Chapter Three: Over the hills and far away.
"Merida Trelawney. Merida bloody Trelawney. Why did it have to be a bloody Trelawney?!" Severus was gradually losing his temper as the day wore on. For a man who claimed to know exactly where the Bound was, Albus had not given very specific instructions. Currently, Severus was traipsing around the Irish coastline in abominable weather, sleet whipping his face whilst trying not to imagine a doppelganger of Sybil tottering around the castle in a half drunken stupor whilst trying to keep her soul from escaping its lumpy, fleshy cage.
I'd be willing to bet she's exactly like her sister. Right down to the hair and the mild psychopathic tendencies. I refuse to believe that insanity like that isn't hammered into them during childhood.
While Severus scanned the horizon of wild heather and thyme for any signs of habitation, his mind drifted back to Albus' explanation. "This second party must in turn be a very powerful wizard, not necessarily of psychic ability, but strong in the conviction of his actions." All of the strongest wizards are either locked up in Azkaban, or sitting on the Wizengamot. Which means either Dementors prowling the coastlines or yet another corrupt Ministry. Severus made a mental note to send a warning to some of the less corrupt guards at Azkaban. However, that may attract unwanted attention to the situation. Perhaps Albus was right to keep this between himself and I.
Suddenly, in the corner of his eye, Severus noticed something. A glint of brassy light hidden in the veil of his peripheral. A short hike in that direction revealed something Severus had somehow overlooked. There, hidden amongst the wild heather, was a door, dug into the side of a sandy hill. It reminded him somewhat of a muggle book he had sitting on his shelf, untouched for years now, but still a fond memory from his younger years. It had the same green paint, the large brassy door knocker, and below it, though slightly out of character, sat a customised door mat. It read: "No buying, no selling. Feel free to try, but I own a pit bull and a shotgun. You're kidding yourself if you think I wont use them." Despite himself, Severus smirked. A twisted sense of humour. In that at least, she is superior to her sister. Straightening himself up, he knocked on the door sharply and smartly, then stood waiting for the answer.
"Read the bloody sign, moron! No buying, no selling! Bugger off!" Severus was taken aback by this. Not only by the abrasiveness of character, but also the contrast between her foul language, and the voice that purveyed it. The woman behind the door sounded nothing like her moaning, wheezing sister. Her voice sounded softer, less dramatic, and slightly more common. She sounded by no means a common gutter snipe, but a lot less Cambridge, and a lot more outer Stratford. Her voice sounded like milk and honey, but with a definite dagger sharp edge. Oh, how poetic Severus. Stop standing here with your ruddy mouth open and get the wench out here already.
"Merida Trelawney?" A beat of silence. For a moment it seemed like she may have fled, out of some other, even less conspicuous door. But then…
"Rodney you CUNT! If that's you, I'm going to get precious to RIP your FUCKING BALLS OFF! Ive told you to never, EVER look for me again, you spud faced, best friend fucking, self satisfying, cunting TWAT!" With this, the door flew open, revealing the woman that Severus had spent the better part of his day looking for. She looked Severus straight in the eye, a look of crazed fury glinting in her dark brown orbs, a look which soon changed to horror as she realised, she had called a complete stranger a best friend fucking, self satisfying, cunting twat.
Aside from her name, it seemed to Severus that she shared very little with her sister as far as looks were concerned. She had the same flyaway, curly hair, but unlike Sybil's mousy brown, waist length rats nest, her sister had tamed her raven locks into a short, curly mass that barely touched the nape of her neck, and spread out around her face like an ebony halo, albeit slightly fluffy and out of place in her current state of disarray. She was also incredibly short, in Severus' eyes anyway, although at six foot six, he was hardly one to be judging someone on their height. She did seem to share her sisters love of the occasional bakewell tart, Severus pondered, although her figure was in no way similar to that of her overly lumpy, shapeless sister, whose waist Severus was sure no-one could find even when armed with a shovel and several sticks of TNT. Merida, although slightly plump, had definite curves and some serious equipment in her chest department. The woman has got to be a D, if not bigger, oh for Merlin's sake Severus, stop staring. There was no trace of beads, scarves or decorative rabbit's feet anywhere to be seen. No amber and jet pendants, no portable incense holders, only a small, silver celtic band on her thumb knuckle. However, the one thing that did seem incredibly out of place was the fact that, aside from a loosely tied black silk dressing gown, miss Trelawney seemed to be wearing nothing else.
"Oh fuck!" She looked Severus up and down manically, as if trying to deduce who he was. "I completely forgot you were coming. I thought you were, oh bugger it, never mind, come on in." A smile suddenly spread across her face as she stepped aside, inviting Severus in. It was now Severus' turn to look completely dumbstruck.
"Madam, I hardly think that would be appropriate, seeing as you seem to be completely ignorant as to who I am, along with the fact that you are incredibly underdressed" with this, he motioned to her ample cleavage, which seemed to be trying its best to escape its silky bindings, and reddening slightly he continued, "and your doormat informs me that you are harbouring a pit bull that has the capability to, ahem, rip my balls off."
"Oh, you mean precious? Gods no, he's a big old softie. Turned 16 last month. He can barely walk the poor blighter. And if my current outfit offends you, please allow me to remove it and find something more suitable." Seeing Severus frown, and redden even more, she let out a hearty laugh, much like Albus when he heard something he found mildly amusing. "Merlin you're easy. I'm only joking you great muppet. I'll get you a cuppa tea, change, and then we can discuss why you're here, sound fair?" Sticking out her hand, she smiled up into Severus' face, waiting for an answer. Merlin, this woman is going to aggravate me, I can tell.
"You still haven't asked for my name."
"Not neccesarry. You're Severus Snape, I'm Merida, and if I keep the door open any longer, I'm going to let all the warmth out. You in or not?"