the street.

After purchasing a newspaper at the convenience store and buying Youichi a breakfast sandwich, we sat by the window in the restaurant and I got to work. Circling potential jobs mainly the minimum wage, fast food kind. It didn't dawn on me that I would be considered a high school dropout since I'm not returning home any more. Hopefully I can charm someone into giving me a job without having to explain my circumstances. I circled seven different places and moved into the apartment/motel vacancies. I would have to get a job and a first paycheck before I could put a down payment on anything assuming I'm going to be making enough money. Not to mention keeping Youichi and myself fed.

My temples are beginning to throb. Apparently running away from home with no plan and no money is a bad idea. Who knew?

I circle the cheapest places on the list and decide to check out my job prospects first. If they ask me when I can start I'll say immediately. I check my Nagoya map for the closest places and we set off to navigate the streets of a foreign land.

Defeated and exhausted, I plop down next to Youichi on a park bench. Seven job prospects all crossed off my list. I'm trying to keep my chin up for Youichi and myself, but when all seven places turn you down because they think that you're an underage, unwed mother of a five year old, you start to feel a bit glum. I release a heavy sigh and stare off into to space contemplating my shrinking number of options.

There was one more place that I had ruled out since it was a bit of a walk from where the rest of the potential jobs were. Imai's, a restaurant/bar. 'In need of everything from waitresses to hostesses to busboys' the ad said. I put a big star next to it like a sign of last hope. Youichi is already up off the bench looking at a woman and her son walking through the park so happily as he tugs her in the direction of the swing set. I never asked Youichi about his mom or how he got into Persona's care, but that longing gaze in his eye made my heart ache for him. I didn't have my mother for very long, but at least I had her. I don't know if Youichi even had a mom.

"Hey You-chan, I can push you for a little while if you want." I say to him.

He doesn't look at me and just starts walking, "Don't be stupid."

But he grabs my hand and squeezes. How can my heart not break even more for him?

Huh a restaraunt called Imai's? That can't be foreshadowing can it?

Some of your favorite characters will be introduced next. I'm probably going to give Natsume a special intro so maybe chapter 6? Ah who knows I don't really plan that far ahead.

Just a go with the flow kind of writer, but that's what makes writing fun, ne? My stir of the moment ideas are always the ones that seem to do the best.

Lots of Love

Chi-chan