AN: Wrote and uploaded this at 4AM last night. Woke up and realised it's laced with typos. Fixed them real quick! Sorry you had to subject your eyes to that mess. xo

24 December, 6:35PM

Amy smoothed her dress one more time and looked at herself in the mirror, then at her watch. It was exactly 6:35, and she was all ready to go downstairs, with a whooping twenty-five minutes to spare. She decided she was going for the simple yet classy look. She was wearing a simple sheath dress in a bright emerald colour, her hair down and combed, tucked behind her ears to look neat. She kept her makeup to a minimum, just a dabble of perfume, and jumped when she noticed Jake pop his head around the corner of the bathroom from the reflection on the mirror.

"Hey, my sister arrived five minutes ago, do you want to go downstairs and say hi?" he asked, walking in. "Just kidding. Not a question. Let's go." He went to grab her by the wrist, but stopped when he noticed her watch. "Don't wear that."

"Why not?" she argued, frowning. "I always wear my watch. How are you supposed to know what time it is-"

He looked at her impatiently and she shrugged, slipping it off her wrist.

"Fine."

"Thanks," he said. "If it makes you feel better, like you have the upperhand, we can peek at them from upstairs first."

She nodded, grateful and relieved that he had considered this option, and they leaned out from against the railing, peering down onto the landing of the first floor discreetly. She could see Julie fussing over what must be Jake's sister, and a man standing next to the both of them, a hand on a suitcase. Amy identified him as her husband.

While she was looking down, in deep thought, trying to figure them out from far away, Jake was looking at her closely, almost as if he was observing her.

"You look pretty," he said nonchalantly, and cleared his throat. She could tell from his tone that he was genuinely trying to be nice, and she tried to hide her smile, mumbling a quick 'thanks' before he suggested they went downstairs. She nodded, and as they were making their way down the flight of stairs that seemed to stretch on for quite a bit, she clung to his forearm awkwardly, feeling insecure and nervous. She did it as a sort of reflex, and even though she knew that, she was glad she did. She felt better when she was holding onto something.

"You're wearing shoes," he stated the obvious in a whisper as they walked into the living room, where his mum was still fussing over his sister as though she were a child. She was commenting on her wedding ring and how great it looked. Jake looked at Amy's black patent flats, then at her face. They stood in the doorway quietly, waiting to be noticed.

"Well, I can't walk around bare feet. That's rude," she whispered back.

"That's not true, you're wearing tights," he said, keeping his voice down. "And people are supposed to walk around bare feet inside a house. That's the whole point of living in a house."

"Inside their houses, that they live in," she corrected him quietly. "This isn't my house, and I don't live here. I'm a guest."

"Fine," he said. "But-"

"Jake!" A tender voice yelled out, which stopped the hushed squabbling between the two of them. He looked up, and beamed at his sister.

"Allie!"

Amy dropped her arm and let go of him when he leaned in for a hug with Allie, high-fiving his brother-in-law mid-hug. He let go, and he was beaming so hard that it nearly broke his jaw. Julie smiled at the sight of her children reuniting and vanished in the background to the kitchen, where a strong smell of baked ham and thick pasta drifted around.

"Yo, Jake! Hope everything's been kosher," Allie's husband grinned, and Jake nodded.

"Everything's been awesome. You?"

"Never been better."

"Would've guessed. You look real happy," Jake said to him, and Allie raised an eyebrow, gesturing at Amy.

"Who's that pretty girl standing there behind you? Come on, Jake. Introduce us. She's too pretty to be on her own, being ignored."

"Oh, yeah. Of course," Jake said, stepping back. Amy gulped, raising a hand to say hello, smiling in a way that even she knew was painfully awkward.

"Hey! Sorry for that," Allie laughed, coming in strong with a hug, squeezing Amy a little tighter than she had anticipated. But it was a nice, warm hug, not suffocating like she thought it would've been when she watched her hug Jake earlier on. "I'm Alison, but as you would've figured out, nobody calls me that. I'm just Allie around family and friends. By the way, your dress looks amazing."

Overwhelmed, Amy blinked. "Oh! Thanks. Um, I fluctuate between a size 4 and 6, so..." she paused, the vowel dangling in the air. "Sorry - no. Why did I say that?"

Allie laughed. "Don't be nervous..." she paused, not having gotten her name.

"Amy," Amy managed, giving Allie a smile.

"Amy," Allie repeated. "That's a similar name to Allie, which, we've discussed the first time Josh came over six years ago, how similar his name was to Jake's. I mean, sort of. I guess at the end of the day, we all pick people with names similar to our siblings' because we feel more secure with them." Amy looked confused and a little frightened, and Allie quickly filled in. "Though Mum's probably been torturing you all afternoon, so I understand why you'd be on full freak-out mode. Josh was like that the first time he was here. It's been so long, and we're married now, so he's completely fine. Sometimes I think he's closer to Mum than I am. Ridiculous, right?"

Amy nodded stiffly. She wasn't trying to be rude. She was still just reeling in from her anxiousness.

Josh, a tall man who looked like he was at least six foot one, handsome, with blond hair and fair skin, extended a hand to shake Amy's, and she took it.

"Joshua, but please, call me Josh," he said, and she smiled at him. "Not to be antisocial, but I think dinner's nearly ready, so I'm going to run upstairs real quick to put this down." He gestured at their suitcase, and Allie nodded. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and went upstairs.

"So, how come you've never talked to me about Amy before?" Curious, Allie asked Jake, nudging him on the shoulder.

"It's complicated," Jake said, sounding slightly sheepish.

Allie's eyes widened, and a playful grin appeared on her face. "Oh, but isn't that what they all say when it comes to love? I never believed that anyway."

"Well, it is," he replied bluntly.

"How did you guys meet?" Allie ignored him and turned to Amy, who was caught off-guard with a question like that. She froze, not knowing how to answer. She liked Allie, and she wanted to kick Jake in the shin for not running over all the possible scenarios that could come up. Like this one, for instance.

Meanwhile, Josh had scooted back downstairs.

She looked at him, and took a deep breath. It was only his sister and his brother-in-law. Maybe she should come clean. That would be two less people to put an act in front of.

"Well, to tell you the truth, Jake and I aren't really-" Amy began, but he cut her off promptly. She thought she had said something wrong, but he had done so only to reaffirm her statement. He was agreeing with her.

"Allie, the truth is that Amy isn't my girlfriend. That's why it's complicated," Jake said quietly, careful not to let his mother overhear him. She was in the kitchen, but still.

Allie frowned and slid her arm around Josh's waist. "What do you mean?"

"Jake asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend because he told Julie that he was bringing somebody in a spur of the moment," Amy explained, and Allie nodded. "And I work at the precinct with him-"

"You're a cop too?" Josh asked casually, and Allie shushed him.

"Well, a detective, to be precise," Amy corrected him softly, and it was then that Julie stuck her head around the kitchen door. The four of them froze, thinking they had been busted already.

"Josh! Jake's not a cop, he's a detective," she said, shaking her head, feigning disappointment before she went back inside.

Allie gave Josh a look, and he looked embarrassed.

"Sorry."

"So that's the story," Jake said. "I just needed to let mum know that I'm romantically successful for once in my life. You know how much she wants to see... stuff like that. And I thought I could do it as a Christmas surprise, or whatever."

"Well, Amy can't play along forever," Allie said. She didn't sound angry, nor did she intend for her words to be laced with malice; she was just dishing it out like it was. And it was true. He could fake it this Christmas, and he could possibly fake it the next, but he couldn't do it forever.

"I just thought I would buy time, or at least to shake things up a bit this year."

"Fair enough," Josh said. "But sooner or later, you guys are going to fall in love and it'll be the real deal. Just like Allie and I - she brought me home for Christmas as a fake boyfriend-" he lifted his hand to show his wedding ring, "-and now we're married, for real."

Allie laughed and pinched him on the shoulder, and he shrugged away, grinning. "He's joking."

Amy smiled wistfully, looking at them, and turned to look at Jake, before looking away again before he could meet her eye.

"I just wanted you guys to know," Jake said.

"So we could lie to mum together?" Allie asked.

"It's not like that-"

"I know. I'm just joking. I got it. We'll play along. Do what you have to do," she said, giving him a wink. She turned to Amy. "If I'm being honest, you're too pretty to really be Jake's girlfriend anyway. You're way out of his league, and you should stay there, out of his reach. My baby brother may be clever, but he is mostly just immature and lazy; you don't want to get with the guy living under a bridge when you can land Brad Pitt."

Jake rolled his eyes. "I can hear you, Allie."

"Good."

8:40PM

The plates had been cleared away right after dinner - Amy had offered to help, but Allie had turned her down politely, telling her to sit on the couch and watch some TV instead while they waited for the pie to be ready. She obliged, though she didn't feel like watching any TV. She had her mind on a case that she was working on, and to distract herself, she flipped through an issue of some magazine on the environment that she found on the coffee table. She was reading an article on corn production when Julie sat down next to her. She put a hand on her wrist and her bangles made jingling sounds at her every move.

"So, Amy... this sounds crazy, but I was thinking: you and Jake really look like a great match. And-" she caught herself in her thoughts. "How long have you guys been dating?"

"5 months?" Amy thought out loud, her brain hyper alert at all the lies she was about to spew.

"5 months," Julie mumbled to herself. "Thinking of marriage?"

"Oh, I don't know," Amy squeaked, trying to keep things as vague as possible. Sitting on a beanbag nearby, Jake looked up. He made eye contact with her, and she tried her best to talk to him telepathically, mostly with her just trying to ask him to come over and help.

"Well, I've always dreamed of, you know, having five brand new grandchildren in seven years," Julie smiled, and Amy stared at her, her mind fuzzy, before remembering Jake's words from earlier on in the afternoon.

'If my mum ever tells you she wants five grandkids in seven years and all of that, just know that she's joking.'

She smiled at Julie, and even though she knew it was a joke, she didn't know how to respond. She was relieved when Jake got up and walked over, beaming. She didn't know why he was grinning, but she was glad he was here; it meant that she didn't need to speak anymore. He could always fill in the blanks for her.

"Well, mum, you're in luck!" Jake blurted. "Because Amy's pregnant."

Amy's eyes widened, and she looked at him, as if to say - 'what the hell?' He returned her gaze with a confused expression, shrugging just slightly for her to notice.

"You're pregnant?" Julie looked at her, wide-eyed, in complete disbelief. Amy nodded automatically, knowing she had no other option. She had decided that jumping up from the couch and yelling 'SIKE!' wouldn't be the best thing to do in this situation. Or in any situation at all.

"Oh! Oh my god. Wow. Congratulations... Amy. Why, I wasn't expecting that. How far along are you?" Julie was suddenly looking at Amy's stomach, which made her feel more self-conscious than ever. "Can I-" she extended a hand.

"Oh, um," Amy frowned, and realised that Julie had wanted to put a hand on her stomach. Which made sense. This non-existent embryo, was, in theory, her grandchild. "Yeah... sure."

Julie put a hand on Amy's stomach, and then kept quiet, waiting for some sort of movement.

"Mum you won't feel anything. It's only been a month and a half," Jake answered for her, and Amy pursed her lips, nodding along. "This thing is the size of a peanut right now." Julie nodded once, still completely astonished, and got up from the couch, saying, "I need to tell Allie about this, she could learn a thing or two from you guys!" She left the living room with a grin on her face, leaving Jake and Amy alone with each other.

Amy felt her cheeks heat up, and her hands felt clammy. She looked up at Jake, who wiped a sweat from his brow.

"We're safe," he said, and she kicked him in the shin, this time for real, and hard. "Ow! What'd you do that for?"

"You know what I did that for! I can't believe you said I was pregnant!"

"Well, my brain was confused! So I just blurted out something. I had to."

"This girlfriend's stuff is pretty mild and fine by me, but I have my limits, and you're taking this too far."

"No, I'm not," Jake argued, but he knew she was right.

"We're never going to pull this one off convincingly! Don't you know when to stop? Where is your self-control? Don't even get me started on how I can't even drink alcohol for the rest of the holiday now... thanks a lot, Peralta," she spat the words out through gritted teeth, before getting up from the couch, too. She was fuming, and she needed to get away.

"Where are you going?" he asked, grabbing her by the wrist gently, not wanting to hurt her in case she slid off balance. It was as if he had started believing she was pregnant too. He sounded worried, but she ignored his plea to stay, jerking her wrist away from him, breaking free.

"Upstairs. I'm going to bed," she snapped. "Don't follow me." She ordered, and hopped up the stairs without turning back.

Jake frowned, feeling a surge of annoyance in his chest. Not at her, but at himself. He knew he had taken it too far. But he had seen the look in his mother's eyes when he had declared that Amy was 'pregnant'. She had lit up, amidst her initial confusion, and any blind idiot could've recognised that as a sign of hope. His mother had never looked so happy, and he didn't want to take that from her by breaking it to her that he was only joking. But on the other hand, Amy...

Jake stared at the bottom of the stairs, where Amy had been just moments ago, before he heard a door slam shut upstairs. Julie stuck her head out of the kitchen, where there was loud festive music playing now - Allie's idea - and she looked at Jake.

"I just told your sister about it. She's elated, but she keeps saying kids aren't for her," Julie said. "Which doesn't matter. I mean, her body, her decision. She's too stubborn for me to do anything about it anyway. I'm just happy that-" she eyed the empty couch. "Where did Amy go?"

"Just... upstairs." Jake said, rubbing his hand on his eye. "She's a bit tired. She's, uh, she's sorry she can't try the pie."

"Oh, that's fine," Julie said. "Poor thing. Must be worn out from all the traveling. I remember how I felt when I was pregnant and going on trips. It's so tiring. Tell her good night when you go upstairs later, okay? And tell her not to worry about missing the pie," she said, before sticking her head back in.

"Yeah, I will," Jake nodded, mumbling to himself. He looked down at his bare feet. He heard the water running - he imagined that to be Amy washing her face. It stopped, and he craned his neck to hear a sound, but there was only a creak of the bed after a few minutes, and then there was silence. He sighed. He knew it was too late to apologise, and that apologising wouldn't get them out of this situation anyway, but he still needed to do it for being such an overall, inconsiderate jerk.

25 December, 12:55AM

Jake stepped out of the bathroom quietly, rubbing a towel on his scalp to dry his hair. He scrunched the towel up in a ball and threw it in the laundry basket after he was done and closed the bathroom door, leaving the light on. He didn't like to turn off his bathroom light, and he had had that habit since childhood, because the little slit under the door allowed just enough light to seep into his room at night, and somehow, that gave him a sense of security. He was about to reach for a sheet to lay down on the floor, where he was going to spend the next few nights sleeping on, when he accidentally bumped into an old action figure. It toppled over and made a crashing noise.

Amy made a gentle purring sound in her half-asleep consciousness and she dragged the duvet up to her chin, curling into a ball as she repositioned herself. He watched her until she was still again, the soft sounds of breathing filling the room in steady rise and falls. He heard his heart beat loudly, and when he was sure she was asleep again, he grabbed a random sheet and a wool blanket.

He walked over to the side of his bed, where he set the sheet down and dropped the wool blanket. He leaned out to grab a cushion from the end of his bed to use as his pillow, and he dropped that on the floor, too. He went over to lock the door, should his mother barge in in the morning to wake them up and discover they had not been sleeping together. That would give everything away immediately. He knocked over another one of his action figures when he shuffled back to his makeshift bed, which made another loud noise as it toppled over, waking Amy up this time.

"Shit," she heard him whisper, and she opened her eyes wide, careful not to move, not to make a sound. Suddenly, she didn't feel that sleepy anymore. It was just one of those moments when you woke up in the middle of the night and felt truly awake. He stared at the blurry outline of his fallen action figure and cursed Past Jake for leaving his stuff everywhere, before he slid under the wool blanket, deciding that it would keep him warm enough with the help of his radiator on maximum temperature. His bed was low, and as he turned sideways uncomfortably, lying on the hardwood floor, he caught himself staring at the back of her head.

He cleared his throat and scratched his chin, before switching positions to lie flat on his back, his hands resting on his stomach. She fidgeted, and he heard the rustles of the duvet.

"Amy?" he called out quietly, and she kept still, trying to keep her breathing steady.

Silence.

"Are you awake?"

Silence.

It made sense that she wasn't. It had been hours since she had gone to bed. She had to be deep asleep by now. Which spurred him to apologise to her now, when she couldn't hear him. Or so he thought, anyway.

"I'm sorry," he blurted, still keeping his voice low. "For... everything, I guess. For being a jerk and making you mad, for making up weird lies that are totally unnecessary, for... stuff." He paused. "And I was a jerk, which I've realised. And I know this sounds kind of stupid, but I thought you looked great tonight, and I didn't even get to say that to you properly. I mean, I know I said you were pretty, but I thought you were more than that... I thought you were..." he hesitated. "Never mind. This is embarrassing, even when you're asleep. Which is why I never compliment you, because I'd give off the wrong vibe, and you'd just get a kick out of it. I mean, you'd ask why I never say anything nice now, and that'd be my answer."

"Charles said that once, actually. He asked me, 'what would be the worst that could happen, Jake?' And I just said to him, 'Charles, she would hear me.' That made him laugh."

He paused, and in the dark, Amy smiled. Typical Jake, she thought.

"Anyway. I know you'd tell me that apologising when you're unconscious doesn't count, but you'd laugh in my face if I said any of this to you tomorrow. So I was just going to do it now, which I've done. Um," he stopped for a moment, and Amy held her breath. "Merry Christmas, I guess. I hope you're dreaming of cute dogs humping each other. Or whatever."

She waited for him to continue, but it seemed that he was done speaking, and the silence was eating her up.

"That last part kind of ruined everything," she whispered, and squeezed her eyes shut cheekily, in anticipation of his response, which she was certain would be awkward and uncomfortable. She was correct.

"Oh God, you're awake," he mumbled quickly, his words tripping over each other. "This is a nightmare. Just pretend you didn't hear anything."

"I heard everything," she said quietly, and he thought he could hear her smirk, but maybe he had dreamed that up. "But I'm going to pretend I didn't."

"Thank you. Respect." He hesitated. "Okay, bye."

"Bye."

He heard her move slightly, shifting, before everything went silent again, and he drifted off to sleep himself, feeling less embarrassed than he had thought he would be. In a way, he was glad she had heard that. It was painfully awkward, but he had to say, it was a great speech. One of the best he had ever given. Plus, this meant that he could go to sleep peacefully tonight, knowing he wouldn't need to apologise again in the morning.