Hello devoted readers,

Due to no internet in my casa you've had to wait an additional number of days for this chapter and I apologize. I hope it's length makes up for it. Sorry for any mistakes as usual I'm in a hurry to update for you since I have access to a computer.

Anyways

ReadxEnjoyxReview

Chapter 10: Drown

I can't keep my eyes off Sumire's neck that following Thursday night. I haven't gone back to the gas station since Koko's inquiry about my opinion on hot cakes, which for some reason still has me on edge. I suppose it could be a simple question to distract from the fact that I'm a potential, no longer homeless kidnapper, but I don't think that's the case. I have this feeling like every conversation I have in this town is a test. My answers determine whether or not I pass. 'Do you like pancakes?' could be code for, 'Are you a kidnapper?' and so on. I know it doesn't make any sense, but my paranoia is mounting instead of subsiding as the days go on. The more comfortable I allow myself to become, the more likely I am to mess up and I cannot afford to mess up, financially or otherwise.

As I balance my tub through the crowd, I have my peripheral vision trained on Sumire's every move, which is easy seeing as she never moves from her perch on the bar. She tosses her neck this way and that, laughing and sipping drinks with various guys. The necklace hangs loosely around her dainty neck, threatening to submerge itself into her protruding cleavage. It sparkles for a brief moment when the light hits it the right way, mocking me with its presence, like some evil link to my past or maybe a tracking device.

I want to get rid of it. I need to get rid of it. But how to do so is a whole other story. I could trip and swipe the necklace off of her, but she'd notice that, not to mention get extremely pissed off. I could tell her that it's a knock off, but something tells me Sumire can spot a real diamond clear as day across six lanes of heavy traffic. I could try to get into a fight with her, but Sumire doesn't seem like a brawling kind of girl, not to mention I would most definitely lose my job.

I wipe the table in front of me without looking at it because Sumire starts moving the pendant along the silver chain. It's like she knows I'm staring at her, but she's too busy flirting to even notice me.

I make it all the way to the end of my shift without coming up with a plan to get the necklace. Sumire leaves on the arm of some guy, not helping to clean up as usual. The bar takes a great deal more to clean since there is alcohol and sticking footprints everywhere. To earn our workers compensation we straighten tables, retrieve glasses, organize chairs and restock the shelves. We do this until the professional cleaning crew comes in. They start doing their thing and everyone says their "Good nights" to one another. I jog up the stairs and retrieve my coat, bag, and brother and start on the journey home.

I don't even hear Tsubasa calling my name as I begin mounting the stairs of our apartment stairs.

"Oh. Hi. Sorry." I say finally acknowledging him.

"Lost in thought?" He said standing at the foot of the stairs looking up at me.

"Completely. It's new territory for me." I joke weakly.

He chuckled a bit, "Well you guys should have dinner with us." He says with that goofy grin.

"Us?" I repeat.

But he doesn't answer me and just makes a motion for us to follow him. Youichi tightens his grip on my hand. I give him a small reassuring smile and lead him back down the stairs and down the hallway behind Tsubasa. He holds an apartment door open and the aroma of delicious meat nearly knocks me off my feet.

"Hey babe, Mikan's here." Tsubasa says flopping down on their three seater couch.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" A familiar voice calls from the kitchen.

Suddenly Misaki appears in the doorway wearing a pink apron that matches her pink mess of tresses she has pulled up in a bun on top of her head. I blink at her for a moment thinking that I am imagining her standing there, but no, there she is holding a wooden spoon in one hand and shoving Tsubasa away with the other. She looks very different from her composed, drill sergeant self with flour smeared on her cheeks and rice on the corner of her mouth.

Their apartment is larger than ours and fully furnished. After I remove my shoes, I step up into the entryway where there is a small table with envelopes piled on top and two sets of keys. I help Youichi out of his coat and hang it up on the coat rack. I remove my own coat slowly, taking in my surroundings: the smell of Misaki's meal, the warmth of the apartment, the western style furniture. A dark wood coffee table with magazines spread on the surface, a white couch with several brightly colored throw pillows decorating it, a black leather arm chair to the left, a messy bookshelf in the corner, and pale green sheer curtains hang in front of the windows.

I pull Youichi behind me as we follow Tsubasa and Misaki into the dining section where a beautiful dinner is spread. Barbequed meats, white rice, vegetables, soup, and a jug of iced green tea. I could hardly cover the sound of my stomach rumbling. Tsubasa ushered us into two seats as Misaki wiped her face and took off her apron.

"It isn't much, but I'm proud of the result." She said as she sat down next to Tsubasa.

"Are you kidding? It's gorgeous." I say looking over each dish.

"Well then let's dig in." Tsubasa says with his cheesy grin and chop sticks held in the air.

A comfortable silence fills the room as we eat. Everyone more preoccupied with their bowls instead of trying to make conversation which I am thankful for. I imagine this is what my life would have been like if Persona wasn't such a bastard. My life went straight to hell after my dad died, but it had countless opportunities to get better, but every opportunity just gave my mom another chance to make matters so much worse. Like the fact she even met someone was an opportunity, but instead of a nice accountant or maybe even a construction worker, she had to meet Persona of all people. Out of anyone she could have met, it had to him. I never wanted to succumb to the life I was given. People say things like "Everything happens for a reason" and "The red string of fate", but I refuse to believe that garbage because I don't want to believe that misery is something that someone had already set up for me. I have no say in the matter? Some divine force rolled the die and now I'm doomed to be this miserable, scarred and broken human being for the rest of my life? I'm anchored to my misery by the red string of fate?

No thank you.

I want to write my own destiny. Fill the pages of my novel with my own convictions and how I strive to make my life better every single day. Each day presents another chance, a fresh start and I won't take any of it for granted. I could've died tragically during these past three years and become another statistic case of violence in the home, but I'm alive. I'm surviving and trying to leave that life in the past.

Misery, be damned.

I catch glimpses of Tsubasa and Misaki and wonder what the future could hold for them as well: a small house with two kids and a dog. They'll sit at the table as we all are now and talk about their day like a normal family. I've tried to imagine myself in these types of scenarios, but it all seems farfetched to me. Meeting someone, falling in love, living with them, getting proposed to, marrying them, it just seems like a life that will forever be elusive to me.

But why?

Why can't I have the things that come so naturally to others? Maybe I just don't believe anyone can love me or maybe my life has been so screwed up that anything resembling normalcy is just not conceivable. Whatever the case, my world just doesn't have any room for normal so instead I'll just borrow some from others around me to get me by.

"So Mikan, Tsubasa tells me you suckered him into letting you squat here."

I laugh off my anxiety, "Nothing like that. He's just letting us stay here to keep some crazy lady and her screaming kid out."

"She's still coming around here?" Misaki says looking sharply at Tsubasa.

"Not anymore once I told her I rented the apartment out." He said in a very bored tone.

From Misaki's sudden attitude change I'm guessing the woman had been by before and didn't make a good impression with the future Mrs.

"Anyway Mikan how's work?" Tsubasa asked, "Imagine my surprise when Misaki starts telling me about this newbie at the restaurant named Mikan. What a coincidence."

"Yeah I was just thinking that." I reply taking a sip of my green tea.

"Well it's a small world after all." Misaki says with a smile.

"Now you can have dinner with us more often." Tsubasa says.

Before I could begin to argue, Misaki jumps in, "Yeah we can talk about all the crappy waitresses behind their backs and you can tell me all about the bar."

The mischievous glint in her eyes told me there was no way I was getting out of it. We spent the next hour eating and Misaki telling horror stories about when she first started working at the restaurant where the boss is younger than she is. We laughed and drank green tea; Youichi ate till his heart's content and flopped on the couch in front of the television. I could tell he was at ease even though we've never been here before. I guess seeing me talk and laugh so much helped him get comfortable. My sides were sore from laughing so hard. I use to think that Misaki was kind of cold, but she's really nice and funny. She and Tsubasa make a perfect pair. There are little moments where they would just look at each other while telling a story or making a joke that warmed my heart. Two people in love, is quite a sight to behold.

I help Misaki clear the table and wash the dishes. Standing at the sink together made me realize that she's slightly taller than me, but not by much. I think I made her bigger in my head because she is usually such an authority figure, but right now she is just Misaki and I am just Mikan; two girls washing dishes while Youichi sleeps on the couch and Tsubasa takes out the trash.

"We really should do this more often." Misaki said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah it was really fun." I chimed in.

"It's nice to see you not so serious."

"Me? What about you?" I laughed.

She nudged me with her elbow playfully, "You know what I mean. You always seem to be in a different world, like its work or die in your head."

I try to laugh off the comment, but it's a little dry in my throat all of a sudden.

She continues, "I can understand though, being on your own with no help. It feels like the whole world sucks and there's nothing, but self-reliance."

I stay silent and dry another dish as she hands it to me. I can feel her looking at me, but I can't make myself make eye contact. I feel as though my eyes might say something I'll regret later.

"It's okay you know," She says eyes still on me, "To rely on people sometimes."

I sigh and place the dish into the clean pile, "Not in my experience. People either let you down or they die."

"I've been where you are Mikan and it's-"

"Looks like Youichi is passed out." Tsubasa said coming back into the kitchen suddenly.

"Yeah I should get some sleep before my shift tomorrow." I say drying my hands on my jeans.

"I'll help you." Tsubasa said throwing Misaki a look I didn't quite understand.

Tsubasa lifted Youichi off the couch and followed me out of the apartment. We walked up the stairs in silence and to make myself feel less awkward I actually counted every step until we got to my front door. I unlocked it and turned to take Youichi from Tsubasa who looked surprisingly remorseful.

"I'm sorry about Misaki. She really means well. I was sort of eavesdropping earlier." He confessed.

"It's okay. I know she has good intentions."

"Still, I didn't mean to spill the beans." He said looking genuinely regretful.

"It's alright really. You shouldn't keep secrets from your fiancée anyway. All is forgiven."

He hands Youichi to me and gives me a little wave before heading back down the hallway. I watch him go for a while before going into my apartment. I lay Youichi down on top of the futon and get him into his pajamas. The amount of food he ate put him in a hibernation-like sleep, I undressed and redressed him in his pajamas and he didn't even fidget. I tuck him under the blanket and stroke his hair for a minute.

We've slept together on several occasions over the years as a safety in numbers technique, but I've never really looked at Youichi like I do nowadays. Remembering every curve of his face, the faint scar on his forehead, his eyelash length, his hair color and how soft it is, everything I now know by heart from watching him sleep and just being around him so much in general. I wonder if we're anything like real siblings.

I get up and head to the bathroom after my little moment of reflection. It's a little after two in the morning and I have to help open the restaurant like I do almost every day of the week. I wish I could remember what sleeping in felt like. Even on Saturday and Sunday I'm up at the crack of dawn: cleaning, doing laundry, calculating the budget, reading my poetry book, making Youichi breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner if he wants Ramen.

I wash my face in the sink with warm water. My skin isn't as pale as it was before and even though I'm running on fewer hours of sleep than usual, I don't look as tired and lifeless as I use to even in the dark of my bathroom I can make out the faint outline of my face. Nobara and Anna are always telling me how pretty I am and that I should dress up more. I laugh it off every time the conversation even comes up. Under my skin I feel like my true self exist and it's ugly and dirty and broken. I go back to Youichi on the futon. I lie down next to him with my hair sprawled out underneath me as I stare at the dark ceiling.

Nighttime used to be so ominous. I never really slept, only part of me slept while the other part of me listened for footsteps on the stairs or voices in the house. If I heard anything out of the ordinary, my exhaustion left me and I was out of my bed and at the door ready to run or intervene at a moment's notice. Now, night is just a time of almost complete silence. A few cars going down the street, maybe a person speaking too loud or laughing, but that's about it. Sweet silence surrounding us, so quiet I can hear my own heart beating. I just feel it pulsing beneath my ribs and let it lull me to sleep as I counted. . .

One Two Three Four…

"You're not working today." She repeated.

"I beg your pardon?" I repeat for the umpteenth time.

"Are you deaf or something?" Hotaru said sounding more irritated.

"I have to work. It's Friday, there's going to be an all-day rush and I cover three of Misaki's tables." I try to reason.

"I don't care. I will not have you suing me for exploitation of your situation nor will I have you dropping dead in the middle of my establishment."

I sink back into the chair in front of her desk and sigh. Working is the only thing I've been doing since I got here. A "day off" isn't in my vocabulary.

"Fine I'll just come in for my night shift at the bar."

"When I say not working today, that also includes the bar." She said scribbling down on a sheet of paper.

She hadn't looked up at me since she called me in her office ten minutes ago. She just sat there scribbling away and telling me that I need a day off. This girl is really a piece of work.

I strut around to the back of her desk and take the pen from her hands and push all her papers off her desk and on to the floor.

"Are you insane? I said take a day off, not attempt to get yourself fired." She said in her most annoyed tone.

"If you're making me take a day off, I'm making you take a day off." I announce pressing a bunch of buttons trying to shut off her computer screen.

She just kind of sits there (I'm guessing in shock) as I fumble with the computer and her papers. I grab her hand, which is a new sensation for the both of us I can assure you, and pull her out of her chair with some difficulty at first, but eventually she gets up. I pick up her cashmere sweater off the hook screwed into the wall near the door. I drape it over her shoulders and wrap her scarf around her neck several times making her look a little ridiculous. She keeps glaring at me but doesn't interrupt. I march her out of her office with a firm grip on her hand and she stopped resisting.

"Come on Youichi." I call out into the employee lounge.

He pokes his head up and leaps off the couch casting weary glances at the two of us, but I just smile and take his hand with my free one and march us through the back entrance.

"You have a car I assume?" I say to Hotaru releasing her hand.

She doesn't answer me as she pushes her arms through the sleeves of her sweater and adjusts her scarf to its proper position. She then digs in her pocket for a moment. With a jingle and a jangle she pulls out what look like car keys. I snatch them from her, much to her disdain, and pull them along the alleyway and down the street. In front of the restaurant there are several cars parked, but it was easy to spot Hotaru's.

It's a posh silver Mercedes-Benz that looks like it belongs on a showroom floor. I click the unlock button on the keys and the lights on the car blink twice. Hotaru helps Youichi into the backseat since it's a two door car, and then settles herself into the passenger side. I slid into the driver's seat and slid the key into the ignition and started the car.

For the record I've never driven a motor vehicle in my life so sitting behind the wheel of my boss's expensive Mercedes both excites and terrifies me especially since Hotaru is now being so complacent. She just sits in the passenger seat fastening her seat belt and staring blankly ahead. Everything I know about cars I've basically learned from instructional videos, girl talk in my school, and movies.

Curiousity is about to kill a car full of cats.

After a few minutes her eyebrow arch upward at me.

"You do know how to drive don't you?" She asked.

I just smile and put the car in 'Drive', "Of course."

And then I peel away from the curb.

"Just stop the car." She says again.

"No I got it." I say slamming sharply on the brakes and then accelerating.

"I thought you said you knew how to drive." Hotaru said.

"I do. . .In theory." I reply giving her a sheepish grin to which she glares.

"Pull this car over now Sakura." She demands.

"I got it Imai." I counter.

I pull off of the busy intersection and try to accelerate slowly down the street. Both Hotaru and Youichi are clinging to their seats for dear life, but I am having a blast. I have no clue where I'm going, but the rush of driving a car is intense and I just want to do ninety in any direction.

"Where are we going?" She asks practically clawing her nails into the dashboard.

"Does it matter? It's our day off." I say trying to successfully ease into a gentle stop with little success.

"I'm suing you for emotional trauma." She says.

"And whiplash." Youichi adds from the backseat.

"Oh, pipe down you spoiled sports. Loosen up." I say.

"You are so beyond fired." She mutters in her seat.

I just smile and accelerate through the intersection when a diner catches my eye. It's on the opposite side of the street so I have to maneuver a little to park in front of it and by maneuver I mean swing across four lanes of traffic without signaling.

Oops.

Hotaru is glaring at me with the hot intensity of the devil herself, but I just happily cut off the engine and get out of the car. The early morning air is brisk, but I my cheeks feel hot. I help Youichi out of the car on the driver side and we stand on the sidewalk waiting for Hotaru to get out, but she just stares ahead not moving a muscle like a car dummy.

I walk up to the window and knock on the glass. She closes her eyes tightly like she's trying to suppress her annoyance. I guess I'm just not trying hard enough.

I open the door, "Hotaru, come on."

"I refuse." She states.

"Why?"

"One: I do not eat diner food. Two: I do not set foot in diners. Three: You are fired. Now give me my car keys."

I shake my head and suppress my urge to laugh, "One: You need to get out more. Two: We are not employee and employer right now. Three: You are going in."

I grab her hand and pull her out of the car which surprises her so much that she actually stumbles out of the car. I lock the door before she can even think about retreating and drag her into the diner while Youichi holds the door open. I greet the red headed waitress who looks to be in her mid-thirties and dragged Hotaru into a booth. I place her in the corner seat and sit next to her and Youichi sits across from us.

The waitress drops several menus on our table and takes our drink orders. I order Hotaru and me a cup of coffee and Youichi some hot chocolate.

"See? You haven't spontaneously combusted." I say opening a menu.

She mutters something about not yet. A moment later a buzzing sound started coming from her pocket. She pulls a slim, touchscreen cell phone out of her pocket and presses an on screen key.

"Hello."

…

"I'm being held against my will. Send rescue."

I snatch the phone out of her hands and end the call.

"That was impolite." She said.

"So is answering the phone while we're in the middle of bonding. You want to know me and I want to the enigma that is Hotaru Imai so let's play twenty questions."

"Are you a kidnapper?"

I nearly spit my coffee all over the table.

"First the boy, now me, your reign of terror needs to end."

"That's not-", I try to explain.

"Is this how you intend to break me? By forcing me to eat poorly prepared, disease ridden diner food? Then you'll just leave my body in the woods to be ravaged by raccoons and wolves."

I just stare at her for a moment, "You really have problems, don't you?"

"Right now my only problem is being kidnapped by an idiot."

"I'll start, how old are you exactly?" I ask pouring more sugar into my coffee.

She sighs deeply and glares at me for a moment before resigning internally and taking a sip from her coffee cup.

"Eighteen." She says.

"Exactly?"

"October 25th of last year. So yes, eighteen and several months."

"Your turn." I say signaling the waitress for another cup.

"Where are you from?" she asks.

"About a day's bus ride from here." I reply.

"That was specific."

"You didn't ask for specifics." I countered.

"Can I take your order?" the waitress asked, pulling a pen out of her hair bun and a notepad out of her apron pocket.

I look at Hotaru, "Let me guess, you're an egg whites and whole wheat toast kind of girl."

She rolled her eyes, but didn't deny it. I just smile because I know I hit the nail on the head.

"Let's see. What do you want Youichi?"

"Bacon."

"That's just one thing. Let's all have omelets with a side of bacon and some toast."

"More hot chocolate."

"Youichi aren't you forgetting something?"

"With whip cream." He responds slouching down in his seat.

We're still working on his manners obviously, but the waitress just smiles and takes no offense.

"Well aren't you just the sweetest thing." The waitress comments as she picks up our menus.

In my sweater pocket, Hotaru's phone starts buzzing for the third time. I pull the device out of my pocket and look at the screen.

'$$Ruka$$'

I guess her little lapdog can't find me and is calling to report it. Won't he be surprised? I can feel the corners of my mouth turning up into a smirk as I click the on screen 'Answer' button.

"Hotaru's phone this is Mikan!" I answer cheerily.

I can practically hear his confusion over the line and see that dumbstruck pretty boy expression on his face. I just continue to smile as he fumbles for words.

"Sometime today maybe Ruka, Hotaru and I have things to do."

"Sorry about that Sakura-san. You and Hotaru are together?"

"Yes. Is that so strange?"

"Well yes, seeing as Hotaru doesn't really go anywhere with anyone."

"Yes I know we're working on this horrible personality of hers, teaching her to lighten up."

"That's great? Um. . . Can I speak to her?"

"I'm sorry that won't be possible. Hotaru is taking the day off and I can't risk you talking to her about something work related. I will give her phone back after she has shown some improvement. Ta-ta!"

Hotaru glares at me with her stone cold violet eyes. I don't think she can decide between whether to fire me for real or throttle me. I think she is too dignified to wrestle me down to the ground in a public setting, especially one that she deems unsanitary.

"What?" I ask innocently.

She crosses her arms defiantly across her chest just in time for the waitress to place our plates in front of us. I've never seen an omelet look so delicious; stuffed with cheese and piping hot. Three crisp slices of bacon alongside it. I pick up my fork and get ready to dig in when I notice Hotaru sitting stiff staring at the plate like it might jump out and strangle her. She shakes her head a tad and just picks up her coffee cup. I put my fork back down and sigh.

"So you're just not going to eat?" I ask.

She doesn't respond and just signals the waitress for another cup of coffee by waving her empty mug in the air.

"There are millions of starving people in the world and you're just going to sit there and let a perfectly good omelet go to waste."

"My company donates lots of money to third world countries; I can afford to pass up a subpar omelet in a tacky diner."

I scoff and shove a big piece of omelet in my mouth, "I think I know what you're problem is."

"This should be good." She says rolling her eyes.

"Yeah it will be. You don't care about anyone do you? Just you and your money."

"Why should I care about anything else?" She asks arching an eyebrow at me.

"Because that's how you get friends?" I reply taking another bite of omelet.

"I don't need friends, just people to do things for me and get little in return."

"Slaves?"

"That's a crass term. Besides I have yet to strike anyone."

"But that's what we're talking about here. You don't like people that much is clear, but you like to use them for labor, which is why everyone who is employed at your establishment is in the same class as you or around the same age."

"Are you always this perceptive?" She commented taking another sip from her cup.

"No one ever challenges you. You just get whatever you want." I continue.

"No one ever challenges me because they know they'll lose and I get what I want because I have the means to take it. For someone who doesn't want to be judged, you sure pass a lot of judgment. You say you don't owe anybody anything, but you owe a lot. I gave you a job without calling the police, Tsubasa gave you an apartment without payment and you have the nerve to walk around like you're so independent."

"I never-", but she cut me off.

"You raise red flags everywhere you go and it's only a matter of time before whatever you're running away from catches up to you. Maybe you've had a hard life, but that doesn't give you the right to say who can and can't act a certain way. Everyone is damaged."

"Including you?"

"You say I don't have friends and maybe that's true. I just don't want to lean on anyone or need validation from anyone. I'm perfectly fine standing on my own two feet. If that makes me an 'Ice Queen' then so be it. Tell me again how different we are. Just because I don't bounce around laughing and smiling forming fake connections with people I have no intention to trust, makes you better than me?"

I hold my tongue because I know she's right. I have been judging her and others and pretending I'm a one woman army, but truth be told I owe everything to Hotaru and Tsubasa, without them I'd be homeless and jobless. I don't trust any of these people even though they've given me reasons to trust them. Scary enough as it seems, Hotaru and I are potentially wired the same way, only she stands true to herself by going the extra mile to let people know they're going to have a hell of a time breaking down her walls whereas I make people think that I trust them and that we have a connection, when in reality I don't let anyone really know the real me.

"I guess you're right," I finally say after an awkward pause, "and I'm really sorry. I guess I never realized how much I sucked at being on my own."

"If it was easy, everyone would run away from home." She said over the rim of her cup.

"Anywhere is better than where I was." I said.

"Did your mom cut your allowance?" she asked.

I think that's Hotaru's attempt at a joke so I laughed, "Not exactly. Things like that don't really apply to my situation."

We were both silent again. Youichi was still eating his massive omelet with enthusiasm, but I know he's listening to some extent. Our waitress refills our coffee mugs as we sit there. I wrap my hands around the cup to warm them up.

"So is this little field trip over? Can I be released now?" She asked.

"It's not even eight a.m. and you're already trying to bail. I never pegged you for a quitter."

"I don't enjoy spending prolonged amounts of time with someone with below average intelligence."

"I'm not that much of an idiot seeing as I have both your cell phone and car keys. I can strand you here if I had half a mind to."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

We sit there staring at each other for a moment with her glaring at me and me smirking confidently, quite pleased with myself. She arches her eyebrow at me and I just shove my last piece of omelet into my mouth.

"Tell you what," I say swallowing the egg-y deliciousness, "If you take a big honking bite of that omelet I will return your car keys."

"And cell phone." She adds.

"No cell phone." I counter.

"No phone, no deal."

"You get one call."

She's quiet for a moment, but then picks up her fork. For a moment I think she might just stab me in the eye with it, but instead she uses it to cut off a piece of the omelet and pick it up. She just stares at it for a moment looking like she might hurl.

"You don't have to it you don't want to. I'll still respect you even if you're a big sissy. I mean you do sign my checks after all."

Without warning, she shoves the entire morsel into her mouth and chews savagely.

"Can we go now?" She says between bites.

I nearly burst with laughter, but I settle for handing her the car keys with a triumphant smile on my face. I leave several bills on the table and get up to let Hotaru out of the booth. I wipe Youichi's mouth with a clean napkin and take his hand as we follow Hotaru outside to her car. I help Youichi into the back seat and slip into the passenger seat. I watch Hotaru closely to make sure she doesn't spit the omelet into the street, but she manages to force it down, despite the 'incoming projectile vomiting' look on her face. She starts the car and holds her hand open to me.

"My phone call." She says curtly.

I slip the phone into her hands, starting to feel a little regretful now. I don't want her to fire me (for real this time), but at the same time the only way to get what you want is to have the means to take it right? With Hotaru everything is a game of leverage, so I thought I might try my hand at playing, but she's looking really upset pounding her thumb away on her touch screen phone.

She started the ignition and pulled the car away from the curb with ease. I make mental notes in my head as she drives. I do hope to get my license one day, but I don't think my 'need-for-speed-what-is-a-speed-limit' method will get me very far, license wise.

"I'm on my way." She says into the phone and hangs up.

I don't even recall her saying 'Hello' into the phone, but Hotaru seems like the type of girl who doesn't like to waste her breath on such frivolities like 'Hi' and 'Bye'. She slips the phone into her cars cup holder and turns off of a busy intersection. We spend almost a half an hour in silence. I reached for the car radio at one point, but Hotaru's icy 'Don't' made my hand freeze in mid-air and retreat to its original position. Now I'm completely engrossed in the scenery: the streams of sunlight peeking through the trees, the hints of blue sky behind the thickening clouds. I hope it doesn't rain. Cold weather and rain has never been a combination I could tolerate.

Suddenly we're submerged in a residential area. Houses similar to the one I've spent the past three years imprisoned in make me shudder slightly. I remind myself that houses are not evil. At the end of the road we pull off the road and up into a driveway almost as long as the street itself, completely paved with brick. We stop several feet in to wait for the gates to open. There's a beep noise and a loud clank, then the iron gates swing inward to let the car through.

I sit in awe as we roll up the driveway and around the half circle to the front steps where there is a an older gentleman wearing a chauffeur's uniform waiting for us. Hotaru turns the car off and yanks the key out in one graceful motion sliding out of the car like a regular princess and if we are where I think we are then she really must be. The chauffeur doesn't blink an eye at us and just takes the keys from Hotaru, bowing deeply as she passes him to ascend the stairs. I watch her walk for a while, perfect posture as always with the ends of her scarf drifting in the wind.

The front double doors open almost automatically as we get within range of it. There are several maids standing by the door arms outstretched ready to take her coat, scarf, and blazer. I nearly jumped out of my skin when one of them tapped me on the shoulder from behind. I feel a little ridiculous seeing as Youichi is calmly letting two of the other maids take of his coat, hat, sweater, and scarf. The maids bow to dismiss themselves and disappear through one of the walkways. Hotaru is waiting at the foot of the grand staircase with eyebrows arched.

Well excuse me miss high and mighty, but some of us aren't use to such luxuries.

I take Youichi's hand and follow her up the stairs, which are carpeted by the way. The stairway goes off in two separate directions before continuing upward. We follow her up the left half of the stairway and down an elegantly decorated hallway with paintings, sculputures and giant vases. We come to two double doors with 'Hotaru' labeled in the center. There is a key pad built into the wall alongside the door, she punches in several buttons, each beeping as they are pressed. Several seconds pass and the doors swing open in a single motion and the lights in the room turn on.

If this was a cartoon, my jaw would be on the floor and my tongue would stretch several feet in front of me. I try not to hyperventilate as we follow Hotaru into the room. It's like something out of a dream. Decorated in several shades of purple with white accents, the room is elaborate with a royalty décor. A king size canopy bed with a million pillows on top the bedspread and sheer white curtains hanging down around it took up almost the entire left side of the room. The carpet looked practically brand new, making me feel guilty for having my shoes on, but Hotaru had hers on as well and made no motion to remove them. We pass a vanity table and chair, the surface is bare of any vanity supplies like brushes or jewelry.

In fact the entire room seemed to lack anything personal, like it was just for show. The night tables on either side of the bed have matching lamps and on top of them, but other than that they too were void of any personal knick knacks.

"Your room is amazing." I say looking up at the high ceiling were a beautiful underwater scenery is embedded in the molding.

"I know." She says dismissively.

I guess for someone like Hotaru, a palace like this is quite fitting. A small living area complete with white couches, a coffee table and elaborate bookcase embedded in the wall grabbed Youichi's attention. He wandered along the long row of books skimming over titles as he went. I turn back to the vanity and approach it slowly I trace my finger along the glossy surface. The maids must clean this place from the time Hotaru leaves right until she gets back. A circular outline on the table catches my attention. I run my finger along the curve. A scratch maybe? Couldn't be, Hotaru would have noticed something like that. Unless my theory is correct and this room really is for show.

Upon closer inspection, the curve in the table actually makes a full circle in the surface. I press on it lightly and nearly jump out of my skin as the table makes and whirring noise and starts expanding. The top portion slides back into the bottom wood panel of the mirror revealing a complete set of make-up and hair accessories.

"Wow!" I exclaim hardly able to contain my amazement.

Brushes, combs, lip stick, eye liner, a complete array of girl essentials built into her vanity table. I look at all the different colors and styles, there is even some perfume. It's very odd on some several, seeing as Hotaru doesn't strike me as the type to sitting in front of a mirror grooming herself. Speaking of the devil, I think to myself as Hotaru appears beside me pressing another secret button built into the mirrors frame and the vanity turns back into a simple table.

"That's amazing!" I practically shriek forgetting my proximity to Hotaru.

Hotaru winces at my volume, but doesn't reply as she turns back to her computer desk that sits in front of her large window.

"It's like you're a secret agent or something with all of these hidden gizmos. What else does your room do?"

"Are you always this loud?" she asks.

"You'll get used to it." I reply not missing a beat.

"I doubt it."

"Come on! You bring me to your amazing room in your amazing house and you expect me to be so cavalier? Sorry but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be in a place like this." I say looking at a painting on the wall next to a door which must lead to Hotaru's bathroom. It's a watercolor of the Eiffel Tower during sunset the colors in the sky are blended together: purple, scarlet, burnt orange, into a beautiful pattern that must only exist in Paris.

"I only brought you here so I can take emergency medication in case that slop you call food you made me ingest decides to make a second appearance." She says clicking away on her computer.

I just roll my eyes. I'm too engrossed in the painting to retort or pry her away from her computer where she is no doubt doing something work related. I doubt I could get her away anyway she probably has computer built into the walls, but maybe if I did a little snooping she'd have no choice. Without thinking twice about it, I twist the knob on the door and walk into the room. I was right on the money about it being the bathroom, but apparently the term 'bathroom' has its own meaning in this lap of luxury.

The floor is covered in white tiles that shine as I walk across the lavish space. A sink is embedded into the marble counter that is decorated with purple scented candles and a vase of white flowers I don't recognize. The sink sits in front of a huge mirror that spans several feet across. The bathtub takes up the center of the room elevated slightly where you need a half step to reach it. The shower stands in the corner with frosted glass design so the inside could not be seen. I open the door and the frost design disappears leaving just transparent glass. I stood there opening and closing the door for a moment completely awe struck. The entire room is spotless and smells like cleaner. There are two other doors, one adjacent to the sink that leads to a separate toilet room and another that leads into Hotaru's closet.

And what a closet.

It's like I was transported into a department store at a shopping mall. Each wall of the closet is covered with racks filled with clothes. Perfectly hung outfits from suits to dresses. There are even cushioned benches in front of the floor to ceiling shoe rack. There is no denying Hotaru's gender if the staggering amount of shoes she owns is any indication. Hotaru could open a boutique in her own closet. There's another door that leads back to the bedroom. I can see Hotaru through the doorway showing Youichi a small device. I walk out of her closet in time to see a large television rise out of her carpeted floor.

"Is there anything you don't have in this place?" I ask flopping down into her couch, which is the most comfortable seating my butt has ever experienced.

She looked thoughtful for a moment, "A decent security system."

"You're kidding." I say arching an eyebrow.

"My mother won't let me arm the system with live ammunition."

I looked at her in shock, but her expression is as blank and her tone serious as always.

I need to change the subject, "I didn't peg you for a mini-mall closet having kind of girl. It's incredible."

"I needed adequate space for the copious amounts of clothing my mother insists on buying me."

"Well she is your mother. Isn't that her job?"

"She tends to go overboard especially when fashion week comes around. She insists on pretending like I care about things like this."

"But you're Hotaru Imai. You must have the best of the best." I say sarcastically.

She was undeterred, "True, but I'm going to need another closet at the rate she goes."

"Sounds wonderful." I say more to myself looking at the television that had a music video of an all-girl band I didn't recognize. They look Korean, but their Japanese singing is flawless.

"My curiosity has forced me to be complacent with your idiocy for some time now, but this 'getting to know you' experiment is inefficient. I'm better off researching you thoroughly through the FBI."

"Are you sure?" I ask flopping down into a laying position on her couch, "Researching me just makes me another file on your desk, but continuing with this experiment makes us friends."

She folded her arms across her chest, "So we invade each other's personal space and hit each other with pillows?"

I snort with laughter, "We wouldn't want to overwhelm ourselves. How about we have some tea instead?"

I like Hotaru. She's the only person that has challenged me to be honest. Not just with others, but with myself. I need to face the reality of my situation in terms of how it affects my perspective of myself and my relationships with people. I'm so busy telling lies and being nervous all time that I don't have the luxury of getting genuinely close to anyone. I know what you must be thinking, of all people in this entire region, why on earth would I want to be friends with Hotaru Imai? The heartless ice queen who is also my boss?

I can't quite place it really.

Maybe it's because we challenge each other or maybe because I've had more fun with her in these last few hours than I've had since I left Persona's house. Maybe I'm just weird and Hotaru's weirdness compliments my own. Maybe the whole reason I haven't been able to really connect is because I'm still focused on running, but the fact of the matter is, I'm not running anymore. I've been in one place for a while now and I haven't made any effort to start being a new person.

I want to be happy. I want to feel safe. I want to smile and laugh and really feel it. I want at least one good friend. Maybe I just need to start being brave. Maybe this is a different kind of test; one that challenges my ability to be honest with someone. Hotaru doesn't strike me as a gossip type and the fact that neither of us really get the whole 'friend' thing makes it that much easier. I sit across from her in the sitting room with sunlight streaming all around us as we sip tea for little porcelain china cups. She looks otherworldly like a princess from a foreign land pulled right out of a fairy tale. She sits with perfect posture taking small sips her violet eyes shimmering in the sun.

Lots of girls wish to be princesses when they are young and I am no exception, but maybe instead of becoming a princess I was sent one.

And that's when it happened. Like verbal diarrhea, I told Hotaru Imai everything, the entire fascinating pager turner that is my life story, from birth to present. She didn't ask me to, not really, but between the sips of delicious oolong tea and complimenting her amazing house, we made eye contact. A simple gesture, sure enough, but somewhere in her violet eyes I could see her curiosity. The reason for us being here after all, was because she was curious about me, Youichi, and where we come from. So I placed my cup gently on its saucer and took a deep breath, once I started I couldn't stop.

It's like I opened the flood gates and water is pouring in from all directions. There is no forcing it shut. I just have to keep talking, which seems to suit Hotaru just fine as she continues to sip her tea looking from her cup to the window to me then back at her cup as I talk.

Maybe this is a horrible idea. I should shut up.

But I can't.

I can't shut up; it's like some part of me deep down wants to tell someone. I've never talked to anyone about this stuff ever and between my blabbing and Hotaru's typically blank face, I'm beginning to feel the water level rise. Stuff about my dad that I've never talked about with anyone; my mom, Persona, Youichi, the necklace I stole, the drugs, the alcohol, the bus ride, the abandoned building we stayed in, my entire life being stuffed into a duffel bag, leaving high school, not having a clue what I'm doing, the fear of being caught: everything.

I feel the water rising past my neck up my jawline and finally submerging me. It wasn't until Hotaru handed me her silk handkerchief that I realized that my water metaphor sprouted from the fact that somewhere among my words I started crying. My eyes stung and water poured down my cheeks, but I didn't stop. I kept talking, her eyes were trained on me now as if she were watching a movie.

I feel like I'm drowning.

I never realized how much I'm holding inside me all the time. The grief and anger that I try to repress, all of it just built up behind some door inside of myself. I need to be strong for the sake of Youichi and myself, but I'm not strong. I'm weak. I can't even keep it together in front of the most stoic person I've ever met, how pathetic is that.

I'm drowning in the middle of my princess's castle and I can't stop crying.

I know you guys want more NatsuxMikan moments but I have to take everythiong one step at a time, but don't worry chapter 11 is under way and Natsume is making a prolonged appearance. I have big plans for him in this story no doubt.

I'm also working on my next story and Dangerous intentions so look out for those.

Please take the time to review!

Lots of Love,

Chi-chan