Even Idiots Fall In Love!
This is a joint fic between Divine Serenity and SylphStarWind. Sorry for the loooong wait, folks. We wuz bizzy. Hee :D. Vewy bizzy.
Disclaimer: We do not own Resident Evil whatsoever. If we did, the future must be crawling with Leon-wannabes. (ignore the randomness)
Summary:
As stated in the chapter before, Ada seemingly refused to dump Wesker even after the little 'incident' in the grocery store. Leon is of course, taken aback by this latest turn of events. And now, we take our faithful readers to another incident taking place on the outskirts of Raccoon.
Chapter 3 - Romantic Complications
The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and everything was going perfectly as planned. A lone, oversized figure strutted into the view of the citizens of Raccoon City.
As the figure passed by, it earned many whispers amongst the people walking on the sidewalks, and cars occasionally blared their horns at the figure.
However, this didn't seem to have any effect at all on the figure now practically frolicking down the road. A bouquet of flowers was held in one, giant and gloved hand, whereas on the other free hand, a small, magnificently decorated box rested. Obviously, we know that it's really 1. either on a sugar high or 2. just plain happy and perky.
The figure itself was dressed in a rather large leather trench coat, visibly revealing a splendid tuxedo underneath it, and had a black fedora hat on. Furthermore, the whole attire was topped off with a pair of matching leather shoes.
As it neared its destination, it muttered one word, which was scented with much glee and happiness;
"Starsssss."
From somewhere, the slow and peaceful music of a lone violin filled the air. It made Nemesis want to do a lovely little twirl, and he gave in to that desire. Everything is simply beautiful when one is in love.
As a piano joined in with the violin, our trench coat-wearing friend reached the residence of his one, true love. Well, every love seems like the true one, but we'll see if that's what it really is. He started up the sidewalk, dancing a little to the music as he went along. Tucking the box in his hand under his arm, he poked the doorbell in front of him. He checked his breath, found it to be rancid, and pulled a tin of mints out of his coat. He tossed the whole thing in his mouth. Then, he took the box from under his arm and held it in his hand once again. He grinned his best grin, as the door began to open.
Jill Valentine was standing in the doorway, wearing a tank top and sweatpants. She silently stared at the creature standing in front of her, before reacting.
"Oh my fucking God!" she screamed. She slammed the door in Nemesis' face and ran.
"Staaaaars!" Nemesis cried out in frustration. I'm not sure what he expected, really. Well, maybe it went something like this:
-Nemesis' Inner Mind Theater-
Nemesis rang the doorbell and the door opened, revealing Jill in a cute-yet-sexy frilly pink dress. He held out his gifts and said sweetly:
"Starsss stars."
"Why, thank you!" Jill squealed in joy. She took the gifts, then stood up on tippy-toes (Nemmy still had to stoop a bit) to land a big kiss on his cheek. Then they like, totally made out.
-End NIMT sequence-
Wow, he was way off. He must live in some fantasy world. Oh wait, he does.
Jill was running in terror, first to her bedroom to get her gun, then out the back door. She didn't know how that freak had found her, after all this time, after she had friggin' KILLED it, but it was here. Had showed up at her house. Well, she wasn't going to stand for that. She had to find a way to kill it.
But first, she needed assistance. Where better to find it if not at the Oliviera's household. And off she went, pumping her legs as fast as possible towards the general direction of the said place. Not far behind, she heard the heavy footfalls as the giant behemoth pursued her, still yelling;
"STARSSSS!!!!"
-Nemesis' Inner Mind Theater-
After their romantic make out session, Jill pulled away from Nemesis and skipped gaily down the roadway towards the sunset. With a seductive smile and in a playful tone, Jill mouthed out;
"Come catch me, you big hunk."
With that said, she giggled and turned around before frolicking down the sunset-lit road. Without hesitation, Nemesis straightened his tux and adjusted his fedora before taking off after his fair maiden.
"Starrssss..."
-End NIMT sequence-
The cruel irony of a twisted yet romantic mind. Ah, the lengths one would go to for love.
Jill rounded a corner only to notice that Nemesis was gaining ground. Instantly, she wheeled around and emptied an entire clip into the hulking behemoth before breaking out into another mad sprint. She surveyed her surroundings and found out that she was in downtown Raccoon, mere blocks away from Carlos's house.
"Must. Get. Carlos!" her brain screamed at the moment.
As she ducked and dodged the traffic of rush hour with Nemesis simply plowing through it like a meadow of flowers, she reloaded and fired another barrage of tiny yet puny 9mm rounds at the BOW. Passers-by could only stop and stare at the scene unfolding before them. Unfortunately, one of them turned out to be none other than Chris Redfield. Yes, THE Chris Redfield.
"Jill! Hold on! I'm coming to save you!" the ever-mighty Chris hopped over a hot dog stand, tripped, and smashed his face onto the pavement.
Talk about getting your ass handed to you by fast food. Now that's lame.
"Chris! Help me!!! This thing wants me! DEAD! LITERALLY!" Jill frantically waved her arms in hopes of getting Chris's attention.
"Starsssss," Nemesis said reasonably, trying to clear up the misunderstanding before getting into a fight. But then, he narrowed his eyes at Chris, wondering if he was actually competition. What did Jill want help from this dinky, clumsy man for, anyway?
"Ouchies," Chris muttered, getting to his feet. Rubbing his face, he turned back to Jill. "Uh, don't worry, Jill! I'll take care of this bastard! You just watch!"
"You better have a rocket launcher, then!" Jill cried, hiding behind Chris as Nemesis drew ever closer.
"Starsssss," the giant stated, trying to hold out his hands in a non-threatening gesture. By non-threatening, he meant swatting away some passers-by, sending them crashing with such force into buildings, cars and other miscellaneous objects.
"Stay away from us, you freak!" Chris screamed, reaching for his gun. And not finding it. He patted himself down, trying to find any type of weapon. All he came up with was a combat knife in his boot.
"Uh, can you gimme a sec?" he asked, turning towards Jill. Nemesis stopped and waited impatiently.
"This is all I got," Chris whispered to his female companion.
"Pff, good luck with that, then!" Jill exclaimed, turning and continuing on her way. Honestly, why did she even try to depend on that Redfield guy, anyway?
"Hey, wait! I can still take 'im!" Chris called out, but she was not listening. He turned around and faced Nemesis, who was looking at Jill's retreating back, and held up his pathetic weapon.
"Starsssss," Nemesis sighed, shaking his head. Flicking Chris' forehead and knocking him on his ass, the creature continued in his pursuit of his love.
"Aww, come on. I can...I can take you...," Chris said, hanging his head and looking lonely. Then he perked up. "I can still catch up to them and save Jill! Yeah, I just gotta get some firepower!" With that, he ran off towards home.
Nemesis slowly caught up to Jill, keeping her in sight at all times. She knew he was gaining on her again, but luckily, she had reached the Oliviera residence. She ran up the walk and pounded on the door.
"Carlos, open up! I've got that big, mutant freak on my ass again!" she screamed.
The door opened, and Carlos questioned, "What about your ass?"
"Ugh, look!" Jill replied, grabbing his head and forcibly turning it to gaze upon Nemesis, who was coming down the street at a leisurely but still quick pace.
"Oh, that. Well, come on in, babe," Carlos said, letting her in and then shutting and locking the door. He started down the main hall of the house, then went through a basement door on the left.
"I keep some big guns down here, in case any crazy shit happens again. Like it is now," he explained. He flicked on a light switch, and the two descended a wooden set of stairs, ending up in a small, concrete room lined with racks of various weapons. They ranged in size and power from pocket knives to a grenade launcher, with everything in between.
"This might do it," Jill said, hefting the grenade launcher in her hands. She looked up at the sound of loud bangs upstairs. It was probably Nemesis beating down the door.
"Here, take these," Carlos said, handing her a belt lined with incendiary, explosive, and acid grenades. He took an automatic rifle for himself.
"I hope this is enough," she said anxiously, as the pair started back up the stairs.
Carlos turned to her. "If it isn't, and he keeps coming after we throw all we've got at him, you just get out of here. I'll...try to slow him down."
Jill smiled and touched his cheek. "That's so sweet. But, I'm not going to leave you alone to fight him on my behalf. This is my problem."
.o.
Nemesis could tell that there was yet another young male here. Just what was Jill playing at, he wondered, while he "knocked" on the door. Finally becoming impatient, he lifted a foot and kicked the door down, sending splinters and dust everywhere. Through it, he could see Jill, his Jill, touching some other man on the cheek. The two were standing way too close for his liking.
"STARSSSSSS!" he roared.
"Die, you monster!" a shout came from nearby, and a shotgun blast caused searing pain in Nemesis' side. He stumbled a little before turning to look at Chris Redfield.
"Jill, I've come to--" the eager young man started, but then he caught sight of Jill with Carlos. The woman quickly dropped her hand.
"Oh, thank God you're here, Chris!" she lied, running forward with her weapon at the ready.
"Hold up, who's that guy?" Chris demanded, pointing (with his shotgun) at Mr. Oliviera.
"Oh, he's just a friend," she said quickly with a nervous laugh.
"He doesn't look like just a friend," Redfield said suspiciously. "Why don't you touch my cheek like that?"
"Yeah, baby, you can't deny what's between us," Carlos added, winking. She mouthed the words "shut up" to him. For his own good.
"Starsssss. Stars?" Nemesis asked, joining their little discussion.
"What he said," Chris huffed angrily.
"What did he say?" Jill asked. "Seriously, I have no damn idea what he's--"
"Neither do I, but don't change the subject! Now WHO IS THAT GUY? REALLY?"
"I'm her Latino lover, man. We escaped Raccoon City together, when it was all going to hell, and there's no other bond like that. We are IN LOVE," Carlos exclaimed helpfully. Helpfully digging his own grave, that is.
"What?" Chris yelled, looking at Jill. "I thought I was the only one who escaped biomedical disasters with you! And...love!? What the hell is he talking about?"
Jill gave that nervous chuckle again, waving her hand in a dismissive manner. "He's not talking about anything! He's just really confused, so don't listen to a word he--"
"Come on, babe. I am the man of your dreams, and you know it! No one can resist the accent!" Carlos said.
"Oh, that's it. I don't care who he is, but he's dead. No one talks to Jill that way! With a sexy accent!" Chris cried, rushing forward and firing his weapon. Carlos screamed as bits of metal bit into his flesh; luckily for him, the first shot had been from a distance, so there wasn't too much damage.
"How would you say, 'Die, you Latino womanizer' in their native language?" Chris cocked his gun, the sheer intent to kill visible in his eyes.
"Starssssssss! Stars! Starsssss!!!"
"Oh ok...DIE, YOU LATINO WOMANIZER!!" Chris fired a round at point-blank, still missing Carlos.
"STARSSSSSS!" Nemesis boomed, joining Chris in going after the woman-stealer.
Carlos let out a frightened 'eeek', dropped his gun, turned, and started running down the hall, while he still could.
"Hey, what about saving me from Nemesis!?" Jill called out.
"Sorry, but I choose LIFE! And, I can't just let this sexy body of mine die just yet. So, toodle-loo!" Carlos shouted back.
.o End of Chapter o.