Chapter Thirteen
Kiss But Don't Tell
The rest of Santana's week hadn't gotten any easier. She walked through the halls in the most comforting and unflattering clothes she had, while still barely holding on to her reputation. She felt like an emotional zombie, wandering around mindlessly from class to class in a foggy haze. She couldn't smile or laugh. She had no energy to harass the other students. Santana couldn't even bring herself to snap back at Jacob Ben Israel for calling her a flat chested bitch under his breath. All she wanted to do was go back home, crawl underneath her blankets, and cry, but she had promised not to do that.
Her encounter with Brittany played on repeat in her mind as did almost everything that had ever happened with Brittany. Often she'd find herself staring across the room, praying that the perfect girl would look her way and smile, but she didn't. Ever since their conversation in the locker room Brittany had been aloof. She hadn't cut Santana off completely, she still replied to the occasional text, but she didn't go out of her way to be near Santana ether. Who could blame her though, after what Santana had said?
At the lunch Brittany sat with Quinn at the very end of their table, while Puck continued to dote on Santana with gifts and apologies.
"For the last time Puckerman, we're fine. I'm fine. I've just been sick that's all." Santana grunted one afternoon as Noah set a beautiful arrangement of flowers in front of her. She could feel Brittany's eyes on her as well as the rest of the cafeteria.
"I know. I know. I just feel like a dick and you're like—my girl and stuff. "Puck muttered shyly so that only she and a few others could here. There was a small thump under the table that meant Quinn had just kicked him in the shin. "You're worth it San. You really are."
Santana felt her cheeks turn a rosie shade, but as she glanced up from the flowers she was met with Brittany's curious gaze. It was like she was looking right through her, waiting for some kind of proof. Santana leaned over and gave Puck a deep kiss before calling quits on lunch. She excused herself to the library, claiming she still had homework to get done, but left the flowers behind on the table. Brittany didn't bother to look up at her again.
The rest of the week was much the same and thankfully Santana was granted an excuse from Cheerios do to being sick. Sue might have been a drill Sargent, but she wouldn't risk potential illness spreading among her championship team. By the time Friday rolled around Santana was looking forward to a relaxing weekend at home, with a cup of tea and a few comic books she had just picked up.
"Miss. Lopez, if you don't mind I'd like to have a word? Miss. Pierce, you as well." said her teacher after the bell rang.
'Oh god. He knows.' Santana swallowed thickly as she packed up her things and walked to the front of the room. Her eyes darted over to Brittany who seemed to share her look of utter dread.
"Miss. Pierce, you're antiquated with Santana aren't you? You two seemed to be friends when you first arrived." Mr. Robbert asked kindly.
"Her brother is my boyfriend." Brittany said carefully and Santana flinched. So they weren't friends any more.
"Well this is your chance to get to know one another better. Santana has agreed to tutor you in exchange for extra credit." He beamed at the both of them, but nether seemed pleased.
Santana's jaw nearly hung open while Brittany looked over at Santana, stunned. How could she have forgotten about that arrangement. Santana clenched her jaw and glanced over at Brittany's watery blue eyes. There was shame hidden somewhere deep, but why was unclear. Brittany was brilliant, she just needed a little help getting there.
"Well, what do you say?" Mr. Robbert prompted. Brittany's eyes fell to the ground as she gave a solid nod.
"Sounds great." She said picking up her things to leave.
"Britt-"Santana began, but the blonde had already made her way out of the class room.
"Be patient with her. Brittany isn't as smart as the other students." their teacher comforted, but Santana whipped around and glared back at him. For the first time that week, she felt her old fire spark.
"How dare you. Brittany is brilliant, just because some stupid test doesn't show it doesn't mean that she's not smart. Maybe, if you took the time to help her the way she needs instead of embarrassing her in front of her friends then she might actually make progress. I don't want your fucking extra credit. I'm going to help her because it's the right thing to do. It's what a second class lame ass teacher, like you, should be doing." Santana snatched up her things and stormed out into the hallway before he could give her detention. She whirled around to find Brittany, but the girl was no where to be found.
Saturday, Santana sent Brittany a text and arranged to meet up for their first study session together. She still felt torn up inside, but she noticed that if she focused on what Brittany needed, she could get through the day without crying.
Santana rapped on the door with the side of her fist one more time, as she looked down at her phone to make sure she got the address right.
1576 Applewood street. Apartment 4
Licking her lip she knocked one last time. Maybe something had come up and Brittany had to run out for a second? Maybe Brittany changed her mind? Maybe she was watching Santana stupidly stand outside her front door, while the neighbors all gawked.
"This is stupid." Santana whispered under her breath and adjusted the heavy backpack full of text books on her shoulder. "She probably forgot or is at dance." Butterflies swirled in the pit of Santana's stomach as she thought of Brittany dancing. Her mind wandered to her perfect lips, the way they had tasted against her own, the way she smelled, and the way she smiled.
'God I'm so gay. Why is it so hard to say out loud.' Santana thought to herself as she flipped through her phone for Brittany's number. The truth was, saying it out loud made it real. Once you say it, there's no taking it back. 'I'm sixteen, how the hell am I suppose to know what I am.' Santana countered her own thoughts. The phone rang and she brought it up to her ear anxiously waiting to hear Brittany's beautiful voice.
"B? Yea, hey. I'm at your house. Are you home?" Santana asked awkwardly looking around at the other apartments. It wasn't exactly the nicest set she had seen, but it was a lot better than the ghetto where Santana had picked her friend up a few weeks earlier. She wondered if Brittany would even let her inside this time. "Oh, okay. Cool."
Santana hung up the phone and a moment later Brittany appeared at the front door. Her hair fell in wet golden strands around her strong bone features. Her left hand clutched a towel while her right held the door open for Santana to enter. Santana felt her entire body heat up as she desperately looked around trying to find something else to look at other than Brittany's long wet legs or the way the top of her breasts peaked out over the top of her towel.
"Sorry, I thought I had time to shower before you got here. My room is this way." Brittany closed the door behind them and led Santana down the hallway.
Looking around there wasn't much inside the apartment. No couch in the living room, a small kitchen table with three chairs, there weren't even any photos on the barren white walls. Maybe they still had things in storage, Santana wondered. At the end of the hallway Brittany held open her door for Santana and closed it behind them.
"You can just have a seat while I change really quick." Brittany motioned to a large queen sized mattress that laid on the floor with blankets a mess all over it. Tentatively Santana took a seat and set her backpack down. Brittany opened her closet doors and pulled out some sweats, underwear, and an off the shoulder t-shirt before dropping her towel right there.
Santana's mouth went dry and she quickly looked away out the window as Brittany slipped her clothes on. Her friends changing in front of her wasn't new to Santana, but it didn't mean she felt comfortable with it.
"So where's your mom and Jason?" She asked trying to sound casual.
"Mom's at work and Jason is out at the practice track. I had dance this morning and I just didn't want to be all smelly when you got here." Brittany turned to face Santana, now fully dressed.
"She works at noon on a Saturday?" Santana asked skeptically, but when Brittany shrugged she decided not to push it.
Santana sat quietly looking down at Brittany blankets that had piled up. The had printed cartoon unicorns, which Santana found oddly adorable. She had no idea what to say or do next. There was always the apology route, but she wasn't sure what she'd be saying sorry for other than existing.
"How are you Santana?" Brittany asked in the most caring voice Santana had ever heard come from another person.
"I'm good, just tired and still kinda sick." Santana compulsively lied. The skeptical look on Brittany's face told her, she knew it. "Should we get started?"
Brittany looked annoyed, but nodded. She slid back to use the wall as a back rest, patting for Santana to sit next to her.
"Don't you want to sit at the kitchen table or something? It might be better?"
"Here's fine and I don't know when Jason will be home. I don't need the distraction." Brittany said flatly. It was clear Santana had already done something to upset her. The idea of sitting so close to Brittany on Brittany's bed made Santana nervous, but she pulled out her books and crawled over next to the beautiful girl.
"So, is there a subject you want to start with?" Santana asked glancing over at Brittany who had found interest in a loose string on her shirt.
"It doesn't matter." She mumbled, still refusing to look up.
"Uh, okay. History then." I grabbed open the huge duty tome that was our history text-book and flipped it open to the French Revolution. "Okay so first let's do a quick over view of the chapter."
Brittany's eyes drifted over to the book and leaned in a little closer making Santana feel shaky.
"Alright so first when you're studying you want to just glance over the titles and picture in the chapter to get a general feel for what you're going to be reading about. See here is a picture of Marie Antoinette and underneath the caption says 'Let them eat cake' "
"I like cake." Brittany murmured.
"This chapter heading talks about the revolutionaries who began the uprising."Santana rattled through the various elements of good study habits she had learned over the years taking her time to carefully explain every detail there was to know about the French Revolution. At the end Santana felt utterly satisfied with her teaching. There wasn't a single thing she missed.
"Alright, test question time!" Santana said closing the book to look at Brittany whose mood only seemed to grow more sower as the hour had passed. "What was the main reason that several thousand women marched on Versailles in October 1789?" Santana read from her sparksnotes.
Brittany's eyes trailed over to her closet door as she tried to recall the answer. Santana waited patiently, knowing that there was a lot of information, though this was an easier question them most.
"They wanted cake." Brittany finally said without looking back at her.
"That's kind of close, B. You got the cake reference right. There was a rumor that Maire Antoinette was hording grain during the famine. They demanded the royal family move back to Paris to keep an eye on them. Good effort. Next question-" Santana said shuffling through her notes.
"Santana stop." Brittany said abruptly looking over at her. Frustrated tears hung in the corner of her eyes that broke Santana's heart. "I can't-I don't get this stuff. I'm—I'm not smart, so please just stop. This was a bad idea and a waist of your time" she bit back tears.
Santana sat up on her knees, setting her books aside to really look at Brittany for the first time in a week.
"Britt, what are you talking about? You're brilliant. I know this stuff is confusing, but you're going to get it. It just takes time." Santana cooed patiently. "Who ever told you that you're not smart, is an idiot. You're one of the smartest people I've ever met."
"You don't have to humor me Santana. I already know it and I've accepted it. My brain just doesn't hold onto this kind of information. If it's not dance steps then it doesn't stick. Don't you understand? You've already heard what they're saying about me at school, it's always been like that at every school I've ever attended. I'm dumb and I'm never going to graduate." Brittany choked back tears and wiped them away from her cheeks.
"B, that's not true!" Santana said putting her arm around the girl's shoulders as she cried. Santana had never been very good at comforting other people, hell she had never even really held another person, but seeing Brittany so torn up made her chest ache. None of her problems mattered. All that did matter was that Brittany was upset and hurting.
"Britt, listen...I'm really sorry about yelling at you the other day. It wasn't fair for me to take my problems out on you. I just want you to know that no matter how much we fight or how many stupid things I say, we're still friends. As your friend I'm going to help you with this, even if it means staying up all night making dances up, so you can remember the information. You're a genius Britt and I'm not going to let you forget that. " Santana whispered looking down into Brittany's bright gem eyes, which had momentarily stopped crying.
It wasn't until she had finished speaking that she noticed how close Brittany's lips were to her own. She couldn't look away from how soft they looked. Brittany swallowed lightly, before bring her hand up to cup the side of Santana's face. Her heart skipped several beats and her blood froze wondering if Brittany was about to do what she thought she might do.
"Alright San, but if I let you help me, you have to let me help you." Brittany hushed breathlessly against Santana's lips sending tingles up and down her body. Santana was too afraid to speak or move. She longed for Brittany's lips, the rest of the world be damned. She didn't have to wait long as Brittany leaned in a little closer. Santana's eyes flipped closed as the smell of Brittany's shampoo washed over her. When their lips met it was like an electric wave ignited every nerve of Santana's body until each inch felt alive with fire. All her jitters washed away and Santana sighed deeper into the kiss.
When Brittany finally pulled away Santana was left feeling dizzy and disoriented. Her eyes stayed closed for a moment longer savoring the way Brittany tasted on her lips and every detail about their first sober kiss.
"What was that for" Santana asked breathlessly, looking into Brittany's twinkling blue eyes. She seemed confused yet delighted at the same time.
"I wanted to thank you for what you said,even if I don't fully believe it myself. I also wanted to show you that you wont be struck by lightning for kissing me." Brittany said with a coy smile. Her eyes were still puffy and red from crying, but she looked utterly gorgeous non-the-less.
Santana chewed over her words for a moment, realizing that she was right. They had kissed with no pretext of alcohol or peer pressure and the earth had not come to a screeching halt. There was something about being locked away and hidden in Brittany's room that made Santana feel brave, as though whatever happened between them in there would stay between them. Brittany was trustworthy like that.
Santana looked away for a long moment thinking things over before finally speaking again.
"We're just friends right? I mean, this-this doesn't mean anything. It's just-practice, right?" Santana asked awkwardly more for her own comfort than anything else. Brittany's gem like eyes bore into her, with gentle concern though Santana knew they saw right through her disguise, like always.
"Doesn't mean anything, just friends." Brittany affirmed patiently. It was then that Santana realized Brittany's hand still rested lightly on her cheek. She licked her lips carefully as she cautiously found her voice again.
"Okay. Then would it be okay—I mean would you mind if I—if we—um-Can I kiss you again?" Santana's hands trembled in her lap, but Brittany's smile grew three sizes. Not waiting for Santana to brace her self, Brittany leaned forward and kissed Santana again, this time much more playfully. Santana's faced flushed, but she didn't stop the amazing blonde from assaulting her lips with sweet little pecks and long deep holds. After several minutes Santana really started to enjoy herself. By letting the rest of the world fall away, she and Brittany found a little piece of bliss.
The two must have kissed for an hour or more. It was hard to tell because Santana had lost complete track of the time. They laid in Brittany's bed facing each other exchanging kisses like secretes. It wasn't until they heard the door slam that both girl's jumped. Santana instantly began to panic, irrationally afraid that someone had heard them or caught them.
"It's okay San. It's just Jason." Brittany cooed placing one last slow kiss on Santana's puffy lips. Brittany stood and pulled Santana to her feet.
"Britt, you home?!" Jason called. Brittany opened the door for her brother, much to Santana's embarrassment.
"Yea, Santana and I were just studying." She called back. Santana quickly gathered her books feeling rather flustered as Jason appeared with a provoking smirk on his handsome features.
"Sure you were. What's up little Lo? How's it been?" He asked holding his hand out for her to smack, which she did.
"Uh—good. Everything's good. Just studying, that's all." Santana ran her fingers through her dark hair looking flushed.
"Didn't know you to be so studious, B. Mom would be proud. Looks like you've got a killer teacher too." He raised his eyebrows causing Santana to blush.
"Don't be an ass Jace. Where have you been anyway? You were suppose to be back over an hour ago. I was getting worried."Brittany folded her arms and shot him that stern look that made Santana feel completely whipped every time.
"Stopped to grab a beer. You would have known that if you weren't too busy studying to look at your phone" He said with a sly smile. Brittany glared at him, but Santana just wanted to get away.
"Britt, I've got to head home and make dinner, but I'll text you or something okay?" Santana rushed throwing her bag over her shoulder and stepping out into the hallway. "It was really nice seeing you again Jason. Let's all hang out again sometime soon."
Santana quickly walked toward the door. She heard Brittany smack Jason in the arm.
"Ouch B. What was that for?"
"You're such a jerk sometimes."
Santana let her self out and jogged down the steps over to her car. Once sitting safely in familiar territory she gave a long exhale to expel all the tension she had held inside. She sat in her car for a long time going over every detail of the last two hours. Her nerves tingled with delight. She knew that she should feel guilty, after-all she had just made out with her brother's girlfriend, but for some odd reason she didn't. There was just something about Brittany that felt so right to her and although it was terrifying, Santana knew that things between them were just getting started.
*A/N- I really liked this chapter for some reason, it just felt cute. I hope you did to. Both girls have their own struggles and secretes to keep. I also love how well Jason knows his sister. We haven't seen much of them together yet, but I already love their relationship to one another.
Please leave me lots of comments and reviews, so that other people will hopefully discover this fic and also give feed back. It helps me become a better writer. Hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday season and I look forward to spending 2014 with you.
love you guys
xoxoxo
Brier Grace3