In 1.09 A Belly Full of Turkey, Robin reports that, "Yesterday [Barney] said that greatest feeling on Earth was having [his] toes sucked,". She doesn't sound too keen. So I came up with this.

Set on 6th August 2009, the Summer between 4 and 5. I don't own.

"I just get off on that sort of thing,"

"Why?"

"I don't know. Why does anybody get off on anything?"

"You've got to admit it's weird though,"

"Cos some of the things you like in bed are totally normal, are they?"

"I wasn't saying that…but come on, Barney, your feet,"

"Yeah, my feet. I don't know why it bothers you. You've sucked on other parts of my anatomy without complaint,"

She gives him a look which says- Are we really going to go there? and he sniggers.

"Fine," she relents, "I'll give it a go,"

"Knew you would,"

It's late on Thursday night- actually, it's probably early on Friday by morning now - and they're back from MacLaren's. He's lying on his back, tie off and trouser legs rolled up to the ankle. She's sitting cross-legged beside him, trying not to frown. She unfolds her arms, leans over to him uncertainly and quickly kisses the ball of his ankle. Barney's expression doesn't change and Robin kisses him again for slightly longer, then across his foot and down the bones towards his toes, before she stops and moves away.

"This is stupid,"

"Aw, come on! We were nearly getting to the good bit,"

"What the hell is sexy about feet? Mouths and feet aren't meant to go together,"

"What the hell is sexy about black eyes, then? I say again- everyone's a bit weird in bed. You'll never know until you try it,"

"Can't we just be having proper sex? Surely that turns anybody on the most,"

"You are such a dude," he says, rolling his eyes, "Go on, humour me,"

She bites her lip, "It's feet, though,"

"Yeah, but my feet. I had a pedicure four days ago. My socks are made of cashmere. It's not like you're sucking on a yeti's feet,"

"Thank you for that image,"

"Stop stalling, okay?"

"Ugh. Fine. Don't expect anything mind-blowing though,"

She kisses his foot again, then hesitantly takes his big toe in her mouth, and forces herself to wrap her tongue around it. His foot doesn't taste or smell of anything. Having no clue what to do, she sucks on it a bit and looks up at him. Barney's lying with one arm behind his head and the other hand drumming on his stomach through the fabric of his white dress shirt. His eyes are searching hers as he cocks his head and smiles in a vaguely encouraging way. Robin scrapes her teeth again his big toe, then takes her mouth off it and nibbles on his second toe. Nipping each one of his toes individually reminds her too much of that kids' game about the piggies, so she just kisses back up his foot and ankle, darting her tongue out to lick his skin a little. It's less weird now, and she can just about see how one might like someone else's gentle suction on their foot. Still, when she reaches halfway up his shin, she sighs,

"Happy now?" as if it had been an utter drag.

Barney smiles, "Yeah. Yeah, it's nice,"

Robin crawls up the side of his body and lies beside him.

"You have too many fetishes," she mumbles into his shoulder.

"It's not a fetish. I just quite like it," he says in a surprisingly defensive tone.

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"Uh, no. Obviously. Anyway, even if you wanted to tease me about this, I have some way good counter arguments about things that you wouldn't like to be called fetishes,"

"True," she has to admit, slotting her head against his neck, "We'll get to the real sex in minute though,"

If pressed, the story Barney and Robin would tell is that the next thing they did was "get to it,"-and it was wild and dirty and involved a number of things which could be called fetishes.

The truth is that they fell asleep with her head on his shoulder.

Fin.

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