Chapter 22

Santana:

Santana sleepily rolled over and wrapped her arm around the body of the girl laying next to her, pulling her in closer and nuzzling her face into her blonde locks.

"Morn'in, beautiful." She sighed softly, closing her eyes and enjoying the body heat that past between them. She bit back a smile as she drifted in between wake and slumber, imagining what it would be like to wake up next to Brittany ten years from now.

"San, what are you doing?" Quinn whispered softly back to her, rolling over slightly to face her.

"Huh?" Santana sat bolt upright looking over at the girl laying next to her. Laying with her arm behind her head looking curiously up at her was Santana's best friend and former crush.

"Sorry. I thought you were…" Santana's voiced trailed off for a moment as she slowly came to her senses. Running her fingers through her thick black hair she glanced over to the clock. It was ten to seven in the morning. She clenched her teeth and dragged her legs up to her chest feeling the familiar numbness once again set in. I thought she was Brittany.

Quinn sat up too looking unsurprised and relatively calm. Her long fingers stretched out to rub Santana's back in a soft gesture that was almost out of place. Santana flinched but didn't move or even look around. She remained focused on the wall in front of her.

"You should go to school. You can't hide here forever—we can't hide here forever." Quinn corrected herself clutching the blankets a little tighter in her free fist. Reluctantly Santana blinked away a few tears and finally turned to look at Quinn, but didn't speak.

"Santana." Quinn said firmly trying to crack the cocoon of silence Santana had locked herself in since her suspension. "I know, okay? I know about you and Brittany and I don't care. You're still my best friend weather you like it or not and this Zombie state you've shut yourself in isn't going to cut it any more."

Santana looked down at her hands as if they belonged to a stranger. If only she could get back, didn't Quinn know that she was trying? She always heard people say that coming out was the best thing that ever happened to them, but Santana felt more lost then ever. She felt as though someone has burnt down her protective shelter and dragged her out for the world to gawk at like the freak she was. She wanted nothing more then to be the Santana that everyone had come to know, but she just wasn't sure she was that person anymore.

"My life is over" She sobbed cupping her mouth and clutching her stomach.

"Shh no. It's going to be okay. I promise Santana. Everything is going to be okay." Brittany cooed easing her down onto the bed and shutting the door.

However, Santana pushed away from her feeling utterly trapped. The walls were closing in and her thick sobs turned to gasps for air as panic set in. He knew. He knew and he would tell everyone. Bolting toward the bathroom Santana flung herself at the bowl and began emptying her stomach as Brittany watched in horror.

"Babe, breathe. Just breathe. It's going to be okay. " Brittany said kneeling down and holding Santana's hair back as she continued to wretch.

"How can you know that." Santana snarled at her between wretches. "How can you fucking know that!"

She choked again, but this time nothing came out, but the sing of a dry heave. She felt as though she were trying to rid her body of some invisible poison twisting her insides.

"I was fine. Not happy, but fine and then you showed up and you destroyed all of it." She seethed. Her head spun and she felt weak. She wanted someone else to blame for this disaster. Anger was simply built into the protective walls she had constructed over the last several year. Keeping people at a distance was safe. If she kept them away she wouldn't get hurt.

"Don't you dare blame this on my Santana." She had never heard Brittany sound so angry and hurt at the same time. Her voice cracked with a sob, but she didn't run away from her like all the others. " Don't you fucking dare. It takes two to tango. You're frightened and you're upset, but I won't be your scape goat. I know this isn't how you wanted things to play out, but it's going to be okay. We're going to get through this together. " Her voice grew steadily softer. " I love you Santana and we're going to get through this together".

It was the only montra Brittany knew: It's going to be okay, we're going to get through this together.

"Have you at least texted her back yet?"

Santana glanced over at her cellphone which held one missed text message from the night before. She felt a dull twinge in her chest, but didn't say anything as she reached over and picked up the phone.

I miss you, tell Quinn I say hello. XOXO—B

Santana slid her thumb over the security lock and typed out a short and simple reply. She didn't hate Brittany nor did she truly blame her for what was going on, she simply had no words left to speak.

Miss you too. See you soon. —San

" Yup, just did." Santana said flatly setting her phone back on the bed side table looking forlorn

Quinn huffed in exasperation as she climbed out of bed and began picking out what she would wear to school.

"Can you at least tell me what happened at your Grandma's cabin, because seriously I'm about to have you committed." she said though her soft tone was missing it's usual bite. Santana could tell that she was worried and she knew stress and babies didn't mix, but she couldn't bring herself to form words or explain anything in a satisfactory way because she might not ever stop crying if she did. It was much safer to hide behind her walls in a little cocoon then really face what she feared, so she simply shrugged.

"There isn't a lot to tell. Rome walked in on Britt and I kis—kissing." She said almost void of all real emotion though her lip trembled when she spoke the last word.

She wasn't at all comfortable with the idea of Quinn knowing all about her relationship with Brittany, but when both girls had come to her Monday in the locker room to explain, Santana was still too numb to care. Everyone might as well know now, she had thought. Brittany seemed to think that if she could see Quinn's positive reaction then Santana might actually believe everything would be okay. But everything didn't feel okay, it felt like walking through a foggy nightmare that she couldn't escape where things got progressively worse and nothing surprised her anymore. Santana had stayed with Brittany and Jason the Friday they had returned to Lima, since Roman had taken off the moment he was sober enough to drive and had yet to speak to any of them. However it was plane to see that Santana would need more then a hand to hold in order to accept that she could no linger play pretend about who she was. It was Brittany who suggested Santana stay with Quinn for a few days in order to regain some sense of normalcy and to avoid exacerbating the situation with her brother.

Santana knew her friends we scared for her and she wished she could simply explain it all, but how could she? In someways Santana had faced her biggest fear and walked away unscathed, and in other ways her fear had only grown. It was the anxiety of what Roman would choose to do with this information that was eating away at her. It was the fear of waking up the next morning not recognizing the stranger in her skin that kept her awake at night.

"He's your brother, San, and he always will be. " Brittany told her on Tuesday as they hid together in the back of the library during lunch. " He loves you, he's just hurt. It has nothing to do with who you are or who you love."

"Doesn't it? Because I love you" Santana said coolly. It was the first time she had repeated those words since their fight with her brother and Brittany seemed to let out a breath she had been holding ever since. The blonde carefully looked around to make sure no one was looking before she cupped Santana's face and kissed her cheek. She had taken it as progress.

On some level she knew that Brittany was right and that Rome loved her, after all they had been close enough to not only be brother and sister, but best friends as well. She knew that he'd always be her brother yet the look on his face had scared her. She had never seen him so angry or hurt. She continued to think back on the day when Rome first spoke to her about Brittany, "…I want this to be something that lasts, ya know?…." There was a very real chance he could tell their parents and if that happened Santana knew her life would come to a screeching halt.

Santana remained stoic and aloof as she and Quinn dressed for school, neither looking at one another. Santana could tell that Quinn still felt guilty about what had happened with Puck and if she was being honest it still bothered her a little, however Santana had no more room inside her brain to dwell on that betrayal as well.

Class seemed to drag on forever and getting back into the swing of things wasn't easy ether. Brittany danced in and out of her day sitting too far away to be of any real comfort. Occasionally her girlfriend would glance her way giving her a sweet smile or making a silly face in the hopes of making Santana laugh, however the most she ever got was a small smirk. When the lunch bell rang Brittany shot up from her seat and made her way to Santana who was taking her time putting her things away.

"Hey." Brittany said quietly. "How did it go at Quinn's?"

"It was uneventful" Santana said casually slinging her bag over her shoulder and walking out of the room toward their lockers. "We pretty much just talked about what she's going to do about the parasite growing in her abdomen and how long it'll take Berry to find a good beak reduction service."

Brittany frowned, but let the snide attitude slide. It was the most Santana had said all week, so she wasn't about to complain.

"So you're feeling better then?" she asked quietly, reaching out her fingers to lock them with Santana's. Once again she shrugged, her brown eyes finding Brittany's gentle blue then flicked to where Brittany was biting her now swollen bottom lip. Subcontiouly Santana licked her own.

"Roman called me last night." she hesitated waiting to see if Santana would start falling apart again, but Santana merely waited for her to continue. "He wanted to know all about us…when it started and how long…if I ever loved him, that kind of thing."

"And what did you say?" Santana's thumb stroked the inside of Brittany's wrist knowing that physical comfort was all she was good for right now.

"I told him that it was personal and I didn't feel comfortable sharing information about my relationship with you, not knowing how you'd feel about him having all the details." Brittany found Santana's eye again and there was something that made the color return to Santana's cheeks for a fleeting moment. "I also told him that I had thought I loved him, but then I met you and my world turned upside down. I never meant to lead him on."

Santana looked away not sure if she wanted to blush or cry, but Brittany lifted her chin back to meet her gaze and she felt once again the swell of her heart. The moment was fleeting however as Santana realized they were standing so close in a crowed hallways in McKinley where anyone and everyone could have possibly heard them. Her gut twisted and she took a step back from Brittany, as if she had turned into something horribly frightening. She regretted this action almost instantly when Brittany looked crushed and made up her mind to fix it.

"Come with me." Santana beckoned taking Brittany by the hand and leading her through the school, out onto the grounds, and then to the parking lot where her car sat. She clicked the thing unlocked at climbed in popping the side door open for Brittany to get in.

"San where are we going." Brittany asked confused. "I don't think we can miss anymore school then we already have."

"You'll have to wait and see." She said the ghost of her self dancing across her lips in a small smile. Hesitantly Brittany climbed in and locked her seat belt looking mesmerized by Santana as the drove through their shabby little town. A short while later she parked in a familiar parking lot in a seedy part of town.

"You wanted to take me to my house?" Brittany raised an eyebrow skeptically as Santana turned the engine off. Santana watched her fingers drum on the steering wheel feeling a little embarrassed and sheepish.

"Uh—no. I just thought…I wanted to go somewhere we could just be us without anyone watching or asking questions." Santana shuttered as Brittany reached over and stroked the back of her neck carefully, giving her a rueful smile.

"Will it help?" She asked playing with the little hairs at the base of Santana's wasn't sure it would help, frankly she wasn't sure if she'd ever be the same, but she nodded regardlessly wanting to give Brittany something to hope for. "Okay, just this once. But after today no more running, okay?"

Santana didn't answer, but she had the feeling that Brittany wasn't asking. She was telling. They both climbed out of the car and walked up to the apartment complex, entering, and kicking off their shoes.

"Where's Jason?" Santana asked trying not to sound too hopeful that he was gone. She loved Jason like a brother, whatever that counted for these days, but she wanted to be alone with Brittany. She wanted to feel safe to be herself with no one watching her like a caged monkey. Brittany shut the door and locked it.

"I think he went to his girlfriend's house." Brittany said thinking hard.

"You're not talking about the red head he had on the table are you?" Santana asked turning slightly red at the memory of what she had seen.

"Yep, that's the one." Brittany laughed leading the way down the empty hall toward her bedroom, where a large mattress sat on the floor. "Well, make yourself comfy. I'm going to go see if we have any ice cream."

Santana took a seat and looked around the tiny bedroom. It was small and empty, but felt warmer and more like home then any place Santana had ever been. She loved this room because it was where she learned how to love.

Brittany returned with a tub of chocolate fudge ice cream and a large spoon, crossing over and sitting down in front of Santana. She she took a large scoop and shoved the hole thing in her mouth, wincing at the cold. Santana sighed and chuckled at the silly face her girlfriend had made reaching for the spoon.

"Nu-uh. Go find your own." Brittany said playfully pulling away from her and taking another large spoonful. Santana tried to grab the ice cream before Brittany could eat it, but Brittany's arms were much longer then her own and held them well out of her reach.

"Britt, come on! I want some." Santana whined leaning forward to try and reach the spoon.

"No way josé. This is magic ice cream. It's the only thing Unicorns like me can eat in order to stay alive. Your tiny human body wouldn't be able to handle it." Brittany scooped another bite in to her mouth catching a little on her lip. Santana reached for Brittany's arm this time trying to wrestle with her..

"Can't handle it huh?" She said with a laugh for the first time since the cabin. "We'll see about that." Santana used her free and to snatch the carton away and set it aside carefully so not to spill it while they horse played. Then she pushed Brittany over, startling her stomach, and tickling her until the spoon came free of of her grasp.

"Ack! San no!" Brittany cried through her tears of laughter as Santana stole the spoon and continued to tickle her.

"Who's a weak little human now, Britt? Huh?!" Santana teased running her fingers over every spot that she knew would make Brittany double over with laughter.

"You're not fair!" Brittany laughed catching Santana's wrists, allowing herself time to catch her breath. Santana gazed down at her girlfriend who's cheeks were rosey pink and panted breathlessly. Brittany's hair was spread across the sheets in a messy halo and she gazed up smiling at her. Bits of ice cream were slashed across her lips, face and neck from there little fight. Santana felt a rush of heat as Brittany too noticed the way they were sitting. Her long pale fingers dropped to either side of Santana's thighs which straddled her stomach and began drawing lazy circles on Santana's jeans.

Santana leaned forward slightly taking a shaky fearful breath as she did. Brittany's hands slid up higher to her hips, eyes fluttering shut in anticipation, but as she did Santana adjusted her movement. She brought the spoon to her lips and licked it ever so slowly.

"Mmmm." She grinned in a sexy whisper causing Brittany's eyes to fly open and glare menacingly up at her.

"I hate you." Brittany lipped at her, but Santana simply crossed her eyes and groaned even louder over the taste of the ice cream. Laughing as Brittany bucked her off she rolled over onto her back, watching her girlfriend sit up and smack her in the leg. Brittany grabbed a towel from the ground and whipped the ice cream off her face and glared at Santana who was still smirking and making ecstasy faces over the spoon she kept in her mouth.

"You're evil and not fair, you know that right." Brittany said. Her feathers having clearly been ruffled as she crawled back into bed next to Santana, laying on her side with her head on her hand.

"I know." Santana grinned lightly, feeling a little more like her old self every moment they lay in Brittany's bed. She rolled over so that she faced Brittany in the same position tossing the spoon aside. Santana watched as Brittany lightly stroked her side stoping at her hip and beginning again at her rib cage until her shirt slid up and she was stroking Santana's soft skin with her finger tips.

"I'm worried about you, San." She confessed, nether meeting each others eyes. " I don't believe in outing. Everyone should be allowed their secrets and I know this has all been a lot for you to take, but you also scare me sometimes. The way you've been walking around school and they way you've been talking to not just me, but Quinn …" Santana's eyes flicked up to find Brittany staring at her stomach as if looking at a pool of memories. "I can't lose you too, Santana. I just can't. I've seen what can happen to kids who don't feel accepted or have been kicked out by their families and I wont let that be you—"

"Brittany…" Santana interjected cupping her girlfriend's face with her free hand. " That's not going to be me…I'd miss myself too much."

Dazzling blue eyes flicked up at Santana's fiercely, pulling her hand from Brittany's cheek.

"I am not joking with you Santana. I need you to fight. I need you to try. Not for me, but for yourself." Brittany said sternly. Her hand found it's way back to Santana's side where she calmly started to stroke again. The air prickled between them as they once again refused to meet each other's gaze letting Brittany's words sink in. Santana didn't know what to say. She knew Quinn and Brittany had been worried, but she didn't realize just how worried they had been.

"I feel safe here." Santana finally said after they had sat there for ten minutes in silence, just touching. " I can't explain why I do, but there's something about this room that makes me feel like time has stopped and that the only people who exist are me and you. I don't feel scared or judged here. " She closed her eyes taking a slow breath as Brittany's fingers moved across the plane of her abdomen.

"I want to be able to go to school, hold your hand high and say ' This is my girlfriend and fuck all of you who don't like it.' and go about my business, but the world doesn't work like that. The second I say 'Hey everyone, I'm a lesbian' there is no more Santana Lopez. There's just 'that one weird gay girl I went to high school with'. Do you get it now? I'm not scared of loving you. Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever had to do. I'm scared of losing myself in the process."

Brittany brushed thick strands of dark hair behind Santana's ear as she her brown eyes begged for Brittany's to understand.

"Honey," She said in barely a whisper. " Being different doesn't define who you are as a person. You—Santana Lopez— are made up of so many more beautiful and amazing parts that who you rest your head next to at night means nothing. You are Santana first and everything else comes second, do you understand?" She asked forcing Santana to look into her bright eyes before finally pressing their lips together.

"I understand." Santana murmured breathlessly. "I just wish I was as brave out there as I feel in here."

She could fill tears well up, but Brittany kissed them away.

"Shh, hey. Stop that. You are brave. You're so brave." Brittany cooed bringing her in closer. "This takes time. No one is making you do anything you're not ready for, okay. No one at school is going to find out until you're ready for them too and if Roman tells your parents then you can come stay with us—your other family. You're not alone in this. Jason, Quinn and I want to help you and be there for you, but you have to let us."

All Santana could do was lean forward and nod, hiding her face in Brittany's chest as she agreed. Brittany wrapped her arms around her bringing her in closer, but Santana was done with words. She wanted to be closer to her girlfriend, she wanted to be better for her girlfriend, but most importantly she wanted to be better for herself.

Santana's hands slid up to cup Brittany's face placing a rich needy kiss on her lips leaving them both feeling slightly dizzy. She repeated the kiss a second and a third time until, the blond gave a soft groan that made her smile against her lips. Santana leaned in kissing harder and more urgently as Brittany's hands moved from their place at her stomach, under her shirt, and pulling it off over Santana's head.

Santana rolled over until she was on top settled between Brittany's legs as they kissed roughly. She propped her self up with one hand as she began training rushed kisses along Brittany's neck and collar, pausing only for a moment when Brittany made a noise. She loved the sounds Brittany made when they were together. They were intoxicating like magic words spoken in secret just for her.

"San, take your clothes off." Brittany ordered causing Santana to freeze for a moment. She still felt shy, but she wasn't about to hold back especially after promising herself she'd try to be more brave. Santana climbed off and shed her jeans and bra as did Brittany. When she turned back Brittany had already slipped under the covers beckoning her over. Santana silently thanked god and who ever else was watching for Brittany S. Pearce. By some divine luck she understood Santana and challenged her to grow every single day.

Reaching out Santana grabbed the sheets and pulled them down. She wouldn't hide anymore, at least not in her safe place. Brittany gave her a surprised look but drew her in close, kissing her lips. Santana licked and nipped her way between the valley of the blonde's chest savoring the taste of her girlfriend's pale skin.

Remembering all that Brittany had showed her, Santana worked Brittany over until she was a breathless mess grinning from ear to ear. Brittany sat up catching her breath.

"You are a fast learner." She giggled kissing Santana sweetly.

"I had a great teacher." Santana teased back lifting her two damp fingers to her lips only to have Brittany steal them from her, leaving Santana's mouth dry and her brain foggy. "Um.."

Santana had momentarily forgot her name and where she was with the way Brittany was eyeing her.

"Lay back babe, I'm about to take care of you." She grinned pushing Santana back down on the bed and positioning herself between her legs. Santana inhaled sharply as Brittany began licking. Her fingers grasped the bed sheets as she leaned back and enjoyed the rush jolting through her body. However as her breath grew shorter and rasping moans began to slip past her lips a familiar sense of dread began to sink in. She could feel her body grow more and more tense, fear gripped her. She felt as though she was so close to something, but didn't know what. She wanted it, whatever it was, so badly, but the more she reached for it the further it flew from her grasp.

She glanced down at Brittany, who caught the look in her eye and knew it was a no go. She gave a few more playful licks and kissed her way back to Santana's lips. She opened her mouth to apologize, but Brittany shook her head.

"It's okay. It'll happen when you're ready for it to happen." She said with a soft smile. "Until then I'll settle for making you feel beautiful, happy, and loved."

Santana sighed and nestled into Brittany's side, closing her eyes as Brittany ran her fingers through her hair.

Santana must have dozed off because when she woke, Brittany was gone and there were voices in the kitchen. Grabbing a bathrobe, Santana wrapped herself in it and walked out to see what was going on. Jason sat on the counter speaking intently to Brittany who sat at the small kitchen table.

"—I fixed the clutch. I think everything's ready for the race tomorrow night. Are you sure you're up for this? It's been a long time since you raced, Britt. I just don't a repeat of last time."

"I'll be fine—"

"What happened last time?" Santana asked still standing in the hallway looking between the two siblings.

"Nothing." Brittany said only to have Jason undermine her.

"She took a corner too hard and crashed. Her bike fell on top of her and busted her leg."

"It wasn't that dramatic."

"It could of squashed you like a bug. You got lucky. I want you to take it easy." Jason said sternly. "I don't want you taking any risked like that. Ride clean. If we lose we pay up. Simple as that."

"With what money Jason?" Brittany argued.

"We'll find it. It's not your job to worry about these things. I'm your big brother and I'll be the one taking care of you. Not the other way around." He scolded her. Santana would have taken Brittany's side requardless of the situation had Jason not been so positively right.

"Britt, you need to take it easy. Jason's right. If you lose we'll find the money some other way. Plus you know I can take care of myself."

Brittany folded her arms indignantly, but didn't argue. Santana bit her lip and looked to Jason, who had just clearly realized that Santana was standing clad in only a bathrobe. A sneaky smile crossed his lips.

"So what have you two been doing all day? Don't tell me you ditched class." He raised a questioning eyebrow at his sister then Santana. Santana felt her mouth go dry.

"None of your business." Brittany snapped cooly playing with her cuticles, clearly annoyed by her brother's nosie perving.

"We had sex " the words slipped so fast from Santana's lips that she hadn't realized she had even said them until both Brittany and Jason were looking wide-eyed at her. She steeled herself, walked by them as if it were a totally normal thing for her to say, picked up the house phone and added "Who want's pizza?"

A/N- Hey everyone! Hope you liked the update! Sorry it took so long. I just moved to a new state so there's been lots of changes. I hope you like the story thus far. Fingers crossed it wont be another long wait for the next chapter. I'm also going to try and update my other fics as well, but no promises. I'll get to everything eventually it just depends on time and what's going on with life. Thank you for your kind words that keep me going. Lots of love xoxoxoxo-Grace.