AN: HAPPY MAY! I'm sorry it takes forever for me to update. Here is a short chapter. My first exam is in 3 days, so the struggle is, in fact, very real right now.

+ Thanks for the nice reviews!

26 December, 11PM

Dinner was, needless to say, sufficiently awkward. Actually, just 'sufficiently' would've been an understatement, Amy thought, now curled up in bed on her own in the dark. It was unbearably awkward. She couldn't meet Jake in the eye the entire time, and it only made matters worse when she decided to put on her old CDs on repeat in her head, because she ended up zoning out to the point where she tuned Julie out, too.

"How did you guys spend your day?" Julie would ask, and Jake would fill in the blanks as he always did. Amy would try to suppress the memory of the entire day - even the bits when she actually had fun. Then Julie would turn to Amy to ask for her view on something completely arbitrary, on shampoo or candles or the sports she played, and she would end up stuttering. Julie didn't understand the sudden change in Amy's behaviour, but thought she would just keep quiet about it. She thought that maybe it was the pregnancy. The mood swings that came along with the daunting prospect of carrying a human being the size of a watermelon inside of you for months - they happened sometimes. It happened with her, so who was she to dictate Amy's emotions?

Throughout the meal, Amy only got progressively closed in, and eventually, Julie stopped trying to make small talk altogether. It was clear that she wasn't at all responsive, and, at this point, not even trying very hard. Amy felt rude and guilty, but she just couldn't bring herself to be normal. Jake didn't help her try to diffuse the tension after a while, and dinner was silent except for the sound of cutlery clanging against the white ceramic plates.

Amy looked up several times to make eye contact with Jake, hoping they could communicate through telepathy, but always seemed to change her mind when he looked back at her. She averted her gaze before he could say anything, and she could feel him tense up. It made her wonder if he was mad at her, or fed up. She hoped he wasn't, but even if he was, she supposed she understood why.

It was weird and embarrassing to put yourself out there and be vulnerable, then be shot down without a proper response. She admit that she had been a total jerk about it, running away just because it was convenient. He wasn't even asking her out. He was just... complimenting her. Okay - so maybe he never complimented anyone else like this, and maybe it would have been better if he had never brought up the whole 'romantic stylez' thing. But it wasn't like he was down on one knee, asking for her hand in marriage...

If she had known how painfully uncomfortable their dynamic would end up being, she would just have disagreed to go on this trip. She was already horribly awkward on her own. She figured that out a long time ago. She really didn't need an entire string of events to reaffirm it.

Amy flipped onto her side and looked at Jake, who was fast asleep on the floor, his back turned on her. She knew she had= to fix this.

27 December, 7:30AM

Amy's alarm went off with the shrill sounds of sirens, and she extended an arm to turn it off, not wanting to wake Jake. She didn't need to worry. He was sleeping like a log, his arms tucked, on his side, completely oblivious to everything. They were set to return in the afternoon, and even though she missed her apartment in New York, she didn't feel like leaving. It was always like this - she would go someplace unfamiliar for a while, miss her apartment like hell at first, then adapt and never want to leave just yet, when it was time to pack her things and go. She thought about going back to work tomorrow, and that cheered her up a little bit. She had a pile of open cases, and she thought she knew where she was going with most of them. She couldn't wait to be the Detective Of The Month Again - a title that didn't officially exist, but one that she rewarded herself with every time she topped her fellow colleagues for the most arrests that month.

She left the curtains closed and ended up having to grab her clothes in the dark, fumbling with her suitcase like a madwoman. She slipped into the bathroom, careful to close the door behind her lightly, making sure she doesn't wake him up, and locked the door with ease.

8:20AM

"Good morning," Julie said, a smile on her face with a cup of tea in one hand when she saw Amy slip down to the kitchen. She was poring over the morning paper, and she seemed pleased to see her. Amy smoothed her dress with her palms and smiled nervously.

"Morning."

"Did you sleep well last night?"

"Yeah, I did," Amy said, and paused. "Thanks for asking."

Julie got up to pour herself some more tea, and continued speaking with her back turned to Amy.

"Is Jake up?"

"No, he's-"

"I knew it. He'd never be up before 10 on weekends. He's such a teenager." She paused to set the mug down on the table, and looked at Amy. "Would you like some toast? We have oatmeal, if you prefer-"

"Actually, breakfast can wait. I think we need to talk," Amy blurted, and Julie looked confused.

"Talk? About what?"

"Just... sit down, please. I mean, I think you're going to need to sit down for this one," Amy winced at her poor execution as Julie settled onto the chair once again. Amy hesitated. She thought about Jake sound asleep upstairs, and she thought about taking back her words and telling Julie it was nothing important, that she was just joking, and go back to bed.

"I'm..." Amy said. She bit her lip. Did she have to do this? No, she didn't. She could tell her something else. That she was grateful for her pancakes, because they taste delicious. That the size of Texas is approximately the size of Europe. Slip in a fun fact about the courtship behaviour of animals. Say something about her favourite shade of lipstick. Anything but this. Oh, what the hell, she thought, and mentally put a quarter in the swear jar. She summed up whatever bit of courage was left inside of her, and opened her mouth to speak.

"I- Julie. I'm not... pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I'm sorry."

Julie took a deep breath and stared at her. Just stared. It made Amy squirm, made her hide her hands behind her back while she fidgeted. This is a disaster waiting to happen, she thought. Or maybe it had already happened. She shouldn't have said it. She shouldn't have said anything. She should just have pretended she was pregnant, and married Jake, and adopted some orphan with brown hair and wavy hair, and raised him like their own. That way nobody would need to know anything was a lie, even though everything was a lie.

Calm down, Amy thought to herself. Calm down. She's not going to freak out, she's not going to scream at you, she's not going to cry-

"When did..." When Julie finally found the words to say, she didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Amy, is this why you were so closed off last night? I can't imagine-"

"I'm sorry, Mrs Peralta, I really am, I didn't mean for this. I-"

I didn't mean to lie, she thought, but didn't say out loud.

"Julie," she corrected her. "Please don't call me Mrs Peralta. And don't be sorry. I- when did you..." she lowered her voice to a whisper. "When did you lose it?"

What?

"When did you...?" Julie tried again, and beckoned Amy to walk over. Amy looked concerned and scared, not knowing what was happening. To her surprise, Julie stood up to wrap her arms around her, her hand on her head like she was cooing a baby. Amy stood stiffly, before peeling herself away.

"I didn't. I... I was never pregnant. At all. I'm sorry for lying to you. But I can explain," Amy mumbled, and Julie frowned.

"Why would you lie about this?" Julie's voice was low, and Amy felt her throat tighten. She was not good at confrontation.

"I..."

"Does Jake know about this?"

"No," Amy said. No, he didn't know that I had snuck downstairs and ratted on him like some horrible traitor. But he will very soon, and I will have to deal with that too, she thought.

"He... he doesn't know that you're not pregnant? Amy," Julie said, pulling a face, which made Amy squirm. "I... you need to tell him right away. He's the father."

Amy paused, eyes widened, and realised Julie had misunderstood.

"No," Amy corrected, and she gulped. Julie raised an eyebrow. "I mean... he knows. He knows that I'm not pregnant. He... we... he said it to make you happy. He said I was pregnant to make you happy. It's... it's not your fault. It's ours. His. Mine. I'm sorry. We weren't going to do this, but-"

She was about to mumble on, but Julie looked at her with a look she couldn't quite decipher, and she sealed her lips.

"He said it to make me happy?"

"I-" Amy paused. "I guess." She didn't really know what she was on about now. Maybe she should just shut up and leave. But she couldn't leave Julie to have to deal with being lied to on her own.

"It's okay," Julie said, this time squirming. "I mean, it's not, but it is. It's complicated, and I should come clean about this. I shouldn't say it out loud, but since you're not pregnant, I guess I should." Her sentences were choppy like Amy's were, and it felt as though the whole atmosphere had been reversed.

Amy raised an eyebrow. What did Julie have to come clean about?

"I'm not ready to be a grandparent," she confessed. She looked slightly sheepish, and she spoke slowly, softly. "I'm.. It's just that I haven't been the best mother, with Jake's father leaving, and... it was difficult for me. I haven't done anything to stunt Jake and Allie's growth, but I always feel like maybe I should've done more, and... as a result, I don't think I'd ever be a good grandmother."

"But Jake told me you wanted Allie to have kids," Amy blurted out before she had a chance to filter her words. She was confused, and she hoped she didn't sound too harsh.

"I do. I was hoping she'd change her mind eventually, but I figured that she wouldn't. She would never, and I stopped pressuring her into it. I know I joke about it a lot, but I've told her that she should do what she wants to. I'm her mum, but it's their family. I have no business in it when it comes to making these kinds of decisions." Amy was hit by how honest Julie was that she didn't even have time to react, to say a few comforting words, words to reassure Julie.

"And I suppose I do want grandchildren, just... not yet. Not so soon," Julie continued. "When I heard you were pregnant, I was happy. I was. Who doesn't want to hear that her immature son has knocked up someone he only started dating months ago?" She paused, and they both let out a low laugh. "But then I started to worry. And I had to leave you guys alone yesterday, not because I was mad, but because... I was still trying to come to terms with becoming someone's grandmother. It's a big thing."

Amy wasn't expecting this. She realised that it probably would have been better to just have told Julie about it from the beginning to save her from worrying - but coming clean completely wouldn't have worked. Julie had just cooled down from her fake pregnancy. She still thought they were romantically involved. Amy got away with this one, but it might kill Julie to find that everything that had happened in the past few days had only been one very elaborate lie.

"I'm glad you've decided to be honest about this," Julie said, then pursed her lips, not knowing what to say next.

No, thank you, Amy thought, but never managed to say it. Instead, she echoed a 'me too' and left it at that.

Neither of them turned out to be what either of them thought they would be. It was a weird feeling, and she wasn't sure how Julie felt about this, but she was sure of how she felt. Instead of blame or guilt or embarrassment, all Amy felt was a tender kind of truth and acceptance. She hoped their mutual understanding was enough to make this alright. And somehow, it was.

9:30AM

Told your mum about fake baby - but not about fake us, Amy scribbled on the back of a piece of draft paper she found on a shelf. She underlined the word 'us' forcefully, thrice, and frowned. Should she use the word 'us' at all? Maybe she should, but she shouldn't have emphasised it like that. But if she didn't, would he know what she meant? Your mum took it well, she continued.

Please don't be mad, she wrote, acutely aware that she was running out of space, and then paused, before crossing the last four words out with one harsh stroke. She walked to the bathroom, turned the tap on and wet the edges of the paper carefully, sticking it up onto the mirror for him to find when he woke up.

She went downstairs and saw Julie perched on the corner of the couch. She cleared her throat and she looked up, and Amy opened her mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but... do you have a glue-gun?"