Helios: We are back folks!
Honoka: Who are you talking to?
Helios: Our readers!
Tanimoto: We have readers?
Helios: So cruel…
Honoka: So what now?
Helios: We are going to school!
…
Universe: Why?
Saleslady: Who knows?
Chapter 5
School Days! (No, not that game…)
It was Friday, early into the morning when Tanimoto woke up. As he got dressed, the events of yesterday appeared in his mind. As he began to realize his actions he proceeded to late out a scream. Not a manly scream. It was a scream that if heard directly, would destroy the eardrums with its shrill piercing fury. After the universe stopeed laughing, Tanimoto left his house, slightly flustered. As he darted down the street his two personalities began to converse.
"Good morning Yami half!"
"Go to hell"
"Don't we have homework today"
"Does it matter?"
"Probably not"
"This is going to be an extremely annoying day. Kenichi will probably try to eat lunch with us"
KENICHI
Tanimoto hadn't thought about him in awhile. He wondered if Kenichi knew about him and Honoka. Well even if he did, it didn't change things. Besides, even if he objected, Tanimoto could beat him in a fight.
"You mean you think you could win"
"Yes I could"
"Right…"
While Tanimoto was losing his grip on sanity he failed to notice a strange creature regarding from behind a corner. You would look at him and think he was not human. And you would be right. This bizarre creature was called Nijima, head of the Shinpaku Alliance (and all its subsidiaries), a group consisting of martial artists like Kenichi. He even has his own font!
"Well well, it seems Tanimoto has a lot on his mind. Now I have to find a way to ask him what the problem is"
Using techniques better left to aliens and demons, he slowly crept behind Natsu. Before he could, he was lifted of the ground.
"Hey stop that!"
"Sneaking up on people this early in the Nijima?"
Tanimoto turned around and saw Nijima being held in the air by Ukita and Takeda, two of Kenichi's friends. Ukita was nothing special, but Takeda had skill. However Tanimoto was bothered by how close Nijima had gotten without him noticing. Lately his concentration was elsewhere…
"Good morning Tanimoto" Takeda and Ukita said
"Hmph"
"Put me down!"
"If you insist Nijima!"
"Wait, what are you-"
That was all Nijima could get out before Takeda threw him far away, so far infact, he landed in chapter 8. Authors laziness, or creative use of fourth wall breaking? You decide.
"Nice throw Takeda" Tanimoto acknowledged
"A compliment from you, how interesting" Takeda said, stifling a laugh
"Can we just get to school already?" Shouted Ukita
"Right you are Ukita, let's go!" Takeda said while running down the street at high speeds
"Hey Tanimoto, hurry up you slowpoke!" Takeda shouted from a far
"DESTROY TAKEDA"
"Or we could beat him in a race" came Tanimoto's good side
"FINE"
Tanimoto ran full speed ahead. The only one left was Ukita, who seemed to have been forgotten
"I guess I will be late today" Ukita mumbled as he walked to school
Moral of the story: Ukita needs more screen time because he doesn't do much anymore. And that's sad.
-000000-
School was as one would expect, a bore. Tanimoto sat at his desk waiting for lunch. And waiting. And waiting. After what seemed like eons, the bell rang. And as if on queue Kenichi and Miu walked up to him. Miu was tolerable, but Shirahama pissed him off. Unfortunately he had an appearance to keep up, so any murder on his part would have to wait. Nevertheless he allowed himself one small fantasy in which he decapitated Kenichi…
"Thats creepy"
"Aw come on!"
"Honoka's brother!"
"Not caring!"
"Um, Natsu-chan?"
"What?" Tanimoto responded snapping out of his fantasy. And then he realized they were alone in the room and…
"WHO THE HELL IS NATSU-CHAN!" shouted Tanimoto at the top of his lungs before unleashing a flurry of blows at Kenichi. Kenichi, much to his surprise, dodged all of them. He was getting better to Natsu's frustration. He eventually did calm down, after having several sodas forcefed down his throat by Miu, with some assistance from Takeda. Why soda works no one knows. It just does.
"Why do you wig out whenever I call you Natsu-chan?" asked Kenichi
"Because it's too friendly for my taste!"
"But aren't we all friends?" Miu's asked innocently
"Leave them alone honey, those two idiots are going to kill each other eventually" Takeda said in his usual seductive tone. Seductive toward Miu in any case.
"But we are gonna miss lunch, if they don't stop fighting" responded Miu
"Well then why don't we start without them?"
"Well I am pretty hungry"
Miu and Takeda left the room to go up to the roof where they all ate normally. Kenichi and Tanimoto were completely forgotten.
Outside the school Ukita arrived, bringing with him scars, bruises and what appeared to be leeches.
"When did they open that llech farm" thought Ukita as he slowly proceeded to the stairway to the roof. If he was lucky, his friends wouldn't have finished lunch. Which would mean he could see Kisara! His step became livelier at this thought.
-000000-
As Ukita reached the roof he saw all of his friends. He greeted them happily but was confused at their horrified reactions toward him. To be fair greeting someone while looking like you were hit by a truck isn't a way to begin your lunch
"Ukita, what the hell happened man?" Takeda asked, looking extremely concerned
"Oh it was nothing much, I just got attacked by some dogs" Ukita replied sheepishly
"Well if you oka-"
"Who ran me into a bike shop" continued Ukita
"Well we are glad you are fi-"
"Which was next to a leech shop, which led to…"
"WE GET IT" shouted Miu and Takeda
"Only you could get injured that easily" said a voice from above
Ukita looked up, and was promptly smashed into the ground by a foot. But this wasn't just any foot. This was the foot of Kisara, former eighth fist of ragnorok. Ukita didn't mind so much. She did that to him a lot. That's what happens when you have a crush on someone. Or when you have a concussion. Ukita hadn't decided what state of mind he was in at the moment.
"Come on Kisara don't be cruel"
The one who talked was Freya, Kisara's friend and former third fist of ragnorok.
"If he is going to be stupid he deserves an ass kicking" retorted Kisara
"If you say so" Freya said as she helped Ukita of the ground
Miu looked at this and stared at Freya. Freaya noticed and was unnerved somewhat
"What is it?" Freya asked nervously
"Nothing, just noticing what a good friend you are" Miu said slyly
Freya began to blush furiously. While it had only happened recently, Freya had developed a crush on Ukita, and Miu's women intuition knew it. However, Freya knew Ukita like Kisara so she didn't pursue Ukita for the most part.
They all stopped talking when they noticed Tanimoto walking up the stairs looking much more chipper than he had been in the morning. Kenichi was notably absent.
"Tanimoto?" asked Miu
"Yes Miu" Tanimoto answered cheerfully, which was terrifying for those present
"Where is Kenichi?"
"Kenichi who?"
"What did you do to kiddo?" asked Kisara
"Don't worry he is alive"
The group breathed a sigh of relief…
"I just threw him out a window"
…And lost it once more
"YOU WHAT" they screamed
"Where did he land?"
"You do realize our classroom is on the third floor?"
"Can someone give me some food, I haven't eaten anything…"
At this point it was impossible to tell who was saying what as they all shouted in unison. Tanimoto took in stride and began to eat. After a moments consideration the group calmed down and continued eating.
"Hey Miu" said Takeda
"Yeah Takeda"
"Are you going with anyone to the fair on Sunday?" asked Takeda
"Actually I am going with Kenichi" she said shyly
Everyone stopped mid chew and just looked at her. Tanimoto began to think.
"Well he finally asked her out!"
"He probably got her something and she is going with him out of gratitude"
"Probably" Good side conceded
"Hey I just thought of something"
"What is it?"
"If Kenichi is going with Miu and we are going with Honoka, and if Honoka wants to spend time with her brother…"
"Yeah, so?"
"Wont that mean Kenichi will know we are dating Honoka?"
…
…
"AW COME ON!"
Moral: Kenichi's friends are jerks
-000000-
In an alleyway under a school window, Kenichi Shirahama laid there waiting pondering important things. Well, he was really thinking about Miu's assets, but honestly isn't that important. Now you may be wondering why he dosnt stand up. There is a very simple reason. He was stuck. He had landed in a drainage pipe of some sort and could not move. So there he lay waiting for someone to notice him, which given his standing with the student body, was highly unlikely. He then noticed Chikage passing him by.
"Hey Chikage could you help me"
She kept on walking.
"Chikage!"
And walking. So kenichi used his only weapon.
"I will buy you a chocolate cake! A big one!"
Faster than he could believe, he was thrown in the air by Chikage and proceeded to land on the ground.
"It's going to be chocolate. With ice cream." Chikage said slowly
"Understood" Kenichi said
But then Kenichi realized that he had training to do. Which took a load of his mind considering that last time he bought her cake he gained a second job. And at the time he didn't even have a first one.
"But I have training to do today, so maybe tomorrow?" Kenichi asked
"No time, I have to get something to wear for the fair. Plus, I can help you practice in discouraging Renka. I am assuming she asked you to the fair?"
"Damn you are good. That's why you wanted me to take you to the fair! To help me!" kenichi exclaimed
"Sure…" Chikage said, thankful of Renka being Renka.
Thankful? Why did she feel thankful? because now she had a reason to go with Kenichi? Why did she care? Chikage was extremely annoyed by this, so much so that she barely registered what Kenichi was saying.
"Um, Chikage?" Kenichi asked
"What?"
"I asked if you wanted to come with me to my dojo so that you don't have to come over later"
"Yes" Chikage replied rapidly
I got invited to his house! Well dojo really, but he lives there right? Don't be nervo- Damn it all! Stop thinking like that!
"Chikage are you okay? You seem to be spacing out lately." Kenichi said with a concerned look on his face
"Yes I am fine. Lets go to your dojo. But we will stop for cake"
"Deal!"
And with that they walked off, completely ignoring the fact that it was only lunch and school wasn't over.
Moral: There is nothing cake cant fix, or something like that… Look it's really hard to come up with this, okay?
-000000-
Somewhere remote-
"Hey Kushinda?" said a voice
"Yes?" replied another
"I'm bored, where is One Shadow?"
"How should I know?"
"So do we just stand here?"
"At least until next chapter"
"Next what?"
"Never mind…"
"Can I watch my dvd box set of friends?"
"SHUT THE HELL UP"
Helios: This was pretty long!
Honoka: Microsoft word makes everything look long. Its probably really short.
Helios: Why do you do that?
Tanimoto: Now you understand my pain
Agent #1: Helios Majestus?
Helios: Yes?
Agent #2: We are with the copyright bureau
Helios: And?
Agent #1: We noticed you didn't put a disclaimer on Friends
Helios: It was just a reference!
Agent #2: Tell that to the judge
Helios: Wait! Stop!
Honoka: What did you do?
Agent #1: Trapped him in the ending to the sopranos
!
What will happen next? Without an author how will the story proceed? For that matter who Is writing thi