Okay, I'm back again. Aww, no hugs and kisses? Nevermind. Ignore me. I am most certainly mentally unsound.

QueenTetsuya72: You flatter me, really, but thank you. Your words really motivate me to write on! *Bows* Your reviews make my day, too. I am really thankful for that.

Aydsa Floros: I completely understand how you feel, having to make things up from scratch. Nevertheless, thank you both for taking the time to review and wishing me good luck for future chapters. I'm certain that I will need it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basuke. I wish I did, though...

If Kise Ryouta were to use one word to describe his life, it would be 'fulfilling'. Living a life of contentment due to his parents' words of wisdom, what was there to complain about? Absolutely nothing. He had always thought that his life was better than all, so when he had seen the epitome of perfection shining right in front of his eyes, he could not help but fall in love with it. Yes, he meant Akashi Seijuro. And what do you do when you see your crush? Blush and avert your eyes? Nope, that was not on Kise Ryouta's list (Just for gags, the closest thing I have had to a ship is AoKi!)

And now, we present to you...

Kise Ryouta's handbook of attracting your crush for dummies. Brace yourself for the monstrosity called Kise's love advice.

Step number one: Wink at them and show them your affection at every moment possible. Hopefully, they will catch on. If not, move on to step two.

Kise Ryouta walked around in the cafeteria, his mind set on one goal. Everything was normal, almost everything. Except for the fact that he had propped up a fedora against his head, and had masked those beautiful eyes of his with sunglasses. In his opinion, that was the best disguise one could have.

Not bothering to hide that tuft of blond hair, he strode into the cafeteria in search for his one and only Akashi. There were, after all, many blondes in the school. Unfortunately for him, his definition of 'many' greatly differs from a normal human being's. One, less than few. Two, few. Three, few. Four, many.

Locating his target, he scanned his surroundings. Akashi was sitting next to a boy with teal-coloured hair Kise did not even know existed. Well, if he had not seen Akashi talk to the boy, and flash him one of his absolutely wonderful smiles, which was meant for him and him alone, Kise would not have noticed him. A pang of jealousy hit him in the chest. Then, a gigantic hand made its way down to his red-head's head and patted him on the head. "Kill him, kill him..." he chanted in his head. Although Akashi did look a little displeased, he did not do anything to Murasakibara.

At this point, Kise could no longer take things anymore. He grunted in frustration and jerked his head down, bringing his palm to his face, and effectively sweeping his sunglasses and fedora off his head.

He only realised his mistake a second too late.

"Hey, isn't that Kise Ryouta?"

"I cannot believe this! Kise Ryouta, as in the model? I'm his fan!"

"Kyaa! Kise-sama, I want your babies!"

In the blink of an eye, a huge hoard of people was running towards him. Just when he thought that everything, his life, his achievements, everything was over, Akashi swept his head to look in Kise's direction. Catching Kise's eyes, he gave him a knowing smile.

Kise died of cuteness overload.

Kise resurrected.

Kise winked.

Kise saw his life flash before his eyes.

Kise ran away.

Kise was trampled over by hysterical fangirls.

PLAN 1, FAILED. ON TO PLAN 2.

Step 2: Request to be their roommate. Show them as much affection as possible. Hopefully they will catch on. If not, move on to the final plan.

Kise Ryouta, despite having been trampled on by those crazy fangirls of his, smoothened his hair down, and strode to the main office.

And so, the conversation.

"Mr Kise Ryouta, how may I help you?"

"You see, I was just hoping that I could request to be Akashi-chii - no, Akashi Seijuro's roommate."

"Give me a moment, please."

"I apologise, Mr Kise, but Mr Akashi Seijuro's roommate has already been decided to be Mr Midorima Shintaro. I'm afraid that we cannot change it to your liking."

"But, but - " Sighing in resignation, Kise flashed the attendee one of his brilliant model smiles. "I am a man in desperate need of your help, pretty lady. I can pay you if you would like."

"As I have said, Mr Kise, we can neither change the arrangement of roommates, nor accept bribes. Thank you and have a nice day."

Kise walked dejectedly back to the cafeteria. At the corner of his eye, he caught sight of red hair. Eyes lighting up, he shouted,

"Akashi-cchi!"

Turning around, Akashi elegantly raised an eyebrow and asked, "How may I help you, Kise?"

Hearing his name come from his crush's mouh, Kise swooned in happiness. During that period of time, Midorima, who happened to be present at the scene, shook his head and took Akashi by his wrist. Whispering something to him, Akashi nodded.

"Kise, I apologise but I will have to hear what you have to say next time as I have to rush of for something of utmost importance." Deciding to humour him, Akashi added, "Though short, I find our conversation most pleasant."

"Ah, wait, Akashi-cchi - "

The wind greeted him back. Kise wailed.

PLAN 2, FAILED. MOVE ON TO PLAN 3.

Step 3: Forcefully try to steal their kiss, first or not. Eliminate all obstructions.

Kise Ryouta, despite being left to eat the dust, walked to the library where people had told him Midorima and Akashi were. Seeing the whole of the group, which comprised of Akashi, Midorima, Aomine, Kuroko and Murasakibara, watching a shogi match between Akashi and Midorima, he his behind a bookshelf.

The moment Kise laid his eyes on Akashi's slender hand, moving from the outside of the shogi board to its inside, Kise could not help but admire the grace and elegance portrayed through the action. The sound of Akashi's voice resonating through his ears snapped him out of his daze.

"Checkmate, Midorima. It is your loss this time."

Closing his eyes, Kise ran through his plan briefly. Walk past, trip, fall, kiss...

Esimated distance: 5 metres.

Emerging from his hiding place, Kise narrowed his eyes, and homed in onto Akashi like a predator cornering its prey.

5 metres, 4 metres, 3 metres. Kise started to pick up speed. 2 metres, Kise was moving like a bullet train. 1 metre. Taking one gigantic step, Kise's foot connected with Akashi's chair, toppling it over, and sending Akashi spiralling down onto the floor, Kise landing on top of him. From the corner of his eye, Kise could see the other people present's expressions, ranging from shock, to anger, to jealousy, disbelief, and finally to nonchalance but with a tint of fury in the eyes.

Focusing back on Akashi, Kise focused his eyes on those cherry red appetising lips, and on the last moment, Akashi tilted his head a little.

SMOOCH.

Lips belonging to the blonde came into contact with the red head's cheek, leaving a long trail of saliva dripping down the latter's cheek. Akashi's cheeks were extremely soft, like that of a newborn baby's behind, but it was not as if Kise had expected anything less.

Relishing the moment, the blonde closed his eyes, mouth taking in the full taste of Akashi's cheek, when four pairs of hands roughly pulled him off. Kise's eyes snapped open in realisation, and he heard a soft groan coming from underneath him.

"Aka-chin, he did not hurt you, did he? I'll crush him."

"Akashi-kun, does revenge sound good to you?"

"Akashi, he'd better not have hurt you, or his darned model face will pay."

"I hope that you are not hurt by the likes of him (nanodayo). It's not like I care about you or anything, but it will be a hindrance if you get injured here (nanodayo). We will no longer be able to have our shogi matches (nanodayo)."

Smiling lightly (which made all of their hearts melt), Akashi said,

"Thank you for your concern, everyone. I really appreciate it. And Murasakibara, please do not crush him, Kuroko, you do not need to take revenge for me but I would like to thank you for the thought, Aomine, please do not, and Midorima, we will still be able to have our matches. Kise, please be careful in the future."

Bowing his head, Kise meekly apologised, shrinking under the four murderous glares directed at him. He turned tail and ran away, but not before seeing Kuroko offer Akashi a handkerchief, which the latter gratefully accepted, to wipe his saliva off.

LAST PLAN, FAILURE. RESIGN SELF TO FATE.

Later, for dinner, he once again saw the group eating at a table. Catching Akashi's gaze, he was beckoned over to sit next to him, an offer which Kise unhesitatingly accepted.

Perhaps everything had not been for nothing, after all.

End of chapter.

I find the fact that this chapter, despite being the most redundant out of the four, is the longest ironical.

I have absolutely no idea as to why I am writing this chapter. This isn't even humour...

Thank you once again for supporting me, everyone.