(The following contains mild NSFW-ish material.)

Katyusha sat on a pillow on the floor at the edge of the room as Kei and Nonna grappled with one another on the far side. They were pressed, palm to palm, straining against each other in a battle for dominance fueled by stubbornness, pride, and a desire to show off for their mutual girlfriend.

Their biceps bulged as they held nothing back, and Katyusha's eyes roved approvingly over the hard lines of toned muscle in Nonna's back and shoulders and Kei's calves, taking no notice of how intentionally their tank tops and biking shorts allowed them to showcase themselves. Their constant work with tankery had made them strong and hard, and their stamina was something to be marveled at. Nonna had twisted her hair into a tidy bun; Kei had tied hers into a loose ponytail. Their sweat-drenched bodies were a boast in how long they'd been struggling against one another, and their slips clung to their backs and chests.

Nonna was taller, and her muscle was lean and harsh. Kei was stouter; her arms and legs were thick and defined, but her stomach showed a hint of pudge that could not be found anywhere on her opponent. Nonna had pressed the advantage of her height in the beginning, and it had given Kei something to contend with, but now Nonna found herself being pressed back little by little as Kei dug herself in with her powerful legs. Nonna weighed her options as the possibility of defeat drummed in her ears, and she knew as Kei smiled just a little that Kei was well aware of how this was going to end if Nonna didn't change course somehow. Nonna couldn't lose, not in a battle of strength and not while Katyusha was observing.

A plan formed in her mind.

"Commander," Nonna grunted, feeling herself losing a small bit of ground as she spoke. "Would you do us the honor of fetching towels for when we are done?"

Kei laughed, small and truncated, and as she spoke Nonna regained the ground she'd lost. "What's the matter, Nonna? Giving up? That's not like you."

Nonna strained, but Kei was a wall that would not budge. "This match will be decided," she growled in effort, "soon."

Nonna couldn't see Katyusha, as the commander was at her six, but she heard the sound of her hopping onto her little feet. "Promise to Katyusha that you will not win while she is gone."

Nonna nodded, and Kei grinned and nodded as well. The time for words was far gone. Kei's eyes were predatory in a way that Nonna did not see often, and she could tell the scent of victory looming over her was driving her onward.

Nonna heard Katyusha's padding footsteps leave the room, and as soon as Nonna knew they were alone she allowed herself her own predatory smile. Kei didn't falter, but she did frown, on guard but unsure what the other could be planning.

Nonna didn't wait; Katyusha's absence was an advantage she would not get again. Nonna leaned in and kissed Kei hard on the lips. Kei's eyes went wide, and she wobbled for the first time in their match. Nonna pressed against Kei's hands, and thrilled as she found a lack of resistance. She shoved backwards, pressing Kei against the wall with her hands pinned above her, kissing her again, and finding Kei's lips to be as yielding as the rest of her body. Small whimpers of pleasure escaped Kei, and Nonna knew that she had won utterly and completely.

Nonna pulled away and looked long and hard on Kei's face; she was flushed, sweat trickled down her temples, and her expression went from frustrated longing and confusion to sudden realisation and anger.

"Hey," Kei struggled against Nonna's grip, but she was held fast against the wall, "that was dirty! No fair!"

Katyusha's voice whined from the doorway, "Nonna! You said you wouldn't win while I was gone!"

Nonna moved to let Kei go so that she could receive a towel and her due praise from Katyusha, but Kei's fingers tightened against hers, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

Kei growled low enough that Katyusha wouldn't be able to hear, "This isn't over, Vice-Commander. You've started something and you better be ready to finish it."

Nonna tugged herself free, sparing Kei a glance that lingered for only a moment before she turned and crossed the room. She accepted the towel and nodded along as Katyusha admonished her for not letting her see how she had bested Kei, but her mind was elsewhere.

As Kei took a towel beside her, laughing as she rubbed herself down and Katyusha boasted in Nonna's place, Nonna watched. The memory of her lips on Kei's burned in her, but not as much as the looks she had seen on Kei's face. Pitiful longing. Hardened resolve with flickers of anger. The sounds Kei had made at her touch rang in her ears, and she told herself she was only relishing her brilliant strategy.

"If there were ever two people who needed a bath," Kei grinned. She turned from Katyusha to Nonna, and Nonna saw the flash of resolve before she felt Kei's hand smack her butt. Nonna jolted, but clamped down on the yelp that tried to leap from her throat.

Katyusha nodded. "Yes, the both of you smell strongly of battle. Let us draw a bath without delay."

As Katyusha turned to lead the way, Kei smirked and mouthed the words "bring it on" before following after their girlfriend.

Nonna may have won today, but now she was wondering if the long term consequences of her plan were going to outweigh the benefits. As it stood, she had never been more reluctant to take a bath.

Nonna glowered down at Kei who had draped herself across the entire couch, staring stubbornly past Nonna at the television.

"Are you refusing to make room?"

Kei looked up at her with a frown before gluing her eyes back to the tv. "Sit on the floor if you wanna be out here."

"This is my apartment."

"You already said that."

"By extension it's my couch."

"Consider this an invasion. I've claimed this couch for America, now sit on the floor or leave me alone."

To say Nonna was insulted would be a gross understatement. She was incensed at the very notion that she of all people would sit on the floor while Kei took up the entire couch out of spite. Kei had become too comfortable; Katyusha wasn't even here, and yet Kei was on their couch wearing nothing but an undershirt and some gaudy boxer shorts, the rest of her clothes strewn across the floor haphazardly. Nonna had a hunch that this was a measured assault against her, but she wouldn't fall for any ruse. Not this day.

"If you won't make room," Nonna sloughed off her jacket, flexing her newly bared arms in a subtle threat. "I will have no other option but to use force."

Kei lifted a mocking eyebrow. "Ooh, exciting. I'd like to see you try."

Nonna took a step closer, and Kei's shoulders tensed. Nonna knew that Kei would put up a hell of a fight, and the two of them were more or less evenly matched when brute force was concerned. She didn't want to risk embarrassment by being baited into a grappling match, so she would need to be clever about it.

Nonna paused for a few long moments- Kei keeping her eyes locked on Nonna, unflinching- before she twirled on her heel and sat unceremoniously on top of Kei directly below her stomach and between her hips.

Kei grunted in discomfort, glaring at Nonna and attempting to shove her off. "What the hell? Get off of me!"

Nonna tried to act nonchalant as she battled against Kei's hands roughly thrusting against her shoulder. "No."

Kei squirmed, kicking her feet against the footrest uselessly. "Come on, Nonna! Get off!"

Nonna pushed back against Kei's arms, peering at Kei over her shoulder. "This is my response to your hostile takeover."

Kei bucked her hips against Nonna before going still with a pout. "I thought Pravda took no prisoners."

"I will let you go if you relinquish your spot and sit on the floor."

Kei's pout melted into indignation and she propped herself up until her face was much too close to Nonna's. "I would never act so disgracefully. Torture me if you wish; force me to the brink of death. I will never surrender to the likes of you."

Nonna felt her heart thud harder than was strictly necessary. Did she really think Kei looked cool right then? Was she really so stricken by the brazen look Kei was fixing her with? By those startlingly intense blue eyes that blazed in defiance? Nonna had to take a minute to figure out if Kei was playing with her or not, but the barest hint of a challenging smile curled the corner of Kei's lip. She was daring Nonna to do something. Nonna would not back away.

Nonna swung herself around until she was straddling Kei's hips, and she planted her arms on either side of Kei's head. Nonna glared down at her, pleased to see Kei's composure slip in surprise. Kei looked up at her through her eyelashes, biting her lower lip, and Nonna flinched when she felt Kei rest her hands on Nonna's hips.

Kei's face was the very picture of innocence. "It appears as though I'm completely at your mercy, Vice-Commander."

Nonna stiffened, sure she was being made fun of. "Do you yield?"

Kei leaned forward, nuzzling her face against the side of Nonna's neck, humming softly as if in thought. Nonna froze.

"Never," Kei murmured, rubbing her palms in gentle circles against Nonna's hips.

Nonna trembled, but only slightly. She had fallen prey to the enemy's attacks, and she was at a distinct disadvantage now. Kei's face felt nice against her neck, and her breath tickled her in a way that made her temperature rise. Unbidden, images came to mind how else Kei could launch an attack on her neck, but Nonna shook them away. She was in control here, not Kei. Not her intrusive thoughts. Not the gentle rhythm that Kei's hands were forcing her hips to move with.

Nonna's heart hammered against her ribs.

The answer to her dilemma flashed in her mind, and she could have laughed at the brilliance of it. If Kei was fighting dirty, Nonna would just have to fight even dirtier. There was one move Nonna had that could cause Kei to unravel, and it appeared as though the faux-American commander had forced her hand. She wouldn't have used this tactic if she had had any other choice.

Nonna grabbed Kei's shoulder and gently pushed her back until she was lying all the way down again; Kei looked up at her quizzically, and Nonna thought that she looked a little abashed. Kei laughed a touch nervously, and looked like she might be about to apologise, but Nonna silenced her with a finger against her lips. Nonna leaned forward until her nose was touching Kei's, thrilled to see Kei's eyes widen and her cheeks flush. Kei's hands hesitated in their stroking.

Nonna didn't smile, and all she said was, "We'll see."

Nonna kissed the tip of Kei's nose, enjoying the quiet squeak of surprise she got in return. She kissed Kei's left cheek which was soft and smooth. She kissed Kei's jaw. She kissed Kei's ear. With each new spot she kissed, she felt Kei react to varying degrees, and she locked those reactions away where they could be remembered for future reference. Kei's jaw made her hands slip slowly away from Nonna's legs, but Kei's ear made her grab back onto them with startling urgency. Nonna kissed Kei's neck, and pulled back when a muffled noise escaped from her prisoner of war. She looked down at Kei's face, curious and slightly worried she might have done something unsavory; Kei avoided eye contact, her lower lip held firmly between her teeth, and her face redder than Nonna had ever seen it.

"Do you surrender?" Somehow the question came out with more concern than Nonna had intended.

Kei shook her head, meeting Nonna's eyes for the first time with an embarrassed smile. "Y-you're going to have to do much worse than that to get me to surrender. You fiend."

Nonna did smile then. "Very well."

Nonna leaned back down, her target this time was Kei's lips, but she pulled back just short of them when she noticed how they parted for her. She eyed Kei suspiciously, but Kei had closed her eyes, her eyebrows pulled together in anticipation. Nonna considered if she really wanted to give Kei what she wanted; that was not the purpose of this attack, it was in fact the opposite of the purpose of the attack. Hadn't she set out to obliterate the interloper? To make her grovel before her while she was in Nonna's home? And yet the image of Kei in her mind who came completely unraveled over a mere kiss was too tempting to resist. Maybe Kei thought that this was what she wanted, but she was surely mistaken in her assumption that she could handle it. Of this, Nonna was certain.

Ever careful of enemy treachery, Nonna compromised by grabbing Kei's lower lip with her teeth instead. Kei groaned in impatience, and she slapped her hands against Nonna's hips, opening her eyes and glaring up at Nonna in a way that made Nonna's heart skip a beat. Oh, she liked this. She would take her sweet time before she kissed the girl trapped under her on the couch, and Kei would squirm and fuss and wish for death all the while. Never again would she be underestimated; Kei would know the true meaning of torture, and she would carry that with her the rest of her days.

Nonna jolted when she felt a warm hand slide up under her shirt, and she focused once more on the person pouting beneath her. Kei had her face scrunched up in way that reminded Nonna very much of Katyusha when snack time was delayed. Kei's wandering hands had made their way to the small of Nonna's back and were trailing little circles that sent shivers up Nonna's spine. There was no decorum in this; Nonna knew what Kei was attempting to do, and Kei was not trying to hide it. Nonna wanted to revel in Kei's frustration, but the urge to press her lips against Kei's rose like a violent wave in her. She had not the time to consider it or cast in it the light of the next logical step in her plan to subjugate Kei; she leaned down, a breath away from making that final connection, when the door to the apartment slammed open.

"Katyusha has returned! Rejoice, my comrades!"

Nonna jerked back so hard she sent herself tumbling backwards off the couch, scrambling to get to her feet and unable to keep her face from burning red hot.

"Jesus!" Kei screamed, covering her face with her hands and muttering a string of English curses under her breath.

Katyusha could not see Kei from the doorway, but she heard her and she saw Nonna looking about as guilty as Nonna could look. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Nonna. Were you attacking Katyusha's American?"

Nonna opened her mouth to reply, but Kei cut her off with an angry shout, "Not even remotely well enough!"

Nonna recoiled. Katyusha's face contorted in confusion as she jogged around the couch to reach Kei. "What is the meaning of this? What has happened?"

Kei's hands were cemented to her face, and not even Katyusha could coax them away. Disjointed English words fell out between her fingers, and neither Katyusha nor Nonna pretended to understand what they meant.

In the end, hadn't Nonna been successful in her mission? Kei was done for, and she wasn't likely to be recovering soon. Even as Katyusha climbed her way into a cuddling position with Kei, Nonna knew deep down that she hadn't won. At best it was a stalemate. Because Nonna felt a yawning crater inside of herself that would not fill itself. The kiss that was not to be haunted her in a way that was impossible to understand. Truly, her foe was far more formidable than she had ever dreamed, and once more she retreated to the sanctuary of her quarters.

A/N: The reception to this story was so much better than I had ever dreamed, so I'm opening the vault and sharing with you all the depths of my depravity. I'm sorry, mother, but the amount of stuff I've written for this ridiculous ship is far greater than I care to admit.