Well hello gorgeous readers,

Thank you all for your patience and understanding. This is longer than the usual chapter because as usual I couldn't find a decent stopping point, which caused writer's block, which led to the late update. And my thumb is broken making writing a little hard, but I'm still going strong.

RxExR

Chapter 6: Shaken

"Did you think you were going to get away that easy?" Persona drawls.

He laughs cruelly and reaches for my throat with pale, unforgiving hands.

"No!" I yell sitting up in a panic.

It's dark and I can only hear my own ragged breathing. My hands shakily touch my throat as I try to calm myself. My flesh is damp with a cold sweat, but I'm safe. I repeat this phrase over and over again in my head. Persona has no idea where we are and he will never find us. Youichi is still sleeping peacefully beside me, undisturbed by my outburst, thank goodness. I feel dirty, damp, and uncomfortable, but I'm not suffering from pneumonia from having to sleep in the streets. Beggars really can't be choosers.

I realize that I have no idea what time it is, but my internal clock that I've honed from living with Persona tells me that it's early enough to start getting ready for work. I would have to find someplace to wash up though. After savoring Youichi's delicate appearance I woke him and we found our way back into the basement of the building and out the window. The cold morning air filled my nostrils and woke my senses as if I had never been outdoors before. You never know how stuffy a place is until you leave. The air outside felt light and the sun wasn't even out yet. Youichi is still rubbing tiredness from his eyes as we walk down the mostly empty street.

I pull the map out of the side pocket of my bag and try to see if there was anything like a community bath around. Unfortunately the only community bath was way out of range and in the complete opposite direction of Imai's. The best my map could offer me is a gas station that is within walking distance. Since the sun is barely rising, six a.m. must be approaching. I hoist half-asleep Youichi into my arms and hasten down the street. As the sky started to lighten, we made it to the gas station which, thankfully, had a public restroom. The cashier smiled at me as entered and I asked him where the restroom was. He tells me it's in the back and passes a wayward glance to the two of us. I know we must look dreadful and bulky, but I can't pacify him now so I just bow my head in thanks and make a beeline for the restroom.

Once inside, I spill the contents of my bag on the floor and change into a pair of clean jeans, a black t-shirt and my blue sweater. Youichi is changing in one of the stalls, I know he doesn't want me to see his bruises so I leave him be. I wash my hands, neck and face in the sink and rinse my hair so it will look like I showered. I brush my hair as straight as it will go and help Youichi with his. The automatic hand dryer served us as a blow dryer. I make sure Youichi's hair is completely dry and put his hat and coat on him.

I repack my bag carefully so everything will fit as neat as possible and zip it tight. Upon exiting the bathroom, I pick up a few donuts and two cans of milk and head back to the register. The cashier looks stunned by our change of appearance, but doesn't comment on it. He rings us up and I dig into my pockets for money, but I remember that I have none.

Crap.

I apologize and dig around into my coat pockets. My hand touches the necklace. My mind works quickly and before I knew what I was doing I slapped the necklace on the counter.

"You look like a nice guy, so I have a proposition for you." I say.

He raises an eyebrow at me, but looks amused.

"I need a place to clean up in the morning and some food. Nothing more than this," I gesture to the donuts and milk.

"This necklace is worth a lot of money. I'll give this to you and you ask no questions and every morning my brother and I will come in, change and grab nothing more than this and leave. I have to get to work so do we have a deal?"

He looks at me for a long moment, "Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"One of my conditions is no questions." I repeat.

He picks up the necklace and looks at it.

"Well?" I repeat.

"You look like a nice girl, so sure, but I have a condition as well." He says with a grin.

"What is it?" I ask, expecting the worst.

"Tell me your name." He says.

It's my turn to raise an eyebrow at him, but he just smiles at me. His mop of brown hair and crooked smile seemed innocent enough.

"Mikan." I finally reply.

"I'm Kokoro." He says and then turns to Youichi, "And who's this?"

"You said 'a condition', that's two." I say stepping protectively in front of Youichi.

"You're right. I'm sorry. Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow Mikan-chan." He says with his grin.

I grab the food off the counter and hurry out with Youichi in tow. My defensive side came out and I probably seemed rude, but I don't care. If somehow Persona found me, I would rather die than let him have Youichi taken back with him. I don't know if I can trust this Kokoro person, but as long as he doesn't call the cops, asks me no questions and keeps his big mouth shut, we'll be really good friends.

We make it to Imai's at a quarter to seven and go through the back entrance as instructed by Anna. I put Youichi on the leather couch in front of the television and hand him the remote that sat on the coffee table. Not the most productive way to have a child spend his day, but until I figure out how to get Youichi in school without formal paperwork, this is the best I can do for now. I stuff our bags in my locker, which is full length with a shelf. I start to open the box with my uniform inside. I haven't even seen it yet because I was afraid to get it dirty.

Inside, in their own divided compartments, are my white skirt, vest, purple button down and head dress. I draw my hair up in a bun with the purple band Anna gave me. There are even socks in the box. I look down at my feet and nearly faint. I don't have white or purple shoes that will coordinate with this outfit.

"Dammit." I mutter.

I want to cry as I look down at my bare feet. I kick the box off the bench I rested it on and it hit the ground with a thud, too loud for an empty box. I pick it up off the floor and despite its empty appearance it's weighted. I sit on the bench and shake the box, definitely weighted. I turn in upside down and the 'empty' part of the box fell out and a pair of boots right behind it. Turns out the box has a separate compartment where evidently perfectly matching suede boots reside. They feel expensive and so soft to touch. This Hotaru person doesn't miss a beat. I'm practically caressing them when a few people walk in chattering about a little boy on the couch.

"Who is he anyway?" a girl asks.

"Maybe he wondered in here by accident and got attached to our television." a guy responds opening his locker tossing his bag inside.

"I think he's adorable." another girl says.

"We should call the cops." The first girl responds fixing her hair in her locker mirror.

"Please don't." I say quickly.

The three of them look shocked to see me. I managed to stuff my feet into my socks and shoes and close my locker and they didn't even notice me till now.

"He's my little brother and he's no trouble at all." I explain.

"Well your brother is super cute. I'm Nobara." The second girl who had spoken bowed her head and smiled a little bit.

"Shut up Nobara." The first girl said.

"Oh Luna you're just crabby because Natsume disappeared again." The male says and then turns to me, "I'm Hoshio. My hostile friend is Luna."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Mikan." I say buttoning my vest.

Luna casts me a disinterested glance and slams her locker shut and exits. Nobara and Hoshio just look at each other slightly embarrassed and smile apologetically at me.

"Welcome to Imai's perfection slave driving robot mill." Hoshino says.

I notice that they're both already dressed in their uniforms. I guess you come to work in your uniform instead of changing since it's a shared locker room. I adjust my headband as best I can and excuse myself to go check on Youichi. He took off his coat and looks comfortable on the couch. I kneel next to him, but he doesn't look away from the TV.

"Youichi I have to go work now. I need you to stay in here and don't cause any trouble, okay?"

"I don't like donuts." He says.

"We'll eat something else for breakfast from now on, okay?"

He doesn't respond so I just tousle his hair and leave the lounge as some other workers come in. As I walk through the kitchen, there is a whirl of activity all around me. Chefs are prepping their stations and going over ingredients. I emerge into the empty restaurant, Nobara and Hoshio are chatting with each other and that Luna person is tapping away on her cell phone.

"Mikan-chan!" Hoshio says waving me over.

I contain my sigh of relief at being acknowledged and make my way over to them.

"It's obviously your first day so whose your host?"

"Host?" I repeat.

"Yeah sorry we kind of have our own language here. Whenever there's a new worker we call them the fledgling and whoever oversees them is their 'host'." Hoshio explained.

"We used to call newbies cysts, but Imai-san said that calling someone a cyst in a restaurant will ruin people's appetites." Nobara chimed in.

Hoshio looks very delicate with sandy brown hair and matching eyes. His clothes look almost too big on his lanky frame. Nobara is a completely different story, just like Anna, she seems almost too cute to be in my presence. Her curly light blue hair and crystal blue eyes almost seemed store bought, but she appears so delicate and gentle I would hardly believe a girl like her does something like that. Her uniform compliments her frame and she laughs so airily. It's like I'm across the room instead of right next to her. I hope I don't look as out of place as I feel.

"So where are you from?" Nobara asks me.

"Um, I'm from some backwoods town you've probably never heard of. I just moved in with my grandparents so I can work for some college money." I reply quickly.

"Oh wow, where do you want to go?" she asks.

"I'm not sure yet. I haven't exactly figured myself out yet."

"That's perfectly normal we all can't be a 'Sumire Shouda' or a 'Hotaru Imai'." Hoshio chimes in.

"What do you mean and who's Sumire?" I ask genuinely curious.

"Well what I mean is, that we all don't have our lives planned out step by step with money to back up whatever we choose to do."

"Yeah planning and money are pretty scarce for me right now." I say trying to sound like I'm joking.

"And Sumire, well," Hoshio starts.

"Sumire Shouda is a delusional, spoiled little brat with nothing good about her appearance or personality in any shape or form." Luna says suddenly.

I didn't even know she was listening to our conversation, but she gets up and walks over to some other waitresses.

"Don't mind her. She and Sumire hate each other because of Natsume."

"Why?"

"Because one week he'll be with Sumire and the next week he'll be with Luna and then the next week someone else, but he always manages to circle back to those two."

"What a jerk."

Hoshio just shrugs, "Personally, Nobara and I think that he doesn't particularly like either of them. He just likes to see them go at each other's throats when he walks into a room."

"That's low. If he doesn't like them, he shouldn't play with them like that." I huff.

"Well he doesn't profess his love to them or anything; they just like to be number one. Quite frankly, I think they enjoy it, like being with Natsume is like winning a pageant or something."

"Well he's still a jerk and they're both idiots."

Nobara and Hoshio smile at me as if I've won their approval with that one phrase.

"You never told us who you're host is." Hoshio pointed out.

"Oh, um someone named Misaki? At least until Anna starts her shift." I reply.

"Lucky. I got Luna when I started here. She was awful and practically made me do everything." Nobara pouted.

"So where is this Misaki person anyway?" I ask.

"Alright! Everyone shut up! It's almost time to open." A pink haired girl barked emerging from the kitchen.

Upon seeing her I knew she was Misaki. She was rather busty and her eyes seemed to match her hair perfectly. She had an authority over the room as she went over the morning procedure.

"We have a newbie today so everyone please make Mikan Sakura feel welcome. Answer her questions and be patient we were all newbies once." She says.

Everyone's eyes are on me and I tried to not look as self-conscious as I feel and managed to smile a little bit. Behind Misaki, through the window a crowd was forming. Anna wasn't kidding when she said Imai's was popular. You would think there is nowhere else to eat in this town.

"Alright, Hamachi and Ishikawa are hosting today, Hoshino and Nakamura are on register and everyone else needs to grab a menu. You should have looked at the chart in your kitchen to know what quadrant you are serving. No slip ups people. Hotaru has a meeting today so she could show up at any time. Be on your toes always. Mikan-chan you are with me. Let's go people!"

Everyone seemed to disburse like soldiers to their designated areas. Two headed to the door and small groups disbursed among a group of tables, which must be the 'quadrants' Misaki mentioned earlier. I followed Misaki to the group of tables more towards the front and she handed me a small purple pad and a pen.

"I'm in charge of you until Anna gets here for her shift. You will practice taking orders. I will be the actually taking the orders, but you will be standing behind me writing it down as well. You will learn our short hand system this way. Compare yours to mine as you run it back to Aoi's."

"Aoi's?" I ask.

"Automatic order input system. Aoi's. It's how we get the orders sent to the kitchen. There's a button for everything on the menu. It's Hotaru's own invention. There will be someone there to take the order slip from you and input it. Take note of how they do this. You will learn that later."

"Whatever happened to just giving the orders directly to the chef?" I ask.

"She does it that way so she can monitor the order trends of the customers. What foods are popular during week days, weekends, and holidays and so on."

"Wow."

"Hotaru is very analytical if you couldn't tell."

"She invented Aoi's herself?" I ask not bothering to contain my amazement.

"Yep. It's patented as well so other restaurants that want to upgrade to Aoi's has to cut her a big fat check first."

"Wow." I repeat.

I look at the pair of machines in the back corner beside the kitchen. Two girls were already standing behind them chatting with each other. They looked impressive and didn't take away from the restaurant's elegance. They are shaped like podiums with touchscreens built in. There is a swipe side for ID cards to record who is in charge of Aoi's at any given time. For accountability Misaki told me.

As the clock drew closer and closer to eight a.m. my palms were starting to sweat. The only thing I knew about being a waitress was what I saw in dramas. What if I screw up and Hotaru fires me on the spot? I push the thought to the back of my head and take a deep breath. No one else seemed nervous or anxious. Everyone looked happy to be there working together. This is an attitude I will have to adopt.

"5, 4, 3, 2- "Misaki counted.

And as a unit, the doors opened and everyone bowed while saying 'Welcome'. I will definitely have to get that part down. I bowed my head as well, but everyone else was already straightening up and showing people to their tables. It's unbelievable that this place is nearly full and it's so early in the morning. I plaster a smile on my face like everyone else and follow Misaki to her first table.

She greets the customer's with a genuine warmth and glow with a smile on her face. She recommends an omelet with such detail about its 'rich flavor and fresh vegetables' that my stomach turns with want. The two women's eyes lit up and they ordered two and a side of piping hot porridge. I scribble down the orders along with Misaki as I was instructed and took Misaki's sheet to one of the girls behind an Aoi's machine. I watched as the brunette behind the machine moved her fingers effortlessly across the screen, selecting the order and quantity. There's a box alongside the order screen labeled 'Specifications'. She clicked the box and an onscreen keyboard appeared. She typed the words 'piping hot' in the box and hit the submit key.

"Customer satisfaction is top priority. If a customer requests a temperature that is what we provide." She said to me.

I nodded eagerly and looked at Misaki's order sheet, the shorthand for omelet and porridge were rather simple. I looked up and she was already at another table. I hurry over to her as she hands another order form to me.

"You have got to keep up newbie." She says.

When Anna arrived at quarter to three I was on my break. Employees get courtesy lunch meals so we don't have to bring outdoor foods in. Hotaru would rather die than have people eat someone else's food in her own restaurant. We're limited to what we can order of course. She may be self-obligated to feed us, but she won't put her profits at risk, Misaki explained to me.

When Anna came in she had her typical air of Lolita bubbliness that the dark ages probably couldn't penetrate. Her eyes lit up upon seeing me and she rushed over to the table where I was sharing my lunch with Youichi. 'Sharing' being the operative word, since he was devouring everything in sight, but it made me so happy to see him eat, that I didn't even notice.

"You're here! How was your first day? Was Misaki everything I said she was? Oh you brought Youichi! He's so adorable. I'm going to go fix my hair. Don't go anywhere."

And like a whirlwind of activity, she disappeared into the back room.

"Sorry about that. Anna operates on a higher frequency than everyone else. I blame the baking fumes." A girl said to me.

I got so caught up in Anna's tornado of words that I didn't even notice she was with someone. I was even more caught off guard because the girl had the same face as Anna except dark blue hair replaced cotton candy pink.

"I'm Nonoko, Anna's twin sister. She told me all about you yesterday. Congratulations on getting the job. Hotaru doesn't really hire on the spot like that so you must really be something." She said.

I realize my mouth was slightly agape at the fact that Anna had a twin. I know that they exist, but
I've never personally met any twins in my life, like they are some kind of mythical creature that originated from folklore to explain yin and yang. But here I am staring at Nonoko who shares DNA with Anna that makes them identical even down to their small noses and big blue eyes.

"Oh. Yeah." I manage to get out.

Smooth. I manage to stare at the girl for a solid minute without saying anything like a moron. She's going to think I'm a freak and tell Anna who will tell Hotaru that she made a big mistake in hiring me and then I'll get fired and then we'll be on the street and I'll have to sell my organs-

She laughed, "Don't worry about it. A lot of people freak out when they first meet Anna and me as a set. I dyed my hair so we wouldn't be so similar, but our resemblance is undeniable. The woes of being a split zygote I'm afraid."

It was my turn to laugh. Nonoko is similar to Anna, but she has her own spark that I've immediately taken a shine to.

"You and your woes." Anna says emerging from the back room, hair done up perfectly.

Nonoko rolls her eyes playfully and they sat down in the two vacant chairs at the table. Youichi finished eating and got up from the table wordlessly and plopped back in his spot on the couch.

"Is he always like that?" Anna asks.

"Always." I reply eating a piece of garlic bread Youichi left. He doesn't like garlic, which to me is a shame. Garlic bread is my favorite. My dad was big on Italian food when he was alive. Our traditional Japanese home got invaded by pasta and ziti some nights.

"She's really spacey." Nonoko says.

I pop my head up and look at them, they're giving me that weird 'what's up with you look'.

"Sorry. I just have a lot on my mind these days." I laugh.

"We were asking where you go to school." Anna said smiling.

"I'm being home schooled right now. Me and Youichi both. My gramps use to be a professor so he's really smart and he likes teaching us." I reply.

I silently thank God that I had thought of a few lies yesterday after the whole application form incident. I can put down a bogus address for now seeing as we get our checks handed to us on payday.

"I thought you went to that other school. What was it again?" Anna asked with a contemplative look on her face.

"Yeah, but seeing as how I want to pay for college myself through working homeschooling is a better alternative."

"So it's just you and your brother all the time?" Nonoko asked.

"Not always. My gramps is home a lot, but Youichi is attached to me since our parents…left."

"They went abroad?" Anna asked.

I nodded quickly, "To America. They love it there."

"Wow. My mom hardly ever leaves the kitchen." Anna commented.

"Our mother owns a bakery. She's always covered in flour and smells like cake batter." Nonoko said with a smile.

"She's always smudging everything with her frosting fingers." Anna commented.

"Like you're one to talk." Nonoko added.

Anna just laughed.

"Do you bake also?" I ask.

Anna turned a little pink, "I'm nowhere near as good as my mom, but I dabble a little."

"A little? You would write your homework in frosting if you could." Nonoko interjected.

"That's brilliant. Are you going to take over your mom's shop?" I asked.

"Not right away. I want to…well…its stupid…forget it." Her cheeks are really red now.

"It's not stupid," Nonoko defends, "She wants to go to France and study to become a pastry chef."

"That's not stupid at all that's amazing." I said genuinely impressed.

"Thanks. I'm not really that smart, but I really want to make it happen." Anna explained.

"You don't need to be smart. You ace French like it's nothing and you can bake like no one's business. You're going, even if I have to drag you there kicking and screaming." Nonoko threatened.

Anna just smiled at her sister and tried to stop blushing.

"Why France?" I ask.

"Aramis Kingcade. French Pastry Chef God." Anna said dreamily.

"You're going because of some guy?"

Anna looked offended, "Some guy? He is the greatest pastry chef in the world. People pay thousands of dollars for his work. He made a chocolate fountain Devil's food cake that was the work of an angelic being."

"So he's not hot?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

Anna went pink again, "Gorgeous. BUT I'm going there purely for educational purposes."

"Riiiight." Nonoko said which sent us both into laughter.

"You guys!"

"Okay, okay, we're sorry. So are you just going to knock on his door and say 'Hi my name is Anna please teach me your heavenly ways?'"

"He has a school in Paris. He travelled the world seeking out the best pastry chefs of the world to teach there. They only accept the best. If I get accepted I'll be able to work anywhere I want. Graduates from his school have the top employment rate after graduation."

"That sounds amazing."

"My application is already finished. If they like it, I'll get to have an interview and if I pass the interview, they'll send a scout to taste my amateur samples to gauge my potential."

Anna's eyes lit up as she went on about Paris and Aramis and the school. I envy her. I want to have that passion for something. Something that I know I'm going to want to do for the rest of my life. Nonoko also shares her dream of going to Tokyo University and major in Genetics to study cloning and how chemicals affect the human body. She says she wants to clone herself because God must've sneezed when he was putting Anna together, to which Anna responded with a not too gentle smack on the arm.

I listened to them bicker on and talk about dreams and the future. Fortunately they didn't ask me anymore questions and then I had to go back to work. I shadowed Anna around the restaurant and really got into the swing of things: taking orders in shorthand, going between tables quickly without running or knocking someone or something over. Turns out being a waitress is just like how they are portrayed in the dramas, except they don't tell you how much your feet hurt or the temptation you have to fight when delivering someone's delicious meal because you are a starving runaway and the aroma of deliciousness calls to you like the devil himself. Nevertheless, I managed to keep a cool head and a graceful demeanor as I went about my work.

As the clock drew nearer to the end of my shift I felt some resentment. Working from eight to four is a typical daily grind for most people, but I need to work more. I need my first paycheck to have enough money to cover a down payment on an apartment. Any decent place would ask for the first and last month's rent especially if they're considering giving an apartment to Youichi and me.

I still have to put some serious thought into what I'm going to do with Youichi even if we do find a place. I'm too paranoid to leave him alone at home for hours and I can't keep bringing him to work with me, it'll get suspicious. This whole runaway with a child thing is getting more complicated every day, but the thought of going back to that house with Yuka and Persona sends a chill down my spine. Thinking about Yuka makes me feel a little light headed because a part of me still worries about her: if Persona is feeding her, if she's showering, if her heart is broken all over again, if she's still alive. I told myself a long time ago that I didn't care if Yuka lived or died, but the eight year old girl who held her mother as she sobbed refused to let me be one hundred percent indifferent.

I have to work for money to take care of Youichi and myself, but work also provides a distraction from my thoughts. I can't think about anything else except for orders and table numbers and hastening my pace with running and trying not to knock something or someone over. It's just a blur of activity that doesn't give my thoughts a chance to creep up on me.

I'm on my way to the back room to swipe out when I see that Hotaru's office door is open. I really wanted to avoid her at all cost just in case she had any resentment towards me, but she did hire me after all, but was I really in any position to try and ask her for a favor? Without even realizing it, I'm walking towards her door. I can hear her tapping away at her keyboard. I take a deep breath and knock on the door frame.

"What?" she replies not looking up from the screen.

"Imai-sama I was wondering…." I couldn't bring myself to finish the question.

"If you're inquiring as to why I hired you, don't misunderstand. I don't appreciate being spoken to in that manner, but you raised my interest enough to see if you can actually do the job. Imagine to my surprise when my establishment is still intact and you've managed not to knock anything over or set anyone on fire. I was half expecting Misaki to demand your termination immediately, but she seems to like you for whatever reason, so your job is safe for now."

"Actually I was wondering if there were any more positions available, perhaps a night shift at your bar."

My request causes her to look up at me, but her amethyst eyes are blank as usual and she says nothing.

"It's just that I really want to start college on time and since I'm being homeschooled now, I can work whole days and I would really appreciate the chance to earn as much as possible and your ad did say that you many open positions. If I can manage not to completely screw up your restaurant, bartending shouldn't be so hard, right?"

My request was beginning to sound like a plea and her silence made me feel even that more pathetic. She just looked at me some more and then shuffled through some papers on her desk I didn't know if it was contemplative or dismissive, so I stood rooted to my spot as she pulled out a single sheet and looked it over.

"You already work full-time in the restaurant and if I give you another position it'll be complicated to sort out your pay, so you can apply for a bartending or waitressing position for the bar and I can determine your income for both separately and combine them for your paycheck."

"Is that a yes?" I ask, somewhat surprised.

She looks up at me again, "Don't get happy, I just don't want to go through another parade of worthless bimbos who try to apply here because of Natsume."

That name again.

"This Natsume guy, is he really that great of a person?"

She rolls her eyes, "Quite the opposite, he's a bastard with a hidden agenda who goes through women like Kleenex."

"You must really hate him." I comment.

"He's one of my closest friends." She sighs.

"Oh."

That's a head scratcher.

"Brutal honesty draws me to people and although you're rude, crass and hopelessly moronic, you're honest. I can't stand a liar."

My stomach twisted uncomfortably and I said nothing in response. She was scribbling on my application, so she didn't notice. Honest? I haven't been honest about anything since I ran away. My name, where I'm from, Youichi, my grandparents, where we live; everything that has come out of my mouth since I stepped foot off that bus has been a lie, but how could I tell anyone the truth? The truth could put Youichi in danger and I can't allow that. If I have to trade honesty for Youichi's life I rather be a liar my whole life. I owe Youichi everything, everyone else will have to come last. The only person in this world I cannot lie to is him.

Hotaru slid the paper across the desk for me to sign. Her purple pen marks up my new job hours: Monday thru Friday I work in the restaurant from eight a.m. to four p.m. and Thursday thru Sunday I work in the club from eight p.m. to midnight. I work every day, but I have Saturday and Sunday mornings off, which will probably, be filled with apartment shopping and trying to figure out Youichi's school situation. Even though I'm technically a high school dropout, I want Youichi to go to school. It's just a matter of how. And seeing as 'how' is the major point of the problem, I can't exactly move forward.

I signed the paper and slid it back across the desk to her. She put it back in a pile and started tapping away at her computer again. I took that as my dismissal and went back to the employee lounge to get Youichi after I clocked out. I was fastening his scarf around his neck when Anna came in.

"Are you on break already?" I asked her, fastening the scarf.

"No I just came to see you off." She said with a smile.

"So are we like friends now?" I joked.

"Of course! I hired you didn't I?"

I just laughed and put on my coat. Youichi buried his hands in his pockets and leaned against the wall looking at nothing in particular while I put on my stuff. Anna is trying to get Youichi to tell her what his favorite snack is. She's really cute kneeling down next to him; her big blue eyes are looking at him with intrigue and eagerness to reach out to him.

"Come on Youichi-chan. I want to know what your voice sounds like."

I smiled to myself as I took my hair down and wrapped my scarf around my neck when Anna's shriek made me jump out of my skin.

"Don't you ever touch me again!" Youichi practically screamed.

I turned around to see Anna sprawled on the floor and Youichi with balled fist and an ugly scowl on his face. My eyes went wide with fear as he lifted his arm to strike her.

"Youichi no!" I yelled running for him, but a different hand stopped him.

"What the heck?" the man asked with a firm hold on Youichi's wrist.

My body is shaking all over and the room is spinning. The hatred that was in Youichi's eyes and the terrified look on Anna's face reminded me so much of Persona the chills are still pulsing through me. I can't calm myself down enough to get a word in. Youichi steals his arm away and looks at me. He realized what he just did and I can see the revelation shakes him to the core.

"Anna? Are you ok?" the guy asks kneeling beside her, but she can't take her gaze off of Youichi. Her eyes are wide and full of fear and confusion.

"Who are you and what the heck is going on?" the guy says sternly to me.

I nearly jump out of my skin. I suppress tears and grab my bag.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry. I'm so sorry." I say and keep repeating as I grab Youichi's and hurry out of Imai's as quickly as I can.

I didn't stop running until we reached a bench at a bus stop a few blocks away. I collapse onto my knees and start sobbing. I don't mean to, but they won't stop coming. All the fear and anger I felt towards Persona for planting even the smallest seed of darkness in Youichi made me feel a rage that consumes my entire body. My shoulders shake as I cry. I can feel Youichi's eyes on me, but I can't look at him.

I was stupid to think that we could run from Persona. He's everywhere; in every weary glance, in every raised hand, in our minds, darkening our hearts, directing our nightmares. We can't run.

"I'm bad, aren't I?" Youichi said after a minute.

I looked at him, but he was looking at his trembling hands with wide eyes. When you're a kid you learn about superheroes and villains, right and wrong, good and bad. As you grow you learn about the shades of grey: white lies, vigilantes, me 'kidnapping' Youichi to get him away from the source of our terrors. It doesn't make sense at first but as you continue to grow, you realize that nothing does. The set boundaries you receive as a child begin to fade and nothing is the same.

As I look at Youichi, I can feel him slipping. Darkness is creeping into him and he's afraid and not of Persona, but of himself. I wipe my face on the back of sleeve and take his hands in mine. He looks up at me confused and afraid. I kiss his palms tenderly, one after the other and cup his hands in mine and look into his eyes. I can't waver. Not in this moment, not ever again.

"You are not bad. Don't even think that." I tell him.

His trembling hands refused to be steadied by mine. So I wrap his entire little body in my arms and hold him like I'm losing him. Just stay. That's what I want to tell him. Don't turn into something that makes you look at your own hands as if they're covered in blood.

"You're okay. I promise. Everything is going to be okay."

"I thought she was gonna-"

I shushed him, "I know. But I will protect you. I'll always protect you."

His body is rigid in my arms, an unconscious refusal to be comforted. Tears are welling up again; it's not enough to be away from Persona. It's like we've contracted a disease that's no longer environmental it's inside of us. The fear, the rage, everything that we've experienced is still with us. I was foolish to think that we could just leave it all behind like it never happened. The past shapes who we are and affects our present.

The bruises fade, the wounds heal, and distance separates us from what we fear the most, but we are left shaken in the wake of that has happened.

And we are never the same.

I know, I know. Not the Natsume chap I promised, but I'm trying to time everything well and not rush through it. Currently in the story it's Wednesday which means Mikan starts at the bar tomorrow. I have a few ideas for the chapter but nothing conclusive so I don't know when it will be up.

Lots of Love

Chi-chan