Chapter 19:
Regrets
Brittany
Brittany stood by her locker watching Santana stroll toward her, hand in hand with Puck who held his usual too cool for school demeanor. Today Santana wore a tight pair of dark washed jeans layered with laced boots and a back lace top that didn't look particularly warm. Her hair hung around her cheeks in loose curls which made her look even more heavenly then she normally did.
Brittany eyed the two who seemed to hold an easy banter between them. Santana was laughing at something he said which made Brittany's heart sink in her chest. How was she suppose to tell Santana, her girlfriend, that her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend. The mere idea was enough to make Brittany's head hurt with confusion. Her heart was torn. She hated seeing them together in the halls and watching Santana play out her straight fantasies, with a boy who didn't even appreciate her. She wanted to call Puck out in the middle of the hall, so everyone knew what a lying cheating jerk he really was, so that Santana would run crying into her comforting arms. Yet when she reached the image of Santana crying her heart broke in a totally different way.
Santana struggled with trust enough as it was. Over the last few months, she had grown confidence in her sudo-friendship with Puck. Quinn had also been Santana's best friend long before Brittany had even meet her. If she were to tell Santana about what she had seen at the party there was no doubt in Brittany's mind that it would crush her, destroying all the trust that she had begun to build over the last several months. No matter how she approached the topic Santana would certainly be hurt and that left Brittany torn.
"Hey Britt Britt!" Santana beamed throwing her arms around Brittany and giving her a quick safe hug before returning to Puck's side. "Are you ready for Glee practice?"
"I'm actually not going today. Roman's picking me up and we're going to see a movie." Brittany looked back into her locker trying to put distance between herself and Santana's warm brown eyes. She hated lying and she hated keeping secrets more, but there was nothing she could do. If she hung around too close she might blurt everything out at the wrong moment and make it all so much worse.
"Oh…that's okay. Have you heard from your brother?" Santana asked with a fake air of indifference.
"Yea, I over heard one of the Hockey heads say'n his brother's been looking around for Jason. Dude's okay right?" Noah added with serious concern.
"Yea he's fine. He went to stay with a cousin in Indiana for a week until things calm down." Brittany said dismissively fighting the urge to roll her eyes. Jason was the last thing she wanted to think about right now.
" I guess I'll see you when I get home then?" Santana said with a hint of hurt in her voice when she said nothing else. Brittany could tell that Santana sensed her distance over the last several days, but had insisted on pushing through even though it did nothing to help.
"Yea, maybe" She brushed off gathering the rest of her things from her locker. "I've got to go he'll be here soon."
Brittany swung her bag over her shoulder and walked away down the hall forcing herself not to look back at Santana and Puck who still stood holding hands.
"Babe, what's the matter?" Roman asked pulling Brittany in a little closer kissing her temple lightly. With a small sigh she closed her eyes and pressed her head to his chest. Though totally different people both Santana and Roman were very comforting to be held by.
"It's nothing…" She murmured haplessly.
"Then why do you look so sad?" he asked placing another series of kisses on the top of her head. "Is it Jason, because you know I can talk to my dad about it if you want." he ran his hand lightly over her shoulder trying to be reassuring, but it simply reminded her of how messed up things had really become. She had no right to judge Puck so hard when she was doing the exact same thing to her own boyfriend, only it was worse. She was dating his sister behind his back.
Before she could answer the front door closed much louder then necessary. Santana huffed into the front living room with her usual surly demeanor.
"Whoa, what did the door do to you baby sis?" Roman frowned.
"Nothing it's just been a long day." Santana grumbled glancing at Brittany for only a fraction of moment. "What's for dinner?"
"Britt and I had left over spaghetti, there's still some left in the fridge." Roman said pulling his arm away from Brittany who did her best not to look at Santana. She walked by, irritation mounting.
"Where's mom?"
"She passed out upstairs about an hour ago." Roman stood leaving Brittany feeling cold. "Speaking of which you're home kinda late, where have you been? The Cheerio's didn't have practice tonight and Britt said Glee only went until four." he leaned against the door while Santana pulled out the baggie of leftover pasta.
Brittany pulled a blanket over her lap and tried to stay focused on the tv, but the volume of her voice, made Santana hard to ignore.
"Oh Brittany told you that, huh? How would she know. She was with you at the movies, so she didn't even go to practice today." Santana snapped.
"Woah, San. Calm down. What's the matter. Why are you so angry tonight?" Roman asked reaching out to touch her shoulder, which she batted away.
"Maybe I'm sick of you being in my business all the time." She growled tossing her plate into the microwave. Brittany bit her lip and looked away as Santana flashed a glance at her.
"San you're not being fair…If you're mad at me for something I rather you just tell me." Roman ran his fingers through his shaggy dark hair. Santana ignored him and grabbed her plate from the microwave.
"I'll be in my room." was all she said as she stormed up the stairs.
Roman hung his head and wandered back to the couch, plopped back down, and put his head in Brittany's lap.
"Well that went well." He muttered bitterly as Brittany began running her fingers through his hair, guilt slowly pilling up. She knew it wasn't Roman, Santana was angry at.
" Was everything alright at school today?" He asked concern in his voice. Brittany shrugged. " I guess so. She was with Puck most of the day, so I didn't get to see her very much."
"That guy is an idiot. I don't know what Santana sees in him."Roman mused. " I mean I'm happy for her and I think having a boyfriend really helped her out, but I just wish she had picked someone a little more…mature. I don't know if I trust him with her."
"You're a really good brother, you know that right?" Brittany cooed over him with a smile. Sure Roman had his faults, just like anyone else, but in his heart he was a very caring guy who loved Santana more then anything.
Roman smiled and pulled her down into a steamy kiss, which made Brittany blush and also grow guiltier. She cleared her throat and pulled away.
"Um I think I'm going to go upstairs and check on her." Brittany said softly as Roman sighed putting up no argument.
"mmkay, just make sure you come say goodnight before you go to sleep." he reached up and brushed his fingers lightly over her cheek.
Brittany promised then got up and headed to Santana's room. She collected herself outside Santana's shut door before lightly knocking. When there was no sound she let herself in and closed the door behind her.
"Get out." Santana grumbled scooping up a fork full of noodles into her mouth as she continued to watch Friends reruns on her lap top.
Brittany folded her arms and dug her feet in.
"Not until you tell me why you were so mean to your brother." Brittany said coolly.
Santana ignored her and continued to eat.
"Santana I'm talking to you." Brittany huffed walking over to the bed and snapping her laptop shut.
"What the hell, Britt!" Santana snarled glaring through hurt brown eyes.
"Where were you all day after school?" Brittany questioned.
"I was with my boy-friend, same as you." Santana growled. Sliding off the bed walking toward her bathroom trying to shut Brittany out but she was too quick. She grabbed Santana by the wrist and pulled her back into their currently shared bedroom.
"You were with Puck until eight o'clock? Doing what?" Brittany narrowed her eyes out of jealousy.
"None of your business" Santana said trying to pull her hand away, but Brittany held tight.
"Let go of me." she growled through the angry tears in her eyes.
"Not until you tell me what's wrong with you." Brittany said pressing Santana lightly up against the bathroom door, so there was no place to run.
"Wrong with me? Why don't you tell me what's wrong with you first!" Santana spat as her tears began to spill over. "Ever since I—-since Quinn's party you wont even look at me. You spend all your time with him. We talked about—-and then….If you didn't want to be with me you could have just said so. If you want to break up then just do it already. Anything would be better then this."
Brittany dropped Santana's wrist and took a step back feeling as though she had been slapped across the face. Santana thought she wanted to break up?
"San…I don't want…"
"You don't want to break up? Really, I find that hard to believe. You wanted me to tell you what was on my mind, so I did. You could have said no…I wouldn't have pushed you." Santana wrapped her arms around her self and moved back toward her bed.
Brittany closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm the situation down. When she opened her eyes again, she crossed the room and lightly gripped Santana's biceps.
"Santana Lopez, look at me." She commanded. " I do not want to break up with you. Do you hear me?" She said firmly looking directly into her girlfriend's puffy red eyes. Santana tried to shrug her off once more, but Brittany held on tight.
"Santana stop fighting me. I'm not breaking up with you." She said again to reinforce her point.
"Then why have you been pretending like I don't exist." She sheathed.
Brittany's mouth went dry, how could she explain to Santana without tearing her even more apart.
"I'm sorry, hey…" Brittany whispered trying to get Santana to look at her so she could see her sincerity for herself. She ran her hands up her shoulders to Santana's face. " San, I'm sorry. You're right I've been distant, but not for the reason you think."
Brittany ran her thumbs under Santana's eyes brushing away the drying tears that lay there. Though she looked beautiful when she cried, Brittany hated seeing Santana so upset. Lightly she pressed her forehead to Santana's.
"Baby, you don't know how bad I want you." She whispered. "I'm sorry you thought I was pulling away because of our conversation the other night. That wasn't my intention."
"The tell me what's really been going on." Santana said horsely back. "And don't tell me it's because of Jason, because I know that's not it."
Brittany sighed and motioned for Santana to take a seat on the bed. After a moment Brittany sat too taking her girlfriend's hand in her own.
"The other night at the party I saw something I shouldn't have. I've been looking for the right time to tell you, but every time I try to I chicken out because I don't want to hurt you."
"It's a little late for that" Santana cut bitterly, but seeing the hurt on Brittany's face changed her tone. "What did you see, Britt?"
"Puck is cheating on you with Quinn. I saw her get out of his car and kiss him goodbye." Brittany said looking down at her shoes. She didn't understand why she felt so bad, Santana wasn't even in love with Noah and with him out of the picture she'd have more time to hang out with Santana around school. Yet there was something about the pained confusion on Santana's face that hurt Brittany just as badly.
"That doesn't make sense." Santana shook her head. "Quinn can hardly stand Noah. Just last night she was telling me why I shouldn't sleep with him, plus she's disgustingly smitten with Andre-the-left-footed-Giant."
"You were thinking about hooking up with Puck…" Brittany raised an eye brow, her jealousy quickly elevating. "Is that where you were toni—"
"Gross. Not even." Santana scoffed cutting Brittany off. " Quinn noticed I was uncomfortable hearing about your —history and she assumed it was because of Puck. I told her what she wanted to hear and I asked for advice about—-" she motioned to the space between them " but I used Puck's name instead of yours."
Brittany took a deep breath and relaxed once more. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn't it be just her and Santana, out and proud with no complicated side relationships.
She watched Santana sit quietly thinking over the new information. She could see stokes of sadness dance across her face along with something else which was unreadable. Delicately Brittany reached out and began rubbing her long fingers over Santana's back trying to offer some comfort.
"Hey what are you thinking?" She cooed using her free hand to brush a strand of hair out of Santana's face.
"Nothing it's stupid." Santana murmured. "So what he's cheating on me? It's not like I actually had feelings for him anyway."
Brittany new a brave face when she saw one. Instead she crawled over to the headboard and motioned for Santana to sit in her lap. Reluctantly Santana joined resting her head in the crook of Brittany's neck.
"Nothing you think or feel is stupid, San." She said running her fingers lightly through her thick black hair.
"Noah is suppose to be my first boyfriend even though it's not real for me, it should be real for him. It's not just that though. After everything that's gone on he's become a good friend. I might not be able to tell him everything, but we talk sometimes and it's nice. I trusted him—my pride is hurt." Santana said meekly with a tired sigh.
Brittany pressed a light kiss into Santana's hair.
"I'm going to break up with Roman soon." was all she could say.
It was cruel that she was still with him in the first place. Santana deserved so much more then the short end of the stick, which life seemed to deal out. Santana should have a girlfriend who is utterly devoted to her and didn't reluctantly kiss her brother when she wasn't around. Roman needed a girl who loved him unconditionally and who had no eyes for anyone else. Brittany had been trapped between both worlds and the people she cared about most seemed to suffer for it.
Santana's deep golden brown eyes looked up at her with a mixed expression.
"You can't" she whispered as though there were a hidden monster under their bed waiting to pounce, should they make a single noise.
"I have to Santana. This isn't right. The lying is clearly affecting our relationship and it's not fair to him. He needs to be with a girl who can love him the way that I love you." She tilted Santana's chin up with her forefinger.
Santana was silent for a moment before saying "You didn't look like you were struggling when I got home."
Brittany clenched her jaw. "I don't know what you want me to say Santana."
She released her girlfriend's chin and leaned back putting some distance though kept Santana firmly in her lap.
"Roman is charming and handsome and funny and kind. He's a great guy when he's not being a butt head. Yes, there was a time when I had strong feelings for him, but now I love you and only you. Do I still care about him as a person, of course. Is kissing him every once in a while a chore, no. He's a good kisser. But that doesn't mean that I've changed my mind." Brittany said a little more harshly then she had intended. "I want to break up with him. I want to be yours and only yours Santana, but it's not fair for you to sit here and tell me to stay with him only to get mad when I act the part. You can't have it both ways. I'm not telling you that you have to come out of the closet because I know that's a really difficult thing that should only be done when you're ready. What I am saying is that forcing me to stay with Roman won't magically make all these walls you've built up to hide from who you are indestructible."
Brittany inched her way forward holding tight to Santana, who seemed to have gone stiff.
"So please baby, trust me. It's the right thing to do." She said softer longing for a real kiss.
Brittany waited the long minutes for Santana to speak. She hopped for the best, but feared the worst.
"I trust you." Santana finally said. " I don't want you to be with Roman. I want you all to myself, but I don't know how that's going to work if you guys break up. He's going to be devastated because he's in love with you. You're all he thinks about. I feel like the worst person in the world for taking that from him, but what can I do? I'm in love with you too."
she sighed.
"Promise me he wont ever find out about us." Santana asked looking up into Brittany's bright blue eyes causing a jolt to pass through her skin.
"Promise" Brittany lied knowing she had no control over such things.
Santana laid her head on Brittany's chest as the girl's drifted off into a dreamless sleep in each other's arms.
Roman grimaced as he meandered up the stairs. Once again Brittany had forgotten him, caught up in his sister's drama. It seemed as though every time he turned around Brittany was running off to be with Santana or only wanted to talk about Santana. Though he loved his sister, she was seriously getting in the way.
"—going to have a talk with her." he mumbled tiredly to himself. She was suppose to be helping him win Brittany over not blocking him at every turn.
As he walked along the dark house hall way to his room he noticed that the light to Santana's room was still on. Quietly he placed his ear to the door, but there was no sound. Softly he turned the knob and pushed the door open. As he peered into Santana's room nothing seemed to be out of place, though his eyes danced over the intimate way Santana was pressed against Brittany. It was obvious by the redness around her eyes that she had been crying and surely Brittany had comforted her, but something didn't sit right with him about what he saw.
Without a word he flicked the light switch off and closed the door. He tried to shake his thoughts, yet there was something about the image that was now burned perfectly into his mind.
The next morning Brittany woke alone in Santana's satin sheets. She could just make out the faint rush of the shower going as she rubbed the crust from her eyes. She wouldn't have thought twice about it, if they hadn't spent every morning since Brittany practically moved in cuddling and lounging about until the last possible moment. Stretching Brittany pulled back the covers and lightly knocked on the bathroom door.
"San, do you mind if I brush my teeth?" She poked her head in remembering to ask due to Santana's personal space issues.
"Yea, go for it. I'm almost done." Santana said in an even tone.
Brittany walked into the steam filled bathroom and whipped the mirror clean so she could see her messy reflection. Delicately she placed a bit of tooth paste on her brush and screwed the lid tightly back on. The last thing she wanted was to have a petty argument over living habits.
"I had a dream about you last night." She said over the spray of the shower as she placed the tooth brush in her mouth. "You were this crazy sexy spy and I followed you around on all your adventures."
"Well yea, obviously I'm a bad ass. Where all did we go?" Santana asked turning off the shower and reaching around the curtain. "Can you pass me my towel."
Brittany spit mouth wash down the sink and whipped her face.
"We started off in Venezuela and the went to Cuba and Europe. You were totally badass…and sexy" Brittany smiled to her self remembering just how steamy of a dream it had been. She picked up Santana's towel with half a mind to make Santana 'air-dry', but then thought better of it. Santana had left her alone this morning, so it was better not to press her luck. She passed the towel and turned around so Santana could step out of the shower without feeling insecure.
"Right because I glow sex appeal." Santana scoffed. "I'm good."
"You do." She said softly turning around to have a look at her girlfriend in time to see a faint blush dance over Santana's cheeks.
"Hardly. I mean, I know I'm hot or whatever, but raw sex appeal is not my thing—and being on the Cheerio's doesn't count. That's all just show." Santana took a seat on the toilet lid and began ringing out her hair.
Brittany rolled her eyes to show she didn't agree in the slightest, but didn't bother to argue.
"Will you stay and talk while I shower?" She leaned down and placed her lips only an inch from Santana's hoping the girl still felt the urge to kiss her.
"Sure" Santana said leaning up and thankfully taking Brittany's bait. "Mmm..mint. So what was so sexy about me in these dreams of yours…"
Brittany pretended like she didn't notice Santana's eyes casually glancing over her abs as she pulled off her shirt and tossed it aside.
"Um…I'm not sure. Dreams get fuzzy the longer your awake. You were kind of bossy, but I fixed that." Brittany said shooting Santana a playful smirk, which caused the latina to quickly look away out of embarrassment.
Brittany slipped her pants off and kicked them aside before leaning over to start the shower. She could feel Santana's eyes roam up her legs up to her cute undies, but when she turned around Santana was looking away again. Biting back a smile Brittany reached around her back and unclasped her bra throwing it into the pile of clothes. With one arm she covered up her chest.
"San…"
"Hmm"
"You know you're allowed to look right?" Brittany teased.
Santana looked over her shoulder and blushed before glancing down.
"I know. I just didn't want to make it awkward."
"Babe, we're girlfriends. It's more awkward if you pretend you're not looking. I'm not saying you should whistle, but being naked is not that big of a deal."Brittany knelt down in front of Santana and cupped her cheek.
"Is everything okay?" She asked sweetly brushing her thumb over Santana's lips. She hated the idea of Santana hurting because of her. "You were gone when I woke up."
"Hmm? Oh, yea. Everything is fine. I woke up early because I couldn't stop thinking about Quinn and Puck…You looked peaceful and I didn't want to wake you up. I figured a shower might help relax me before class." Santana murmured gritting her teeth.
"We could always call in sick…" Brittany suggested realizing how great of an idea it was only after saying it. "We could watch Faking It and walk around the house totally naked—you know, to get comfortable with it."
She ran her hand up Santana's bare knee hoping to entice her more. Sure she would kill for a naked day at the Lopez house any time, but selfishly she didn't want to face their group of friends and she could tell Santana was reading it too.
"Brittany S. Pierce are you trying to seduce me?" Santana cracked a small smile.
"Maybe. Is it working?"
"I think you need to turn that hot shower into a cold one."
Brittany smiled and stood dropping her arm away, so that Santana could see her.
"Soot yourself, but something tells me you're the one who's going to be in need of a cold shower soon. " Brittany said slipping her undies off and turing to get into the shower.
"You are evil." Santana chided.
"You could always join me…" Brittany said playfully hoping that her morning would indeed turn around.
There was a long moment of silence as Brittany relaxed into the water waiting to see what Santana would say. The small hesitation meant she was seriously considering it, which made Brittany's skin prickle with excitement.
"….alright…" but just as the light words left Santana's lips there was a knock at the bathroom door.
"Hey Santana, are you in there?" called Roman's voice causing both girls to jump.
"Uh…yea.."
"Where's Brittany at?" he asked a little testily
"She's in here too. We were talking."Santana called back.
Brittany bit back a groan of annoyance.
"Oh."
"Did you need something?"
"No I—I just made breakfast. It's downstairs. You should probably let Brittany shower in piece, come eat. I don't want it to get cold." He suggested.
"Um—Okay. I'll be there in a minute." Santana turned back to the shower curtain which Brittany poked her head around. "…It's not a good idea. I should go." She gathered up her things and left with Brittany feeling tried and frustrated.
"So much for a good morning." She murmured to herself.
Downstairs Roman had really out done himself. The counters were full of yummy looking foods that Brittany had hardly tried.
"What's this in the eggs?" She asked pointing to a meat looking substances mixed together on a tortilla. Roman looked a little surprised.
"She's never had chorizo before" Santana explained taking a bite of her breakfast.
"Seriously babe? chorizo and eggs is like the best breakfast combo in the world. Here take a bite." He held up a spoon for her to nibble off of. Unsurprisingly it was delicious, like everything else in the Lopez house.
"Wow, that's so good." She looked around at Santana who nodded with a mouthful. She was about to ask what exactly chorizo was when she felt Roman's strong arms wrap around her waist and pull her in close.
"I missed you last night." he murmured pressing his lips to Brittany's. Normally his morning kisses were tame, usually just a groggy peck or a kiss to the temple, but this was long and deep as he continued to kiss her.
Brittany gained her sense and began to wiggle like a fish on a hook, squirming and pressing him back.
"Wow…Rome…that was…." Brittany scrambled to think of excuse as to why she pulled back.
"Gross." came Santana's sullen apathetic voice. "I'm trying to eat."
"I was going to say unexpected." Brittany said with a half hearted smile. "But Santana's right…"
"You're alright, aren't you San." Roman asked jokingly "It's just kissing. It's not like you weren't making out with Puck all last night."
Brittany sucked in her lips as she watched Santana put her food down in what seemed to be an act of aggression. She could practically see Santana's anger meter gently start to rise. This was going to get bloody.
"San.." Brittany began, but it was too late.
"If you think we were only making out then you're going to be in for a wake up call." Santana said in a shockingly blasè tone. Brittany was sure she was about to unleash her vicious words on him, but what she said seemed to be worse.
Roman's face grew pale and a knot formed in Brittany's stomach. Santana had said nothing sexual had happened between her and Puck, but she also hadn't been forthcoming with what did go on. The small victory showed on Santana's amused face.
"Look at the time, we're going to be late." Santana said in a sickeningly sweet voice. "Don't stay too late Britt, we have that english test this morning."
"Oh god you're right. Can I catch a ride with you? I really need to do well on this one to keep a passing grade." Brittany played along taking a big bite of Santana's left over breakfast burrito and passing it to Roman. "Can you save this, babe?"
She kissed Roman's cheek goodbye and rushed out the door behind Santana.
Brittany sat quietly listening to the radio as Santana drove. She had been certain Santana was about to blow her top, instead she used wit. Yet still she sensed something dangerously off about Santana that she couldn't put her finger on.
'Maybe she just needs a few days to be angry. I did screw things up pretty bad and Roman didn't help' Brittany thought as she tapped her foot to the music.
"Hey, I'm sorry about this morning." Brittany finally said at the stoplight leading into McKinley. " I had no idea he was going to do that."
"Don't be sorry Britt. It's not your fault." Santana said with a reassuring sad smile. "Besides we already talked about it. You're breaking up with him anyway, so there's not much to be done."
She quickly looked around to make sure there was no one in the parking lot before leaning over and placing a kiss on Brittany's lips. She longed for more, but school wasn't a safe place to express her feelings for Santana.
"So we're okay? You're not still mad at me?" Brittany pressed climbing out of the car slinging her bag over her shoulder. Santana shot her an uneasy look.
"I'm not happy with the way you handled the situation, but what's done is done. We're moving past it. Besides, you're too cute to stay mad at. Especially with those puppy dog eyes." Santana winked linking her arm with Brittany's. "We're fine, promise."
"Good because you make me really happy and I don't want to mess that up." Brittany said firmly, but after a moment she added. "So nothing happened with Puck?"
Santana opened her lips to answer but the late bell rang and they both were forced to jog to class or else be locked out. Brittany huffed and took her seat on the opposite side of the classroom away from Santana, where the teacher had intentionally placed them. She pulled her long hair back into a high pony, while the teacher rattled on about The Lord of the Flies.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, thinking it was Santana she quickly pulled it out and took a look.
Axel: We need to talk.
She grimaced and put her phone quickly away. Jason's drama with her ex boyfriend was the least of her current problems. Right now she was more concerned with what Santana had gotten up to with Puck the night before.
The bell rang for class and Brittany bounded up to follow Santana out of the room, wishing they had stayed home from school with the amount of anxiety she felt growing in her stomach. The halls of McKinley remained calm for the next hour, while Santana and Brittany endured their next class, it was only when the bell for first break rang that things changed.
Brittany stood with Santana talking to a few of the other Cheerios by their locker, when Santana paused.
"Britt, can you do me a favor and hold my bag for a sec?" She asked passing her backpack to Brittany who noticed the strange expression on her face. It was only when she caught sight of what or who she had seen that Brittany put the pieces together, but by that time it was too late to stop her.
"Hey!" Santana yelled to Quinn across the hall over the loud conversations. Picking up speed and not waiting for a reply Santana shoved her former best friend into the lockers where she stood. Brittany cupped her mouth in shock, unsure what to do.
"What the fuck Santana!" Quinn hissed climbing to her feet.
"Congrats on being a slut ! Yea, that's right I know all about you and Puck." Santana yelled as a circle of on lookers began to form.
" You don't even like him." Quinn shouted back. "You're just using him to be popular!"
There was a loud crack as Santana's palm collided with the side of Quinn's cheek.
"Yup! Sure am. What are you going to to about it!"
Quinn lurched forward slamming Santana roughly into the lockers and tugging her hair
"You guys stop! Stop! You don't need to get violent." Brittany yelled over them but neither listened. Instead Santana grabbed and grappled with Quinn until a teacher emerged.
"That's enough! Both of you in my office, now!" Coach Sue blew a loud whistle " Back to class all of you unless you want detention for the next month. You too Pierce!"
Brittany clutched Santana's bag tightly to her chest and slowly moved toward class, tossing glances back over her shoulder at Sue who had Santana firmly by the arm.
The minutes clicked by but there was no sign of Santana. If she were expelled it would have been all Brittany's fault.
Britt: San, are you okay? What's happening?
There was no answer. Finally with five minutes left before lunch hour Quinn entered with a late pass and took a seat. Her cheek was red but otherwise she seemed no worse for wear. When the bell finally rang Brittany hopped up out of her seat and caught Quinn's attention.
"What happened? Where's Santana?" Brittany asked blocking Quinn's exit. The cheer captain gritted her teeth.
"She's suspended for the rest of the month. Coach Sue sent her home."
Brittany frowned and turned to leave, when Quinn caught her by the bicep.
"I know it was you." She hissed. "You put on this sweet innocent little girl act, fooling people into thinking your harmless, but you're just as cold as the rest of us. You did this to her. Next time you feel like being a 'good friend' why don't you try talking to me about it first."
"Why so you can make up a lie? At least I'm honest with her and she trusts me. Can you say the same about your friendship?" Brittany sneered yanking her arm away and stormed out of the room.
She jogged through the crowded hallways of McKinley as fast as she could hoping to catch her girlfriend before she took off uncertain how things would play out now that Santana was suspended. Would she blame Brittany for it? Brittany threw open the hallway door which lead to the parking lot. Her eyes fell first on Santana's car, which was still parked where they had left it, then to Santana who stood leaning up against the trunk looking sour. It wasn't Santana's mood that concerned Brittany, it was who Santana was talking to.
"Look Jethro Bodine, I just got suspended for beating up on another student, so believe me when I say I will crack your nuts. For the last time, I don't know where she is and if I did I wouldn't tell a cousin fucking grease monkey like you. Now back up before I make you sorry you were born a man."
"I like your fire. If I wasn't pressed for time we could spend a little time getting to know each other." Axel pressed his palm into the side of Santana's car and stroked her cheek only to have his hand smacked away.
"Santana!" Brittany called "There you are. I have your stuff, sorry to make you late for that thing you had to do."
She hopped Santana would take the hint and leave, but no such luck.
"Finally!" Axel shouted with a wide grin wrapping his arm around her neck. "You are one hard babe to get a hold of, B.
"I should have clearly tried harder. What are you doing here? I could have sworn your not aloud with in 40 feet of a school or public park." Brittany shrugged him off and planted her feet firmly between him and Santana.
Axel only chuckled.
"You've got jokes, I like that, however right now I'm here on business babe. Where's your brother. He owes me and I want my money." Axel's face grew stern, but Brittany knew better then to let her intimidation show. In the motocross world the only people with a thick skin and a tough spine had respect.
"That's not the way I heard it. I heard that your dumb ass got caught by the cops and Jason snatched up the money he was about to win." Brittany folded her arms over her chest. She could feel Santana's unease behind her, but now wasn't the time to comfort her.
"Of course he'd tell it to you that way, but you and I both know Jason is a liar and a cheat don't we." Axel practically growled. "What happened to our plans, B? I thought we were going to get out of this shit state, find your mom, and start over. That can all still happen, but I need that money first."
Axel tried to caress Brittany's cheek, but like Santana she slapped his hand away.
"Jason's a good person and I'm not that stupid little girl who comes when you call anymore. You want that money so bad? Fine. You can race me for it at the next Midnight Rally at the end of the month. The winner will get the money in addition to the prize money for that night and say…an extra two thousand as payment for all this trouble that we've put each other through."
"Brittany!" Santana cautioned.
Axel stood quietly seriously thinking over her offer.
"So your proposing a 12,000 dollar race between you and I?"
"And the other racers, don't get too selfish."
He smirked and held out his hand.
"I like those odds."
Brittany felt a lump swell in her throat. She hadn't raced in well over a year and a half, but if it meant keeping Jason, Santana, and Roman safe she'd do it.
"You have to keep clear of me, my family and my friends or the deal is off."
He nodded and Brittany shook his hand.
"It's a deal babe. I'll see you at the Midnight Rally at the end of the month—oh, one more thing, that's a free for all night. No rules and thing goes, so don't choke—again." He grinned and gave both girls a small nod. "See ya beautiful."
Brittany didn't take her eyes off him until his bike was well down the street and out of sight.
"Do you mind telling me what the hell that was all about Brittany?" Santana asked incredulously. It was clear by her tone she was more worried then angry. Brittany turned and wrapped her arms around Santana's neck using her girlfriend's shoulder to hide a soft sob. Santana's tension instantly melted away and it was like today had never even happened. Brittany could feel her mold into her, lightly rubbing her fingers down her back.
"Shhh, you're okay." She whispered softly. Brittany only let herself cry for a moment before whipping her face.
"I'm sorry about that—um…I'm good." She said pulling back to look Santana over. "Are you okay? Let me see you."
She lightly grazed Santana's cheek where a small bruise formed.
"That one was Quinn. I think I hit a combination lock when she shoved me back." Brittany pursed her lips. While she didn't approve of physical violence to settle problems, Quinn might have earned that slap. However Santana's mood seemed to have improved.
"Next time warn me when you decide to go all Power Rangers on someone."
"I make no promises, but I'll try." Santana said sheepishly. "I guess I'll come back and pick you up after class?"
"Not even." Brittany said already walking around to the other side of the car. "Do you mind stopping at my place first? I need to get some stuff."
Santana slid into her driver's seat and the pair drove off, nether able to fully process the day they had so far.
Santana
Santana parked the car and climbed out, shoving her hands deep inside the pockets of her jacket to hide the fact that she was shaking. She was dead. Done. Finished. The moment her father hears she's been suspended, she'd be lucky to get a single phone call in her dank dark prison cell. There would be no more Brittany or secret relationship, only shame. Her mother would no doubt pull herself out of a bottle long enough to remind her that she's worth nothing.
"I'm going to be disowned for sure." She thought glancing up at Brittany's cool comforting eyes as they made their way up the steps of her apartment complex.
Compared to the trouble they both found themselves in with Axel, the other problems in Santana's life seemed relatively trivial. Was this the pressure Brittany had been living under the last several days, because Santana was unsure how she managed it all. Her head felt as though it was cracking down the middle with all the stress.
"I just need to get some of my racing gear and some clean clothes, we don't have to stay too long." Brittany said unlocking the door and holding it open for Santana to enter first.
"Britt, do you mind if we stay here just for a little bit? I don't think I'm ready to go home yet." Santana said meekly. Brittany seemed surprised, but offered her a kind look.
"Of course, San" She said stoping to give Santana a small hug. "I'll grab my pillows and blankets. We'll can curl up in the living room and watch a movie or something. There should be some food that's still good in the pantry, grab what you want. I'll be right back."
Brittany had felt so warm and comforting pressed up against Santana, making all her stress melt away. Brittany had away of making her forget the things that troubled her in life, she knew how to make Santana feel happy and hopeful. But then that warmth was sliding away from her down the hall and out of reach.
"Wait." Santana caught Brittany's wrist without thinking.
"San?" Brittany gave her a curious look, but she didn't speak. Santana had no words for her thoughts or actions, all she knew was that being close to Brittany made her forget all her mistakes. She forgot about how different Brittany was with Axel and all the doubts that clouded her mind.
"Just wait." Santana said softly drawing Brittany into her body again, wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist.
She leaned up ever so slightly on her toes to reach Brittany's lips. It was such a small and innocent gesture, but it left Santana feeling breathless. She released Brittany glancing up meaningfully into her gem like eyes. Her heart made a loud steady beat she was sure everyone in the building could hear. Instead of leaving Brittany placed her hands on Santana's cheek and neck, leaning in for another slower kiss. It was a kiss like the one she had seen Roman place on Brittany's lips just that morning and then some.
Santana allowed herself to fall effortlessly into Brittany as they stood in the living room exchanging rich kisses between them. It was Brittany who broke first so that they both could remove their shoes and jackets, which Santana draped over the back of the couch. Santana's only thoughts were of Brittany and forgetting everything that had happened over the last twenty four hours. Nether dare suggested moving from the chosen spot for fear the spark between them may die out or else some bit of bad luck may fall from the sky.
With each passing minute Santana's hunger for more of Brittany seemed to grow. Instead of running from it, she embraced it because in the chaos of the day the most dangerous part of herself had become the safest place to be. Her needing fingers grabbed tight to Brittany's back and shoulders as they kissed, scrunching her shirt up into tight balls. The soft whimper of her name from Brittany's lips only encouraged her appetite more.
Growing sick of the cloth and in desperate need to feel Brittany's soft skin against her own, she slid her fingers under the hem and pulled the shirt off tossing it to the ground. In the next moment Brittany had pulled Santana's top off and now had her fingers gripping the buckle of Santana's belt. Lightly she tugged pulling Santana toward the hallways with a playful grin that made Santana feel weak and light headed. However, even that small movement put too much space between them. She moved quickly pressing Brittany up against the wall of the hall, which made Brittany squeak and laugh with delight. Santana bit into Brittany's collar bone as her girlfriend knotted her fingers into her dark thick hair.
Santana's hands ran themselves over Brittany's tight abs until they landed cold on the button of Brittany's jeans. The two girls stopped their assault of each other's bodies for a moment to look down at Santana's idle fingers.
"San, it's okay. You don't have to—" but before Brittany could even finish Santana had unclasped the button and returned to kissing her with a renewed sense of urgency. She waisted no time pushing Brittany's pants down over her hips. She didn't stop to think what it meant, only that there would be more soft skin to touch.
Brittany made quick work of Santana's jeans, much faster then Santana was able to do, but that didn't matter. She took Santana by the hand and lead her quickly down the hall to her bedroom, knowing that every second they stood apart was a chance they might wake up from whatever fairy tale they had entered. Santana couldn't help but giggle a little as she bumped into Brittany, kissing her as she tried to get the door open. After a moment they both fell into the room laughing and kissing as Brittany closed the door behind them. However, Santana's smile faded when Brittany turned back to face her with a dark lustful look in her eye that sent a wave of nervousness through her. Had she made a mistake?
Brittany's hair fell long past her shoulders making her look like a goddess and Santana was certainly the virgin sacrifice. In a slow calculated movement Brittany reached out for Santana, pulling her into a deep longing kiss. She could feel her heart swell with Brittany's words over the last week; I love you, I only have eyes for you, you have no idea how badly I want you. Santana could feel her anxiety grow as all her old fears began to crash in on her, yet still Brittany's fingers were unclasping her bra and tossing it aside.
The world seemed to fall into slow motion as Brittany stripped them both bare and lightly pushed Santana down onto her mattress. Then they were kissing again Brittany's legs intertwined with Santana's; finally enough contact to satisfy her hunger for Brittany. Still there was an itch in the back of Santana's thoughts that distracted her from the satisfying feeling of Brittany's lips over her chest and abdomen.
"Was this what she really wanted" the voice asked. Brittany had once said it didn't matter as long as it was with the right person and Santana was sure now more then ever that Brittany was the right person, she had no doubts.
"But do you really want to unceremoniously lose your virginity on a day like today? Are you having sex for the first time because you love Brittany or because you want to forget about your problems for an hour." the voice scolded.
Santana's eyes struggled to stay open as she watched Brittany casually kiss her way down her body, her tongue flicking over Santana's skin making her body ache with desire.
"Britt—" She said horsely. Her voice had seemed to vanish as Brittany peppered a series of kisses at her navel. "Britt." she called a little louder.
Brittany's bright blue eyes shot up and found Santana's worried dark one's instantly. She stopped her decent and crawled back up to face her girlfriend. Lightly her fingers brushed Santana's hair behind her ear as she looked up at Brittany with remorse.
"Is everything okay?" Brittany asked lightly.
"I—I think I've made a mistake." they were the first words that Santana could form, but seeing Brittany's face fall sent another wave of panic through her. "Not about you—you are perfect—I just—"
Santana sat up on her elbows trying not to acknowledge the fact that they were both totally naked and inches apart from one another.
"I don't think I'm ready yet. I mean I am, but I'm not." Santana tried to explain but found words were hopeless when all she could see and think about was how very naked she was.
"Here, babe." Brittany said calmly pulling the blankets out from under them and covering them both up. "Now take a deep breath and explain what you're thinking like you do when were laying in bed at night."
Santana leaned back against the pillow, closed her eyes and took a deep calming breath.
"I love you and I really really want to have sex with you." She began keeping her eyes closed for focus. "But so much has happened today and I suddenly realized that I'm doing this for the wrong reason. I don't want my first time to be a distraction from all my problems. I want it to be just you and me being together —there should be candles and flowers and—" Santana's thoughts were cut off by the sound of a small laugh which feel from Brittany's lips.
Santana peaked one eye open and glanced over at Brittany who held the biggest smile of adoration.
"I'm sorry, continue." She said trying to regain a serious face.
"What? I'm being serious." Santana frowned not understanding.
"I know you are." Brittany smiled again. "Which makes you positively the most precious thing on the earth."
Santana frowned harder until she was nearly pouting.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh or make light of how you feel, it's just that you are the sweetest thing I've ever met. Out of all the people I've been with none of them stopped to consider what sex between us meant and the fact that you are, makes me love you even more." Brittany leaned over and placed a chase kiss on Santana's lips.
"How about this; you pick a date and a place when you feel the most ready and I will worry about all the romantic stuff." Brittany brushed her fingers through her long hair.
"What if I change my mind again?" Santana asked sheepishly, but Brittany only shrugged.
"There's no rush Santana. I don't mind waiting, just as long as it's me you're longing for."
Santana couldn't bite back her smile, instead she said
"How did I ever get so lucky…"
"I'm not sure, but you've certainly worn me out. I say you roll over so we can spoon and nap." Brittany said with another quick kiss.
"That sounds wonderful"
Santana rolled over and adjusted her blankets, realizing she was still naked. However as Brittany slipped her arm around Santana's waist and pulled their bodies close together, she realized how much she loved the sensation of being bare in her girlfriend's arms.
A/N-With all the kind words you guys sent in and the recent Brittana fever going around I decided to write another chapter. Sorry about all the kissing between Britt and Roman. I needed it to destroy them with later. This will be the last chapter (I believe ) with Roman and Brittany still friendly. I love hearing what you guys think so please feel free to share your ideas and thoughts with me, just remember to be kind when you do so. If you have any questions I'll be happy to answer on my tumblr page. Until next time xoxo Grace. Ps. This is a long chapter and I wanted to get it out there, so sorry for the mistakes. I'll be hitting it with an editor tomorrow when it's not 1 am.