Yep, I really did it, I killed Kurama. How is Hiei going to survive without his fox? You'll just have to read and see. I can't believe I made myself cry writing this. Poor Hiei.

I had a few people review that they were a little confused with the time line. When Kurama found out he was dying Hiei had been gone two years. Hiei came back after three years, almost a year after Kurama's death. Loss is always hard but life goes on that's why Kurama's friends can be happy a year after he's gone.

I don't know what's happening with the e-mail alerts, I don't know about you but I haven't gotten mine since Friday.

I do not own YuYu Hakusho. Full disclaimer in my profile.

MADNESS

Chapter 2

Yusuke was just waiving goodbye to one of his best customers when he felt it. The energy blast was so strong he was surprised Keiko hadn't felt it. Without hesitation Yusuke reached behind the counter and grabbed his cell phone before grabbing his wife and kissing her on the cheek. "Sorry Honey, I gotta go."

Startled by the abrupt comment Keiko put her hands on her hips. "Yusuke, it's the lunch rush. What's so important that you have to leave now?"

One word silenced her. "Hiei."

A shaky hand rose to her lips and tears glistened in her eyes as she nodded. "Oh Yusuke. If he knows… be careful."

Nodding he gave her another quick kiss and ran out. Rushing after him Keiko saw a brief blur and he was gone. Going to the kitchen Keiko spoke to her cook. "Koga, get those orders out quick. We're closing early today."

Glancing at where her daughter sat playing in her playpen Keiko's eyes once again misted up. She had been pregnant when Kurama died. Their daughter had been born only a month later. In honor of Kurama she and Yusuke had named her Rose. Thinking it best that she get a babysitter Keiko picked up the phone to call her mother.

Yusuke had just reached the cemetery gates when his cell phone rang. Without looking he knew it was Kuwabara. "I'm already here Kuwa. He's at the cemetery."

He could just make out the dark form by the headstone as Kuwabara spoke. "Then he knows. Unless you need me I'll wait here. Yukina felt his blast and is really upset."

Slowly walking toward Kurama's grave Yusuke shook his head. "No, stay with Yukina. She shouldn't be upset right now. It's not good for the baby. I'll get Hiei to her somehow."

Flipping the phone closed Yusuke moved closer. Hiei was slumped against Kurama's headstone, his hand resting on Shuuichi's name. Just beyond the small cemetery was a wooded area. Judging from the amount of burned trees Hiei must have released the dragon. Squatting down Yusuke reached out to brush the hair away from his friends closed eyes. "I'm so sorry Hiei. You shouldn't have found out like this."

Knowing Hiei was in hibernation after using the dragon Yusuke gently picked him up and headed for the temple.

Though in his dreams it was Kurama nestled in the crook of his arm Hiei knew in reality that was never to be. Opening his eyes Hiei saw his twin cuddled against him sleeping. The tracks of her tears were still present on her cheeks. With a heavy sigh he brushed his fingers along her hair and ruby eyes that matched his fluttered open. The arm across his chest tightened as she hugged him. "Oh Hiei, I am so sorry."

Unsure of his voice Hiei just tightened his own arms around her. The twins lay there silently comforting each other for some time before rising to join their friends. Silence greeted them as all eyes turned sadly to Hiei. Looking away Hiei only said one word. "Why?"

They all knew what that one word meant. Why hadn't they told him and most importantly why had Kurama died. Always their leader, it was Yusuke that finally spoke. "Everything happened so quickly Hiei. One minute he was here, the next he was gone. We wanted to tell you but…"

At his loss for words Koenma stepped forward. "Perhaps we should start from the beginning. Kurama knew he was going to die. You may not know this but I have all of you flagged so that your papers are sent to me three days before your actual death. I called Kurama to my office when I got his papers. He accepted the news without question only asking that I not tell anyone."

When Hiei would have lunged at Koenma Yusuke and Kuwabara held him back. "If you knew you vulture, why didn't you stop it?"

Koenma rarely lost his cool but at Hiei's accusation he did. "Damn it Hiei of course I tried to stop it but it was out of my hands. My father forbid any interference."

Hiei shrugged Yusuke and Kuwabara off but made no further move on Koenma as the godling continued. "He had time to say his goodbyes Hiei. He celebrated his stepbrother's birthday with his family the next evening. He had his mother over for lunch the following day. After that he called everyone to get together to train. The girls even cooked and as usual it turned into a party. No one but me knew what was about to happen. In the end he was at peace."

As Koenma spoke Hiei turned away, unable to look at any of them. Looking out the window Hiei realized the truth of Koenma's words. "So he got to say goodbye to everyone who was important to him."

Behind him he could hear Yukina, Keiko and Botan begin to sob quietly. He didn't need to see the pity on their face. He knew they were aware that Kurama had said goodbye to everyone but him.

Stepping forward Kuwabara would have put a hand on Hiei's shoulder but the fire demon raised his temperature warning him away. "We wanted to tell you Hiei but Kurama left orders not to."

Beside him Hiei could see Kuwabara holding out a letter. With a sigh he took it. On the envelope was Kurama's handwriting. 'For my friends.'

Hiei kept his back to the others as he read Kurama's last words.

My dearest Friends,

I know this time is going to be hard for you but please understand that I accept what is to be. I have had two lives full of fun and adventure and I regret nothing. Well, almost nothing.

Please don't blame Koenma. As you know there are some things he cannot change and there are some things that should not be changed. This is one of those things.

I am grateful that I got to be a part of all of your lives. It has been a wondrous adventure watching you all grow up and find love. I'm sorry I won't be here to see the birth of the next generation of Reikai Tente but you will see my spirit shine whenever you look into their eyes.

I am going to make one very hard request of you. Please, do not bother Hiei with news of my death. He has moved on with his life and I am no longer a part of it. Some day he my hear of my passing but I hope enough time will have passed that he can look back fondly on our friendship.

I'm sure I don't need to ask but please keep an eye on my mother for me. Hurting her is one of the few things I will regret but perhaps it is for the best.

Goodbye my friends, please be happy.

Love, Kurama

Without comment Hiei let the letter fall from his fingers. "Just tell me that that is an empty grave that Shiori mourns over. Tell me that somewhere in Makai I will find my fox."

The silence that followed was Hiei's answer. They were all aware that if Kurama transformed before Shuuichi's death then Yoko would live on and Shuuichi would simply cease to exist. If Kurama died while still in his human form however that it would be Yoko who would cease to exist.

Koenma finally broke the silence. "At the party I begged him to reconsider and return to Makai but he refused to listen. I even went to his apartment as he was due to die to try and convince him that Yoko should live on but I was too late. Kurama was laying on his bed, his body already cold. His death was quick and painless Hiei. An aneurism in his brain ruptured killing him instantly."

Reaching into his pocket Koenma withdrew another letter. On the front, in Kurama's handwriting, was Hiei's name. "He said I would know if and when the time was right to give this to you."

Hiei's hand trembled slightly as he took the letter. Stuffing it in his pocket he would have left but Yukina rushed forward and threw herself into his arms. Holding her Hiei stoked her hair. After a moment he pulled back and placed a hand on her slightly swollen stomach. "You have more important things to worry about than me right now. Don't worry little sister, I'll be alright."

Hiei leaned down to kiss her cheek before flitting out of the temple.

Hiei had been running for three days, killing almost anything that crossed his path. He had known something was wrong, had felt it for almost a year but had pushed it aside with the endless ache in his heart. Now anger filled him that he hadn't listened to that feeling. Maybe if he had maybe he could have convinced him to return to Makai as Yoko. Even if he couldn't then at least he would have gotten to hold his fox and kiss him one last time. Kurama spoke of regrets, well Hiei had a huge one. That Kurama died thinking Hiei didn't love him.

Slowing, Hiei took a moment to take in his surroundings. He'd been here once with Kurama. It was a few months before they'd broken up. They had ditched Yusuke and Kuwabara after a mission, wanting to be alone. Kurama had brought him here. Somewhere in the hills nearby was one of the Youko's dens.

Kurama kept his dens so well concealed that it took Hiei almost an hour to find the entrance and he'd been here before. Cautiously Hiei moved closer. As if sensing the ki of their master's lover the vines parted revealing the den's hidden entrance. Even though he knew painful memories awaited him within Hiei entered without hesitation.

His chest tightened at the sight of the big bed where they had made love. Giving in to his exhaustion Hiei stripped off his clothes. Before crawling in the bed he withdrew Kurama's letter from the pocket of his pants. It was a little crumpled but otherwise unharmed and as yet unopened.

Once beneath the sheets Hiei pulled Kurama's pillow and letter close to his chest. Inhaling deeply Hiei smiled sadly at the lingering smell of roses and the faint wild musky scent of the Youko. Praying that he was tired enough to sleep without dreaming Hiei closed his eyes.

In the morning Hiei slowly opened his eyes and was met with the sight of Kurama's letter clutched tightly in his hand. Even in sleep he refused to release his hold on the last connection he had with his fox. Hiei stared at the letter several minutes contemplating whether or not to open it. So long as it remained unopened Hiei could hope that inside Kurama would say one last time that he loved him. So long as it remained unopened Kurama would not be able to say goodbye to him.

With that thought in mind Hiei made his decision. Rising from the bed he quickly dressed before shoving the letter back in his pocket. He wasn't ready to open the letter yet. He wasn't ready to say goodbye. He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready.

Over the next four months Hiei threw himself into his work for Mukuro with a vengeance. Only twice did he take leave and both times he found himself once again in Kurama's den. Both times he stayed only one night before the painful memories of their time there drove him away.

Mukuro sighed as she watched Hiei with his troops. Something had happened to change him and it wasn't for the better. Even a ruthless demon lord like herself had to cringe at Hiei's total lack of respect for any life, including his own. She was beginning to think Hiei was trying to kill himself.

He had been much like this a few years ago when he and Kurama had broken up only this was far worse. She couldn't help but wonder if Kurama had something to do with his change now. A few months ago he had taken leave and she was sure he was finally going to give in to his yearning to see his fox again. She had tried to ask him about it but he was barely speaking to her or anyone else for that matter and when he did he was less than civil.

Seeing that Hiei was about to incinerate two of his best officers Mukuro decided it was time to intervene. "Hiei! I want to see you in my office right now!"

After shouting orders at his troops Hiei stalked to Mukuro's office and flung himself in a chair. "What do you want woman. I have work to do."

Mukuro glared at him. "Not anymore you don't. I don't know what the hell's gotten into you but until you straighten your ass out you're on leave."

Hiei didn't even argue. "Fine, I'm out of here."

Before he could go Mukuro stopped him. "Damn it Hiei, talk to me! What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you were going to make up with Kurama. What happened? If you need time to work things out take it. Go make up with him, fight with him, make love to him, I don't care but don't come back until you figure it out."

Hiei's chest heaved with the effort to control his emotions. He turned to look at her as he finally spoke, his voice so deadly calm it chilled her. "I wish to hell I could do any of those things but I can't. Kurama's dead. Consider this my resignation."

Mukuro could only stare in shock as Hiei turned and left without a backwards glance. "Oh Hiei."

Once again Hiei found himself in Kurama's old den. Sitting in the middle of the bed Hiei stared at Kurama's letter. He knew he had to open it. He knew his life would not go on until he did. Finally ready Hiei opened the envelope. Inside was a single sheet of paper. Hiei's heart pounded as he unfolded it and looked blindly down at Kurama's handwriting.

Taking several deep breaths Hiei finally allowed his eyes to focus on the words. Reading just the way Kurama addressed it to him Hiei felt a death grip tighten around his heart.

My Darling Hiei,

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now I don't even know where to start. I told the others that I had very few regrets in this life and that's true but I have one major regret, that I didn't fix things with you before it was too late.

I guess I should start by telling you how sorry I am. I've hurt you in so many ways My Darling and I know I can never make that up to you. I'm sorry for doubting you. I'm sorry for fighting with you. I'm sorry for driving you away. I'm sorry for not going after you. I'm sorry for wasting what little time we had left and I'm sorry for leaving you before I could tell you all of this and beg you to forgive me.

I love you so much Hiei. I have loved you for so long now that I almost can't remember a time when I didn't love you. I know you loved me in your own way and I should have been happy with that and not expected more than you were capable of giving. Please know that where ever you go and what ever you do I will always love you Hiei.

I'm sure that by now you are cursing my stupid human emotions but I don't care. I have nothing left to lose. I can't go without saying goodbye to the man I love. I wish I could have held you, kissed you and made love to you one last time my beautiful Firefly but as punishment for my sins I am to be denied that pleasure.

Please My Love, be happy. I pray that some day you will look back on our time together with a smile and know that your crazy fox loved you more than life.

I will Forever and Always be your Loving Fox, Kurama

Hiei didn't need to read the letter twice for every word was burned into his memory. Taking only slight comfort in the knowledge that Kurama really had loved him Hiei curled up on the bed with his face buried in Kurama's pillow and finally cried at the loss of his fox.