Chapter four: Out of sight, out of mind.
Severus weighed his options. One, he could continue to stand in the freezing cold with his mouth hanging open like a carp on a deli counter, or two, he could take up this woman's offer and enter her home like any normal human being with any sense would do. Her polite yet agitated harrumph from the door way made his mind up for him.
Stepping into Merida's home, Severus hadn't really known what to expect, but it certainly wasn't what he now saw before him. Despite her home literally being a hole in the ground, Merida had somehow transformed a place that, by all rights should have been reminiscent of a bronze age mud hut, into something out of an interior decorators wet dream. It was huge. Enormous even. Plush cream carpets ran from one far side of the room to the other, save for one sizable section in the corner of the room, tiled with slate grey slabs. In this section stood a massive dining table, rough and age worn, carved out of what seemed to be old English oak. It was big enough to seat at least 12, and rivalled the one that Molly Weasley prided herself on owning. The table was framed by a multitude of mismatching stools, chairs and benches, all sporting a different pattern and material. On the back wall, a magnificent aga took precident, the deep green enamel starting to chip away in the corners, giving it a well-loved, rustic look. To the right of the monster aga, a plethora of kitchen equipment sat along a marble topped work counter. A microwave, a blender, a juicer, an electric mixer, a coffee machine, a knife block containing at least 25 different blades, and a kettle. Above them, a multitude of pots and pans hung from a pan rack attached to the ceiling. On the other side of the table, the side bordered by the cream carpet, stood another marble worktop, this one with a large stainless steel sink. Flour coated the marble, and a sticky looking rolling pin had been set off to one side. A small pile of what seemed to be discarded fruit pieces sat by the sink, waiting to be put into the large dustbin sat next to the counter.
In the midst of the carpeted section sat a decently sized sofa, in a brightly coloured tartan fabric. It was large enough to hold at least three people, possibly four at a squeeze. To the left of it, at a slight angle was a large, cream leather armchair, a tartan blanket resting over the back of it, seemingly an attempt to match it to the sofa. A wooden coffee table sat between and in front of the two, sporting a small bowl of violets and a vase of bamboo shoots. A cosy little fireplace had been dug into the back wall, burning pleasantly and filling the room with heartening warmth. But the centre piece of the room was what sat above it. A magnificently huge flatscreen television was hanging several feet above the flames. On it, a film had been paused, presumably, Severus thought, when he had knocked on the door. The freeze frame, he realized with some amusement, was of a young couple, stark naked, seemingly in a natural spring, in a cave of some sort, and both seemed very interested in each other's nether regions. Drawing his gaze away from the screen, Severus noticed a bright green tapestry on one side of the room, with three silver spirals in the centre of it, joining with each other in a point between the three. A triskelion. Beneath it, a small table sat bearing two candles, a bowl of water, a flute and two carved statues, one of a woman, one of a man with horns and a pipe.
"Ahem"
Snape turned away from the room, towards the woman standing behind him, with a look of amusement on her face.
"As much as I appreciate you admiring my home, do you think you could shift out of the way so I can come back in? It's bloody freezing."
It was at this point the Severus realised he had been standing inside the doorway for several minutes while he observed her living space. He felt the tips of his ears turn red, thanking merlin that his hair covered it so she couldn't see his embarrassment. Schooling his features into an expression of bored indifference, he calmly moved aside, allowing her back into her house.
"Thankyou. Now, if you'll be so kind as to park your backside on the sofa, I'll run and put on a bra."
Seeing his cheeks redden at the mention of her lack of clothing, Merida's face broke into a smirk, as she sauntered off to the door leading to her bedroom. "Back in a second. Make yourself comfortable!" With that she disappeared into her room, and Severus prayed to all the Gods he could think of that when she returned, that cleavage would be covered with a polo neck sweater and several layers of shapeless jackets.
Settling himself on the sofa, Severus took the time to take in his surroundings in more detail. On the mantelpiece above the fire sat several photos of Merida and who he assumed were her friends and family in various situations. Several were of her and her family, at what looked like various birthdays and Christmases, a few showed Merida and a young woman with short, blonde hair laughing, hugging, and on one occasion, chugging beer out of a funnel. Well, she certainly seems to be more social than her sister. But that's not exactly hard. Mad old cow probably hasn't seen sunlight in decades. Casting his gaze along the mantle, his eyes rested on a beach scene. It was Merida, again, with her sister, both in swimming costumes, perched on a large rock, the sea a grey, frothing mass behind them. It seemed to have been taken quite recently, and Severus felt a slight urge to wipe his memory of seeing Sybil in a swimming costume. Especially one that appeared to be knitted, and that was so soaked through with rain that it hung off her like an elephant who suddenly lost so much weight that all it was left with was a terrifyingly large amount of loose skin. You could truly see the differences between the two here. They were like chalk and cheese. Sybil was sat, knees up to her chest, squinting at the camera through her bottle lens glasses, an expression on her face somewhere between a half-hearted smile and a grimace, her slightly greying hair whipping around her face in a frenzy. Or at least, it would be, if this were a wizard's photograph. Taking a quick glance around the room, Severus noticed that not a single thing in Merida's home was magical. All the appliances, the photographs, the decorations, all were muggle. He reminded himself to ask her about this when she returned, and turned back to the photograph. In contrast to Sybil, Merida was stood behind her, arms thrown out in gay abandon, a huge smile plastered on her face, her head slightly thrown back, as if laughing at the rain that fell upon her, soaking her and Sybil through. Thankfully, her outfit of choice was slightly more conventional, not a purl stitch or a crochet loop in sight. A dark, navy blue swim suit with a pattern of cherries clung to her body, accentuating the hills and valleys of her figure. A short skirt attached to the waistline of the suit hung to just above mid thigh, clinging slightly and reminding Severus of some sort of pin up poster from the 1950's.
Turning away from the photos, his gaze settled once again upon the television screen, where the two lovers were still frozen in flagrante delicto. Stretching his legs out to rest his feet just beneath the coffee table, Severus smirked at the thought of what this insane woman would say when she realised what she had left on the screen. Either she hasn't realised that the television is still on, or she doesn't mind me knowing she watches soft core pornography. She's either brave, or incredibly stupid. Severus paused for a moment, thinking deeply. Or, she's trying to scare me off. Not that a bloody sex scene would make me uncomfortable, I'm not a fucking fourteen year old. Although it would make sense, especially with all the thinly veiled flirting, and the lack of clothes…
Severus was pulled out of his reverie by the sensation of something warm on his ankle. Something warm and wet. Something warm, wet, and making loud snuffling noises. Very slowly, and very carefully, Snape leaned down over the sofa to peer beneath the coffee table. There, sat underneath, in a large wicker basket lay the fattest, greyest, oldest looking pit bull he had ever seen. And it was happily licking his ankle, as though it had suddenly found a new, yet entirely uninterested best friend.
"Ah. And you would be Precious, I assume." Upon hearing its name, the pit bull tore its mouth away from Severus' ankle to look up at his face, a long line of drool trailing from the aforementioned appendage to the creature's gaping maw, which at this moment was drawn into what Severus could only assume was the best a dog could attempt at a loved up grin. Grumbling deep in the back of its throat, the beast drew itself up on its stubby bowed legs and waddled out from under the table, its huge, flabby stomach still trailing on the floor. Planting itself firmly on its haunches at the side of the sofa, Precious gazed up at Snape with the look of a puppy meeting a new playmate, growled a playful greeting bark, and proceeded to thump its tail against the carpet in the manner of a dog determined to get this newcomer to love him. Or at least give him a belly rub.
"Made a new friend there I see."
Severus turned to see Merida emerging from one of two doors on the far side of the room, one leading to the bedroom she had just left, the other presumably to a bathroom of some kind. He noted that despite the lack of polo neck sweater, she had indeed made an attempt to cover up, with a deep purple poet's shirt that had been laced up at the front, along with a floor length moss green gypsy skirt, and mismatching socks beneath, one a luminous orange, and the other a fluffy powder blue. Ah. Fashion sense, apparently, doesn't run in the family .In his mind, Severus couldn't help but imagine the meeting between these two, both wearing outfits at least a century out of their time, one a quivering mass of whispers and dramatic proclamations dripping with baubles of every kind (including some actually meant for a Christmas tree), the other armed with a shotgun, a half dead pit bull, and a smile bigger than a Cheshire cat. He couldn't help but suppress a snigger at the thought.
"Found something funny have you?"
Severus once again returned his face to his usual, nonchalant semi-scowl. "Madam, you appear to be wearing mismatching socks."
Looking down, Merida's face broke into a grin once again. "Oh yeah. Kind of a necessity I'm afraid. That one there eats them all while I'm not looking." Making her way over to the kitchen, she motioned over to Precious, who had once again resumed his place at Severus' ankle, and was lapping away happily.
"Telling a teacher the dog ate your socks, Miss Trelawney? I was under the impression that homework was their food of choice."
Completely missing Snape's personal brand of sarcasm, Merida continued on. "I'm not kidding. If you've packed an overnight bag, keep him away from it. The amount of vet's bills I've been landed with just because greedy guts here has a taste for slippers and hosiery is a bloody nightmare." Flicking the kettle on, she grabbed a couple of pot holders, one for each hand, and opened the huge aga behind her, reaching in a pulling out what looked to be some kind of fruit pie. Smiling down at her creation, she kicked a leg out, closing the aga door with a deafening THUD. Precious whined in the back of his throat, raised himself up on his four massive paws, and proceeded to ungracefully waddle over to the kitchen, and towards the smell of freshly baked confectionary. "Thought you might be hungry, you great bloody dustbin." With an affectionate smile, Merida reached down to scratch the dog between the ears, earning herself a low rumble from the back of his throat. This made her laugh again, a rich, warm tone, like honey being poured into a vat of warm chocolate. "Here, you fat lump. And no more til dinner time." She reached over to the discarded pile of fruit that lay by the sink, and placed them into a small bowl on the floor by the edge of the counter. Snuffling his appreciation, Precious set upon his dinner, allowing his owner to attend to her guest. Placing two tea bags in two mismatched mugs and pouring water over them, she called out to Severus. "Oh, and call me Merida. I had far too much of Miss Trelawney during school. I hated it. He genuinely did eat my homework once you know. Little sod. It was at the end of the summer holidays. I'd been given a summer project to do. Twenty five sheets of parchment, front and back. I finished it the night before going back to school, and when I wake up in the morning, what do I find? The dog, having already eaten pages one through twenty two, making a start on page twenty three. I was absolutely devastated. My parents wrote me out a note explaining the situation to give to my teacher, but as I recall, you were less than impressed. How do you take your tea?"