What's this? A bonus chapter that no one asked for or would ever want on a stupid character that no one ever cared for? Coming right up! Survival Game's choice of bonus character is... Meat! And yes, I do understand that no one would ever want this chapter, and no, this character choice isn't supposed to be good. The idea was to do a character that no one would ever suggest, so here we are! Chapter 5 and a half, Meat! Can't do much of an introduction, so, uhm... Let's start the show!

Number 1:

Don't lose your head! Meat's Head Roll.

Mortal Kombat tournaments have blood, gore and decapitations aplenty, so why not have all of that stuff in a really dumb and impractical move? Meat takes his own head off, and rolls it at you at a speed that can only be described as "decent for a rolling head". Despite being an amazing opportunity to practice your football/soccer skills, this is an incredibly dangerous move, and can cause death in some circumstances. DEATH. This move may be the best attack ever performed in a Mortal Kombat tournament, and no, I wasn't paid to totally lie to you. I'm just lying because I can. It's a really crappy attack, so no worries.

Number 2:

Rolling your eyes! Health recovery.

So, you thought everyone else broke physics pretty bad, huh? Well, hahaha... you're right. Not much physics is broken, but Meat does pull his eye and let it ricochet back into place to restore some life, not that it makes a difference, since if you're smart, you'll have ran up to him and kicked his bony ass back to the flesh pits before he can do any more creepy sh*t. I know I did. Multiple times. This move is basically just a really dumb taunt, which is the fighting tournament equivalent of saying "hey, I'm overly cocky and deserve to lose all of my teeth to a well placed roundhouse kick RIGHT NOW.". Like any taunt, this is super dumb, and easy to take advantage of. So feel free to break a leg! Both of them! Meat won't need them, because no one needs Meat.

Number 3:

Slippery when bloody! Meat's Slide attack.

Well, this is off to a wonderful start. Two points in and they're both just me telling you how sh**ty Meat is in a fight. Well that ends now! Here is the first (and probably only) good move! Despite being ripped straight from Sub-Zero and Reptile, this move is pretty good! A quick slide, sweeping you off your feet and on your ass, this blood-soaked beauty can duck projectiles and do the same thing you've already seen done by two different people years ago! Wonderful! Only, it isn't as good as their slides. And down we go again.

Number 4:

Tombstone Teleport! Meat's teleportation technique.

We've all seen those epic fail videos on Youtube, right? Faceplant upon faceplant, failure upon failure, somehow making us laugh at their undeniable pain. Meat faceplants when he teleports, but the best bit is lost straight away. It's not funny! How much does that suck!? A lot, right? Yeah! He just falls forwards and reappears on the other side of you. Laaaaaaaaame. But then, being lame is kinda Meat's forté unfortunately. Just kill him and be done with it, you don't need a survival guide for that...

Number 5:

Slice and dice! Meat's Meat cleavers.

So, Meat's moves suck, he looks like sh*t, there's gotta be one redeeming feature, right? Well, there is. Kinda. Meat's Cleavers. These bad boys are ready to hack, slash and gut their way to victory! From GTA: Vice City to the hands of Meat, you'd be wise to steer clear of these things. They are sharp and pointy after all. There is one thing you must remember, however... if your skin makes contact with that cleaver, you're making contact with every animal, human being or disease ridden bug that cleaver has ever made contact with... Point being, when you're done tearing Meat apart, don't forget to wash your hands.

There ya go. A nice short chapter on a guy I dislike with a passion. You're welcome!