Welcome to the MKSG - Mortal Kombat Survival Guide

Rounding off our first 3 entries is the champion of Mortal Kombat himself, Liu Kang. Kick and lunch your way to maybe surviving the fight with these ever-so-helpful hints! Enjoy, and don't forget to give feedback! I do love some sweet, sweet feedback.

The Shaolin Temple is a peaceful place, except for when people are kicking the crap out of each other, in the same way the shaolin monks are pacifists except for when they're mercilessly trying to kill you and the lion statues are totally for decoration except for when they're breathing flames and scorching people alive. My point is, things are not always as they seem, or at least, there will be some things you don't expect. Liu Kang looks like a martial arts guy with flying kicks and krazy kombat skills, and he is. But you don't necessarily expect him to shoot fire from his hands and transform into a dragon to eat your upper body. He's also the champion of Mortal Kombat, so if you want to have a go, you gotta be hard enough. Are you a bad enough dude to take on Liu Kang? Hopefully, with the help of this guide, you'll at least know what you're gonna have your ass kicked by.

Here are five top tips to get you started on fighting Liu Kang, champion of Mortal Kombat.

Number 1:

Kung-fu beats gravity? Liu Kang's bicycle kick.

Liu Kang is a martial arts dude, so of course he kicks like a mule. A kung-fu mule. With shaolin training. And a headband. Anyways, Liu Kang's kicks are not only incredibly painful, they're also gravity defying. Of course you have his flying kick, maybe with enough force you could fly as far as he does, but the bicycle kick is a whole different story. The guy hovers above the ground and kicks his legs like a child trying to swim for the first time to assault your face with his feet, and before you know what happened, he's already rode your face like he would a pedalo. But not in a gay way. I'm pretty sure he doesn't swing that way. Sorry, Liu Kang/Kung Lao shippers. Your stories will likely forever remain fiction.

Number 2:

Enter the dragon? Liu Kang's transformation.

So by now, surely you know of Liu Kang's rather strange ability to transform into a dragon. You should know, because I already mentioned it at the start of the chapter, keep up. Anyways, this beast isn't something you want to see, because if you do, you're probably already dead. Unless you're just watching, you sadistic motherfu**er. Kang can breathe fire, swing you around like a dog with a chew toy or just go om-nom-nom on some fresh kombatant with a side order of fries and ketchup. Just kidding, dragons can't buy fries because they don't have pockets to keep their wallets in. And if that isn't the stupidest sentence you've read all day, I don't know what you read but it's either harmful to your health or just really fu**king funny. Either way, it isn't this survival guide so it obviously isn't the best thing you could be reading. Right? RIGHT!?

Number 3:

Ignition, immolation, incineration? Kang's fire.

At this point I'm just pointing out the obvious, but that's basically what I've been doing the whole way through. "Keep reading for more stuff you already knew" isn't the best sales pitch, but of course it works for this guide because I'm just so damn charming. And yes, I do hate myself for being such a douchebag. I promise I'm not this much of an a**hole in real life. Anyways, Kang's fire. It's bad, it burns and it's fire. If you ever burnt yourself playing with fire like I did because I was 8 and a dumbass, then you know not to let Kang burn you alive. Not that it matters when the announcer says "FINISH HIM!" and you're the one standing helpless, but I'll tell you anyway because I'm nice like that. Happy burning!

Number 4:

Two-player? The arcade machine.

Consider the fourth wall shattered. Liu Kang doesn't give a crap about physics or what makes sense, he's still gonna drop an arcade machine on your head. Maybe it's just a kind of weather, and Liu Kang is just Rain in disguise. "And now, the weather. It's going to be raining blood above Shao Kahn's coliseum, there is some drizzle over at the sky temple as always, and an arcade machine was spotted several hundred feet in the air, meteorologists have calculated that it will land around the subway area. It is unknown whether it will land on the street above it in the subway. And now sports with Jackson Briggs." Anyways, this thing is one mean machine, and can either krush you in a huge explosion of blood, or just break your entire ribcage and leave you squirming in pain. Honestly, I'm not sure which is worse, so just try to avoid it at all costs.

Number 5:

Kill you once, shame on me? Death is never permanent.

Murder is illegal, sure, but that law doesn't count in the Mortal Kombat tournaments. Another law that doesn't count is the law of "If you're dead, you stop living". Living in the Netherrealm is common, and resurrections aplenty. Scorpion didn't die after he died, and Liu Kang won't either. Be it zombification, becoming a revenant, whatever, he can and will come back. How do I know this? When am I writing this? These are secrets never to be told. Regardless, kill Liu Kang, and you've done nothing but dig an insanely big hole for yourself. Too big for anyone to fetch you out of. Deeper than one of those motivational pictures you see on the internet that people try to take seriously before people ask stuff like "why does that tree have a face?" or "y does da earth luk sad". And just like the consequences of pollution, the trouble you'll get into for killing Liu Kang is near irreversible. Long story short, just like Sub-Zero, you don't really want to fight Kang, since either result is really gonna suck for you.

And there you have it. 5 tips for dealing with Liu Kang. Thus ends this chapter of the "Earthrealm Warriors" section of the survival guide.

Chapter 3 done! Consider yourself maybe slightly more ready to deal with Kang! Probably not, you'd almost definitely die. But don't do that,I need you here. I love you guys, so don't die. Until next time, have a good one!