Adventures in Babysitting part three
Jamie has no idea what to do. The brats are in the tree and he and River are on the ground. He remembers when Justin and Jason were only three and he, Riv and JR had taught them to climb trees. Stupid, stupid game. It had seemed so innocuous at the time. Keep the toddlers busy with something other than annoying their older sibling and his friends. The boys had been naturals, scampering up trees like squirrels. Now it was biting them in the ass. Freakin' monkey twins.
River turns his blue eyes toward Jamie, "Any ideas?"
Jamie tilts his head to the canopy above him, "I got nothin', Riv," he mutters.
"Zilch," River says.
"Nada," Jamie echoes.
"Zip," They both say together.
"Jesus, Riv. We gotta think of something." It's futile of course; there is nothing to do except hope that when JR comes home he has some ideas. At least maybe JR will contact his parents so Jamie doesn't have to. Jamie does not want to be the one to call either Banner adult and tell them that their kids are not safe at home – but instead are bonding with owls.
He mentally berates himself. He's a big boy and yeah, JR roped him into watching the twins but he agreed and the boys took off on his watch. It is his responsibility to notify Mr. Jeff and Mrs. B if he screwed the pooch.
"Hey, Jamie," comes a twin from above him, "We're starving. Can you go get us some snacks and throw them up?" The boy isn't yelling really, they can hear him quite clearly in the quiet of the woods.
Jamie looks up. It's too dark; he's not sure who it is.
"Seriously? You two can starve for all I care. Maybe that's the only way to get you down."
"Well, if we starve, Momma will kill you."
"Probably, but she will kill you first."
There is a moment of silence as seven-year old brains try to figure that one out.
"If we're dead, she can't kill us."
"Maybe, but I'm sure she will beat your scrawny emaciated bodies black and blue."
"Maci-ated?" The little voice stumbles over the word, "What's that mean?"
River answers, "It means you'll be nothing but bones and skin. All your flesh will fall off and wither away. You will rot in that tree like road kill and the ravens will pick out your eyes."
Jamie cocks a brow at River and whispers, "Graphic much?"
River shrugs.
There is worry from above, "How fast can you be maciated?"
River looks at Jamie and offers him a quick wink.
"Pretty fast," River says nonchalantly.
"Yup," Jamie agrees, "Make sure you are holding on tight to those branches so your bones don't fall out of the tree and Teague chews on 'em. You know…after the ravens eat your eyeballs out."
This terrorizing of little kids is kind of fun!
There is silence from above. River and Jamie look at each other grinning in the dark.
"We don't wanna be maciated." That sounds like Jason, although Jamie can't be sure. He glances up and can still see Jason's bright white shock of hair barely noticeable in the shadows in the tree.
Jamie sighs heavily, "Yeah, it's a rough way to go. I mean you guys are runts and all but…well, I wouldn't want you to die like that."
He can hear a little sniffle from above. It doesn't bother him in the least.
River looks like he might cave, he's never been good with little kids and the twins hate him but tears are his weak spot. Jamie elbows him roughly in the ribs. River grunts but doesn't retaliate.
"Well," Jamie stands and brushes off the butt of his jeans, "Riv and I are going to head on back. We have marked the tree so we can tell your folks where your bones are. I'm sure there will be a few left."
There is silence then hushed words that Jamie can't make out.
"Jamie!" This time Jamie is sure it's Justin. He is a little scrappier than his brother and he generally has a bigger mouth.
"We wanna come down," Jason finishes, a little softer than Justin's previous bellow for Jamie's attention.
"S'up to you, " Jamie stands at the base of the tree, arms crossed unconsciously looking like Gramps, "Riv and I need to head back to wait for JR."
"Speaking of JR," River says as he stands and positions himself next to Jamie, "We can keep him out of the woods for a while, y'know, so he's not the one to find your bones. I mean, if you two decide not to come down that is. That's the least we can do, he's a good friend and all."
River shoves his hands in his pockets. It doesn't quite present that stalwart Winchester look. Then again, Jamie has seen Gramps do the exact same motion. Oftentimes before he decides to ream somebody out over one thing or another. It's like a ninja Gramps move, sneaky and understated until he slams you. Dad is more animated, Uncle Sam more disapproving. Gramps is the one who just stands in silence scaring the shit out of you.
Jamie gives River an attaboy look and tries not to smile. The twins may hate Riv, but they love their brother and just mentioning his name seems to encourage them to some kind of action.
The boys above them don't say anything but their twin telepathy must be in full swing because they appear to make a decision in unison. Jamie can hear the monkeys moving above them as they start to scramble down the tree, sneakers scraping on bark and an occasional twig breaking. There is a heartbreaking moment when a bigger branch snaps and Jamie and River both lunge under the outline of the boys expecting to catch one or the other. But whoever slipped finds purchase again and continues down the tree.
A moment later they are safely on the ground, both looking a little chagrined.
Suddenly Jason turns to Justin and whoops. "We aren't MACIATED!"
They dive on each other for a celebratory pummeling.
Jamie grabs Jason. River grabs Justin. They pull them apart and each older boy grabs the younger one by scruff of the neck and starts pushing them back toward the Banner house.
They may not be maciated but they are sure as shoot gonna be dead.
XXX
When they push-pull the twins up to the house, they see JR standing on the back porch. His hip leans languidly against the house, dark blond hair curling around his face in the almost moonlight.
"Watcha do with my brothers?" he asks. He doesn't look particularly worried as he opens the back screen door and ushers all four of them in.
"It's not what we did, it's what we're gonna do," Jamie mutters pushing Jason on to the couch. River does the same with Justin.
JR assumes his toughest big brother look, eyes narrowing at his youngest brothers.
"Okay then. What did you two do?" JR asks.
"Nuthin'" they answer in tandem.
JR tilts his head and scowls, not believing their statement for one moment.
So he stills, obviously waiting for more.
Jamie and River stand on either side of JR. It occurs to Jamie that they are their own version of the Terrible Trio. It both worries him and gives him a rush in equal measure.
Jason starts to say something and Justin jabs him in the ribs, almost a mirror of Jamie jabbing River earlier.
Jason turns to Justin, blue eyes blazing, "Doesn't matter Justy, they already know, poophead."
Justin seems to think about that a minute, "Doesn't mean we have to criminate ourselves."
Justin looks at JR, "We plead the fifth," It's obvious he has no idea what that is but he's heard it somewhere.
"There is no "Fifth" in this family, Justin." JR says, "Just ask Dad when you see him."
The mention of their father makes both boys eyes dart toward the door and their faces blanch.
"Don't even think about it," Jamie says with a growl, "I am not chasing your scrawny asses all over this farm again."
"You said the A word!" Jason cries, his little voice laced with indignance.
"The A word! I'm gonna do a much more with the A word, and you better believe that ya little shit!"
Justin's eyes grow wide, "Now you said the S word. You're gonna geeeettt it!"
Jamie can barely control himself. "Me? Get it? I'm gonna kill you!" He dives for Justin but is brought up short by both Riv and JR who anticipate Jamie's lunge.
"Cool off, bro," River says gently, "Let me and JR handle this."
"Fine," Jamie grouses and then storms out of the living room onto the front porch. He is greeted by Teague who promptly knocks him down, covering him with muddy paws and slobbery kisses.
Jamie just lays there under the puppy and lets it happen. He doesn't have the strength to pull the beast off and it is moot anyway. He's already covered in mud and dog spit so what's the point.
He thinks his shoulder blade is being punctured by a nail that needs to be hammered back into the porch. It hurts - but everything hurts. He figures between Coach and his practice from hell and the mad sprint across the Banners farm to catch the boys, there is nothing in his body that isn't sore. It's worse than any Winchester workout.
He can hear the twins wailing from inside the house. He's not sure if River and JR are spanking their asses or just JR but he's sure a Banner spanking is going down.
Jamie is happy, despite the dog breaking his ribs. And the nail. He is deliriously happy that J2 is getting their butts well and truly roasted. Even as he sits under Teague and his slavering tongue, there is not a sympathetic bone in his aching body. Then he remembers when he was about their age and wandered off to find Godzilla. Godzilla had been great, his father's reactions to his disobedience less so. Dad had blistered his narrow little kid butt in what was the worse spanking of his young life.
At the time he had howled and screamed and felt like his father was as mean as Godzilla. Now he understands. He knows how important the twins are to the Banners. The little shits are even important to Jamie. They are devils but they are Banner devils and so they are Winchester devils too.
A few minutes later the cries turn to sobs and then he can hear the wails wander off as the twins are sent to their room.
At least that's what it sounds like.
River and JR join him on the porch. River looks down at Jamie still under Teague.
He shakes his head, more at Jamie than the puppy.
"I know…he's just a puppy," Jamie says, trying to avoid being French kissed by the dog. He has been utterly defeated by Teague. Monsters he can handle but after the twins, a six-month old puppy has him on the ropes. At least Teague had the decency to find the boys. Jamie will just lay here quietly and hope Teague gets tired of stepping on him.
"Teague," River says sharply and Teague stops his ministrations and cocks his head, glass blue eyes oddly white in the glow of the porch light.
"Leave it," River says and miraculously Teague does, stepping off of Jamie and going quietly to sit next to his master.
"He is just a puppy, but even puppies need to learn," River says sagely.
"Even if they're Banner pups?" JR asks as he tips his head toward the house and rubs his right hand over his jeans; it probably still stings.
"Yeah, even if they're Banner pups," River says.
JR nods his head in approval.
"What about teenagers?" Jamie asks, pulling a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping puppy slobber off of his face.
"Yeah, us too I guess," River says as he pats Teague's big head.
"Well," Jamie says, "This teenager has learned his lesson."
"And what's that Jamie?" River asks as he watches Jamie lever himself off the front porch. He clutches the railing and pulls himself up then once standing up, leans heavily against the porch post.
"Next time we watch the twins." Jamie says seriously, "We are teaching them a new game. No more tree climbing. They learned that too fast and are far too good at it. Instead we are going to teach them the 'art of escaping ropes' a la Winchester."
River and JR exchange confused glances. "Huh?" They both ask together.
"You know, where we walk in the house, tie the twins up in a "Magic Trick" and see if they can get their way out. If we use all of the knots the Trio taught us in Rope 101, we should be able to hold them for a few hours. At least long enough to make sure the doors are padlocked and they are safely in the house."
River grins but JR turns nervously to Jamie, "I guess now is not the time to tell you that I taught them to pick locks. They're good too."
Jamie punches JR in the shoulder. He must still have enough energy to cause some pain because JR winces, "What?" JR protests and rubs his left shoulder with his sore right hand.
"Why would teach them how to pick locks! They are The Twins! They are Banner squared! Teaching them to climb trees when they were three almost got them killed tonight!"
JR straightens up, "Because they're honorary Winchesters like me. If they are expected to carry on the Banner tradition, they have some big shoes to fill."
Jamie shrugs resignedly. It's true; they are the little brothers he doesn't have. He figures he can handle the Banner twins on an occasional basis. Even if they are monkeys.
Jamie sighs and he eyes the old red truck sitting in the crush and run that serves as the Banners driveway. He can't wait to get home and crawl into bed.
He decides it is okay. The Twins are as much his problem as they are JR's. Watching them once in a while is worth having the Banners in his life.
River slings an arm over Jamie's shoulders as they head toward the truck.
As they get in the truck and River starts it up he turns to Jamie and grins. It's obvious he's been thinking along the same lines as Jamie. He brushes his long blond hair back, so much like Uncle Sam that Jamie's heart melts just a bit.
God, he's a wuss. He loves his family so damn much.
"Think of it this way, Jamie. At least Uncle Adam doesn't have any kids."
Jamie's head thumps against the back of the seat at that thought. He closes his eyes with the thought of crazy Uncle Adam and children. All he can see is Uncle Adam riding the old Panhead with a munchkin behind him.
Gramps would have a cow.
Jamie shudders just thinking about it. He drops his head against the passenger side window. The glass feels cool against his cheek and the sound of the truck is almost like a lullaby. He is asleep before they get home.
End.