Greetings all,
Thank you for all the reviews (threats, compliments, and the like) it really helps get me through the hum drum college for any errors. You know how I hate the proofreading. When I finish a chap all I want to do is post :)
Chapter 20 is already under way.
RxExR
Chapter 19: Trap
April showers bring May flowers.
And what beautiful flowers they have brought to Nagoya. In front of buildings and in parks, there are splashes of color everywhere. Birds are twittering overhead and the parade of warm weather definitely has me in higher spirits. No more lugging around heavy coats and drowning in sweatpants. Nobara is even trying to talk me into getting a short haircut for the warm months. I told her that my dad would kill me if I even considered it. It wasn't really a lie because my dad was never a fan of short hair styles for his little girl. He wanted me to be his little Rapunzel of sorts.
Youichi's summer uniform is totally adorable with his short sleeve dress shirt and checkered shorts and now that it's warmer out he spends lots of time afterschool playing soccer with his-wait for it….
Friends
To see Youichi actually greeting and being greeted by other kids his age, being invited to birthday parties, staying afterschool to play with his classmates; it's enough to make me cry, but I'd rather not be that embarrassing mother figure that cries every five minutes. I'm supposed to be his sister after all and what kind of sister just starts crying out of nowhere?
An embarrassing psychotic one, of course
Imai's has gotten busier and more vibrant as our patrons have traded their coats and hats for sun dresses and open toed shoes. Gone are orders for piping hot soup and our special peppermint hot cocoa and in their place are orders for ice cream and pink lemonade.
We've gotten so busy in fact, that tip money alone is enough to keep my rent paid. Even though they are mostly well off, our customers can be penny pinchers when it comes to tips, but the warm weather seems to have them loosening the grips on their wallets.
"Here's your strawberry cheesecake, ladies," I say placing the plate down on the table.
"Mikan! Hotaru wants to see you right now." Misaki says passing by me with a tray of pink lemonade in frosted glasses.
"Okay!" I bow to the table before hurrying to Hotaru's office.
I don't bother to knock as the door is open, "Hotaru?"
"Are you an idiot or something?" She asks me not looking up from her book.
With Hotaru, it's hard to know what is rhetorical and what's not.
I settle to respond with a, "Huh?"
"What day is today, Mikan?" she asks.
"You called me in here for that?"
She stands up from her desk and whacks me on the head with her hardcover book, "Your test you moron. The test that your whole future is riding on, remember?"
"It's tomorrow I know. You didn't have to thump me!" I say rubbing my throbbing head.
"You should be studying." She says walking back to her chair.
"Are you kidding? It's a gorgeous day. Customers are lined up around the block and we are rolling in tips. I might even make enough money to pay you back."
"I don't want your money." She says sternly.
"I know, but Hotaru you've helped me so much. I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of you."
"Mikan, my family is the crown jewel of Japan. I've been making money since I was in elementary school. I own the majority stock of several successful companies. You really think you can take advantage of me?"
I smile, "Of course not."
"Maybe you're not so stupid after all. Go home and study. If you fail I won't hear the end of it."
I'm effectively dismissed from Imai's and I'm not too happy about it. I don't want to be a waitress for the rest of my life, so I suck in my sour puss and get my things from my locker. I leave through the back exit so it doesn't look like I'm being fired suddenly or getting special treatment. Grant isn't expecting to pick me up for several hours and I hate to call him out of the blue. I know he's my driver and everything, but I don't have the gall to call him and ask him to meet me here. My bossiness only kicks in when I'm dealing with Natsume apparently.
The bus ride home isn't too loud or crowded and I enjoy catching bits and pieces of the conversations being had. A woman talking on her cell phone to a friend about a job interview she just had. A teenage boy muttering along to a song he's listening to through his head phones. Two elderly women reminiscing about a show there went to when they were girls. I wonder if I appear as normal to them as they do to me. To them I'm just another passenger on the bus. Not even a blip on their life's radar. I always find myself wondering about things like that. How it's possible that so much is going on in your life and the person sitting next to you on a bus or in a classroom knows absolutely nothing about it. They're just the extras of your life; the space fillers, the place holders. The people who exist so that we know we aren't alone and yet we don't even acknowledge them.
I get weird being inside my own head.
Tsubasa is at the desk when I get back to the apartment, smoking a cigarette and reading a book.
"Do you do any actual work Tsubasa?" I tease.
He smiles and looks up at me, "Watch your mouth kid. I made you not homeless, remember?"
"Yes, my knight in shining secondhand fumes." I reply waving my hand through the smoke.
He put the cigarette out in the ash tray and closes his book, "Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Boss-lady kicked me out. I have my equivalency test tomorrow."
"Boss-lady is smart. Your test is much more important."
"I know."
"Well you're too cute to be a waitress for the rest of your life so get to studying missy." He says waving me off.
"Yes, yes." I mock making my way upstairs.
My apartment seems different at this time of day. The way the light floats in through the windows and bounces off the furniture and vases. I go into the bedroom to change out of my uniform and retrieve my stack of study guides.
My study methods have always been very practical and efficient. I start with the material I know very well so it feels more like a review session. I just read through it no writing, no examples. And then I move on to the stuff I don't know so well and jot down notes and continue in this fashion for some time. Working this way has always served me well in the past, but today my heart is just not in it. I keep getting distracted by noises outside or my constant need to have something to eat or drink.
I'm quite tempted to just turn on the television and enjoy my day off.
I've been going non-stop for a while now. Between work, studying, and fighting off the advances of certain red-eyed demon, I'm running myself very thin. But after tomorrow my study sessions with Natsume will be no longer necessary. With a decent enough score I might even be able to get a real job with regular hours, good wage, and even benefits. Of course, I'm getting ahead of myself.
But I start to imagine what it would be like to maybe have a desk job; working a nine to five on a daily basis. Off on weekends and holidays with no aching joints from standing all day long and running around in heels, a job where I can wear my own clothes and take my lunch break in the park, a job that's not just a job, but a career that I can use to pave my way into a nice retirement.
A knock on my door interrupts my corporate musings.
"Anna?" I remark after opening the door.
The pastel pink haired beauty beams at me, her big blue eyes shining. Instead of her school uniform or her work attire, she adorns a pink and white polka dotted dressed with white doll flats on her feet. Her pink tresses are curled about her shoulders under a white French beret hat.
"Hi!" she greets enthusiastically.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?" I inquire, genuinely confused.
Her smile doesn't dim, "Technically? Yes, but seeing as today is a study day for final exams I decided to skip it. Anyway I got this in the mail."
She digs around in her purse and pulls out an already opened envelope, hands it to me, and walks into my apartment. I close the door and pull the letter out of the envelope. It looks crumpled from someone grasping it too tightly. At the top center of the page is an emblem with Aramis Kingcade School of French Pastry.
Dear Ogasawara Anna,
Congratulations! We are pleased to extend you a place at our school for your post-graduation education.
"Anna! Oh my goodness! You got in!" I exclaim.
Anna smiles and pours herself a glass of lemonade, "I know. Isn't it wild?"
"Wait. Why do I seem to be more excited than you? Isn't this what you wanted?"
She takes a large gulp of lemonade and puts the glass down, "Of course it is. I'm thrilled really, it's just that…"
I sit down on the stool, "Just what?"
"I haven't exactly told anyone yet. Not even Nonoko. I'm terrified Mikan. It's just one of those things that seem way too good to be true. And then I thought its two years in France by myself."
"But you'll be in France learning to be a pastry chef at the greatest pastry school in the world. And then you'll be back and people will be lining up to eat your sweets."
"Mikan I haven't even told my parents that I want to go to Paris. What if they hate the idea?"
"Anna they're your parents. They want you to be happy. They'll support you no matter what."
"But what if they don't?"
"So what if they don't? It's your life. And if you don't take this amazing opportunity, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."
Still looking dejected, she finishes off her lemonade. I struggle to think of something else to say to her. How do you tell someone that getting everything you've ever wanted is a great thing? That maybe the universe is on their side? Even if she faces hard times and struggles ahead, at least she's working towards her dreams. But what would I know about chasing dreams? I only know how to survive and work myself into sickness.
"Will you go somewhere with me?" she asks.
I can only nod.
"Wow! I've never seen the sea before." I exclaim.
"This is probably my favorite place outside of the kitchen." Anna responds.
The Port of Nagoya Public Aquarium is huge attraction near a small amusement park and some shops and even a museum. The forty minute bus ride was well worth it when we arrived. Despite being pretty early on a school day, the area is still fairly crowded with people wondering around. The rise of the outdoor temperature has inspired people to come walk around in the sunshine.
Anna hands me an ice cream cone she just purchased from the vender, "Where should we go first?"
With ice cream cones in hand, we buy tickets to wander through the aquarium and make faces at the fish. We caught the early show with some jumping dolphins and killer whales. I've never been to an aquarium. We took a school trip to the zoo once when I was in elementary school, but it was purely educational and very boring. I told my dad about it when I got home and he told me that a zoo at home is way more fun than the actual thing. He proceeded to make animals noises and chase me around our living room.
The aquarium is nice though. It's quiet and very beautiful. Blue lights dancing on the tile floors, Anna and I running around acting silly. There are benches by the sting ray tank and we plop down to rest.
"I love this place, especially when it's not crowded. Come on, I'll show you my favorite place."
She drags me through the labyrinth of the aquarium to the tunnel that runs underneath the giant tank. You can look straight up and see all the fish and even sharks swimming around.
"Wow." I sigh.
"Come on. Lie here." Anna says getting down on the floor and sprawling out.
"What? The ground must be filthy."
"No, no. Keito cleans this place every hour. Plus it's practically deserted."
I shrug my shoulders and get down on the ground and lie down next to her. We just stare up at the passing schools of fish and a hammerhead shark.
"When I was seven, my mom threw the biggest fit when I tried to make this chocolate soufflé I saw in a magazine. I didn't have a clue what I was doing and I made a huge mess and almost burned the house down. She just kept yelling because these important people were supposed to be coming over in a short while. I felt so guilty. I ran upstairs and backed a bag and came here."
"Why here?"
She shrugs, "I don't know. It was the only place I had ever gone to without Nonoko. It's the only place where I've been just Anna and that was okay."
"Have you always been trying to separate yourself from Nonoko?"
"Not actively. We love being twins, but people treat us like a unit as if we're just one person. Sometimes you want to be by yourself."
"So," I pause for a minute, "What'd you pack?"
She laughs, "A teddy bear, a peanut butter sandwich, an apple, and some playing cards."
I join in to here laughter, "What? No cupcakes?"
"No I didn't deserve it."
We pause again for a moment.
"Did you go back?"
"No. I stayed here till my mom showed up with tears on her face."
"Was she mad?"
"Furious, but she was so happy I was okay, that it didn't matter. She just kept squeezing me."
"How did she know where to find you?"
She thought for a moment, "I don't know. Maybe it's a mom thing? She just knew."
She just knew.
Is that possible? Do mothers have some internal GPS that lets them know where their children are? Probably not, but I do know about reading people. Being able to tell how they're feeling without asking. Being able to tell what they're thinking without making a big deal out of it. Moms are like that. Intuition they call it, mother's intuition. I don't need to recant my life story to know that it's a load of bull. As I watch the fish circle overhead, I allow myself to think about Yuka. Think about an alternate universe in which my mother actually came looking for me. She kicks the drugs and alcohol, leaves Persona and comes to find me. With a clear head she knows exactly where I am and she comes. Tears running down her face she comes to this aquarium and squeezes me tight just like Anna and her mom.
But I told myself that I didn't want that. I never want to see her again, but I know it isn't true. Deep down even if you hate it, your mom is still your mom.
And it sucks.
"That's the difference I guess." Anna says cutting through the silence.
I snap but to reality, "Sorry?"
"Between running away and playing hide and seek." She clarifies.
"What is?" I ask.
"Someone comes looking for you in the end."
We lay together for some time longer. I know Anna doesn't know about me, but she does know a piece of it. And as we lay here under the blue glow of the aquarium tank with little fish swimming over our heads, I try to keep myself from crying. Maybe in an alternate universe my mom would show up, crying tears of joy because she found me. But I live in this universe and I'm never going to see my mother again.
Without my noticing, Anna stood up and stretched, "Come on. The amusement park has the best cheese fries."
"You know I'm actually supposed to be studying." I confess sheepishly.
She shrugs, "You can study later."
And by later, she means much later. After pigging out on cheese fries and riding the bumper cars three times and taking several spins around the Ferris wheel, we decided to walk down the pier and look at the boats.
"Thanks Mikan. I know this wasn't how you were going to spend your day."
"Are you kidding? I had a blast. So much better than studying all day,"
She laughs, "Yeah I know what you mean."
"But it's time for you to go home and tell your family."
"And time for you to go home and study for your super important test tomorrow."
I shrug, "Real life sucks."
She giggles, "Yeah it does."
I call Grant and ask him to pick us up. Anna hugs me before getting out of the car to go home. I wave at her from the window and settle against the leather seats. I like Anna. Hanging out with her is different than hanging out with Hotaru. There's no serious atmosphere surrounding her. She reminds me of the type girl who is the best friend of the heroine of a really good book or drama; the happy go lucky friend who cheers you on no matter what. Maybe in the alternate universe of my life Anna and I are best friends, growing up together, laughing together, maybe even baking together.
But like I said before this is my universe and I need to go study for my test.
When I get home it's a little pass six and Youichi is downstairs with Misaki helping her make some kind of chowder. I sit on the couch next to Tsubasa who has had some sake and is making fun of one of the other tenants. I spend the rest of the night eating chowder with Youichi in my lap, laughing and joking with Tsubasa and Misaki.
I know I should probably be studying, but it's been such a perfect day. I just don't want to come down from this cloud I'm floating on.
My cloud has effectively abandoned me, leaving me high and dry. I'm sitting in the hallway of Alice Academy waiting for my escort to the testing room. Youichi has run off with some classmates abandoning me without even so much as a second glance. I tug at the hem of my skirt and try not to feel so nervous.
I've been studying for this test for weeks. I can do this. I know I can. I got up extra early and took a long hot shower, straightened my hair, and made a fantastic breakfast for Youichi and myself. Then I picked out a cute outfit: a red pleated skirt, a white button down shirt folded up at the elbow and a black vest over it. I dig the heel of my black army boots into the shiny marble floor. I arrived with Youichi an hour early for my exam, but right on time for him to get to class. In the forty minutes I've been sitting in the hallway alone I've fussed with my hair and witnessed several student sneak out for a smoke break.
Don't they know those things will kill them?
With twenty minutes left until my test, I'm rubbing my sweaty hands together and trying not to have a mental breakdown. I close my eyes and countdown from ten trying to calm myself.
"What are you doing?"
I open my eyes and see none other than Natsume Hyuuga standing in front of me wearing his lacrosse uniform.
"Playing badminton. What the hell does it look like I'm doing?"
He scoffs, "Being pleasant as always."
"At least I'm consistent."
"There you are Hyuuga! That's the first time you've ever left the locker room so fast." A heavy male voice says.
Several guys dressed in the same uniform carrying lacrosse sticks made their way down the hall towards us. Natsume turned to face them, but took a slight step to the left as if to block me from their view. One of them handed Natsume the extra lacrosse stick he was carrying.
"Prepared to get your ass whooped my friend." Announces the loud mouth giant.
"Mochu you're so full of it. Natsume's our fastest player." Says someone else.
"True, but he lacks conviction."
"The only conviction you have is the one in your pants."
The guys all laugh.
"Anyway let's get out there-" something catches his eye, "Hold on a minute,"
The guy addressed as Mochu steps around Natsume and very indiscreetly looks me up and down like a predator. I regret putting so much effort into my appearance and to make matters worse I was fussing with my hair again when they started talking and now I'm doing that flip thing to get it to not be so flat. I heard somewhere that hair flipping could be misconstrued as flirting. By the way this Mochu guy is looking at me, my unintentional flirting has worked.
"Well, well, well. You must be my next appointment." He drawls.
"Excuse me?" I ask releasing my hair from my grasp.
"You know my next appointment." He says suggestively.
"Oh nice. Does that pick up line actually work or are you just feeling lucky today?"
"Oh I'm feeling very lucky sweetheart. What time should I come over?"
I roll my eyes, "Why don't you hold your breath until I call?"
"I like them feisty." He comments whilst eyeballing me again.
"You're going to be late to practice don't you think? I mean you wouldn't want to waste a second of grabbing all the other guys and slapping each other's butts."
"Honey I'm as straight as they come. I can probably show you a couple of things. You got a boyfriend?"
For some odd reason Natsume and I make eye contact, "No I don't have a boyfriend."
"Well then maybe I should give you my number-"
"Sakura-san?" came a light voice.
Narumi-sensei has his head poked out into the hallway looking at me and the guys partially surrounding me.
"Don't you boys have practice now?" He asks coming out into the hall, "Better get to it."
Everyone except Natsume starts to leave. He keeps staring at me and I break eye contact first. I grab my bag and stand up.
"Natsume-kun, you'll be late." Narumi-sensei says with a bright smile.
Natsume doesn't even acknowledge him and just turns on his heel to follow the other boys, making sure that his lacrosse stick taps me in the leg.
"Long time no see."
I smile, "It's good to see you again."
"Well you young lady have a very important test to take. Right this way."
The test proctors reserved an empty classroom for the equivalency exam. Fortunately I'm not the only one taking it. A hand full of other people are scattered about the room. I take a seat in a desk close to the exit and pull my materials out of my bag: three pencils, extra lead refills, a big white eraser, my new calculator, a pink highlighter.
With five minutes left till test time, I realize that I'm not as nervous as I was. The sudden appearance of Natsume and his band of merry men was actually a good distraction. Seeing Natsume just reminded me of how much I prepared for this and how many hours I spent getting hit on the head with pencils. It reminded me of other stuff too. Like Natsume kissing me to end an argument, tucking my hair behind my ears, and letting his fingers trail along my cheek and down my jaw.
"Please put all additional materials away, make sure your cell phones are off. We are about to begin." One of the proctors announce.
I dig around in my bag and find my cell phone. I have several new texts:
Good luck baka.
-H
Celebratory dinner tonight!
-M
Don't screw up little girl.
-N
I smile at each one before shutting my phone off. I'm really lucky to have such great friends.
The proctor clears her throat, "We're ready to begin."
Well.
Here we go.
I sigh, "I feel like I'm going to throw up."
Anna nudges me with elbow and hands me a donut, "You know you kicked butt on that test. You were the first one done and the proctor smiled at you."
"He might have been hitting on her." Nonoko chimes in.
Anna kicks her, "Shut it you."
"Is it okay that we're out here?" I ask.
"Yeah I mean it's not like we're smoking or anything." Anna replies.
'Out here' is the bleaches of Alice Academy's immaculate field. The soccer team is doing a scrimmage and the cheerleaders are practicing their aerial routine. After I finished my test, I found Anna and Nonoko waiting outside my test door. They promptly dragged me to the football field, up the bleachers, and gave me donuts.
"I don't even go to school here."
"Mikan relax and eat your donut."
I shove the glazed goodness into my mouth and chewed trying to squash this feeling of anxiety bubbling in my stomach.
"Doesn't Natsume look lush?" Anna says dreamily.
Sure enough Natsume is on the field dripping in sweat chasing a little white ball down the field.
"It's almost the end of the year. Why are the sports teams still practicing?" I ask trying not to choke on my donut.
"That's why all our sports teams are number one. They never let up. Plus all the underclassmen on the teams get to look forward to practicing all summer." Nonoko explains.
"Technically the seniors don't have to show up, but practice has to be way better than studying all day long."
"Speaking of which, we need to go to do just that." Nonoko says standing up.
Anna moans, "Do we have to?"
"Do you want to screw up your chances of going to France? Mom said all A's remember?"
Anna huffs, but gathers her stuff, "You okay Mikan?"
"Yeah I'm probably gonna go home and take a nap or something."
"Okay. See you later!" Anna calls hopping down the bleachers.
I finished the donut Anna left me and descended the bleachers. I thought about calling Hotaru, but I remember she had to leave for Tokyo with her dad for some business thing. Guess I'm on my own today.
"Oi." Comes a familiar voice for the second time today.
I roll my eyes, but can't suppress a smile, "You know hanging out under bleachers is an 80's movie cliché."
He grabs my hand and pulls me under. He runs his hands through my hair and kisses me.
"Feeling daring today?" I ask pushing him away
"What are you babbling about?" He asks.
"I mean this is kind of public, don't you think? Someone might see you with me."
I didn't mean to sound bitter I really didn't, but I'm beginning to feel a little miffed.
"Like you're not worried about being seen with me?"
"I'm not your dirty little secret Natsume."
"What are you talking about?"
"It's alright isn't it? As long as we're at my apartment or your room or an emergency staircase, it's okay. All the sneaking around is pretty exciting isn't it?"
"You're not my girlfriend." He says before walking off.
I want to cry. I storm all the way to the front of the school. Grant opens the door of the car for me and I manage to keep it together. My phone starts ringing in my bag.
Hotaru
"Oi baka did you fail?"
And I just start sobbing, "I hate him. I hate him. He's a bastard and I never want to see him again!"
"What did Natsume do now?" she asks with an exacerbated sigh.
"He's just such a prick." I wail.
"Just go home and take a bath. Call me when you feel like making sense."
I drop my phone back into my bag and continue my stupid girl sobbing. I can feel Grant's looks of concern through the rearview mirror, but I'm in no mood to coddle him or pretend I'm okay. I dry my face on the back of my hand as we pull up in front of my apartment. He opens the door for me and as I step out he offers me a handkerchief.
"Thank you Grant," I say drying my face.
"If I may say so ma'am, no man is worth your tears."
I smile and hand him back the handkerchief. Thankfully Tsubasa isn't at the desk when I arrive so I can hurry to my apartment without explaining my potentially puffy eyes. I try to decide if I want a bath first or if I should just head straight for a nap. I drop my bag on the floor next to the kitchen counter and head straight for the bedroom. I kick off my boots and curl up with a pillow.
You're not my girlfriend
A simple statement that is completely true. A completely true statement that I have no desire to change, but at the time it felt like he was stabbing me straight through the heart. I never thought of myself as someone special, just some naïve girl who was entertaining to him maybe, but somewhere along the line things got muddled.
I can feel myself drifting off as my eyes begin to water behind closed lids.
I don't know how much time has passed, but the sun is setting outside the bedroom window and I can hear my phone ringing in the kitchen. I stumble out of bed and grab the door frame for support.
"Natsume?" I call rubbing my eyes.
He stands in the living room holding my phone in his hand. How did he get in here? Did I forget to lock the door?
"What are you doing here?" I ask making my way out into the living room.
He doesn't respond, but holds my phone out to me. I reach out for it but he moves it out of my grasp before I can take it.
"You're such an idiot."
I roll my eyes, "I know that. Can I have my phone please?"
I reach for it again, but he grabs my wrist and pulls me into him. I jump back, still exceedingly pissed off about his choice words from earlier, but he roughly grabs the side of my neck and pulls me into a kiss: another desperate open mouth kiss. When he pulls away he doesn't look into my eyes like he always does.
"Nats-," I start, but a hand clamps over my mouth from behind.
Panic mode sets in and I'm swinging wildly till a strong arm latches over me. I kick the vase off the coffee table and try to scream. There's a sweet smell coming from the cloth in my attacker's hand. I look to Natsume for help, but he just shoves his hands in his pockets.
Then there is involuntary darkness once again.
Voices swirling together
The smell of sweet flowers
I blink my eyes several times to bring the room into focus. I sit up on the king sized bed rub my face. My memory is hazy. The room is huge and beautifully decorated with shades of beige and maroon. The large windows allow the moonlight to trickle into the room and pool in the carpet. I force myself out of bed. Aside from being confused and a little dizzy, I'm not hurt. I walk bare foot across the room, towards the door. I think I may be at the Imai house, but why would Hotaru go through the much trouble?
Natsume
I saw Natsume right before everything got really dark, but there was someone else there. Ruka, perhaps?
I pull the door open and step out into the brightly lit hallway. My bare feet are cold against the marble floor, but I tip toe down the hall towards the voices.
"She's off limits." Comes a woman's voice.
I lean over the railing trying to get a good look. I don't recognize the three men wearing all black with guns strapped to their hips. The woman has her back turned to me, but I can see she's wearing a long, elegant evening gown. She takes several steps to the end table and picks up a thick envelope. She hands it to the three men and they head for the door.
"Look who's awake!" a voice bellows from behind me before gripping my arm.
The woman whips her head around and looks up at us, but the red headed man grips me tight and pulls me down the stairs behind him. I have to keep my eyes on the stairs to avoid falling. When we finally get down to the foyer, he tosses me to the ground.
"That's not necessary." The woman says.
He chuckles, "Yeah, but it's fun."
"Reo why don't you go make yourself useful somewhere else?" she commanded.
Reo? I pushed myself to my knees and got to my feet. My eyes met hers and I felt a sense of dread. Her red hair shines and dances down her shoulders in soft ringlets with bangs framing her amber eyes. She smiles at me with a high scarlet gloss adorning her lips. Through the slit in her dress I can make out the black strap of a gun holster. She holds out a hand to me revealing the black ink tattoo of Chinese characters.
I back away from her as Reo joins her side looking irate.
"Reo I mean it. Get lost." She says with venom in her voice this time.
Reo scuffs, casts me one last menacing glance and disappears into another part of the house.
"Poor thing. You're frightened, that's cute." She beams, "You don't have to be afraid. We don't want to hurt you. If you play nice, this can all be very tame."
I just continue to stare at this woman. I've never seen her before. She's pretty with make-up to darken her features making her look like a dark mistress of the night. She smiles at me with her mouth, but her eyes are searching me. My face, my eyes, my body, as if she is looking for something specific on my person; something she can take.
She tosses a lock of hair over her shoulder, "Well you sure are a scrawny little thing. Not much to look at. I honestly don't know what all the fuss is about."
"Fuss?" I repeat using the end table to steady myself.
Something seems to snap in her as if I have become insufferable instantaneously, "Let's go. He wants to see you now."
He? She yanks me by the arm and pulls me through the house into the living room where we stop in front of a closet door. She knocks once and the door opens automatically. She shoves me up the narrow staircase onto the landing where there is a bigger, thicker door. She knocks twice and the door is manually opened by a large guy brandishing a large gun I've ever only seen in movies. The room is big and well lit with no windows revealing the outside world. There is a fireplace roaring probably connected to the one downstairs in the living room to wave off suspicion of this secret room.
There is a velvet lounge chair by the fire, a television mounted on the wall and a pool table where three other armed men are busying themselves. A large dark wood desk sits in the center of the room littered with papers. Sitting in the leather chair behind the desk is someone I never thought I'd see again.
At least I hoped and prayed that I wouldn't.
The woman shoves me toward the desk and it takes some stumbling to get my footing and not go crashing into it. Persona looks up from his papers and smiles at me as if we're longtime friends. I can't see his eyes behind his sunglasses, but I don't imagine they're friendly.
"Thank you Cassandra." He says going back to his papers.
I had nightmares about my potential future encounters with Persona. They were usually violent and involved a lot of bad language. The settings were usually a dark dank house or an alley or maybe even a warehouse like in the dramas. But a secret room in a gorgeous house with Persona barely acknowledging my presence like we did this all the time? What is this the twilight zone?
"Did you really think it would be that easy?" He asks.
It takes me a minute to realize he is talking to me, "Excuse me?"
He looks up from his papers, "Run off with my money, my property, and instead of finding a hole to bury your sorry asses I find your face plastered over every magazine in Japan. Did you think I'd be insulted by you twice and just leave you be? You and the little worm?"
He stands up from the desk and walks over to the fire staring into it for a moment, "I've never been a patient man, but life has been good recently. Business is booming, my enemies falling beneath my feet, new allies made every day, and no reason to get upset. I just needed to sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor. But who is popping up at every turn?"
He turns his face towards me with a prominent scowl, "Everybody out!"
Wordlessly all the men file out of the room. Soon it's just the three of us: me frozen in the center of the room, Cassandra relaxing by the fire, and Persona trying to keep a lid on his anger.
"First it's your mother with her crazy animal howling your name at all hours of the day and night. Then the magazine articles."
It strikes me that I hadn't thought of Yuka till he just mentioned her and now I am beside myself, "Where is she?"
This question amuses him, "Worried? You weren't worried when you abandoned her months ago."
"Where. Is. She." I repeat more firmly.
His amusement heightens, "Would it matter? If she was dead? If she was strung out in that old house? If she was laying on some street corner calling your name?"
I forcefully swallow the lump in my throat.
He chuckles, "We all have our prices to pay. Your mother paid for you leaving, but now it's your turn."
All this time I'd forced myself not to think about Yuka; what she's doing, where she is, who she's with, has she overdosed, is she even alive. I forced myself to shut it out. Shut out the guilt, the worry, the panic, the fear, everything that would make me get back on that bus or pick up the phone. Anything that would make me look back: I bottled it and buried it.
"You ran. Like a cowardice little girl, you ran. You had good timing though. You hit the road right when my best deal went through sparking the big pay day that has led me to all you see here now. I figured it was a good omen; a necessary trimming of the fat. I mean, I couldn't have you leeches bleeding me dry with your incessant needs and constant whimpering. I thought to myself, it's a new day, a new life, I'll take my good mojo where I can get it."
"So what changed?" I ask with a hoarse voice.
"I did. I elevated myself to seat of power and rule with an iron fist. I needed a new leading lady and your mother was not up to snuff, so I ditched her. Found myself a lady of leisure, a dangerous one at that,"
Cassandra takes this moment to stand and join Persona by the fireplace and place a peck on his cheek. I can't suppress a disgusted shiver from creeping down my spine.
"But something kept bothering me. Even with your mother gone, your name bounced around the corners of my mind and then my little Cass here picks up a magazine and who do I spy on its cover? Mikan. Who is wining and dining with the big wigs of multimillion dollar corporations? Mikan. And then to add insult to injury I have Reo mucking up the works with our newest recruit for some girl. Who is that girl, dare I ask? Mikan. You're like an infection. Everywhere you go, everything you touch becomes contaminated with your stench."
He removes himself from Cassandra and knocks a lamp to the floor. He takes several deep breaths.
"I thought about seeking you out myself, finding you tucked away in your safe warm bed, tying you to it and killing the boy in front of you while you scream and cry. Then I'll have my fun with you, make you wish you were dead and then be the sweet merciful man that I am and deliver."
He places less than a foot of distance between us, "I wanted to make you scream, feel your bones break beneath my hands, watch the last breath escape your lungs."
"Do it then." I say before I can even think of the ramifications.
He grabs my throat not enough to cut off the air, but enough for me to feel the rage bubbling beneath the surface, "Trust me I'd love nothing more, but your gallivanting all over town has made you valuable. You're not just some girl I can crush that no one will look for. You have your little friends don't you? Coworkers, that landlord, people who might stir up trouble for me. No, you are much more useful to me alive. Because when you're alive I can control you."
He pulls me close, his breath putrid with alcohol, "I know how to break you. I know what you care most about in the world. This little life you made your little bubble? It can't save you. Not from me. I'll leave it be. All of it, you just have to do what I say."
He takes a moment to bury his face in my hair and take a long breath. My skin begins to crawl from the familiarity of his invasion. Over his shoulder I can see Cassandra with a scowl on her face. It's not like there's any part of me that is enjoying this. I'm paralyzed with fear, mentally kicking myself for making such a dumb mistake. Did I really think my life could be lilacs and rainbows? That I could go to one of the biggest weddings of the year and get out with no punishment? This is my fault. I've made my bed and now everyone I love will have to lie in it with me.
"What do I have to do?" I ask.
He moves in front of my face and smiles genuinely, "Be a good girl."
Cassandra jerks my arm pulling me away from Persona and his putrid stink, "Time for lockdown we have a meeting in less than an hour."
Persona looks undeterred, "Of course. Play time is over for now. Have Natsume take her back when he checks in."
Cassandra wastes no time dragging me from the room. I know it takes all of her restraint to keep from throwing me down the narrow staircase. My head is spinning from the encounter. How did everything get so messed up? I can blame myself and kick myself, but I didn't serve myself up on a silver platter.
Natsume did.
I feel sick to my stomach all over again. How could he do this to me? How could I let him do this to me? Have Natsume take her back… I'm just supposed to go back to my life? Back to Youichi and Hotaru and work and just pretend like this never happened to me?
Cassandra returns me to the bedroom I woke up in and tosses me to the floor. She walks over to the windows and pulls the drapes.
"I'm not interested in your dysfunctional family drama. Getting rid of that druggie bitch was the best thing Rei has ever done. Now he's bringing you into the mix."
"I didn't want this." I say feebly.
"Oh poor baby. It's all about you, isn't it? Finding you, using you, killing you, and now I have to work with you."
"I'm not working with you!" I shout.
She grabs the front of my shirt and pulls me off the ground, "Is that what you think?"
She shoves me onto the ground again, visibly debating within herself whether she should just end this now or beat me to a bloody pulp. It's almost comical to see the same flashes of jealousy and rage in her eyes that I see in Sumire's and Luna's and Gretchen's. I can lie down and take it, but that's what I've been doing my entire life. Just lying down and taking all of the crap. Running away was the only action I've ever taken.
A laugh bubbles in my chest, "You're pathetic."
"Excuse you?" she says.
"You heard me." I say sitting up to look at her, "You're pathetic. Did you even meet my mother? Did you see what he did to her? He took a broken woman and killed her from the inside out and now what? You think he can love you?"
"Oh please. He threw your mother in rehab first chance he got. If she chooses to waste away it's her call. Your mother might have been Rei's whore, but I am his queen; right by his side through it all to see him rise and conquer and bask in the riches owed to us."
I rise to my feet, "Then why does he need me I wonder."
"Revenge, simple as that. You're going to pay for what you did."
"What exactly did I do that was so wrong? I left a hell hole. I got my own life. I did what I needed to do to help me and my brother survive. What in that warrants his rage?"
She looks confused for a moment as if this is new information to her and it occurs to me that like any other consort, Cassandra is just a body. Persona doesn't tell her anything, just enough to get her hot under the collar. Seeds of doubt begin to plant behind her eyes.
"Maybe it's some of his macho guy crap. He just can't stand when a woman says no."
She scoffs, "You're barely a little girl."
"That didn't seem to bother him when he tried to rape me."
I dropped a bomb on her this time, she tries to hide it. Like her dark prince being an attempted rapist is nothing new, but I have a feeling Cassandra likes a certain amount of monogamy in her precious kingdom.
"I'm not lying. Persona is a monster; enough so that I don't have to make this stuff up. I've been beaten unconscious. I watched him kick a five year old into a wall. I've seen furniture turned to rumble under his tantrums. I got out. I let go. I left my own mother behind for a chance at something better. So why does he drag me back?"
She's a few feet from me, but I close the gap with a few steps and find myself mimicking the monster she has chosen to attach herself to. I lean into her ear and whisper, "Because he wants me. He always has, ever since my mother became less than par."
"Is this the part where I feel sorry for you? Where we hold each other and cry?" she sneers.
I don't even blink. My fear has crippled the part of me that was supposed to be crying in the fetal position in the corner musing over my failure and the crumpling ruins of my life beginning to surround me, but instead I'm amused at how equipped I am to deal with a woman like this: a woman who should have the world at her feet considering her beauty, but chooses to fawn over a man who could never truly love her: an insecure little child. I find myself even more amused.
"No," I whisper darkly, "But later on tonight when you slither into bed with him and he crawls on top of you. I want you to think about who he's really screwing."
She shoves me into the wall and reels back her fist. I manage to sloppily dive roll out of the way but not without slamming my shoulder into the nightstand. My yelp of pain doesn't appease her though and she snatches my arm trying to whip me around to get a good shot at my face, but I put my head between my knees and claw at her with my free hand so that she can release me.
"What are you doing?"
The bedroom door stands open with the light from the hallway casting the figure in partial darkness, but I don't need to make out the person's features to recognize him.
"Natsume," Cassandra announces still huffing for air.
She yanks me up to my feet and I let her because I'm drained from Natsume's sudden appearance. She flings my arm away as if I'd contracted something.
"Get rid of her. One more minute and I swear to God I'll kill her."
She storms past him not even giving me a final glance. I feel the urge to throw some callous comment her way, but with Natsume standing several feet from me, I feel as if all of the oxygen has been sucked out of my brain effectively shutting down my sassy comeback nervous center.
We stare at each other for a moment. He's hard to read and I'm feeling so many emotions at once it's hard to tell which one is more prominent in my features. I hope that its rage, but the muscles in my face feel slack, so I'll settle for the more probable blank stare.
"Let's go." He says.
"Where are you taking me?" I reply quickly.
He looks confused, "Home."
What's with the look? As if taking me home is the most natural thing to do after what I've been through; after what he put me through.
I manage to chuckle dryly, "Home? You're taking me home? You mean the same place you kidnapped me from? Are you high?"
"Do you want to stay here then?" He replies harshly.
Faced with this "either or" situation I follow him out of the room and back down the stairs. We take the back entrance in the kitchen out to the massive yard with cars parked on the lawn. My bare feet practically freeze on contact with the dew covered grass, but I force myself to keep marching forward. From what I can tell this house seems to be in the middle of nowhere. Trees surround the property line, but through the darkness I can't distinguish between the sky and the branches. I can see several men standing around with guns. What's with all the protection? I guess when you're high up on the food chain you need the extra entourage.
Natsume opens the door to a black car that I don't recognize. One of the men tries to get in the back, but Natsume puts up a firm hand to stop him. There's a tense moment, but the surly looking gentleman backs off adjusting the rifle on his shoulder.
Natsume nudges me into the car and closes the door. He gets into the driver seat and turns the key, the dashboard lights up and the machine hums to life. He throws it in drive and instead of heading to a road, he heads to the trees.
"Are you going to kill me?" I ask cutting the silence.
"Don't be stupid." He says.
"Well this is it, isn't it? You passed your audition and now you get to be the linebacker for the gangster squad." I snap.
"I had to do my job." Is his reply.
"Your job? That's funny because you're a filthy rich heir to a dynasty. Why on earth would you need a job? Especially one like this."
He reaches across me and opens the glove compartment. He pulls out a blindfold.
"Put this on." He instructs.
I bat his hand away, "No thank you. I like my vision the way it is."
"Put it on," He repeats more firmly, "Or you'll have to go back to sleepy land."
The ice in his tone freezes me over, so I just slip the cloth over my eyes. I hope it's made of an absorbent material that will keep my tears from running down my face.
"I didn't know. You were some annoying girl from out of nowhere. I was suspicious. It was coincidence that you ended up being the mark."
I can hear him sigh in frustration, "Was that all I was to you?"
He paves over my question, "I tried to get Hotaru to tell me more. Maybe even dig up some more about you, but she refused. It only made me more curious. I thought if I could get close maybe you would let something slip, but you didn't. Then Reo gave me my assignment and I knew you had to be lying. I was pissed. You were prancing around chastising me when all this time you-"
"What was I supposed to do?!" I scream.
"You were supposed to tell me the truth! After everything-"
"After what? After sneaking around with you and fighting with you and being confused and pissed off and tired of you? When did you want me to spill my life story? What exactly was supposed to be my prompt for that conversation?"
"You told Hotaru." He mutters bitterly.
"Hotaru is the only person I could have told. Besides she would have found out either way and I couldn't keep lying to her."
"But you can lie to me."
"Yes, I can lie to you because I didn't trust you. Guess my subconscious saw this coming."
"I could have helped you. I could have paid Persona off before it got out of hand."
It was my turn to be confused, "Pay him off?"
"Every cent that you owed him, I would have paid it. We could have gotten you help."
"Help?"
"All this time you were trying to warn me, but you should have just told me."
I yank the blind fold off my eyes, "Stop the car."
His protest doesn't escape his lips when he sees the look on my face. The car rolls to a stop on the shoulder of the deserted road. Just like Cassandra, Natsume's just a piece in Persona's empire and only knows what Persona or Reo has told him about me. Everyone is just following orders and drinking from the well.
I find it baffling that someone as smart as Natsume can be so stupid.
I stare at him on the verge of mental shutdown, "You think I'm a junkie?"
He doesn't respond, but hearing it out of my own mouth causes a change in his expression.
"And I'm naïve? Some psychopath fabricates some story about me and you just swallow it?"
"It wasn't like that."
"Really? Then what was it like? Because you've lost me."
"I don't know who Persona was when you knew him, but when I met him he was some guy in a black leather coat with a lot of guys working for him. He wasn't a psychopath, just another guy. He gave me an easy job after I had been out a few times. He told me about a girl who owed him money for product and ran off to avoid him. He's very particular so when he seemed on edge I didn't really take note."
"Even if you thought I owed him, why would you bring me there? He would have killed me."
"No he wouldn't have. I told him not to."
"And he would listen to you?"
"Yes, because he needs me more than he wants you."
Natsume obviously wasn't attuned to our little Q&A in the secret room.
"I always thought you were an idiot, but you have surpassed into a realm of idiocy that doesn't even have a name yet." I say through clenched teeth.
"I didn't-"
"You didn't what? Think it through? Because that much is obvious. You thought you'd just bring me to him and we'll pow wow? All is forgiven?"
"He needs me-"
"Yes he wants you with him more than he wants me dead. I got that bit, but what about when he has you do something so you can't get out? It's all been fairly tame for you, maybe a misdemeanor or so, but nothing binding. But what about the big day? The day when he wants you to make a sale or put a bullet in someone's brain. What about the day when you can't just get up and walk out? What happens to you then? What happens to me?"
I slip the blind fold back over my eyes so I can be swallowed by darkness. I think about letting it slip that Persona is lying to him about me, but a part of me knows that will make things worse. If Natsume acts up or walks out, Persona will know that I said something.
Be a good girl.
Nothing I do, no matter how compliant I am or how well I hide the truth or how much of a good girl I pretend to be, I know that I'm stuck in Persona's clutches again. No amount of running will change that.
I've had the rug pulled out from under me before I can even get my footing. Now I'm pinned beneath the devil's thumb.
Yuka is wasting away God knows where, Natsume has betrayed me, Youichi's in danger, and I can barely hold myself together. What exactly am I supposed to do now? Go home? Take a shower? Eat some dinner? Sleep? Wake up tomorrow and just tell myself this was all a dream? He knows where I live, where I work, who my friends are. Natsume may have been the delivery boy, but Persona probably had someone watching me as soon as he saw that magazine.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but was it worth my life? Everything I tried so hard to build?
I let the tears flow freely soaking through my blindfold. I didn't care to know where we are or how long this drive will be because it already feels like an eternity. I don't even know if I can look at Youichi later without collapsing in sadness and fear.
The only thing I know is that I'm back in the hole.
Miles from where I started, but somehow I'm right back where I was: in a box struggling to breathe. As Persona and Natsume start to bury me.
And I realize. . .
I am going to die here.
Did you like, love, hate? Fill out a review no matter how short or long! I read them all and respond to the more interesting ones. They're great motivators so keep on sending them in. Have any questions or comments about anything let me know. This is kind of the climax, but there is still more to go if you're keeping score. So many things to resolve. What's going to happen? I don't even know. I haven't thought that far.
Hehehe
Lots of Love,
Chi*