Chapter 13: "Hiatus"

Author's Note: I've been gone for a long time. Sorry. Hope you will come back, pour yourself a cup of joe, prop your feet up and continue to read. And I feel like a traitorous hag... but this will take a long while to get Carter and Abby back together. So, if you don't like that idea... I want to spare you now. And, TerraIncognita, yeah. I had to wash my brain out with soap after the Evan Marriot/ Ethan Zohn comparison. What WAS I thinking... Just picture YOUR fantasy 'bad boy with heart of gold' when you see the name "Stef."

"You both should be wearing helmets...." Carter's voice trailed off into the unseasonably balmy night. He felt a vague pang of ... some... some feeling in the very back of his mind; shaking it off, "...I wonder who that guy IS... Damn motorcycle....hmph...." he muttered to nobody. "Don't know why it should bother me... that she ...that she is on a motorcycle with some guy-"

"Who?" Luka interrupted.

"Luka... ah, hah... I didn't know anyone was around..." Shit. Okay... No. This is okay. C'mon. No big deal, right. It's LUKA...sheesh. He'd understand, "Ah... oh -Abby. She just rode off on a motorcycle with some GUY (did he really spit out that last word?) and he wasn't even wearing a helmet."

"Yeah, that's Stef. Nice guy. Abby's known him for a long time -practically grew up together." Tossing it off, nonchalantly (as though he was insinuating, EVERYone in the ER knew THAT- where you been? Carter thought defensively) Luka noticed Carter's reaction. "He is here to set up exhibitions with some minor galleries; artist..." Luka detected just the slightest bit of discomfort in Carter's eyes. "Sorry... You don't know him -she didn't introduce you?"

"No," he spat out a little too quickly, and then correcting himself... remembering he had no reason to be jeal- remembering he loved KEM, "...No, I, uh... I haven't had the pleasure." Damn. Still sounded a little too spiteful.

"He seems to make her happy..." Luka allowed himself a little chuckle, "...not exactly something either one of us was able to do, eh?" Luka couldn't help himself. Carter sometimes annoyed him. He was like a little boy who wanted everything he couldn't have. He had Kem, now. And a son on the way. In spite of his baffling friendship with Carter, Luka wanted to dig at him, just a little... to remind him that Abby was no longer his to worry about.

She was getting pretty used to this mode of travel. For someone who worked in an ER, seeing all the accidents caused, directly and indirectly, by "those infernal machines" (as Maggie used to call them) Abby marveled that she carelessly tossed her helmet on, now. Without so much as a second... well, okay. She still felt a brief little chill up her spine everytime she threw her leg up and over that luxuriously padded, leather seat...

But that's okay. Oh, yeah. Because the thrill she got as soon as it purred into action wiped away all the residual fear.

"Stef," shouting above the whip of the headwind, "I gotta be there no later than 4:00. They won't let you sign in, any later..."

Downshifting to take the corner, Stef laughed slightly, "Abs... relax, I got it."

"No... really," giving his obliques a tight squeeze, "I can't blow this. Really."

He got a kick out of her. Always had. The first person to catch onto things and the last to realize how smart she actually was. Damned if he'd ever figure out what made her so hard on herself... but he found himself wondering, increasingly, if he could stick around long enough to find out. Commitment had never been his strong suit...

"Abby, babe, shut up and let me drive..." laughing, he took another pinch to his sides, "Relax, already!"

When she didn't pass her boards the first time, Abby was at a complete loss. She'd worked so hard, and for what? And, of course, the self-defeating thoughts came pouring in after; she was foolish to even try, who did she think she was, anyway, she'd never be anything more than just a nurse, a job that annoyed and frustrated her increasingly, year after year after year because of the lack of CONTROL she felt in the position, hell, in her LIFE; suck at school, suck at relationships ('Carter,' wait, get out of my head!) suck at nursing, suck at friendships, suck with my family, suck, suck, suck, suck! SHIT.

Stop it.

Yep. That's pretty much how she shut that voice up, too. Just told it to get bent. Because that is not who she wanted to be, anymore. She was tired of succumbing to that voice, tired of listening to that voice, tired of letting that voice RULE. So... she gave it the boot. Dethroned that sucker. Toppled that statue. And she wouldn't suck anymore.

And she was going back to take the test. Get back on that horse and ... hopefully... ride. Hell, JFK, Jr. had to take the damn bar, what? -twice? before he passed it... and he was frigging American royalty, dammit. If he could fail once, and then pass, well, so could she.

Yeah. That's how she felt two days ago... but now? Now was the 'zero hour.' Riding behind Stef, she tried to let the fear go in the wind... tried to release it like... The thought escaped her. Ahhh, yes, "Like origami cranes," she sighed out loud, smiling, thinking of Susan's 'mission.'

"What's that?" Stef interrupted her reverie.

"Oh... nothing, just thinking about a boy and his wishes..." It helped, sometimes, to remember that she didn't have it so bad; things could be a lot worse...

Signing off on his last chart, Carter clattered the stack back into the racks and tossed the Bic onto the admin counter. Wearily rubbing a hand over his rough face, he thought about what he would do next. Go home, probably, and as much as he adored Kem, the thought, oddly, brought no comfort.

That annoyingly allusive feeling that arose in the back of his mind as he watched Abby roar away on that bike hit him much harder in the gut this time. "Who was that guy? 'Stef' Luka had called him... What kind of a name is 'Stef,'" Carter pissed to himself, "Heh, sounds like a dock-workers name" he thought, and immediately felt shamed for the savagery.

"Going back to the mansion, Carter?" Pratt's mocking query broke his thoughts, thankfully.

"Yeah... just finishing up some... stuff..."

"You okay, man? You look a little pale," a not-usually seen concern passed over Pratt's face, "...I mean, you're always lily-white, but you look sick, man..."

Carter almost laughed, "Give me a break, Pratt... I'm just tired. Kem's got ... you know.. cravings... gotta go out late at night.. not getting much sleep..." his voice trailed off, belying the truth of his words.

"Relax, man, I'm not taking your history or anything.. you want that -go talk to Severa. Just a, you know, 'thanks for asking, but, I'm fine' will do..."

"Yeah, you take care, too, Greg..." Carter shot back over his shoulder. Cocky SOB.

Guess it was time to get home... Heading for the door, Carter suddenly spun on his heel and headed back toward the lounge.

'It is finished,' Abby thought, stretching her aching back muscles... 'and in under 3 hours, too...'

This time the test seemed a little easier... maybe, just maybe, if she knocked on wood, spun around three times and spit over her left shoulder... maybe she could just pass...

God, she NEEDED to pass...

Stop it.

If she didn't pass, she'd just wait around until her next eligibility, and ... take it again. And again, if needed. Because Abby was sure of one thing, lately, and one thing only -('not even Stef?' her mind asked, 'shut up, don't go there' she replied silently... 'Carter?' her mind feebly asked... 'don't even!' she spat out, again, silently)-

She would be a doctor. Oh, yes. And she wouldn't let anything, internally or ... heh... externally stop her this time.

Author's Ramblings: "Scho-o-o-o-o-ols out, for, summer......" And that means I will have more time to devote to this guilty pleasure.... Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please drop us a line and tell us what you think.... And have a safe and pleasant summer.