Chapter 9 - The Prank

Dipper, seated at a table outside of the ice cream parlor, watches, amused, as his sister frantically runs around in circles due to her sugar rush, having gobbled up her ice cream in less than 20 seconds. He, in no particular rush, slowly licks away at his ice cream bar and laughs, focused solely on savoring the moment.

This brief, leisurely period of rest, however, comes to an immediate halt when Robbie and Tambry exit the parlor through the door behind Dipper and confront him. Robbie has one arm around Tambry, and she is holding the ice cream cone they're sharing, but other than that they're mostly ignoring each other in favor of their phones. Robbie briefly glances up and notices Dipper.

"Hey, Dipper," he began in his familiar mocking tone, "Where's your girlfriend?"

Dipper replied with a groan, "Look, man, what do you even want? Go pick on Thompson or something."

"Whoa, dude," he seems shocked by these words, "I'm not trying to make fun of you, man. I was seriously asking."

"Look," Dipper is on the defensive. "I'm 12 years old, man. A lot of kids my age aren't in relationships yet. It's perfectly normal. Now leave me alone."

"Geez, man, what's gotten into you?" Robbie asks, feeling attacked. He quickly updates his status to "feeling attacked".

Tambry interjects, and, typical of her, her inflection indicates that she doesn't care much. "You and that Pacifica girl. You were together earlier. Why're you acting all weird about it?"

"Ugh!" Dipper groans, "I can forgive Mabel for it; she was just being weird. But you guys? Why is everyone teasing me about Pacifica?! I... We seemed like we had something going last night, but that's it! Nothing happened after that!"

"Teasing?" Tambry seemed oddly concerned, but you wouldn't be able to tell from her expression. "No, we literally saw you two together earlier today. In the diner."

Robbie adds, "Yeah, you two were like, totally making a scene in there. Just two lovebirds singin' their songs..." He laughs for a moment, realizing how poetic his last statement was. "Wow, I just came up with that."

"That was beautiful. You should do slam poetry," Tambry noted, though it's difficult to tell if she was being sarcastic.

Robbie seems nervous at the mention of this. "You know I'm not comfortable sharing my work like that, Tambry!"

"Oh yeah, sorry." She returns to her phone.

Dipper stares at the couple in disbelief. "I'm sorry to interrupt your...whatever you're doing... but what?! I think I'd remember going out with someone, especially Pacifica. And earlier today? Come on, is this just some elaborate prank?"

Robbie responds with a bit of a temper. "Look, I don't know what your problem is, man. But seriously, you two were totally getting deep in there. Like, I've never seen anyone open up that personally to someone so quickly before. I think if anyone, she likes you. I guess you're the one who doesn't get it."

Dipper is infuriated, but cools off, only to reply sarcastically. "Okay, ha ha, I get it. Loser kid doesn't have a girlfriend, so let's pretend he does to make him feel bad. Well congrats, guys, you've officially ruined my day."

"Dude, whatever. I hope you get outta this funk you're in." Robbie, disinterested, dismisses Dipper's continuing opposition, and walks away with Tambry, who asks him, "Who was that kid?"

Mabel runs out of steam, and falls over onto the table across from Dipper. She begins to speak, out of breath.

"So, bro... How's... How's it hangin'?"

"I dunno, Mabel," he sighs, "But I think for some reason Robbie and Tambry are trying to get to me. Like as part of some mean joke..."

"Ooh, I love jokes!" Mabel is immediately still and paying attention.

"No, it's... It's cruel. I think they're getting a bunch of people to act like I'm dating Pacifica or something. It doesn't make any sense to me, but it seems like they're just doing it to make fun of me for not having a girlfriend."

"Bro," Mabel is serious. "You are dating Pacifica."

Dipper grunts, "Ugh! You too?! The first time I could ignore it, but now? Now it's not funny, Mabel"

"Dipper," she stares him in the eyes, trying to look more serious than usual, "I'm not making fun of you. They weren't making fun of you. Why would you suddenly think you're not dating Pacifica?" She gasps and appears heartbroken, "Did you guys break up?" She covers her mouth with her hands in shock, "And you didn't tell me?!"

Dipper looks at his sister, dumbfounded, and drops his head onto the table. "Ow, bad idea. Ow, I thought it would be good for dramatic effect, but, oh man, that hurt."

"What's wrong?" Her pity seems too genuine for a mere prank, and Dipper looks up at her with an expression of utter confusion.

"What's happening right now?"

"I dunno, bro, but you're acting super crazy. One second you're goin' out with Pacifica, the next your runnin' off to Old Man McGuck-"

"McGucket?" He interrupts her. "What was I doing there?"

"I dunno, crazy conspiracy stuff? End times, 6-fingered-hand book, whatever you and that old coot are always doing!"

Dipper thinks for a moment. "Hold on".

He runs back down the way they came, stumbles over some rubble, and gets back up to resume running. McGucket is cowering under a pile of scrap metal while peeking out at the laptop and the countdown every few seconds. Dipper barges in to his shack, scaring the old man half to death. He jumps out from the pile and screams before realizing it's him.

"Oh, hey Dipper," he says, unenthusiastically. He scratches the back of his head before looking around nervously.

"McGucket," Dipper begins, "I was in here earlier, I remember it, but I have absolutely no clue why. Could you explain?"

The old coot tries to find a distraction so he doesn't have to refer to the memory wipe. He points to the laptop. "Uh, Dipper, look! It says there's an imminent threat in 8 hours or so!" He grabs hold of him and starts shaking him, "We have to hurry before the darkness comes!"

Dipper pauses for a moment, and recalls something Bill told him back when he was in Stan's mind. Something about a darkness approaching, and a... a day when everything he knows and loves will change.

"A darkness... I remember something about that! But there was something more recent too... Something about... playing with fire... pushing it too far... I was doing something he didn't like, but I can't recall what..."

McGucket looks around, paying little attention, and sees the memory eraser gun lying on the ground, and tries to push it behind him with his foot so Dipper doesn't get any ideas. But he's not quick enough.

"Whoa whoa whoa, what's that?"

The old man tries to look innocent, "What's what? What're you talking about?"

"That thing, you just pushed on the ground. It looked like that..." He makes a revelation. "That memory wiping gun from the Society of the Blind Eye! What're you doing with that?! ... Did you..." He pauses briefly to take it all in, "Did you wipe my memory?!"

"Uh...I dunno what yer talking about! Uh..." He fakes being completely out of his mind to get out of it. "Whoo, look at me, I'm just a crazy old man! Yee hee! Slappin' my knees to... say somethin'... hambone..." He slows and looks down regretfully. "Look, kid, I didn't want to... But you insisted!"

"Me?!" Dipper is furious. "Why would I ask for a memory wipe? I'm the last person I'd expect to ask for something like that! McGucket, what are you hiding?"

"I hain't hidin' nothin', Dipper! It's true! You came in, all depressed like, and you yelled at me, and I just had to oblige! You practically begged me to do it! I tried to say no!"

Dipper tries to shoot back, but doesn't, and sits down on the ground, confused. "I... I'd like to... argue, but I don't really have any... evidence. I... If my memory was wiped I'd have no way of knowing why." He takes a breath. "There's something weird going on, man. I would never ask for my memory to be erased... Not by my own will at least... Geez, I need to rest for a moment".

"Well ya better hurry, kid. Ain't much time to rest, not with end times comin' so quickly!" He gestures to the countdown, so Dipper gets up and inspects it.