This chapter was inspired by my stepmum…partly because she's almost as awesome as Barney, but mostly because she refers to him as, "The pretty one you're all obsessed with,"

13th August 2009.

"So my sister's coming to visit in a couple of weeks," she tells him as she's searching for food in his fridge (she won't find any; he never buys in food. He doesn't eat meals often, and if he does he sure as hell doesn't cook).

"Yeah?" he replies casually.

"Yeah, the 29th, before she starts college again. You want to know something about her?"

"If it's dirty,"

"It's not dirty. It's about what she called you the first time she met you,"

"Hot? Virile? Legendary?"

"She said you were pretty,"

As much as she enjoys making things up to irritate him, this one happens to be true.

"She did not," Barney answers flatly.

"She did. The first night she stayed at my old place, she said, "Your blond friend's very pretty,'"

…or something like that. She can't remember the details. She just cares about winding him up.

"I am not pretty!"- that's the kind of indignantly outraged reaction Robin was looking for- "The girl from An Education is pretty. The gay one from Glee is pretty. Dammit, Robin; you're pretty- but me? I'm sharp and chiselled and an oozing lake of sexual charisma,"

"Is that what it says on your business card?"

"Yes," he replies without irony.

"You've got to admit you're a bit of a prettyboy, Barney,"

"Uh, no. Your sister obviously hasn't seen me nailing you while you're handcuffed to my bed at four am. She wouldn't call me pretty then. Although she'd be welcome to join in,"

"Barney. My sister,"

"Okay, I didn't think that one though," he admits.

She looks away nervously, then mutters, "Well, here's some other things you need to think through while Katie's her; can you…look, be nice, okay?"

"I am nice!"

"No you're not,"

"Not really, no," Barney admits, "But I can pretend to be, can't I? Nice, funny, charming-I can be all of those things, on a good day. Or if the chick's hot enough,"

Robin ignores the last sentence and adds, "And please could you not- could you keep quiet about us? Don't go dropping hints or innuendos like you do about Ted's mom,"

"Ted's mom's different; that's just how I like to creep him out. I won't go telling Katie anything," his voice softens, "It means as much to me that this stays secret as it does to you,"

She squeezes his hand, "Thank you,"

"No problem-o. Now can we please get on with that handcuff stuff I was talking about?"

Fin.

Thanks for your time- please review!

PS- Carey Mulligan and Chris Colfer, in case you're wondering.