Once they're outside the bar, she smacks him hard across the face.
"Ow!" he howls, clutching his cheek as she marches up the steps, "What was that for?!"
"You know damn well what it was for,"
Barney bounds up the stairs after her, "No. No, I don't,"
She rounds on him, "It was for hitting on that Chinese girl!"
"What?"
"Don't act dumb, Barney. Your eyes were on stalks and you spent twenty minutes flirting with her,"
"So that's not allowed is it- says you; you're the one who wanted to keep this a secret in the first place. You're the one who says we should act normal in front of the gang. What's normal if not me hitting on a girl in MacLaren's?"
Robin gapes at him, "I can't believe what you're saying. Think about what you're saying,"
"No, you think about it! You can't insist that this stays secret then get pissed when I carry on as normal,"
"You were- you were holding my hand under the table ten Goddamn seconds before you got up to flirt with her! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"
"Play the victim, then," Barney spits.
"Would you have taken that girl home if she said yes to you?" Robin demands.
She sees the struggle on his face, "Yes! No! I don't know!" he spasms his arm angrily, "Are we exclusive? I know we don't Talk- but are we?"
"Yes!"- she catches herself- "No! I don't know!"
He makes a frustrated sound somewhere between a growl and a groan- and it's almost the same noise he makes when she bites him or pulls his hair, and she finds herself asking-
"Are we both only in this for the sex?"
"I don't know!" Barney wails, because he doesn't, for God's sake. He ignores the feelings and the questions- he thought she did too.
"Come on, Barney- we both know the answer, we just don't want to admit it,"
"Admit what?" he cries- and that throws her. Maybe his answer is different to hers. Maybe Barney is only with her for sex and she's been kidding herself for weeks that it's something more.
"Admit that…" but Robin's too scared to say it in case he says the opposite, so she chickens out and goes back to yelling at him- "I can't believe you were hitting on that girl like I wasn't sitting there watching- you dog! You're disgusting!"
"If you're so mad why d'you follow me out, hey?" he demands.
"Because otherwise you'll only find some other screw for the night, won't you?! Otherwise you'll win!"
"Win? Win what?"
"This! Tonight!" Robin cries.
His jaw is set and his eyes are bright and steely and glued on hers, and Robin hears herself tell him, "Fine- I followed because I'm so mad at you that the sex tonight will be incredible,"
"So you and me is just about sex?"
"Stop tripping up everything I say, Barney," she says bitterly.
"I'm working out where we stand! This kind of smothering and rules is exactly why I hate relationships,"
"I'm not smothering you," Robin snaps, "Stop pretending that you don't know how much of a bastard you are,"
"You're right- sex tonight will be off the scale!" he shouts.
"Exactly! But if you're so keen for this to be physical you can get a cab home on your own," she tells him, "I'll take the subway,"
" What?- to my apartment, while I get a cab to the same place?" he snorts coldly, "That's ridiculous,"
"I'll aim for your apartment- but hey, I might meet some bodybuilder guy and go home with him instead!" Robin snarls. Her heels clack on the pavement as she walks away.
"When we both get to my apartment we're not talking- just fucking, understand?" he calls after her viciously.
"Of course!" Robin agrees, then blurts, "Because it's so much easier to screw than to admit that this whole thing is miles more important than we're pretending!"
She disappears around the corner.
Fin.
Thanks for reading. This is one of my favourite chapters, so I hope you liked it too. Whatever you thought, please review.