"I don't like the kinds of toys you want me to like, in bed...those are giant! And robotic!"- Neil ad-libbing with Cobie on the S5 bloopers

1st August 2009.

Robin wonders how many of the sexcapade stories he's regaled them with over the last few years are true. Of course they both have their kinks and they both like to experiment, and sure, he seems to know almost every position in the book (literally- he has a copy of the Kama Sutra which he leafs through occasionally if they run out of ideas). Yes, they both enjoy blindfolds; handcuffs- she's developed a liking for tying him up with his ties (which she can tell he absolutely loves). Sure, they've both had a go with the whip and the ping-pong paddles- and with his penchant for dressing up ordinarily, she wasn't surprised when Barney revealed his box of costumes for role- playing.

But overall, he seems to be more of an elaborate-position guy than a kinky toy guy, and what with his usual compulsive lies, she wonders if many of his supposed sexual exploit tales are actually stolen from pornos.

So she thinks of a way to test him

Fine- tease him.

(Fine- torture him).

She's staying over at his place one Saturday, and leaves the website open on her laptop in the kitchen, while she jumps in the shower. He glances at the screen on his way through the kitchen- and does a double-take.

Woah.

Barney scrolls through the website, going through the toys while biting his lip nervously. Obviously he's seen this stuff before, and both he and Robin have their fair share of kinks- it's just that, well, he isn't particularly into these kinds of toys (or at least, they're not the kind of toys he particularly wants into him, Barney thinks to himself, half-amused at his own joke, and half frowning).

When she appears in the kitchen- dressed, smiling, kissing him on the mouth- he can't help but respond unenthusiastically.

"What's up?"

"Uh, you left your laptop on," he murmurs, nodding to it, "I looked at what you were, um, the website you were on,"

She grins at him, "So?"

"Well, I- I thought you might ask me before you bought stuff like that,"

"Ask you? Barney Sex-Addict Stinson?" she mocks.

"No, but…well, yeah. That thing's huge!" he can't help but splutter, pointing to the screen.

"It isn't. Haven't you been pegged before?"

He doesn't like her amused, patronising tone. It feels like she's laughing at him, teasing him for being a baby- and he isn't. He's not.

"Yeah," he admits, "Once or twice, and yeah, sometimes...look, I didn't like it,"

"You're always nagging me to let you do me up the-"

"I asked twice!" he argues indignantly, "And you said no and I was okay with that. And now you want to- you know," he says, tailing off into mumbling. Glaring, Barney stumbles away from her over to the fridge.

She laughs at him again and steps closer, running both her hands down Barney's chest. Normally the combination of Robin's hands and soft cotton get him hot and restless sharpish, but now he feels angry and uncomfortable.

"Could it be," she says sweetly, "That Barney Stinson is in fact a little. Bit. Tame?"

He's had enough of this.

"You're all or nothing, aren't you?" he retorts sharply, "I tried it- I didn't like it. Doesn't make me tame. I don't like ham and pineapple pizza but that doesn't mean I don't like Italian food, does it?"

"Hmm," she says, hooking her little finger into the undone top buttonhole of his shirt and jerking him forward into a kiss, "Fine, I won't buy anything. I'll just be slightly disappointed in you,"

He leans back, unsuckering his mouth from hers, "You dated Ted. Ted's about as wild as a brick wall,"

"Ted let me,"

"Liar,"

"Ask him,"

"Great idea. 'Hey, Teddy, did Robin ever peg you? Cos she wants to do the same to me, because by the way we've been hooking up all Summer,'. Good plan, Scherbatsky,"

"You'll have to take my word for it, then,"

She kisses him again gently and he can tell she's doing it to taunt him, so he snags her bottom lip between his teeth, shuffles round so he's pinning her against the fridge with his hips, and sticks his tongue hard down her throat.

So Robin reckons he's tame? He's about to make her think again.

She leaves it a week before telling him it was a set-up (but she adds that if he ever changes his mind, the offer is most definately still open).

Fin.

Thanks for reading.