Soul reader

I try to shake the flood of images out of my mind, they make it difficult to see where I am going. My feet are hitting the ground of the forest with phenomenal speed. How can it be? It is impossible.

My father had said that I killed her as he handed me to Alana. Alana had hushed him saying I could do no wrong while wrapping me in a blanket. I had lost both my parents the night I was born. I killed my mother and my father was murdered. I can still remember the sound of the fight while I was being cradled against Alana's chest. The growls and sickening crack as my father lost, the smell as his body burned. It was years later that Alana slipped and I saw what truly happened that night. She had arranged for James to kill my father by giving him an old garment of my mother. Ever since that day I have run and never been fast enough. I can hear them following me, the strange coven with their golden eyes. Mary Alice Brandon died giving birth to me. She died. How can she be alive? How is she one of the golden eyed vampires?

'M.A.' The doctor is calling me, he reminds me of my father. The same kindness and love is in him. Father hated me, because I killed my mother. At first I had thought him glad to hold me, he smiled with so much love. Then mom's heart started to falter. He had growled and all but threw me into Alana's arms. 'M.A.'

I run even faster, though I will not be able to keep up this pace for long, I am half human after all. Human, my mother was human and she couldn't possibly have had the strength to live thru a transformation, I had all but drained her of live. My mind wonders into the part of my soul where I store my memories, I seldom wonder here. No wait I have been thinking about my human mother so much since Lucy and I reached Forks. Almost like I sensed her. No, no it cannot be. There are parts of that horrible night my parents died that I avoid. The moment I started to cry and Alana ran to the outside. I should have seen from the start that she and James where together in the whole thing. Ever since Alana slipped and my eyes opened, this part of the night has been playing in my mind over and over. We had passed by my father's killer. He was disappointed.

'Such a waste, she smelt wonderful before.'

Before. Before. When she was human.

I had thought Alana ran because she was scared of my father's killer. The woman I heard screaming in the background as we were leaving, must've been my mother. I cried along with her, for her, to this day the screams haunt me. I had thought it was because some little innocence still clung to me in that moment, true compassion. I had screamed and saw pictures in my mind for the first time. Pictures of...

A red haired vampire is running next to me before going faster still, he spins around catching me against his chest. He takes hold of me very gently but firmly, bringing me to a standstill.

'Please let me go, please.' I beg trying to run.

'She has no memory of you.'

Who is he talking about?

'Alice, she has no memory of her human life that is why she didn't come looking for you. She would've otherwise.'

How did he know that bothered me? That was the first question I had before running out of their house. Why didn't she come to find me? Does she hate me as well?

'No, she doesn't. Though she has no memory of anything she recognized you. Your scent was in the air when she came too.' He is a mind reader, he is like me sort of. Alana said my father could manipulate what people think. 'I cannot do that, I can only hear.'

Two more vampires appear, the doctor and another blond male. I gasp and ram into the redheads chest trying to run again. He was standing next to my mother moments ago, but I paid him no attention. Now he has all my attention. I had dreams of this blond vampire as a child. As a small child I chose to imagine my mother becoming a vampire, imagining a life for her. She found a true mate who loved and cherished her in my dreams. He was merely wishful thinking, or so I thought. Then she is there, my mother her eyes wide and watching me.

'What is your name?' she asks in a high chime voice. So different from the night she asked to hold me, then her voice was weak and raw from pain.

'Mary-Alice, with a hyphen.' I answer automatically. 'I call myself M.A. nowadays.' She takes a step toward me, the blond male follows her watching my every move. He doesn't trust me. I would never hurt her, I think angrily. I did. I killed...

She is touching my cheek. I stare at her, wanting to run wanting to stay.

'Are you who I think you are?' she asks hesitantly.

'Yes.'

'I can't remember anything.' I think if she could cry tears would be streaming down her face like mine.

I nod quietly steeling a glance at the blond vampire at her side. Just as in my dreams he is covered in scars and very lethal. I always thought one as small and frail as my mother should have a true protector. He seems distressed as he meets my gaze, I don't think he likes me.

'I can show you.' I whisper.

'Show me what?' she asks confused.

'Your memories.' She frowns slightly and tilts her head to the side. 'I have a talent for reading people's memories, if you want I can search your soul and find the memories hidden from you.'

'You can do that?' the blonde male asks me, frowning deeply.

'Yes.' I have never read your soul, yet I know you. I read him and try to hide my response failing miserably. He met my mom in a diner and apologized for being late, he loved her instantly, just as I dreamt. How am I connected to you?

I feel strange as I am kneeling in front of my mother where she is sitting on the living room floor of the huge Cullen home.

'You may not like what you see.' I warn carefully.

She nods before a fast smile spreads across her face, lighting her up. I can't resist returning the smile before I raise my hands to either sides of her face and place my fingers on her temples. I did this for Lucy. We both cried when the truth hidden in her was revealed. I close my eyes and start feeling my way into her mind. It's like trying to follow a human's lay out of memories, the horror of the transformation is not recorded to guide me to human memories. I frown because of the way some memories are just visions she feared to come true. Bella, the red head telepaths mate went to the Volturi, my mother feared all the death she saw. Bella, Edward but most prominently Jasper. I try to concentrate as her favorite visions is my dreams of old. The memories filled with Jasper is better than all my high hopes as a child. Her first vision when opening her eyes and knowing nothing was of Jasper. He is her anchor and guiding star. I am close now, we can both feel it. Darkness. A dark room. I frown and try to push past what feels like a barrier. Nothing. I cannot find the memories. Breaking thru the wall of pain during the transformation is hardest, that is why all vampires have difficulty remembering their human lives. Not just the diminished senses as they claim, few of them can face the pain of the transformation and you have to break thru it in order to remember. Can't have the one without the other.

I let go of her face and stare at her wide eyed. I don't understand it is there, why can't I see it?

She is looking at me expectantly. 'I saw all the memories you awoke. The dark room I remember...'

'Something is keeping me out.' I frown and drop my hands into my lap. 'I don't understand, it is like a piece is missing.' I squint slightly and get up with a heavy sigh. This has never happened to me. The part that really bothers me is the way it felt as though I should know where the missing piece is. Everything about that barrier was familiar. It stirred something in my chest, pain. I focus on all the important memories that I have dreamt. Every dream I had growing up waking with tears on my pillow has happened. My mother had the happy live I envisioned. I walk to the glass wall with the beautiful view and sigh heavily again.

'I think you might be right.' Carlisle says to Nessie who is touching his face and looking at me.

'What did she say?' I ask just a little annoyed. Meeting another like me was unlike what I expected, it was extraordinary. I am no longer terrified of what I am. She showed me the other individual Nahuel who is like us. It is strange to think that I have been here for so short a time, yet so much within me has changed.

'How well do you understand your gift? She thinks that you might have powers you are unaware of.'

I look at her puzzled. 'It took my mother a long time to master all the facets of her gift, she still breaks new ground every day.' Nessie explains in her soft voice. My eyes flit to the slender dark haired vampire who survived giving birth to her.

'Give yourself some time.' Bella shrugs a little. I smile reluctantly, smiling is not something I am very familiar with, Lucy was trying to teach me.

'How does it work, your gift? Explain to me what you know.' Carlisle asks me his eyes bright. I have never met a vampire with so much healthy interest in others.

I close my eyes and try to think of the right way to answer the question.

'I can see...I am aware of the person's soul. It's, well not really a light, it's...it's.' I pause and look into his curious eyes. 'The only way for me to explain it is that it's like a heartbeat. It pulses in a very alive light around the person, in the person, thru the person. I can tell whether their souls, intentions is good or bad. This part of my reading is not an exact science, prejudice and bias can fool me, but I have practiced to not be blinded. It is very easy to lie to yourself and so fool me. You see you can corrupt your soul with lies, whether you tell them to yourself of believe others. The memories filter thru the soul, the memories that is the most important to you I see best. In your case, the day you decided to life this unorthodox lifestyle and when you met Esme. Vampire's most prominent memories are their transformations and the moment they met their mate, it is the easiest to see. Though you...' I halt, unsure. 'The vibrancy of a soul is determined by how fiercely you cling to good or bad memories. You see your soul is like a house filled with memories, experiences, love, hope, hate. Bad memories and emotions bend the soul out of shape, scars it. Good ones brightens the soul, makes it easier to live in. You see the soul does not only live in you, you live in your soul, it is very difficult to tell which is which, it's like a pretzel. You have vibrant souls for vampires.' I stop frowning. I exhale and start to explain this phenomena to myself. 'The blood we drink, clouds the soul. It fills it with guilt, remorse, self-loathing, hate. Both vampires and humans can ignore this sort of evil thing in their soul. But just like a heart being cut off from blood, doing this starves the soul. It needs light, it dies in darkness. For some it is painful experience, but others seem to be born without care for their souls. A person without a soul, has memories but they are hollow, it's like staring into a grave.' I meet his curious gaze again. There is a strange emotion in them, wonder, amazement. 'I can find all the memories that can assist me to survive. These are my primary goal when I read someone, my gift is defense mechanism of sorts.' I look at Alice again who has been watching me intently with a deep frown ever since we got to the house. 'The barrier in your mind is...' I frown again. 'Made. I have met people with amnesia, you do not have the classic symptoms. You see a dark room, meaning there is something, only you can't see it, it is like the light is switched off. With amnesia the brain has no memory of where the room is located, it is still there but lost a huge maze. You know where your memories are stored, you led me there.' I close my eyes again and realize how tired I am. In all my years I have never felt so drained. Emotionally I am spent. I stare at the floor and realize surprised that the sun is rising. I have been here all night? I shut my eyes and try to remember where the time went. It had taken some time for us to walk home as my mother kept asking questions and I stood still to answer most. When we got here, Bella, Esme and Nessie wanted to know what upset me so. Their eyes wide and unbelieving made me and Alice laugh.

'You are very tired.' Edward and Jasper say at the same time.

I finally remember how to open my eyes and smile. 'I...' I do not have a car, the doctor drove me here. I wonder if he suspected anything. His surprise in the hospital was recognition, not of what I was but who I might be. But I bet he never really thought it possible, everyone in this room's reaction proved that to be the case. 'I'll...'

'You'll stay here tonight, in Edward's old room, there is a bed.' Esme's voice sounds softly.

Boy, I'll have to get up the stairs, it might just be the most daunting task ever. I start to swing my legs off the sofa. When did I sit down? Cold hard arms suddenly take hold of me. I look up startled. Jasper smiles at me kindly as he lifts me effortlessly and starts climbing the stairs. A peaceful calm washes over me, making my eyes droop.

'Mom.' I mumble and reach. Her small hand takes mine and another peace more powerful than the one radiated into my body by the gifted Jasper starts to form in my chest. 'I always loved you, even when I killed you.' I manage to say before falling into the comforting softness of sleep.