"You little shit! I am going to murder you!"

Jack's replying cackle had a slightly nervous edge to it. On the one hand, riling Pitch up in an attempt to get him to show something other than that boring impassivity was hilarious. On the other hand, if he went too far... Well, there was a reason the Bogeyman was also known as the Nightmare King.

It wasn't like they hadn't traded blows before, but ever since Jack had accepted Guardianship (and wasn't that something, people actually wanting his help for once, and the Big Four no less!) their occasional meetings had been tenser than usual. Jack wasn't quite sure why, since yeah, it probably hadn't been the best idea in the entire world to decorate Pitch's lair for Christmas while he'd been sulking, but it had been so dull-looking, and that had been like a couple decades ago already!

However, he had to admit that icing over some of the bridges, as well as a good deal of those horse thingies (which looked suspiciously like they were made of sand), wasn't the smartest thing to do, even if it had been in the name of justifiable revenge after that stunt Pitch pulled with Jamie's friend Cupcake. The girl had enough problems without nightmares being added to the mix.

"Froooosssstt!"

Jack gulped and quickly ducked a tangle of shadows that came from the nearby trees. Oh boy, that certainly did not sound good at all. And who knew that Pitch could actually legitimately roar like that? A squeak that he would deny to his undying day escaped him as the forest around him seemed to come alive, shadows everywhere moving menacingly. With the wind providing an extra boost, the winter spirit flew above the tops of the trees as he attempted to get a better perspective on the situation.

Oh, shit, Jack thought faintly as a dark mass from below him surged upwards. He brought his staff down and a brilliant burst of frost lightning collided with Pitch's attack.

The sky became littered with frozen bits of shadow and sand that drifted downward lazily.

"Ah, Pitch?" Jack called uncertainly, seeing as a good swathe of trees had been demolished by their clashing powers. "You okay?" Oh man, if I killed the Bogeyman I am going to be in so much trouble...

"I'm doing just fine!" Pitch's snarl was much closer than Jack would've liked, and he had to move quite quickly, only just avoiding the giant scythe (and geez, compensating for much?) that nearly sliced him in two. "You on the other hand..."

"You were the one being a giant dick!" Jack retorted, retreating up into the sky. "I told you to leave my kids alone!" He ducked Pitch's next blow, smacking his staff against the older spirit's torso.

Pitch reeled back, the dark platform beneath him swirling madly. His eyes narrowed to golden slits as he bared his teeth, a low growl ripping itself from his throat. The menacing aura about him grew more intense as he tightened his grip on his weapon. Jack gulped, trying to keep his face straight while pushing down the fear that he could feel forming in the pit of his stomach.

The increasing tension came to a sudden standstill as a sharp cry split the night. This was followed by a tree being flung up at both of them.

"What the hell!" Jack exclaimed. Though he was glad for the distraction this gave Pitch, he was a little annoyed at whoever had thrown the tree, as well as a little worried, because hello! An entire tree was just thrown at them! He was fairly sure that that wasn't normal for either spirits or humans.

Pitch reached the ground first, and Jack followed behind at what he deemed a safe distance. Not that he could really see much in the dark anyway, even if the first hints of sunrise were peeking over the horizon (and come to think of it, fighting Pitch in the dark? Not the smartest of battle plans). Which was why he was taken by surprise and bowled over by something that came shooting like a rocket out from behind a bush.

"Hungry!" the little thing demanded, sitting on Jack's chest and looking at him with something that he wasn't quite sure would classify as a pout or a scowl. "Hungry!" The shriek made Jack wince, and Pitch, the unsympathetic bastard, sneered.

"Seems the bar for Guardianship is a little low these days if a child managed to bowl you over, Frost."

"Daddy!"

Jack totally, did not at all smirk when the brat swiveled his head, looked at Pitch with wide dark eyes, and promptly launched himself at the Nightmare King, clinging to his legs as the shadows around them writhed wildly and crackled like broken ice. Jack also didn't try to sneak off only to yelp quite shrilly as he was caught by shadows and dragged back to be an unwilling cuddle participant.

"This is all your fault," Pitch hissed as he tried to get the shadows to listen to him (and failed quite miserably, Jack would like to add not a little spitefully).

"Bite me, 'Daddy'," Jack muttered.

A/N: I was originally going to call this "Murderous Conception". Be glad I didn't. Also, each story in this series will be tagged with "Jack is a little shit". Because he is.

Seriously. HE IS.

Also you may notice that the chapters aren't exactly in chronological order. This is mainly because this was originally a oneshot, but then people wanted more so I thought a bit of backstory was in order. There'll probably be a couple more or so as I get inspired.