Cosima shifted on her bed and ran her hands through her dreadlocks. There were two bottles of cheap champagne sitting in the bar fridge that she shared with Delphine, and there were twenty or so lit candles scattered around the room. Cosima hadn't done it to be romantic, as such, she was just a person that enjoyed atmosphere. She was the kind of person that liked winter better than summer because it felt exciting and adventurous - like she was a character in a Sci-Fi Thriller set in the Antarctic (maybe on some kind of research project). Cosima had always lit candles when she lived at home because it made everything feel more meaningful, and like, intense. But sitting here now and looking around the room, Cosima worried that Delphine wouldn't see it in the same way she did. That Delphine would think Cosima was making a move.
Cosima sighed and shifted again, her insecurity manifesting itself in physical discomfort. Cosima knew that cliches were her downfall, but she couldn't help herself. I mean, ever since she read Looking For Alaska she'd wanted to lie around getting drunk off cheap champagne and share secrets under the pretence of a drinking game. For chrissake. And like, jesus, Naomi and Emily in Skins; ever since she saw that scene where they rode down to the lake on the bicycles in their vintage skirts and made love in the rain. Well, she'd daydreamed about that a lot. Just, having someone she could seduce with none-too-subtle cliches. And here she was projecting her fictional lesbian fantasies onto Delphine.
Cosima kicked herself. Literally. This had to stop. The whole thing was a stupid idea. She'd assumed that because Delphine had been nice enough to help her find her classes and not completely ignore her, she would want to like, build fucking blanket forts and read romance novels to each other or something ridiculous. Just as Cosima was about to get up and start blowing out candles Delphine walked through the door.
"Ah Cosima, this is so lovely! I have many candles too, but I hadn't unpacked them because most people do not enjoy candles as much as I." Delphine smiled lightly, and the smile grew as she looked around the room. Cosima could feel her heart melting - it was puddling around her feet about now. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.
As Delphine moved to put her things away, Cosima inhaled and worked up the courage to speak.
"So… I. Uh. Um. Iboughtsomechampagneanditsinthefridgeand… I was wondering if you wanted to get a little drunk with me." Cosima tried to gasp for air without letting Delphine know that she needed to gasp for air. Delphine looked over at Cosima and grinned like she'd just heard the best idea ever.
"That would be lovely."
"Oh, wow, awesome," Cosima said, jumping up from her bed and heading for the bar fridge.
Less than an hour later Cosima and Delphine were lying on their backs on the rug in the middle of the room. They'd already finished one bottle of wine and somehow they'd ended up lying with their legs intertwined and their arms touching in the middle. Cosima's heart was beating so fast that she was sure she was going to pass out.
"I am having a really lovely time Cosima," Delphine murmured, propping herself up on her elbow, so that she was leaning over Cosima.
"Me too," Cosima said, smiling cheekily. Cosima could feel Delphine's lovely blonde hair brushing her face, and inhaled subconsciously. Delphine smelt like flowers and soap and loveliness. All Cosima wanted was to touch Delphine's face, and she reached her hand out, cupping the side of Delphine's perfect, porcelain face.
Shit. Cosima quickly snatched her hand away.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry. I was just, I don't know." Cosima said awkwardly. Delphine squeezed Cosima's hand quickly, smiling.
"It is quite alright. You have very soft hands."Delphine said delicately. Cosima laughed awkwardly, unsure what to say.
"Cosima, may I ask you a question?"
"Um, yeah, sure, what's up?" Cosima was panicking inside.
"What is it like, to sleep with a woman? I mean, I have always imagined it would be much gentler - perhaps more intuitive - than with a man. I just, I suppose I am curious."
Cosima was a little perturbed by the question. She couldn't recall actually telling Delphine that she was into chicks, and she wasn't really sure whether the message to take away was that Delphine had never been with a woman, or that Delphine had imagined herself with women. Cosima did't know whether to be encouraged or put-off. She rolled over to look at Delphine better.
"Well, I'm not sure how you worked out that I am attracted to women, you know, other than those sapphic vibes I give off," Cosima laughed, poking her tongue out cheekily, "but I will try and answer your question. Even if it is awkward."
Cosima lent over Delphine to grab the second wine bottle and took a swig before continuing.
"So, I was about seventeen when it occurred to me that my constant daydreams about my best friend's lips weren't exactly classified as 'friendship feelings.' So then, being the science geek I am, I tortured myself for hours trying to work out where these feelings came from, and what I was, and worrying that my friends would find out and be weirded out and that I would turn back into the friendless geek I was at thirteen. I still like men though. I mean, I've had sex with both and enjoyed it. I suppose if I were to label myself I would say I was bisexual, but things like that just don't seem as important as they did a year ago. I'm me, and I love who I love, and I can have sex with whoever I want to have sex with. I'd like to think that my sexuality isn't the most important thing about me; I'd much rather be remembered for my research. That hasn't really answered your question. I guess, both have their merits. Women are softer and gentler and they smell nice, but men are rugged and handsome and sex with them is nice too. Jesus, sorry for the life story." Cosima finished, lifting the champagne pottle to moisten her dry throat.
"Thank you for telling me that," Delphine said quietly. "It's just that, I'd never really considered bisexuality for myself. I mean, I've always been able to appreciate the beauty and grace of women, but I'd never considered the possibility of having a romantic relationship with another woman." Cosima nodded, not really sure where this was going, trying to shake of the fuzziness in her head.
"What I am trying - unsuccessfully - to say, is that since I first met you I haven't been able to stop wondering what it would feel like to kiss you. I don't mean that because I am curious, or I want to experiment, I just think that you are incredibly intelligent, and passionate, and your smile is so infectious, and you're really, really hot."
Cosima was totally blown away. Never in a million years did she think that this night would actually go the way she wanted it to, and yet here they were, lying intertwined on the floor, considering kissing each other. Delphine lifted her head and caught Cosima's eyes, and they were both smiling, and then they were both laughing. Hysterically. Like, clutch-your-sides-because-you're-going-to-split-open-and-spill-happiness-everywhere laughter.
When they'd calmed down enough to keep still for longer than a minute, Cosima lent over and stroked the side of Delphine's face. This time she let her hand linger, and Delphine brought her hand up to cup Cosima's. Cosima moved so that their foreheads were pressed into each other - they were basically as close as two people can get without kissing. And then they were kissing. Softly, tentatively, but kissing. Delphine pulled back after a few minutes and placed a kiss on the end of Cosima's nose.
"That was every bit as lovely as I dreamt," Delphine whispered, before cuddling into Cosima. They fell asleep like that, all intertwined on the floor, and neither of them could remember ever being so comfortable.