AN: I HATE THIS DOC MANAGER. I spent ages writing the first half of this chapter and then when I clicked 'save' it redirected me to a random page and LOGGED ME OUT and everything was gone. This keeps happening to me and you'd think I know better by now, but I apparently do not. Then I spent fifteen minutes lying motionless on the carpet with my arms out at odd angles like the corpses you see at crime scenes, filled with bitterness and emptiness because life has lost all meaning. I just don't get why this website has to be so mean sometimes.

I also know I've been gone for a VERY long time, and that I'm a really bad person for doing this. I apologise whole-heartedly. March, being unforgiving, killed me. I could barely keep my head above water - just, like, in general.

25 December, 8:00PM

"Amy, you stay away from the wine," Julie ordered as she caught Amy eyeing the bottle of wine eagerly. Her tone was warm but authoritative, the kind mothers knew best. Amy blinked, snapping out of hypnosis.

"You bet!" Amy responded enthusiastically, and Jake put a hand to his forehead out of second-hand embarrassment from her poor performance. If she were going to put on an act, he thought, she could at least try a little harder.

They had spent a fair amount of time discussing Amy's pregnancy, to the point where the usually talkative Josh had piped down and voluntarily kept himself quiet. He had loose lips, and Allie warned him about that before they sat down. Amy had always known how to suck up to people, with Holt being the prime example, but it was different tonight. Jake could practically feel the tension radiating from her seat as she struggled with blatantly lying to Julie.

"So," Jake said as he turned to Julie, seizing the moment's silence as an opportunity to steer the conversation down another path, preferably one that required less lying. "What have you been up to?"

"Oh, nothing much," Julie said, unsuspecting. "There's never much to do around here, especially with you and your sister out in the city, and your bastard father running away-"

"Mum," Allie cleared her throat, uncomfortable with what was to follow. Whenever Julie talked about their father, it was usually followed with a smashed plate or hurt feelings, and Allie, being the elder child, had always been the one to clean up the mess. Her mother claimed she was over it, but time and again, her actions had proved that she was nowhere near it.

Allie knew that her parents' relationship was complicated, and that people needed time to heal. She knew that her mother had always been more scared than she let on, and she didn't mind picking up the pieces. It wasn't Julie's fault that her husband decided to walk out on the family, leaving her to raise their children alone.

Throughout their childhood, she had been a great mother, despite being flawed. Allie and Jake had never felt like they lacked a parent, even though it was glaringly obvious that one side of the big double bed had always been empty. Julie worked two jobs and made dinner and tucked them in bed. She made sure their tests were signed and their homework was done. She checked their school bags and planners and brought them to the zoo over holidays. She worked tirelessly to make sure everything was always in order, and that they always had enough, and that they were happy most of the time.

Allie didn't want to talk about her father tonight. It was not that they had cut off all ties - she knew Jake still talked to him sometimes - but she liked it better when the family was just the three of them. Besides, with Amy here for the first time round, she wouldn't like to see her mother break down like that. First impressions stick. She'd much rather Julie smashed five plates next Christmas time.

"What have you been doing?" Jake went for a different approach.

"Well, I've been reading," Julie said, and Amy nodded. Amy loved reading. It was sensible, and it was informative. "And I've been learning about how things work... speaking of which - Josh?"

Joshed looked up from his plate, his cheek full of ham.

"I have a leaky faucet upstairs in the guest bathroom, and it's not urgent, but I've been hoping to get it fixed soon. I would get Jake to do this, but he's such a man child. He has no idea how to... perform basic life tasks. Is it okay if-"

"Of course," Josh said, while Jake rolled his eyes. "I'll get to it afterwards."

"I do know how to perform 'basic life tasks'," Jake said. "And you never even use that bathroom."

"I don't, but sometimes I feel like I can hear the pipes dripping and it irritates me," Julie said. "And it's creepy. You try living alone in a family house for nearly ten months a year - see how you like it."

"Fine," Jake replied, defeated. "You win again."

"Amy," Julie said. Amy looked up.

"Yes?"

"I was just wondering... you've never actually told me what it is that you do."

Halfway through the day, Julie realised that she didn't actually know anything about Amy. Sure, she liked her the second they met, and she knew she was Jake's girlfriend, and she knew she was smart and well-read and diligent. But she didn't know her as much as she'd like to. Amy was carrying her grandchild; she ought to know more about her.

Julie was also starting to get worried. At age sixty, she wondered if she was too young to be a grandmother, though she knew plenty of people who became grandmothers before they turned fifty-five. She had always nagged Allie about grandchildren, but when faced with the possibility of actually having one of her very own, she wasn't very sure. It had been a long while since she had raised her own children and turned them from sloppy teenagers into respectable adults, and she wasn't sure she was up for that task again this soon. Even though she knew she would damn well try, she wasn't sure she was going to be a good grandmother.

"Sorry- what do you mean-"

"What's your occupation?" Julie asked, and then wondered if she had sounded too harsh. "I'm sorry if I sounded... interrogative. I do like you. I think you're out of Jake's league, and I think he hit jackpot with his arm around your shoulder. But I'm going to be a grandmother, and... I just figured I don't really know much about you to begin with."

Amy paused, and she exchanged a look with Jake. A look that seemed to scream, help me.

Jake took the hint. He was going to stall this conversation, and he prayed that Allie would think of something to change the topic soon.

"Mum, what do you mean Amy's out of my league?" Jake asked, pretending to be offended at the very thought.

Julie frowned, and shook her head. "Let's be real, Jake." Allie laughed, and Josh nearly choked on his peas.

"This is not funny; it's offensive. Why does everyone think Amy is above me?"

"'Amy is Above Me' - name of your sex tape," Julie said, and Jake cringed, while Amy was reminded of how laidback Julie was.

"Please don't talk about my sexual adventures at the dinner table," Jake said. "It's so inappropriate. I am your son. And where did you even learn that catchphrase? It's supposed to be something... private. More of an inside joke." He waved his hand in the air. "Never mind."

Ignoring him, Julie turned to Amy.

"So what is it that you do?"

Amy looked at Jake nervously, but he was silent. She kicked him under the table and he budged. She stared daggers at him.

What do I say?

He returned her gaze.

Lie.

She frowned.

How?

He shrugged.

Try.

He was useless, so she decided to take matters into her own hands. She took a deep breath. Here, she was not Amy Santiago: detective, badass, crochet expert, owner of an impressive spoon collection. Here, she was Amy Santiago: hater of exposed toes and pantsuits, gentle ballerina, surfer, and pianist, with an unconditional love for Jake Peralta and other disgusting things. She looked at Julie and smiled.

"I'm a piano teacher."

10:30PM

After a lengthy game of Bananagrams, Amy was beginning to feel her eyelids droop. She was aware that she had not taken a shower, which bothered her. She usually had finished brushing her teeth at this time, and she knew it was well early for an adult to be doing this on a regular basis, but she liked discipline. Plus, if she didn't make sure she brushed her teeth, she would just find herself nibbling on little snacks while typing up reports, which would lead to her being annoyed at her lack of self-control. Jake would laugh at her habits, so she was not going to tell him about it.

Jake tugged at her sleeve, and she looked at him. She could barely keep her eyes open. He seemed to know her intentions, like he had put a thumb-drive into her brain and illegally downloaded her thoughts.

"You're not supposed to sleep before midnight on Christmas Day," he said.

She looked at him and blinked.

"That's not a real rule."

"Well," he said. "It is. Under this roof."

"Give me a break, Peralta. I'm pregnant; I need to go to bed."

He looked thwarted, and for a moment, she gloated. Or she felt like gloating anyway. He got lucky; she didn't have the energy in her to rub it in his face at the very moment.

"You're not allowed to use that excuse. Seriously. Who goes to bed at 10:30? What are you, eight?"

"No," Amy replied, not batting an eye. "Because if I were 8, my bedtime would've been approximately two hours ago."

"Nerd."

That seemed to strike Amy the wrong way. She was used to little comments like these, from Jake, who always thought he was whip-smart. He had always thought he had 'killed it' with his wit. And she knew that his one-liners were never meant to be taken personally. They weren't meant to be offensive, and he wasn't malicious. But she was tired, and when she was tired, she was cranky.

Jake seemed to have sensed that she wasn't in the mood for his crude humour, and he toned it down with a half-smile. The reassuring kind.

"I'm... sorry. Please don't go."

She frowned. His sincerity made her rethink.

"I guess-"

"Come on, Amy. It's Christmas Day. It's 10:32. You can stay."

She looked undecided, before she finally gave in. She wasn't sure why he was feeling so chummy with her, but she thought those might just be the side-effects of the whole holiday vibe. Or maybe he was mildly drunk. Either way, she liked that.

Julie suggested they watch a movie, and even though Amy was tired, she felt ecstatic. She liked movies from the 80s. She was pretty sure she'd garner an offhand comment from Jake calling her a nerd for it, so she kept her mouth shut. Jake suggested watching something from Stephen King, and Allie looked at him, arching an eyebrow, which silenced him immediately.

Julie asked Amy what she wanted to watch, and Amy suggested The Breakfast Club. She loved the instant classic.

Julie beamed at the suggestion and got up from the couch promptly.

"I'm just going to the study to look for the DVD. I know I have it somewhere," she said, and her voice trailed off as she walked further away.

With Julie gone, there was an emptiness in the room, and being himself, Jake felt the need to break the silence, just because.

"Who did you identify with most in the film?" He asked, and turned to Amy expectantly.

"Well, if I were to be perfectly honest..."

"Which you should be," he interrupted. "Honesty - another household rule."

She ignored him.

"I'd say Brian."

Jake snorted, and Amy frowned.

"I have always pictured myself as Claire, even though I was never that popular in high school," Allie chimed in, blissfully unaware of the tension between her brother and his fake girlfriend.

"Me too," Josh said, and Allie looked at him with such an adoring gaze that Jake had to look away. He found his eyes on Amy once again, and he looked away from her, too. He decided to pick a random spot on the carpet and fixated on that instead.

"That's very sweet of you," Allie said, and there was a short silence in the room before Josh spoke up again.

"No," he said. "I mean, I pictured me as Claire."

That made everyone laugh.

"I think I'm a blend of John and Andrew, but I'm obviously more charming than both of them combined," Jake said, looking up, and Amy rolled her eyes. "You guys will never get it."

Julie returned with a disc, and put it in the DVD slot swiftly. Amy rubbed her hands together in excitement. She didn't feel that tired anymore.

26 December, 1:00AM

Julie, abiding by the Peralta family rule of not sleeping before midnight on Christmas Day, went to bed at quarter past. Jake claimed that as 'cheating', but Julie only dismissed him with the shake of the back of her hand as she walked upstairs, telling him that, as his birthgiver, she could go to bed whenever she wanted without listening to his opinion. It made Amy laugh.

They ended up spending the next forty-five minutes chatting, and Amy taught Allie how to knit. They didn't have any knitting needles, nor yarn, but Amy thought that Allie had gotten the gist of it by watching her hand movements in the air. At least she hoped that she did.

At 1, everyone decided that it was best to go upstairs. Tomorrow would be a continuation of all the festivities, and Julie liked to wake up fairly early. She also liked waking the kids up the second she stepped off her bed, because it made her happy whenever she made breakfast for somebody who was not herself.

Jake flopped onto his giant double bed the second he walked into the room, to which Amy pulled a face of disgust. He looked behind his shoulder and noted her expression, and then proceeded to question it. She wondered out loud, why he had to project his body odour and general presence on a place she was going to sleep in later, and he told her that it was, after all, his own bed.

"I'm allowed to fling myself onto my bed," he said. "Besides, I smell wonderful at all times, so you have nothing to worry about."

"You really should try flinging yourself into the sun instead," she retorted, crossing her arms. She stifled a yawn by pursing her lips and waited until it had disappeared into her lungs, and he got up. "It would be much more helpful." The duvet now had creases, compared to its immaculate state just moments ago, and that bothered Amy.

Jake noticed her looking at the bed, and he laughed.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"I was just laughing at how ridiculous it would be if we both just stripped naked and made a dive-"

"No," she said, and he laughed again.

"I knew you'd say that."

2:00AM

An hour later, Amy was lying in bed in the dark, and she could hear the shower running. She saw light seeping into the room from the gap at the bottom of the bathroom door. Here was one thing that she appreciated - the fact that Jake always let her take a shower first. She didn't like coming into contact with a wet shower, right after someone had come out of it, and she had made it clear on their arriving plane ride. He had, since then, been surprisingly gentlemanly about this, to the point where she started to worry that the entire thing might just be an elaborate joke, someway, somehow.

She glanced to the left, where she noticed the alarm clock radiating a dim light. It was 2 in the morning, officially the 26th of December. She didn't feel like she was ready to return to the Precinct so soon. She had grown to enjoy staying here, in a foreign place, feeling refreshingly anonymous. She didn't have any faces to avoid here, because she didn't have any faces that she could recognise in the first place. It was true that she never went out (not properly anyway, like she might have done had she not had gotten along with his family so well) but she still felt good about the whole situation, even if it meant she wouldn't be able to sightsee.

Amy was surprised at how well this all turned out. She had pictured an entire family of Jake Peraltas - teasing her relentlessly - but so far, they had been nothing but gentle. In fact, most of the teasing had been directed at Jake, and they were usually targeted at his love life. Maybe this was why he was so obsessed with teasing her; the story always went like this: the victim had to become the bully in order to regain his false sense of authority.

She identified with Allie and she laughed at Julie's jokes. She thought Josh was cool, even though they never properly talked.

Amy knew she was probably never going to see them again for a while, if ever. She wasn't really Jake's girlfriend, and she wasn't really pregnant with his child. It was fun to make believe in the beginning, but then it got a bit too fun, and now she felt sad at the thought of saying goodbye. She even considered pretending to be Jake girlfriend forever, and perhaps adopting a random baby to make their stunt seem more convincing - but stopped herself when she heard the bathroom door unlock.

She decided that she over-thinking again. She needed to put her brain away and go to sleep.

Next to her, Jake shuffled into his makeshift bed. He tossed and turned for a minute and she closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of his presence next to her, hearing his ragged breaths slow and smoothen.

AN: Don't freak out, but I have a confession: I've merely skimmed over this entire thing, with squinted eyes. It's 2am, and my eyes are not a fan of proofreading, especially when it's like this, with small letters crammed together like sardines in a can. So maybe this chapter is littered with typos, maybe it's not; I hope it's not. This is irresponsible, and you have every right to be annoyed with me, if you've even made it this far into this author's note. Do people read these at all? OK. Stop it. It doesn't matter. I will fix it by tomorrow. I promise. I'm so sorry.