DISCLAIMER: This chapter deals with sensitive subject of religion, God and Jesus. For those who are devoted Christian and Jesus followers, I apologized if this part offended any of you. I do not mean any disrespect towards Christian religion, God and Jesus . This story is purely for entertainment purpose and all the jokes by the characters are merely an imitation of an overzealous religious type. Also, the hatred and the insults portrayed are merely fictional and from the characters POV, not the author's personal opinions. Please let me know if you feel this part is a disregard to Christianity faith, I'll be honored to entertain your feedback. However,for the psalm quotes I used in this story,(the ones in bold) , all credit goes to Bible and its rightful contents.
Chapter 24 : A Guide to Enlightenment
"Please come in Father," Kane invited. "I need your blessings on those two purged souls," He pointed out to Steve and Vince who were astonished by the appearance of the stranger priest.
"Thank you my child. " 'Father Nash' stepped in. As he made his way inside, he brushed himself against Kane , when Kane felt Mark grabbing his palms. He was quite surprised to realized Mark secretly handed him a small object that was apparently a small sized syringe. "Use this for later." He whispered.
Kane took the hint and quickly dispatched the stuff in his pockets.
"There are no purged souls in the eye of God, only a misguided heart deceived by Satan, and that is exactly why I was here, to lead all of us back to our Lord's path." 'Father Nash' shook his head as he spoke politely.
Kane tried to suppress a laugh on hearing how Mark was speaking with the Catholic accent. Did he just read the entire Bible in one whole before he came here?
"Wait, wait,"Steve was curious. "I may not be a religious person, but does an evangelist really working at night like this? And aren't you supposed to be at church performing a ritual prayers or something?"
"My dear child, a Messenger of God does not choose any hour to spread His words," Father Nash replied, "We serve our Lord days and nights to sermonize mankind to grasp faith in God."
"Look, stinky old man, " Vince suddenly pulled his wallet out of his pocket and produced a few pieces of dollar bills and rudely passed them to the priest. " Take this and go back to your church and feed your starving God. We have more important things to take care here other than embracing a non existent fairytale,"
"Grandpa, can you for once stop being an asshole? " Kane scolded. "What is wrong with you? I'd rather listen to his preach than hearing you insult me with your murder accusation,"
"Oh now suddenly you are Jesus BFF? Did you follow him on your Instagram account?" Vince asked sarcastically.
"Father, please enlighten us on how God punish people who treat others with poisonous slander and false allegation." Kane asked with sarcasm, ignoring his grandfather.
"This family had been deeply blemished with Satan's color of evil." 'Father Nash' said and start to flip through a page of the Bible book. " From [Revelation 2:9], 'I know your tribulation and your poverty (but you are rich) and the slander of those who say that they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan."
"Did you just call our family a synagogue of Satan?!" Vince shouted.
"Grandpa, will you please shut the fuck up?" Kane berated. "Carry on, Father?" Although deep inside he was about to crack into laughter how hilarious Mark was with the religious quotes.
"My child, I would pray upon our Lord to purify your grandfather's diseased soul." 'Father Nash continued as he pretended to browse through the Bible, " From Matthew 12:43 ,When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. " May the mercy of God and His kindness will help to light the darkness that blackening your heart."
"You and your bullshit quotes!" Vince hollered, overwhelmedly furious. "Get the fuck outta here!"
"My child, please allow me to guide your path back to the faithfulness of the Lord," Father Nash just calmly replied. He tried to approach Vince and tried to touch the old man on his chest, but Vince smacked his hands away. " You had been strayed too far by Satan and it's evil of plague .."
"Child? I'm fucking old enough to be your grandfather!" Vince screamed again, pacing back and forth restlessly. He was strongly tempted to strangle the annoying priest to death.
"Everyone, regardless of how old and close to death they are, are the children of the Lord, are the messenger of holy.." Father Nash continued his ramblings, but was cut off by Vince again.
"That's it, I had enough! Fuck you and your Jesus trash talking." Vince flaunted his middle finger in the priest's face. "Come on Linda, we are outta here. I might be crucifying this douche if I stay any longer," He declared, pulling Linda's hand and dragged her to the front door.
"But Grandpa, Father Nash had not finished yet!" Kane pretended to restrain, but Vince ignored him . He slightly grinning as Vince slammed the door shut behind him and disappeared outside. Bye bye and good riddance! Kane mocked in his thoughts. Then he turned to Steve who had been remaining silent since then, intensely staring at the priest as if he was trying to theorize something.
Kane exchanged looks with Mark, who silently told him, One more down to go. He patted the outline of his pockets and feel the syringe Mark left him earlier, thrilled that Mark had came up with such vicious shenanigan.
"Excuse me Father, but you look like a rock star," Steve suddenly complimented as he had just noticed the priest had auburn long hair tied neatly .
"Why, thank you my child," Father Nash gave a smile," When I was young and ignorant I used to listen to blasphemy songs of Satan worshiping. Now I spent my days blasting..I mean, blessing my ears with harmony gospel and hymns of the Lord,"
"Nice to know you had an interesting past." Steve snickered. "So, entertain me Father. Did God whip sinned people's ass in Hell?'' Steve asked nonchalantly.
"Ahem." Mark cleared his throat. " I sensed that you are one of the strong non believers. But God does not whip sinner's ass or punish them cruelly like you had imagined. God loves every single of us, all the human beings in the earth. Allow me to read you another psalm from John, 3:16,[ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.]. Forgive me for saying this, but I sense you had a troubled soul and your heart is a sinner. I could give you a blessing to cleanse those sin out of you."
Steve roared into laughter. "You're so funny Father. You are right, I really was a non believer, but I certainly believe in something else. You know what I really believe in? I believe in shoving my foot up people's ass who made fool of somebody else and thinking they were such a smart punk for that." He cast a look at Kane before he continued, " I can give you a blessing and cleanse the shit out of you too Father."
"Well of course. " Kane scowled. "Hey, read my psalm too, Austin 3:16 says he just whipped God's ass, isn't that what you saying next?" Kane bitterly clamored as he made a mockery imitation of Steve's catchphrase with disgust.
"Exactly," Steve laughed again, but in all honesty, he was highly suspicious of the priest. As a former military cop, he could detect the signs of the priest's body language, and it did not take him too long to figure out that the priest was absolutely a fraud case, that he was an impostor. Except Steve could not think of a motive of the scam behind the Catholic attire, but the first thing he guessed the impostor was most likely planning a robbery. Or the second assumption Steve made, the man was in cohorts with Kane, whoever he was and whatever their scheme was. But he decided to lay low for awhile, pushing the game as far as he could and see how further the con man (and Kane) were ready to go.
Mark, on the other hand still remained calm. Part of him wondering if Steve already could tell he was a fake, but Mark was determined not to show any sign of panic.
"I shall pray upon compassion of Our Lord and seek His forgiveness for our sins and unclean hearts, " Mark made a prayer gesture before he fished something out of his robe pocket. It was a transparent bottle containing pure water. Steve and Kane watched him as he gently uncapped the bottle.
"What now? You gonna exorcising the demons out of us? " Steve asked with amusement and curiosity at the same time. He knew the bottle of water might be the stuff people called Holy Water, but Steve doubted if it was really genuine water inside or could be some kind of chemical liquid.
"Please allow me to serve you with the blessings of God from this Holy Water." Mark said , pouring some of the contents of the bottle into his palms. "You see, this is the most sacred, purified essence of..." Before he could finish, Steve abruptly jumped from his seat and knocked the bottle off the table, that it fell off to the floor and the water spilled out.
"This was no fucking holy water. There was no God, no Jesus and you are no real priest. You are a fucking impostor," Steve accused, advanced towards Mark, who immediately grew panicked and took a few steps behind to distance himself from Steve. Kane also was alarmed and began to hovering around in fright and agitation.
"Hold on. Ok, we can talk about this, alright. I can explain." Mark raised both of his hands, trying to negotiate.
"You got ten seconds to clarify yourself before I knock you off with my boots on your pretty face." Steve demanded, moving along with Mark's motion as retreated slowly. "Who the hell are you and what are you up to?"
"Please don't hurt me. I did not mean any harm. Please. Have mercy on me," Mark begged as Steve moved faster towards him to close the gap between them. He looked at Kane who was also circling behind Steve, and Kane nodded, understanding the signal he was sending.
"Well then, here's your chance to redeem yourself and tell me what are you doing with this costume inside this house? Are you planning to rob the entire house? " Steve interrogated as he began to bring his distance closer to the fake priest.
"It's personal motive." Mark replied briefly, trying to buy himself some more time as Steve inched nearer to him. He had anticipated Steve to start attack him, and he was right in guessing. The former militant did not waste any time to strike like a rattlesnake, pummeling on Mark as he speared the younger man to the floor and started beating him.
Mark squirmed and screaming beneath the continuous assault , wiggling his hands in the air as a signal to Kane who was standing behind Steve now. Kane nodded and he pulled out the syringe he had hid inside his pocket earlier and cautiously, approached Steve and set his target on the bigger man's arm.
Without any hesitation, Kane jabbed the sharp tip of the syringe needle right into Steve's left muscular arms, pressing the liquid dose into his veins. Steve was perplexed and shocked when he felt the painful stab on his arm and turned around, but it was just too late for him. Within seconds, he slowly was paralyzed by the effect of the dose and collapsed like a sack of grain to the floor and completely passed out.
"Phew!" Mark let out a sigh of relief as he rolled off Steve's body from him and stood straight up , straightening his robe. " Take that, you son of a bitch. Now that was a real blessing from God!" He scorned, gloating in the victory of bringing the arrogant , trash-talker military guy down.
"Yeah, Kane and Mark 3:16 says we just literally kicked his ass, " Kane grinned in satisfaction. "Now what we are going to do with him?" He asked.
"Hide him in your garage. " Mark said . "And pray your parents find him there tomorrow, "
"Good idea. Now we sound like a couple of killers, " Kane nodded, "But I fucking love this! Hell yeah!" He yelped in excitement.
"Yeah yeah, we are like a franchise movie of American Psycho," Mark agreed, cackling. "Now let's drag his fat ass down,"
Kane obeyed , and they both began to drag Steve's motionless body outside. "Man, he's fucking heavy. I wonder how many pounds he weighed." Mark complained as they struggled to bring Steve towards the door.
"Yeah, " Kane agreed. He paused for awhile to catch his breath because the weight of Steve's body really worn him out. "Damn he was fat," He moaned breathlessly as he picked back Steve's arm and resumed dragging him down towards the garage outside.
"Keep going," Mark instructed, and finally after several minutes struggling to carry the deadweight of Steve, they reached the garage and dumped Steve inside.
"So we are clear to go? " Kane asked as they settled Steve's body near the piles of metal junk in the garage. "I'm finally going to the freaking party!"
"One more thing." Mark took off the robe he was wearing and the chain of cross he wore around his neck. " I need two bottles of alcohol. Did your parents keep whiskey or vodka or anything?"
"Well, Austin's favorite is beer, but my dad does not keep one. But I can steal Stephanie's favorite Scotch, " Kane replied. "Why you need them?"
"Ok , you take a couple of bottles, drain one of them into the sink. I will pour the other one on him so he'd smell like alcohol. We gonna leave the bottles with Steve, and tomorrow when he wakes up, or if your parents discover him.."
"I can tell them that he was pissed drunk and nobody would believe him if he says he was being drugged. " Kane snapped his finger . " Damn genius."
"Exactly. Now hurry up! " Mark grinned, and Kane quickly rushed back inside. He raided his parent's liquor cabinet and took out a couple of Scotch bottles, that he knew to be Stephanie's favorite. She was going to be extra pissed off once she knew Steve stole them.
Kane hurriedly poured the content of one of the expensive bottles into the sink and rinsed them clean before he returned to Mark in the garage. Mark uncapped the other unused Scotch bottle and spilled the alcohol on Steve's shirt and face.
"Awesome. You know what to tell your old man the rest of the story tomorrow," Mark laughed as he placed the empty bottles near Steve's hands. ''Sleep tight, buddy," He caressed Steve's bald head .
"Yeah, I hope he enjoys the ride. " Kane smirked. "Let's go back to our agenda," He looked at Mark , who grinned wickedly.
"Come on, we gonna be late for the booze, " Mark said, " They are all waiting to christen you before you leave next week."
"You are fucking genius Mark. How the hell did you mesmerized the damn quotes? " Kane asked as they both headed to their vehicles.
"Glenn helped me. He just googled them and all I did was wrote them in the Bible book, bookmarked the page." Mark answered. "That's how I read them to annoy the living shit of your grandpa. Man, he was really allergic to them. His face is priceless, " He chuckled.
"You are one hell talented shit. It was fucking impressive, you should be taking drama classes man. " Kane complimented between his laughs. " You had no idea how I nearly laugh my ass off when you are talking shit to them!"
"Well, what can I say, I'm American Badass, " Mark shrugged with a wicked smirk. "Now it's time for party bitches!"