Summary: "He knew everything there was about me. From enemies to rivals to being in a relationship to finally being friends, we explored various stages of what we had between us." For five years, Bella and Edward had a complicated relationship. But what happens when one fateful day, the two friends encounter each other and explore what it means to go beyond friendship, yet again?
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Never have, never will. If I did, Twilight would be going in a whole different direction…
Heeeey! So this was originally a personal narrative that I did for my expository writing class as a unit paper. Got a 98/100 for it. *cue celebratory happy dance* Initially, it was about 4 pages long and my teacher thought it was too long, so I ended up fitting the PN barely in 3 pages. I thought about turning it into a full O/S, with more dialogue, more details, and a "completed" sort of ending. This was part of the 3rd Annual Fandom for LLS and though I was able to post it after the first week of December 2014, I was busy with schoolwork (senior project, applying for college and scholarships, regular schoolwork [AP History... I love history, but it lives up to the name of its AP version], etc). Now that I have the time, I'm posting this before I forget to do so again.
Enjoy!
Sometimes, I think of myself as a box. Whether or not you open or close a box, something is bound to happen. Keep a box closed and you choose to evade consequences and keep secrets unknown, the way it's supposed to be on several occasions. Dare to open a box and you choose to venture into an unknown and explore another world outside your own.
Five years ago, there was a boy that chose to open a box and explore its contents. The boy was my enemy, rival, pretend brother, boyfriend, and close friend. But, above all, he was my one and only rival.
His name was Edward Cullen.
Edward knew how to tease, irritate, and annoy the living crap out of me. He'd find any opportunity to point out a flaw that described me, but twist it in a way that would get a rise out of me. Because of that, we got into arguments and everyone in middle school got used to the fact that I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him, let alone be in any close proximity as him.
"Fatty." I was a bit chubby for an 11-year-old.
"Four eyes." I was one of the few kids in the classes I shared with Edward that wore glasses.
"Smart ass." I was dubbed one of the smarter kids in sixth grade.
"Freak." I wasn't exactly one of the pretty girls that boys would swarm around.
Those were a few of the repetitive name-calling he used. It didn't help he was the first boy I met that was a total playboy (he went out with a lot of girls).
But I tolerated our arguments, and along the way, I developed a respect for who Edward was. In seventh grade, I learned we had a few things we had in common. We both loved video games. We both loved music. And we both knew the in's and out's of Pokemon, although I didn't use cheats like most guys would do.
By the end of seventh grade, we formed an inexplicable bond I didn't have with my other friends. We relied on each other whenever we had something plaguing our minds. During the summer before eighth grade, I discovered a side of Edward I didn't see before. Outside his loud, carefree, albeit lazy personality I was used to seeing in school, I learned he had a vulnerable, intelligent side. It was a part of him he didn't like showing to classmates, so I felt confused to why he'd reveal that side of him to me.
I ended up having a crush on Edward a few weeks before I was slated to move to Arizona during fall break. I didn't intend for it to happen, and I panicked with the realization that I had feelings for a guy my friends warned me to never fall for. Maybe it was how Edward fell head over heels on a quiet girl named Angela. I couldn't help but feel the tiny pangs of jealousy whenever he brought up the subject of Angela. But even if Edward felt the same way for me, there was no way we could survive a long-distance relationship. There were miles between Washington and Arizona and we wouldn't be able to have a lot of time to meet up in between.
During fall break, I couldn't control my feelings much longer. The couple of years I knew him made me comprehend how much I valued Edward as a friend. He was more than that. In a few short months, he became my vent buddy, the first person I'd go to if I had any problems. I was scared when I texted Edward and told him that I liked him. But, low and behold, he felt the same way too. We pursued a long-distance, secret relationship, but our feelings progressed too hard and too fast. In four days, Edward thought it was best if we remained friends and hoped that, if we were in a better situation, we could try again. We broke up, and, for the next two years, he remained as one of my few friends in Forks that I kept in contact in during my time in Phoenix.
Despite our close friendship, I didn't want to erase my term of Edward as a rival. Even though I was miles away from him, I couldn't break my habit of trying to be better than him. While he excelled in music, I excelled in academics. He had his guitar, I had my brain. He'd tell me countless times that he wished to be like me, but a deeper part of me longed to to be as musically talented as him. I wanted to be known more than just having brains. Eventually, by high school, when he told me that he finally tapped into his intelligent self, I found my motivation to be smarter than I already was.
In tenth grade, I moved back to Forks. Long story short, my parents didn't like living in Phoenix (mom constantly complained about the heat), missed living in the cool, albeit rainy, climate in Forks, and found a house a few blocks away from where we used to live. Beforehand, Edward was the first person I told about the good news. He was ecstatic about seeing me again in a matter of months and confessed his love for me in our Facebook chat. I was stunned and didn't know how to respond. I was still heartbroken about my Arizona crush, Mike Newton, who moved to New York after the end of my freshman year. I didn't want to admit to Edward that I lost feelings for him while in Phoenix. Afraid to be the heart breaker, I told Edward I needed time and space to process his feelings for me.
The time and space molded into weeks of avoiding talking to Edward. Even when I transferred into Forks High did I hope I wouldn't have to run into him. I didn't want to face his tantalizing emerald orbs that would always glint with mischievous. I still ended up running into him a couple of times in the first couple of weeks that I was in Forks High. We caught up for a while, and not once did he mention anything about that night in July. We fell back in our old teasing habits in those two days I got to see him.
There were other things that happened between Edward and I that year. It didn't take me until April of tenth grade for me to realize that irrational decisions would be the trigger for him to physically distance himself away from me.
It was after school when I was talking with Emmett, a friend of mine that I met in Forks High, in the grassy field outside the music building. I didn't want to go home yet and I enjoyed hanging out with Emmett. We talked about his girlfriend Rosalie, who happened to be one of my Arizona friends and who he began a long-distance relationship with (although they did meet once in last December, thanks to Cynthia). The conversation shifted to Edward, which made me nervous since he knew about my obvious feelings for Cookie. My best friend, Alice, and I came up with the nickname for Edward to describe his personality: appealing and attractive on the outside, soft and sweet in the inside.
"So... ready to talk to him?" Emmett asked, a mischievous expression on his face. Edward was in the piano room, and he promised he'd get me to talk to Edward since it was a while that we last had a face-to-face conversation.
I nodded, releasing a tense breath. "Yeah. I think it's time."
"Okay." Emmett patted my shoulder. "Be right back. Stay put."
"Don't worry. Not like I'm going anywhere."
"You never know." He poked me on my side and, laughing at my flinching expression, disappeared into the piano room.
I felt my face burn and darted behind a tree. A million thoughts raced through my mind, scrolling though possibilities to how our encounter will play out. I was lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice Emmett return with Edward.
"Hi Bella." I jolted at Edward's voice. I turned around and fought an urge to swoon. He looked the same since the last time I saw him. Messy penny-colored hair. Addictive green eyes. A warm, enticing smile, which he gave me as he walked closer.
"H-Hi," I stuttered out. I missed that smile. There were times I felt he reserved it for me a long time ago. It was similar to the smirk he'd wear in middle school after satisfaction of irritating me. Now, I see it as a regular smile, exactly what he gives to other people. I felt poignant. He didn't call me Bel, a nickname he used to call me all the time in our internet chats. Back then, it made me feel special. It proved how much changed since I moved back to Forks.
"How's Chef doing?" I bit the inside of my mouth, remembering the letter I got Emmett gave Edward a few weeks ago about my love troubles in Arizona.
"Fine... I think." Truth is, I have no idea how Mike is doing. Other than the birthday drawing I posted on his Facebook wall last October, we haven't had any type of communication since he moved away.
Edward just nodded. "So..."
"So..." This was awkward.
"Why don't you two kids get on going?" Emmett said, filling the awkward silence. Whew. It's times like these when I praise the lord I met a great friend like Emmett McCarthy.
"Thanks," I muttered, loud enough so only Emmett could hear.
"Yeah." Edward glanced at me. "I gotta go anyway."
Follow Cookie, Swan. "Right. Me too. Mind if I tag along?"
Edward shrugged. "Sure."
I looked back at Emmett, mouthing a 'Wish me luck' as Edward and I walked away.
We pass the green generator in relative silence, unsure how to continue the conversation.
"Ummm... so how's it going?" How's it going? Lame, Swan.
"I'm fine. You?"
"Same. Still going to church?"
"Of course. Still getting good grades?"
I chuckled. "Duh! Although I tarnished my record and got a C in geometry."
He gaped. "Shame on you! I thought you were better than that!"
I held my hands up in protest. "Not my fault! You know I suck at math."
"Too bad. I like math now." It's true. I still remember the story he told me of the time he helped a friend correctly solve a geometry problem, even though he was only in Algebra 1 at the time.
"Good for you. Math isn't my best friend, no matter how much health says I need it."
"Health?"
I nodded. "New dream."
"Let me guess... nurse?"
I scrunched my eyebrows, disregarding the stereotype of many women becoming nurses. "Maybe. I was thinking social worker."
"Ah. At least you have a stable job in mind."
"What about you? Still wanna be a musician?"
"Maybe. Or a music teacher."
"Choose musician!"
"Why?"
"I thought music is your passion."
"It is."
"So stick to it. Don't you love your guitar?"
"Uh..." His eyes shifted to the ground. "Yeah. But don't you know how hard it is to make it as a musician? I might as well be playing my guitar on the streets in New York."
"No!" I slapped his shoulder. "Don't think that. You're great at what you do. If I'm chasing my dream, then you should be chasing yours. End of story."
"I thought you wanted to be a writer."
"That's different. I could have a real job and still be a writer on the sidelines. You, on the other hand, have to commit. It's either go big or go home."
He sighed. "I don't want to think about the future now. Can we talk about something else?"
Coward. "Fine. What else is there to talk about?" We pass the school library. Halfway until we have to part.
"I don't know."
"PE," I blurted.
He turned to look at me with a confused expression. "PE?"
Do I really want to talk about the one subject I suck balls at? "Did you finish PE yet?"
"Yeah. You?"
"At Arizona. But I gotta finish the half credit one here in Forks."
"That sucks. You hate PE." At least he remembered that.
"I know. I'm not the best at sports."
He scoffed. "Really? It's fun! Especially table tennis."
"Table tennis? Okay, that wasn't so bad for me. Except the one serve when the ball shot 10 feet in the air and landed on Tyler's head."
He laughed. "That actually happened?"
"Uh-huh. I don't regret it though. He's an A-S-S."
"I've got a better story than that."
"Oh yeah? Blow me away. Not literally, of course."
"I served the ball and hit it on the back of Mr. Greene's head on purpose. He would've given me detention every time I did it if it wasn't for some of the other students doing it too."
I giggled, picturing Edward in PE clothes and using a paddle to hit the ball like he'd do. Not only was it an amusing image, but thinking of Edward in that get-up sounds... hot.
Ugh. What are you thinking? Hot? This is your rival you're talking about.
But things change. Not my fault I got more perverted since I got to high school.
"Do students in your class do it too?" Edward asked.
I shook my head. "Not on purpose."
Silence. God, why is there a moment of silence every time we finish talking about a certain topic? It wasn't like that on Facebook.
"Every spent a night at a graveyard?" Edward managed to say.
"Nah. Doesn't every horror movie with that scenario end up with a character dead?"
"Not with me."
"Okay. So say you slept at a graveyard. Any ghostbusters showed up in the middle of the night?"
He laughed. "I wish. It would have been more interesting."
"So you did sleep at a graveyard."
"My friends did it on a dare and I tagged along. It wasn't so bad."
"Was it fun?"
He made a so-so movement of his hands, showing his indifference. "It was okay. I remember it was cold."
"It was night time. Duh."
"Can't be worse than Antarctica. Anyway, long story short, we didn't get to see any ghosts, even though Jake insisted he saw a headless woman."
I snapped my fingers. "That's so ironic!"
He looked at me, puzzled. "You went to Antarctica?"
"Hell no! I'd die in the first two days. I was talking about the headless woman thing. My mom always told me she sees a ghost of a woman like that after midnight. I never saw one, so I never believed in it."
"Weird."
"I know. I'll believe in that story once I see a ghost with my own eyes first."
What started as an awkward conversation gradually caused us to fall back into our old silly selves. I didn't know how many more topics we covered after Edward's graveyard story. Our endless conversation reminded of Alice, who I still miss dearly. If she was here with me, she'd be cheering in the background and urging me to make a move on Cookie.
By the time we reached the stoplight in front of the school, I felt an overwhelming sadness. I didn't want to go just yet. Looking behind me, the sight of my classmates hits me back to reality. When the stoplight turns green, it would be a signal of goodbye. Tomorrow, we wouldn't have this. We would go back to our old lives and pretend today never happened. No more rivalries between us, unless I figured out a way to bring our social circles together. I have a feeling my friends won't be thrilled about accepting Edward back into our group.
The stoplight turned green and we crossed the busy street. When we reached the other side, I suddenly have the urge to do something I never did with any guy I met. Better now than never. Who knows if I'll have this chance again?
"Wait!" I exclaimed.
Edward paused and turned around. As if by impulse, my body leaned forward, attempting to press a kiss on his cheek. If I don't have the guts to kiss him on the lips, the cheek is the next best thing. I'm not that daring to do such a thing and kiss a random guy, even if it's someone I know well.
"W-what are you doing?" he asked, jerking away when my lips were inches away from the side of his face.
My face burning in embarrassment, I pulled away. He looked at me confusedly. "I... I... never mind! I'll see you later!" I didn't want to hear what he'd say next. I turned around and bolted away, ignoring Edward's faraway voice attempting to stop me. I felt ashamed and regretted what my instincts made me do.
I continued running, holding back tears that threatened to fall. This long walk home would be wrapped in remorse. I didn't face this much remorse since I said goodbye to Mike.
I don't know how long I ran. Eventually, I forced myself to slow down and take a break, sitting down on a bench near the bike path. Panting for breath, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. All I wanted to do is answer it and tell the person to leave me alone. So I did. Until I saw Emmett's number and backtracked my plan.
"Hello?" I grumbled.
"BELLA! EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO ME!" Emmett yelled from the other end.
I groaned, my head hurting from Emmett's booming voice. This is the first time he's ever yelled at me like that. "What do you want?"
"EDWARD CALLED! YOU DID WHAT?"
"Emmett! Will you quiet down?" I shouted, catching a few curious stares from bystanders.
"Sorry," he apologized. "I'm freaking out just as much as you are."
"You can tell?"
"B, I may have only known you for a few months, but I can tell when you're overreacting. Now tell me, what happened with Edward?"
"Hold up. Before I answer that, you told me he called." I exhaled a deep breath. "What did Edward say?"
"A lot. You might want to sit down when I tell you."
"Already am."
"Okay. So... Uh..."
My emotions swirled around as Emmett recounted what Edward called to tell him about. He replayed Edward's point of view of the entire walk between the time we left the piano room and when I left. I couldn't hold back my tears as Emmett told me Edward had a girlfriend, a fact he failed to tell me while we talked. The worst part was the way Emmett described Edward's girlfriend; she sounded exactly like the girl he once dated in freshman year that broke up with him because, and I quote, "Too dumb for me."
"Sorry," Emmett apologized while I recovered from my silent tears.
"Why are you apologizing?" I managed to choke out. "You're not the one breaking hearts."
"Edward didn't want to disappoint you. He knew you'd react like this and you'd hate him," Emmett explained.
I sighed. "Doesn't that idiot get it? I don't hate him. If he told me about it straight to my face, I would have been okay. Yeah, I'll be upset. But what girl won't? I..." I coughed. "I wanted the truth. No lies. You don't lie to me, and like you said, we've only known each other for less than six months."
"You want me to tell Edward everything you said?"
I nodded, even though Emmett couldn't see it. "Please. I just want to explain myself to him. I don't want him thinking I'm a slut."
"Gotcha. By the way, why'd you try to kiss him?"
I shrugged, fidgeting with the hem of my blazer. "I don't know. But I was going for the cheek, not the lips."
"I knew it. You're too shy to kiss guys."
"Shut up! Until I stop being a lip virgin, I'm not gonna roam around and lip kiss guys, no matter how cute they are."
"Relax, B. I'm just messin' with you."
"At least kisses on the cheek defines friendship. My best friend told me that. Even though I didn't know Edward was taken, I wanted to show him how I feel. You know, it's the whole I-can-love-you-but-accept-we-can't-be-together thing."
"Makes sense. I'd do that too for Rose."
"Mmm."
"So... are you home yet?"
"No. I'm just resting. I'm gonna start walking again though."
"So you gotta hang up?"
"Yups."
"Aw. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"You know it."
~:~ ~:~ ~:~
Betrayal. That's all I felt for Edward. He knew I loved him, but instead of telling me the truth, he made a short-lived friend give me an indirect suggestion of rejection. I'm used to rejection, but not when it involves someone else giving you a no instead of yes.
Over a year has passed since that incident. I haven't spoken to him since that April afternoon, and that excluded the time Alice used my Facebook account to send a threatening message to Edward about what he did to me. Two students in separate social circles doesn't provide many opportunities for us to reunite.
Now I watch him from afar, because it's all I have left. Every time I look at him, I get the sinking feeling in my chest that resembled what happened between us. I wonder what he thinks about when he looks at me. Does he feel guilty about his actions? Or is he proud that I became another one of his many forgotten girlfriends? I could ask him those questions if I wasn't scared with the possibility of my impulses overtaking me again.
Talk to me, my mind would tell me every time I see him.
But I can't, and that's that.
~:~
"Why did I have to have math at the end of the day again?" I curse to myself. Today's the first day of my senior year. So far, the day's going well like any other first day of school. A.P. is hard, as everyone who had A.P. English last year said. English 4 was fun since Mrs. Cope was the class joker as always. Japanese 2 was okay, so I'll be excited once I start learning Kanji.
That leaves my last period, trigonometry/pre-calculus. I'm having all the tough classes this semester, just like last year. And math at the end of the day? Cue face palm.
I'm just no good at math, even though everyone always goes to me for help.
Thank god I have Jane for trig. I won't be alone in case we'd have to do one of those group works that teachers insist we do.
When I enter the class, I don't recognize the students that are already in there. I do spot students like Marcus and Claire that I've known since middle school. Other than that, the rest are strangers to me.
"Yeah, I have work today."
My body tenses. I'd know that voice anywhere.
My eyes land on a familiar head of tousled penny-colored hair. I gulp. What the hell? It's finally happening.
"Edward," I whisper.
Trig? Really? We have to be classmates in a subject I suck at?
Holding down my panic, Jane and I look around the room, searching for our assigned seats. The sinking feeling returns when I see the group I'm sitting with. Edward Cullen, Tanya Denali, Embry Call, Bella Swan.
"Damn." I could deal with being in the same class as Edward. Working together in a group? It's a deal-breaker that I wish the Earth could swallow me up in.
"Bella?" Jane's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Uh... yeah?"
"You okay? You don't look so good."
I shake my head. "I'm fine. Still a little full from lunch."
Jane eyes me suspiciously, but lets go of the subject. We squirm away from other wandering students and head toward our seats.
Be calm, Swan. Plastering my best poker face, I walk to my seat and sit down, my gaze looking anywhere but Edward. Tanya and Embry are in a deep conversation, looking oblivious to my presence. Even though I'm not looking at Edward, I can feel an intense gaze on me. I don't have to look at Edward to know it's him.
C'mon bell. Ring already!
"Isabella." I gulp. Edward is saying my name. My full name, in fact. What happened to Bella?
Plastering a smile on my face, I steel my courage to look at him. "Edward."
His face doesn't give away what he's feeling, but a hint of a smile appears on his lips. "How are you?"
"Fine." It's all I can come up with. Anything else I want to say shouldn't be heard with nearby ears, especially Tanya and Embry.
Why did you ignore me?
Are we still friends?
Do you love someone else?
I wish I could ask him those questions. After over a year apart, I deserve some sort of answer. He hurt me more times than I can count, even before we established a working friendship following our breakup. But, with the curious gaze that Edward has on me, I don't care.
It's your chance to start over.
Can I do that? Start over? Pretend that the past five years never happened? We've faced too much with each other. Forcing myself to forget all the rough things we went through is more painful than the physical and emotional distance we had. I've shed countless tears for him. I pinned my heart for him, hoping he'd come to. Maybe being in the same math class this year is a sign. Maybe... maybe it's a second chance.
Alice tells me to make second chances count. Maybe this is a second chance for me to put together pieces of the puzzle and find out why Edward did the things he did.
"Edward?"
He blinks. "Yes?"
"Let's talk. After class. We have a lot of catching up to do."
Second one-shot this month! That's a new record. I'm happy to be getting back to the fanfiction groove.
Most of the things in this O/S are true. Edward is based by a dear friend of mine who I haven't spoken to in a while. My personal narrative glazed over the first part of this and excluded most of the dialogue. The ending in my narrative originally ended with this paragraph:
I've learned to cherish the friendships I make with people and to think before I act. Impulses caused me to lose someone I truly cared about. As long as I think about my choices, then I can control their outcomes. No longer will I be a closed box. I'll be an open box, be the conquest one step ahead, and prove that impulses will no longer get the better of me.
I like it, but I decided for an updated approach. So I came up with the open-ended closing you just read. I picture E & B meeting after class and deciding to try to be friends again. It's up to you. I'm marking this complete and you fill in the blanks. Until I feel absolutely committed, I'm sticking to posting one-shots.
~ AA
* Update Feb. 13, 2015: Changed my mind. If enough of ya'll want it, I'll add one more chapter to give a more completed ending. I'll post it after I finish posting the second part of InstAnt.