It was late-evening in Storybrooke. Joe, Mac, Regina, Emma and Henry were in Granny's Diner. This time Joe ordered a milkshake. Much better! The cookies are even better today too.
Suddenly, a large cry resounded from outside. David and Mary Margaret (Prince Charming and Snow White, Joe thought, and Emma's parents as well!) entered with Neal in his pram, alongside Belle and Mr Gold. "We are under attack by some people with guns," David announced. "Only a few injured so far."
All the patrons in the Diner moved towards the windows. Well, almost all did. Joe held back long enough to press a hidden button on his Q-Branch watch, which flashed a black light to say signal sent, the yellow one to acknowledge contact and then a continuous white one to indicate the homing device inside was now active. That done, he picked up his briefcase and joined the others.
"We must get to the sheriff's office pronto!" Emma urged. "It's more secure there."
They left Granny's and hurried towards Emma's workplace.
Two gunmen came into view. Joe, still having access to Owen Flynn's memories, recognised them. Former "Home Office" members! This is serious!
The gunmen started taking aim at the group. "Stay sill and surrender, invaders! All magic users must die!"
Before anyone else could react, Joe opened the relevant secret compartment on the exterior of his briefcase, removed his automatic and shot the two gunmen, the first between the eyes and the second through the heart. Their lifeless bodies slumped to the ground.
Emma stared at him. "Really…?" She turned to Regina and her parents. "I did just see that?"
"Yes, Sheriff." Joe produced his W.I.N. badge from its secret compartment. "Most Special Agent Joseph McClaine of the World Intelligence Network. Codename: Joe 90."
"Wait," Emma turned to Mac. "You were telling the truth? He is a spy?"
"Yes, Ms Swan." Mac looked regretful. "My experiments in brain waves and patterns allowed me to invent a machine that allows one person to absorb the memories and skills of another. Unfortunately, my best friend works for an intelligence agency and he introduced me to his boss. Mr Weston may be many good things, but he spotted the opportunity to turn my boy, then only nine, into the perfect secret agent.
"Now, I heartily wish I had never researched the subject. Sam Loover, my friend, has arranged for Joe to receive training from a number of greats in the intelligence and counter-intelligence field. Knock those glasses off him and he loses the memories and skills of the other person, so such training keeps him safe, but…"
"You don't want me in danger, Dad," Joe acknowledged. "Being a spy is fun. Besides you never brought me up to sit idly by when others need me."
Joe turned to the others. "We were sent into Storybrooke by a council consisting of representatives from many organisations. The former Home Office agents are in a bad way at the moment, after they managed to offend a truly powerful wizard. We were able to find recordings of Mr Flynn from which we extracted sufficient brain patterns for me to gain his memories up to that point."
"I said I sensed something of an old enemy about you!" Mr Gold commented drily. "Admittedly, I didn't sense that! If Victor were here, he would be crowing about science being better than magic!"
"This Council," Joe continued, "is a sort of assembly of security and intelligence agencies. They wish to make official contact with you, if you mean us no harm. Unless we harm Henry here, you won't attack us.
"These men," he indicated the deceased, "are from what is left of the old Home Office. Luckily, I've signalled some friends, who should be with us shortly."
He retrieved his communicator from the briefcase and switched it to active. "Joe 90 to Emerald Wasp. Repeat, Joe 90 to Emerald Wasp."
Modesty Blaise's warm, mellow, slightly exotic voice came through. "Joe-love, we're on our way. The Black Beauty shall launch the attack in about thirty minutes, once we are all in position. Just hold on!"
"Thank you, Aunt Modesty! Is everyone with you?"
"Yes, Joe. Natasha and Diana both arrived a couple of hours ago. That's long enough for them to get ready for battle."
"That's good to know. Joe 90 over and out." He looked up at his companions. "Can we hold them off until my friends can arrive?"
Emma took charge. "Right, no time to reach the office. Let's head to the forest!"
They ran, Mary Margaret disappearing into her and David's home to retrieve her crossbow and his sword. Henry refused to go inside. "I'll be safer with all of you with me," he pointed out, "and so will Neal."
Joe looked around, as they reached the forest. Whilst no Lord Greystoke or Phantom, he had picked up some woodcraft skills (the various members of the old Lone Pine Club had taught him how to survive in the Great Outdoors, even without the brain patterns of a survivalist), plus Owen Flynn had done some camping. That's how this whole business started. Gosh, that Evil Queen has changed since! There, they found several military-looking vehicles and a group of residents pinned down under heavy artillery fire. Killian, Ruby, Granny Lucas, the dwarfs, Archie Hopper, the Tillman/Zimmers, the Jeffersons, Dr Whale… All were there.
"Seriously…?" Emma asked. "Do these anti-magic morons ever stop?"
"No," Joe muttered, "they don't. They want all magic gone from this world."
"Well," Regina chuckled darkly, "let's remind them why they fear it!" She conjured a number of fire balls which became a blazing inferno when launched into the Home Office front lines. "Let's show the gunmen what real fire is like!"
Emma nodded, mixing magic and gunfire. Her father started on nearby Home Office fighters with his sword and her mother kept firing bolts from her crossbow. Killian followed David's example. Gold also starting hurling curses. Granny and Ruby produced their own crossbows and started shooting. Ava was punching and kicking out enthusiastically at any foe who came within range. She has promise, Joe mused, but it needs refining. Something to think about for later? Joe's own automatic was firing so fast, it was almost producing trace!
The opposition, however, was better armed. Seeing they were under attack, they upgraded the bombardment to rockets and grenades. One large projectile shot over Mary Margaret's head to explode on impacting the ground thirty feet behind her. "Seriously…? Charming, a couple of feet lower and I would have been killed, cremated and had my ashes scattered all at the same time!"
After a grenade came within an equally short distance of removing Killian from existence, Emma said, "I'm out of bullets and getting tired. I can't keep casting. Regina?"
"I'm shattered, too. Gold isn't much better. Mary Margaret, Granny and Ruby are almost out of bolts. Young Ava seems to be tiring too. At least, she's slowing down her Ronda Rousey tribute act! Joe?"
"I've just started my last clip. Not that my automatic's much use against their heavy artillery.
"By my watch, we've had almost thirty minutes. Help should be here soon."
Modesty's voice came over the communicator almost at that very instant. "We're in position now, Joe-love." Then Joe heard the Green Hornet's command of "Let's roll, Kato!"
From behind the Home Office Lines came a harsh electronic buzzing, like a gigantic swarm of bees or wasps. Two green lights then shone out of the darkening sky. To most of the Storybrooke residents, the Detroit underworld was of as much interest as the English county cricket or rugby scores. Even Emma was not overly familiar with the urban legend of the two man crime wave that had terrorised Detroit since Paul Reid's Great-Uncle Britt (editor of the Daily Sentinel newspaper his brother and namesake nephew had subsequently expanded into the media empire of today) first donned that legendary green trench coat in the mid-1930s, alongside Kono's grandfather Ikano Kato. The Home Office men, however, were another story. "That's the Black Beauty!" cried the bass voice of their leader. "What's the Green Hornet doing in Maine?"
The outline of the large black car was coming closer, with a smaller car behind it. The familiar shape to Joe and Mac, but not the others, of the latter's Jet Air Car was in the sky above. Also approaching by air was what appeared to be a figure piloting an invisible plane flanked by two persons on broomsticks.
"The Hornet, two sorcerers and Wonder Woman!" the leader shouted. "What in God's name…?"
Before he could finish, a hail of rockets fired from the Black Beauty reduced their heavy artillery to ash. A nozzle then extended through the sedan's front grill and a green nerve gas was released from it to send some of the Home Office into blissful unconsciousness. Then it came to a halt and from each side two figures emerged. Modesty Blaise and Kono Kato, both lithe, got out the front and the tall and stocky forms of Willie Garvin and the Green Hornet exited the back.
In what seemed like a few seconds, the remaining Home Office members were finding out what is was like to be under heavy assault. The Hornet's associate seemed to be everywhere at once, leaping, high-kicking, karate chopping, throwing darts and taking out opponents left, right and centre. His senior partner was firing his gas gun with his right hand, whilst landing many a solid left hook. Willie was tearing into the Home Office front lines like a rabid bulldog, only stopping to accurately hurl another knife from his chest harness into a hapless foe. Modesty was kicking out with her legs, whilst hitting out with the kongo in her left hand and firing her MAB Brevete automatic with her right.
By now, the second car had parked. The tall figures of the dark-haired Craig Stirling, the brown-haired Richard Barrett and the blonde Sharon Macready exited. With speeds scarcely believable, they ran at their foes, snatching up the men and women one-handed, before throwing them several feet into the distance. Seeing a person leap several feet to tackle an opponent to the ground with the force of a bulldozer was quickly giving the former Home Office agents something to think about.
Wonder Woman instructed her invisible jet to circle on auto-pilot, before leaping into the air and gliding on the currents to the ground. She proceeded to crash into her opponents like a human battering ram, deflecting bullets with her bracelets before hurling her tiara like a boomerang. Her fellow raven-haired, also seemingly ageless, companion Wednesday Friday Addams had landed, shrunk and put away her broomstick, then began to cause chaos by waving a wand here, muttering an incantation there, gesturing with her other hand, twitching her nose, even producing a sword seemingly from nowhere from time to time. The tall dark-haired Harry Potter was remaining air-born, shooting through the sky at top speed, pointing his wand from above whilst barking spells. The sight of Wednesday eviscerating one of their number with her sword, whilst another fell to the green glow of a killing curse cast from on high, concentrated the minds of their foes.
With the Jet Air Car having returned to land travel, it came to a halt. Sam Loover came down from the driver's seat, an automatic similar to Joe's in one hand. Captain Jack Harkness disembarked from the front passenger seat, long blue coat billowing in the wind, his heavy old service revolver firmly held in a two-handed grip. The cat-suited red-headed form of Natasha Romanoff leapt down from the rear, a pistol in each hand. Covered by sharp shooting from the two men, the Black Widow was fighting her way towards the trapped Storybrooke folk, using both pistols, martial arts and the famed Widow's Bites to cut through the terrified opposition as easily as a knife through butter.
By now, a panic had spread through what was left of the Home Office forces. Sorcerers were bad enough (particularly the two who had just arrived), but Wonder Woman, the Black Widow and the Green Hornet were way out of their league, to say nothing of the other new arrivals. Barely pausing to wonder why Detroit's most wanted were collaborating with heroes, most fled into the night.
The leader, however, had beckoned his most loyal supporters forward. By now, Modesty and Willie had reached the Storybrooke residents. Joe could barely resist a chuckle at seeing them either side of Killian Jones. Talk about poachers turned gamekeepers! They could be a good influence, if he lets them after this.
After seeing Willie draw and throw a knife one-handed twenty feet straight into the jugular vein of a gunman whilst using his other hand to snap an arm with minimal effort, Killian was impressed. "Good show, matey! You fight like a pirate!"
"Funny that, matey," came the rejoinder. "You fight like an ex-thief turned spy!"
Meanwhile, Wednesday, seeing a foe with an automatic about to shoot her before she could cast a spell, was relieved when a flying tiara knocked his gun hand skywards. "Diana, merci beaucoup!"
Diana laughed. "Well, I didn't want to break the news of your passing to your family. You know, Morticia always reminds me of my mother!"
Another killing curse cast from above finished off another enemy before he could open fire on them. "Chat later, ladies!" Harry called down to them. "Don't you know there's a war on?"
"Da," agreed Natasha, fighting her way towards them. "Neither myself nor Harry would want to have to deliver the black envelopes, nyet?"
Richard, with a thirty-five foot leap, vaulted the opposition line, landing beside Regina, who stared at him in shock. "I didn't know the people of this world could do that," she told him.
"Have you ever heard of establishing diplomatic relations, Ms Mills?" Richard asked dryly. "If you had done so thirty years back, you might have learnt about the shadowy individuals and organisations that keep everyone safely ignorant." He pointed first to Wednesday and then Harry. "Some have magic not necessarily inferior to yours." This time he indicated Diana, Jack, Natasha, Craig and Sharon. "Others are gifted, by birth or design, with abilities far beyond the norm." A final gesture covered Sam, Paul and Kono. "Finally, some others, by dint of practice and sheer dedication can make themselves almost superhuman."
"A good point," Regina agreed. "Perhaps, once this fight is finished, you could negotiate with the Storybrooke authorities?"
"That is our intention," he assured her. "We come in peace, unlike this other lot."
The leader of the Home Office faction, Gerald Dursley as Joe recalled (related to Harry's uncle?) fired a machine gun apparently at random. Henry, however, was directly in the line of fire. Time seemed to stand still, until Jack dived into the path, taking the entire volley, before falling dead to the ground. Dursley yelped at a sharp pain in his hands, his weapon destroyed by a mid-range blast from the Hornet Sting. Regina and Emma charged at the man. Emma then held him down, whilst Regina plucked out his heart. "No-one shoots at my son!" "Our son, Regina!" Emma added. "Now, finish him off!" Her friend nodded, before turning to Dursley and saying "You nearly gave me a heart attack. Let me show you how it's really done!" She then crushed his heart to a powder before his eyes, killing him instantly.
Mary Margaret turned to Joe. "I'm sorry, Joe. Was he a friend of yours?"
"Is he?" Joe corrected her, as Jack took a deep breath, opened his eyes and sat up. The bullet holes in his body were already closing up. "Yes, he is."
"Really…?" Mary Margaret asked in shock. "Where did you find your friends, Joe?"
Regina pulled Jack into a hearty embrace, before passing him to Emma who did the same. "Hello, ladies!" the captain exclaimed in his most suggestive tone. "Jack…!" cried his fellow defenders in unison. "I'm just saying hello!" he responded grinning.
By this time, Henry was being held tight by both his Moms. The remainder of the elite troops had been knocked out by the Widow's Bites, the Hornet gas gun, Wonder Woman's tiara and stun hexes from Harry and Wednesday. The battle was over.
"Party time!" Killian cried happily. "Granny's?"
"It's late, captain," Regina observed, "and we are all exhausted. Let's celebrate tomorrow."