Delphine woke up and quietly extricated herself from Cosima's arms. She grabbed a random assortment of clothes from around the room and hurried to the bathroom, careful not to wake Cosima. She brushed her hair, though it didn't really need it, and left the room, cringing at the protestations of the front door as she opened and closed it.
She couldn't help smiling to herself as she walked down the corridor. She felt like whistling and singing and skipping and smiling and kissing - kissing Cosima - all of the time. She composed herself as the stepped outside, convinced that anyone who saw her would take her for a lunatic.
At 9am Cosima woke to the sound of her phone vibrating against her desk as it played the Periodic Table Song. She rose from the floor slowly; she felt groggy and her mouth tasted bitter. Perhaps I drank too much wine last night. She could already feel the beginnings of a headache. As she looked around the room and realised she was alone, she felt pangs of loneliness like she'd never felt before. Delphine was here. She was here and we were lying together on the floor and we kissed. And now. And now she's not here. Cosima felt tears stinging in the corners of her eyes and she tugged at her dreadlocks, cursing herself for letting Delphine in so easily. Kisses that mean something don't end with an empty bedroom and an absent explanation. This is all too familiar.
Cosima was sitting on her bed with her legs hugged to her chest when she heard the door open. She quickly unravelled herself and tried her best to pretend she hadn't been crying. When Delphine walked into the room and saw Cosima sitting on the bed trying not to cry, everything inside her crumpled. She walked over to Cosima's bed and put down the flowers and chocolate she was holding, placing a kiss on Cosima's forehead.
"I just went out to grab these," Delphine said, gesturing to the flowers, "because last night was so special and I wanted to give you something in return."
Cosima shrugged and dropped her head. She could feel her resolve leaving her already, but she knew she had to do this. The only way to keep herself safe was to engage in relationships with people she didn't actually care about. She couldn't get hurt if she didn't care. It was cruel, maybe, but it was the only way Cosima could function without coming undone. Starting something with Delphine would be a violation of the one basic rule Cosima lived by.
"I, um," Cosima gulped, trying to get enough air to force the words out. She couldn't honestly be in love could she? Not so soon, surely? "I think that last night was a mistake!" Cosima managed, sounding like she was yelling and crying at the same time.
Delphine stepped back, ashen.
"What do you mean it was a mistake? It was lovely. Everything was so lovely. I thought you wanted this. I mean, the way we kissed, the setting - that wasn't unplanned, it meant something to you. It meant something to me."
Cosima shrugged again and played with the corner of her quilt. She hadn't expected Delphine to resist this. She hadn't expected Delphine to care. Jesus, why did she have to make this so difficult?"